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Men - The true story


Althalus
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How do you get a man to do situps?

Put the remote control between his feet

What do men consider helping out with the house-cleaning?

Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them

What do men consider a 7 course meal?

A hotdog and a six-pack of beer

How does a man change a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows--it has never been seen

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

a) 1-men will screw just about anything

cool.gif 5-one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

Why is it good that there are women astronauts?

So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions

How can you tell if a man is excited?

He's breathing

How do men excercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomach every time a bikini goes by

What do men consider foreplay?

Half an hour of begging

How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who cares??????

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?

He had it bronzed

What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard

How do men sort their laundry?

"Filthy" and "Filthy, but wearable"

What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?

The man

What's the difference between government bonds and men?

Bonds mature

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home

How are men like noodles?

They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough

Why do men like BMWs?

They can spell it

What do an anniversary, a vagina and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them

Why are men like popcorn?

They satisfy you but only for a little while

Why are men and spray paint alike?

One squeeze and they're all over you

Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not sure why

Why is food better than men?

Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds

Why are women so bad at maths?

Because men keep telling them that this (_______________________________________________) is eight inches

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?

Slow

Why do men have a hole in their penis?

So oxygen can get into their brains

What is the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don't turn into men when they drink

What do ceramic tiles and men have in common?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for life

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