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The Magic Roundabout by Jasper Carrott


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Hello children. It s a quarter to six. Time today. for

Magic Roundabout...`

`I wonder where Florence is?` ,said Dougal.

`I m over here.` ,said Florence.

`Hello, Florence.` ,said Dougal.

`Hello, Dougal.` ,said Florence.


`Hello, Florence and Dougal.` ,said Zebadee.

`Hello, Zebadee.` ,said Dougal and Florence.

`Hello, Zebadee, Florence and Dougal.` ,said Dillon.

`Hello, Dillon.` ,said Zebadee, Florence and Dougal.

`I say,` ,said Dillon.

`What?` ,said Dougal.


`Pardon?` ,said Zebadee.

`Nothing.` ,Said Dougal.

`I wasn't talking to you.` ,said Zebadee.

`Oh.` ,Said Dougal.

`Dillon.` ,said Dougal.

`Yes.` ,said Dillon.

`I wonder if Florence is a virgin?`

`Drops 'em for certain.` ,said Dillon.


`That s right enough.` ,said Zebadee.

`How do you know?` ,said Dillon.


`To my knowledge half of Toytown knows of her hori-

zontal pleasures. Let s face it, Noddy's the biggest ram

round here and he reckons he's scored.` ,said Zebadee.

`I can hear you.` ,said Florence. `It s not true. Noddy and I

are just good friends.`

`Rubbish` ,said Dougal. `It s all over the canteen. Anyone

knows about you, you brazen hussy.`

`You lousy old flea-bag` ,said Florence. `Call yourself a

dog? I've seen better hair on a lavatory brush!.`


`Now look here` ,said Zebadee. `Things are getting out of

hand. Let's get back to the story-line!.`

`It's a crummy story anyway` ,said Dillon stubbornly.


`No, it's not` ,said Zebadee commandingly.

`Who cares?` ,said Dillon dejectedly.

`Well, I like it` ,said Florence, hopefully.

`Ihat's obvious!` ,said everybody, cockily.


`Now look` ,said Zebadee, `let's try and get it together.`

`Well, I'm not working for that fat-bat any more` ,said

Dougal. `I'm off to join the Flowerpot men.`

`Good riddance` ,said Florence.

`Knickers!` ,said Dougal.

`Ihat's no way to talk to a lady` ,said Dillon (knowing he's

on to a good thing).

`Some lady!` ,said Dougal.

`Oh, p*** off` ,said Dillon.

And Dougal did so, all over Florence.

`Thank you for sticking up for me` ,said Florence.

`Oh, it's nothing, really` ,said Dillon.

`You know I've fancied you for a long time` ,said


`I've fancied you too` ,said Dillon.

`Where do we go from here?` ,said Florence.


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