Lcvec Posted January 6, 2013 #1476 Share Posted January 6, 2013 You have neighbors. After Helen's done using your mallet, take it back and use it to break into your neighbor's apartment to steal their milk. If they are at home and notice you're there, charge at them with the mallet screaming hysterically until they're driven to a corner or bathroom. Take the milk, apologize and offer them some hot coco. Also, leave the mallet at their apartment in case they need anything from other neighbors. I can't stop drinking water. What can I do? These trips to the kitchen are annoying me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted January 6, 2013 #1477 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Go outside and fill your mouth with sand and dirt. How do I get my foot to sing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted January 6, 2013 #1478 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Buy two of those hellish chinese rubber toys that make weird sounds when you squeeze them. Tape them to your feet so every time you take a step, your feet will make noises. It's close enough to be considered singing. My eyes are blurry. How can I fix them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted January 6, 2013 #1479 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Take that cleaning liquid with which we clean glasses and stuff.... put it in your eye. You might go blind but hey they won't be blurry anymore I want to take Gojira out on a date but he said no, how do I make him say yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted January 6, 2013 #1480 Share Posted January 6, 2013 The same way you can make everyone else say yes. Point a gun or a knife at his face. He won't even think twice! How can I be better at multitasking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted January 6, 2013 #1481 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Grow a pair of arms How can I talk in spanish without taking lessons 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted January 6, 2013 #1482 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Put a sombrero on your head and drink a full bottle of tequila. Also, grow a mustache. Don't forget the poncho. Once you've checked all that, you should be able to speak spanish. How can I improve my dance moves in less than a day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted January 6, 2013 #1483 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Wear skates and walk. Everyday and everywhere How do I take over the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted January 6, 2013 #1484 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Find a genie. Ask for immortality, infinite power and an ass like mine. There, now you can take over the world. How do I build a lightsaber? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted January 6, 2013 #1485 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Take a flashlight. Turn it on in a dark room. Voila! I want to be Batman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted January 6, 2013 #1486 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Spend years training and learning martial arts. Make yourself a genius. Persuade a billionaire to give you his fortune and company. Find a way to grow a few inches. Sunburns are making me look weird. What can I do about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 6, 2013 #1487 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Don’t look at reflective surfaces, starting with mirrors. If you absolutely have to, spray it over. Any spray paint will do, but I recommend metallic violet. It will make your manliness stick out. After rigor mortis sets in. Where’s my lighter? Which one of you wants me to live forever? What have I done to deserve this? So, where's it? Where should I look for it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted January 6, 2013 #1488 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Smoke them cold, then they are not so bad for you, and they last longer! How can I convince people that I am 'well read'? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golden Duck Posted January 7, 2013 #1489 Share Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) By having the works of Proust tattooed on your person. How do I become a life coach? Edited January 7, 2013 by Mangoze 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlanB Posted January 7, 2013 #1490 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Play a little professional life. Sit on the bench for a little bit. Get the starting life position when the the first string life player gets injured. Have a respectable life career and you'll be a shoe in to be a life coach. How do I convince my neighbors to let me hang up Halloween decorations all year long? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted January 7, 2013 #1491 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Hang them at their place. How do I count how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golden Duck Posted January 7, 2013 #1492 Share Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) Just like Robin Hood you should use what you understood from childhood. What is the best way to cool down in a heatwave? Edited January 7, 2013 by Mangoze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 7, 2013 #1493 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Run. As fast as you can. The wind will cool you down. Speaking of running and weather, will I stay dry in rain if I run really fast? Do you recommend any special running in rain technique? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golden Duck Posted January 7, 2013 #1494 Share Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) Speed is not as important as a high stepping gait - remember "bouncing is better". It's also helpful to wear a white t-shirt - white absorbs less water (this is why you don't mix whites and colours in your washing). What's the best way to start a conversation on a train ride? Edited January 7, 2013 by Mangoze 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 7, 2013 #1495 Share Posted January 7, 2013 First a nice, big hug. Let people know your intentions are good. Then you can immediately tell them something deeply personal, to start developing trust and don’t forget to encourage them to bond with you the same way. Yeast infections are great opening topic, an evergreen you might say. Is there a conspiracy behind seemingly coincidental fact that people lose keys all the time while they rarely lose locks? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlanB Posted January 8, 2013 #1496 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Leave your keys IN your locks on the outside of your house and car doors. That way, you'll always know where they are. How do I get my cat to stop sticking its butt in my face? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 8, 2013 #1497 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Blow in it. No, seriously, cats don’t like when you blow at them. Generally speaking. Though it might work ass-wise, telling people to do anything cats don’t like is bad advice. So, when blowing in cat’s ass, how do you protect your face from getting disfigured? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlanB Posted January 8, 2013 #1498 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Cats are known to be reasonable and obedient. Calmly assure it using your best Russell Brand impersonation, and the cat will, at the very least avoid, your eyes. I somehow got a ketchup stain on my ceiling (this is 100% true). How do I remove it? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 8, 2013 #1499 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Don’t. Show it to everyone with pride and tell them it’s the blood stain from previous tenant who shot himself through the eye with cork screw launched by Champagne bottle cork suddenly bursting out. It went through his eye, brain and out the top of his head because he had rare hereditary condition that made his scull bone remain opened at the top. Should I seek professional help? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlanB Posted January 8, 2013 #1500 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Depends on the prostitution laws in your country. How can I wake up earlier feeling less tired? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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