Bracket Posted October 27, 2011 Author #101 Share Posted October 27, 2011 You should cut off your fingertips and use the bloody stumps. What should i do about the itch in my ear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted October 28, 2011 #102 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Sing to it until it gives up and moves away. You can also simply scratch it, I suggest using knitting needle, it allows you to scratch both ears at the same time. Where can I practice archery? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Tumbleweed Posted October 30, 2011 #103 Share Posted October 30, 2011 In my ex-mother in laws bed room while she sleeps. I want to travel, how can I do this with very little money? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted October 30, 2011 #104 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Join the army. If you want more diverse destinations, board cargo ship, the rest of the crew will even pay you for being there for them. a-hem. Peel the potatoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLOMBIE Posted December 8, 2011 #105 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Get in your car and place the potatos on the passenger seat. Start driving and take the highway. When you are going fast enough, you can open your door, hold the potatos to the asphalt, and start rotating them in your hand. You will find out that potato peeling has never been that easy before. I'd like an advice on speeding up shaving in the morning. Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HawkLord Posted December 8, 2011 #106 Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) Start up your lawn mower or if you dont have one stea.. erhmm borrow one from a friend or neighbor and stick your face right into the blades and all that face fuzz will be gone in an instant. Having insomnia how can I get a good nights sleep?? Edited December 8, 2011 by HawkLord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLOMBIE Posted December 8, 2011 #107 Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) Do you've got a hammer in your toolbox? Getting hammered always helps me! How to cross the street when I am to lazy to walk up to the traffic light? Edited December 8, 2011 by FLOMBIE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted December 8, 2011 #108 Share Posted December 8, 2011 (edited) Tie yourself to a dogs collar and then throw the ball across the street What kind of haircut should I get? Edited December 8, 2011 by Wordless Wanderer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 8, 2011 #109 Share Posted December 8, 2011 What kind of haircut should I get? I always get lots of admiring glances when I go out and I think it's because of this amazing haircut that I DID MYSELF! Here's what you do: place a pudding bowl on your head, cut off all hair that isn't covered by the bowl ..... simple! And the beauty of it is: it doesn't cost a penny!! I'm concerned about my weight: I'm now so huge that I've completely outgrown all the regular clothes sizes in the shops ....... any ideas as to where I can get clothes from now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HawkLord Posted December 8, 2011 #110 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Try the same place that clowns get theirs as they should be plenty big enough and come in many fashionable styles and colors. What should I do if I really meat an alien?? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 8, 2011 #111 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Post pictures of you meating an alien, with some luck authorities will slap you with fine for indecent exposure. If you only meet one, kick it in the ass and say: “******.” With some luck, they’ll understand that are the proper polite greeting gesture and phrase here on Earth. Who should I trust with folding my parachute? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bracket Posted December 8, 2011 Author #112 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I think Wile E. Coyote is in town. How should i keep the neighbors kids off my lawn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feenix Fire Posted December 8, 2011 #113 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Set up an electrical fence. I want my husband to spend more time with me. What can I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bracket Posted December 8, 2011 Author #114 Share Posted December 8, 2011 You can kill him and prop him up in the chair next to you. He'll never leave. Dear God, zombies!!! What do i do?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLOMBIE Posted December 9, 2011 #115 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Go outside and tell them to keep the noise down! I want to be on TV. What's the fastest way to get there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocketgirl Posted December 9, 2011 #116 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Go outside and tell them to keep the noise down! I want to be on TV. What's the fastest way to get there? Go rob a bank and then get caught. Quickest way...trust me. I'm having trouble finding a good movie to watch. How can I find a good one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bracket Posted December 9, 2011 Author #117 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Go online and type "2 girls 1 cup". It's a classic. Ow! I was just stung by a bee. What should i do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maca02 Posted December 9, 2011 #118 Share Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) Go online and type "2 girls 1 cup". It's a classic. Ow! I was just stung by a bee. What should i do? suck out the poison and swallow with a large tumbler of scotch, then go for a long drive, flipping the bird at known speed traps. thinking of unilateraly banning xmas, yes or no ? Edited December 9, 2011 by maca02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feenix Fire Posted December 9, 2011 #119 Share Posted December 9, 2011 (edited) You can kill him and prop him up in the chair next to you. He'll never leave. That's a good one! Well. I was hoping to be the first to die so I can have him buried with me...alive!!! suck out the poison and swallow with a large tumbler of scotch, then go for a long drive, flipping the bird at known speed traps. thinking of unilateraly banning xmas, yes or no ? Yes! And just to make sure that jerk Santa doesn't break into your house, set bear traps all around your fireplace. Just got a baby chihuahua that refuses to pee on the pee pads I bought him. What do I do? Edited December 9, 2011 by Feenix Fire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 9, 2011 #120 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Let other dogs pee on pee pads that you will arrange all over your floors, so that little monster can learn from example. Spray paint something nice and festive on someone’s car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 10, 2011 #121 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Firstly, if you're going to do that I would suggest sanding a large area of the paint off so that you get right back to the metal(fibreglass?), as this will help your greeting to really stick. Choice of greeting? In the spirit of multi-culturism I'd opt for a greeting from a religion that is very different from that embraced by the car owner. On Christmas Day I'll be entertaining a lot of guests in my tiny home ..... we'll be squashed pretty close to each other for the duration. This is my problem: what do I do about one of the guests who has appalling body odour, bad breath and sometimes the aroma of urine around him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 10, 2011 #122 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Wear gas mask. Explain to each guest “it’s not because of your bad breath/flatulence out of control/long dead rats in your armpits, I’m celebrating the memory of WWI Christmas cease fire that got participants shot by firing squad, which was still nicer death than mustard gas poisoning”. I just noticed I keep forgetting to ask for advice, I think I’ve been playing Excuse thread in Bad advice thread for last few posts, so would you kindly tell me how to make sure I won’t confuse threads again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madeline Posted December 11, 2011 #123 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Wear gas mask. Explain to each guest “it’s not because of your bad breath/flatulence out of control/long dead rats in your armpits, I’m celebrating the memory of WWI Christmas cease fire that got participants shot by firing squad, which was still nicer death than mustard gas poisoning”. I just noticed I keep forgetting to ask for advice, I think I’ve been playing Excuse thread in Bad advice thread for last few posts, so would you kindly tell me how to make sure I won’t confuse threads again? Just type what you think should be there. The BAD will come. What do I do when the snow is snowing and the wind is blowing and I'm wearing a night gown? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted December 11, 2011 #124 Share Posted December 11, 2011 Just type what you think should be there. The BAD will come. so it did What do I do when the snow is snowing and the wind is blowing and I'm wearing a night gown? Flash passing cars. Don’t stand too near the road, you never know to which side they’ll swerve. Oh, you’re inside? Flash people across the street then. If no one is at the window, call your neighbours and ask them to come to the window, then flash them. Otherwise it would make no sense at all. What's the cheapest way to install solar panels on house roof? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
booNyzarC Posted December 12, 2011 #125 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Wait for the ISS to crash and hope that it hits your house... How do I achieve early retirement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now