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"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"

"Women should be obscene and not heard."

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

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