Jokes

[emmy]

A MAN WAS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD WHEN HE

NOTICED A FARMER STANDING IN A LARGE FIELD...THE

FARMER WASN'T DOING ANYTHING..HE WAS JUST

STANDING THERE..CURIOUS, THE MAN STOPPED HIS

CAR AND TOOK THE WALK OVER TO THE FARMER

AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING..THE FARMER

REPLIED "I'M TRYING TO WIN A NOBEL PRIZE" "HOW

DO YOU EXPECT TO DO THAT" THE MAN ASKED..THE

FARMER REPLIED "I HEARD THEY ONLY GIVE IT TO

PEOPLE WHO ARE OUT STANDING IN THEIR FIELD"

A MAN WAS SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY ..WHEN HE

NOTICED A COP WITH HIS LIGHTS AND SIREN GOING BEHIND

HIM...HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF "I CAN OUTRUN THIS GUY"

SO HE SPEEDS UP..70MPH..80MPH..90MPH..WITH THE COP

STILL RIGHT BEHIND HIM HE GAVE UP AND PULLED OVER

THE COP CAME UP TO HIS CAR AND SAID "LISTEN MISTER

I'VE HAD A REALLY LOUSY DAY, IF YOU GIVE ME A GOOD

EXCUSE FOR YOUR SPEEDING I'LL LET YOU GO" TO THIS

THE MAN REPLIED "THREE WEEKS AGO MY WIFE RAN

OFF WITH A POLICE MAN, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE

HIM, TRYING TO GIVE HER BACK"..

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR WITH A CROCODILE

AND A CHICKEN, AND SAYS TO THE(PUZZLED)

BARTENDER,"ILL HAVE A MARTINI.

THE CROCODILE LOOKS UP AND

SAYS"ILL HAVE A BEER"

THE NOW IMPRESSED BARTENDER REPLIES

"THATS AMAZING I NEVER SAW A CROCODILE

THAT COULD TALK"

THE MAN RESPONDS"HE DIDNT,

THE CHICKEN'S A VENTRILOQUIST