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THE MATRIX

New Age Alchelmy: Turning Feces in to GOLD

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THE MATRIX

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A man from Northern Ireland has been jailed after an experiment in which he attempted to turn his own faeces into gold went wrong and started a fire in a block of flats.

Paul Moran will now serve three months in jail and a further 12 months on license after the failed experiment caused a fire at his Housing Executive home in Derrin Park, Enniskillen.

Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others in the fire, which reportedly caused over £3,000 worth of damage.

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RedSquirrel

That is some serious s***!

Honestly, how would one even start turning digested food into gold?

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Still Waters

Taken from the article -

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

No kidding!

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thatRobGuy

Maybe he shouldn't have had that spicy food after all.

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rashore

Not too shocked about this. There was a thread recently here about a process like this. Sorry, but for the life of me I can't remember where it was.

Anywho, there's a new alchemy writing out that describes how to make a philosophers stone of sorts using a process like this. Boil a large amount of urine for a year or so, then take the resulting powder, and boil again for a long time, using a few hundred dollars worth of powdered pure silver. Take that mess and boil again for a long time, using a couple thousand dollars worth of powdered pure gold.

Not sure why the guy used fecal matter instead of urine though. Maybe he thought it would be a shortcut or something.

Personally, I have a lot of respect for old alchemy because it's where our modern chemistry comes from. However, this whole new age alchemy stuff is pretty nutters to me to a great extent.

Edited by rashore

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undertheflow

I've been trying to eat candy and poop diamonds. At least I've been halfway successful so far.

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:PsYKoTiC:BeHAvIoR:

Taken from the article -

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

No kidding!

And there's that fine line between genius and insane.

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Lucky7

Is this for real? There must be a typo in the name - Moron.

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mfrmboy

Human waste ! That's where he went wrong.

Everyone knows you haft to use cat turds

collected from the ground under a full moon

at midnight on the 13th.

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jbefumo

This is the result when creationists turn their had to science . . .

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Verneph

This is the result when creationists turn their had to science . . .

I'm sorry? I wasn't aware that Creationism had anything to do with this story. I'd debate you on how imbecilic it is to assume that all Creationist are incapable of understanding science, but this isn't exactly the forum for that topic.

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Cryptozological Mascot

wow... I believe in God and can't understand how science works. What is this strange device my eyes behold and my fingers are tapping on?

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WoIverine

OMG, the article's comments...I about died laughing. So funny.

"apparently he tried twice before this was his turd attempt"

"simon cowells been doing it for years"

"Gordon Brown managed the reverse process."

"He was quoted as saying "although I failed on this occasion I will not be de-turd from trying again"

"did anyone suffer turd-degree burns?"

HAHAHA!

Edited by Spid3rCyd3

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Anotheryahoo

And so are the reasons that ET wants nothing to do with us except for an occasional anal probe.

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RedSquirrel

And so are the reasons that ET wants nothing to do with us except for an occasional anal probe.

Are they looking for gold?

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King Fluffs

*Face palm*

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paul the walrus

Moral of the Story:

There is no golden/silver lining when you burn turds inside your house.

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Leonardo

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear....

Well, you know what they say...

...there is no stool like a gold stool.

BA..DUM.

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ripperking

antimony.

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Cryptozological Mascot

I' ve heard of people thinking thier poo smells like roses, but this is something else....

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Farmerboy

Lord, is it any wonder alot of people think Fermanagh is the Hillbilly county in Northern Ireland...... :lol:

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SAmbag

I'm just wondering if gold is in turd-shape, does it lose value?

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Aus Der Box Skeptisch

That why people ask are you digging for gold when caught scratching your posterior ....

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catfishyeah

Equevilent exchange. To make something, you have to have the correct ingreients to give in exchange to make it. Alchemy is like cooking. just less successful and more complicated.

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skylight1

This is the hardest I've laughed in a very long time

Just how high would you have to be just to DO something like that?

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