The Bad Advice Game

[Mark One]

Sounds like that fruitloop next door needs to get out more.  Obtain a sack of Japanese knotwood seeds.  Empty the sack over the fence and let nature take its course. Within a couple of months his garden will be overun with that disastrous weed/flower resulting in him spending all day in his garden and not in his living room.

 

One of my life long dreams as always been to own a tame giraffe in my own back garden.  I once tried out my idea with some of those animal toys but it's just not the same.  I even once dressed up as an African gorilla but that led to the police and then 24hours in A&E and then 24hours in police custody (once the injuries inflicted by the boys in blue were deemed stable).  So, can anyone help?

[RAyMO]

13 hours ago, acute said:

My noisy neighbour has OCD. He vacuums every hour, on the hour. How can I stop him?

Ah in this case the question reveals your answer - timing "every hour, on the hour".

Thus your solution is simple, clocks indicate the hour by the minute hand pointing at the 12. Visit him and finds all his clocks - a) remove the minute hands, if that fails b) remove the hour hands, if that fails c) remove the clocks.   

How can I watch the Euro final with an English family member while supporting Italy

Edited July 9, 2021 by RAyMO

[ant0n]

Tell your family member the Italian team works for the MI5.

EDIT: you supported the right team indeed!

 

OMG... My date is coming tonight but I'm so exhausted... I fear I'll be helpless tonight. I even expect to be sleeping all the way. What should I do?

Edited July 12, 2021 by ant0n

[Mark One]

Just explain that rearing Skunks takes it all out of you.

 

Right after the match yesterday I drank my sorrows and took a long bath.  I woke up this morning to find my trousers have shrunk tight around my legs.  Issue being, they are a pair of my dad's trousers and he's gonna kill me unless I can rectify the situation.

[ant0n]

This is simple: kill him before he kills you. Life's a struggle, you know.

I suggest poison. Poisoned candyfloss does marvel (trust an expert).

 

I am the reincarnation of a man and his dog: what should I do?

[+ouija ouija]

SIT! and tell yourself you're a GOOD BOY!

How can I indefinitely delay building work starting up next door?

[acute]

9 hours ago, ouija ouija said:

How can I indefinitely delay building work starting up next door?

Replace your 'pîssing gnome' (that you aimed at next door's driveway) with a Kärcher pressure washer.

 

How can I remove the caked-on dust from my vacuum cleaner?

[+ouija ouija]

(Good advice. It's working a treat! Thanks).

Hmm, I don't know . . . . isn't the entire house caked in dust? . If you don't like vacuuming, buy yourself a Henry vacuum cleaner(I've got a Hetty, which is pink). Henry has a cute face and his lid looks like a bowler hat so as you stroll around the house, plying his hose and nozzle, chatting to him, it will feel like a walk with a friend and not a chore . (Or do as I do and pay someone else to do it! ).