Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #201 Share Posted May 25, 2012 She is even crazier than I expected. She actually tried to stab my co-workers with her ears, someone please take this creature to a mental hospital! Oh and if Batman is that sexy, why did you freak out when I mistook your batman costume for your nightgowns? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #202 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Because they are made for a girl! And has ... well cups. A man shouldn't wear that. He also likes to play Twister with the dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #203 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Who said that?! It fit perfectly, it looked glorious on me! Except for the lower part...you have uhm...small legs. What's wrong with me playing Twister with the dog? You never played it with me anyway, it goes to show how you only care about yourself, your stolen swiss chocolate and dressing your damn squirrel as Robin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #204 Share Posted May 25, 2012 For the hundredth time! Its a chipmunk!! And I didn't play Twister with you because you insisted on including the dog as well. Even on our first date you brought that dog along. To an amusement park! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #205 Share Posted May 25, 2012 You're the one who chose the amusement park! I wanted to take you to dinner with my grandma but you said no, so how can you complain?! Of course I took the dog with me, he protects me from psychos like you! Too bad you tricked him into liking you so I couldn't see your insanity on our first date. Ah and don't try to say you're not selfish, when was the last time you bought me a present? The only thing you've ever given me was that make up kit for barbie, it was lovely but it was the only one! I don't know how this relationship lasted this long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #206 Share Posted May 25, 2012 The dog adores me because he knows I am a good person. I've bought you tons of gifts, its not my fault you keep imagining they're from your ex - the barbie. I even got you a dollhouse but you just assumed the barbie made it herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #207 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Good person? Where did you hear that? How dare you! She's more capable of building her own house than you'll ever be! After that I should definitely buy new steel toe boots and literally kick your *** out of the house, and you can take your squirrel with you! I bet there are so many women out there who would want a perfect gentleman such as myself, I just don't see why I should waste any more time with a nutcase like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #208 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Why are you talking as if I want you? I'm breaking up with you! I'd find a guy whose eyes don't change colour every night and who doesn't wear nightgowns to work. And you don't need any woman, you have that barbie. You can have little plastic groin-less children with her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #209 Share Posted May 25, 2012 If you don't want me, what is all this batman crap still doing here?! How can you say there's anything wrong with my eyes, I don't even look at you any more! Sure go ahead, see if anyone will ever treat you as well as I did, the patience, the chocolates, the hugs and love...oh wait that was barbie. Well you get what I mean. Good luck finding another man who would watch an entire horror film with you while you're holding a machete and making weird sounds with your mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #210 Share Posted May 25, 2012 See you yourself stated the reason. All these years, I've come home to you showering your love on that stupid barbie. Never on me And I used to hold that machete because you used to be scared of the monsters coming out of the screen and the weird sounds were me trying to sing "Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty" to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #211 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I'm.... No! What manner of trickery is this? All you do is lie, are you trying to get more chocolates from me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #212 Share Posted May 25, 2012 More chocolates? You never even gave me one!! So many years we've been together and you didn't buy me a single chocolate. You had me as your girlfriend only for the label so that other people don't get to know about your affections for a doll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #213 Share Posted May 25, 2012 It's all your fault! You never showed any interest in me and don't call her a doll, she has a name! How can you say I never gave you any chocolates?! If I wasn't eating them and you weren't either, then who was it? I left a chocolate bar as a gift to you on the table at least once a week, how couldn't you see...oh wait, that's it! You were cheating on me and he was taking the chocolate! My god, have you no shame?! They were MY chocolates, you have no idea how difficult it was for me to give them to you, and you go and do that to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #214 Share Posted May 25, 2012 My fault? On our second date you broke down in front of me and said that you can only love that doll. And I never cheated on you, you sleepwalked and ate your chocolates yourself. Plus they were never for me, you clearly mentioned in your rules that all chocolates are either for you or your doll. So don't go blaming it all on me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #215 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Lies! They are mine to do whatever I want with them, so I gave them to you and now you deny it! Well of course there were restrictions, I was fine with the idea of losing one chocolate bar a week because of you. What about that time my co-worker saw you and another man hanging out at the beach? You were dressed as batman and he as the joker, how do you explain that? Oh and leave Barbie out of this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #216 Share Posted May 25, 2012 What? No! That wasn't me! That was the time my friend borrowed my batsuit so that she could dress up with her boyfriend for a beach party. You have always been suspicious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #217 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Doesn't that mean I care? Why don't you just stop making up excuses and admit the problem is 100% on your side, that you're insane and the only reason you came live with me is so you can hide from your previous psycho boyfriends who probably want you dead for stealing their credit cards and cookie jars? It was never about love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #218 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Care?!? Are you kidding me? You left me alone on Valentine's Day and our anniversaries every year. I used to spend them watching TV and eating whipped cream. Don't put the blame on me. And I didn't steal any credit card, I took it because he cheated on me. You were never there for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 25, 2012 #219 Share Posted May 25, 2012 What? How can you blame me for that?! I don't even know when it's this Valentine's Day thing or what it means! As for anniversaries, that's obviously asking for too much! It was already enough to try to remember your birthday every year. TV and whipped cream that I left for you! ...I was always there for you Barbie...damn it! In my defence, you never even taught me how to dance! You sure had time for your friends though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 25, 2012 #220 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I teach dance to school kids, not my friends. See even now all you can think about is Barbie. You never remembered my birthday! Never! You even had that Barbie in bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 26, 2012 #221 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I give up! I was about to say I was willing to forgive you for being insane, but now I got home tired and where are you? On the news of course. "Superhero wannabe crashed car into thieves driving away from a bank robbery scene. Unfortunately, both cars ended up inside a supermarket". Now, who's going to pay for that? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 26, 2012 #222 Share Posted May 26, 2012 But I caught them! Didn't I? And you don't have to pay for it.. you've never paid for anything anyways. (Btw I literally choked on water reading this) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lcvec Posted May 26, 2012 #223 Share Posted May 26, 2012 But...you're going to jail and what good is a girlfriend if she's in jail? How come you never mentioned the arsenal in the trunk? Sure the police will find it quite useful...except for the whip, I'm not sure what they'll do with that. It's all on TV now, they will find me through you, my life is ruined! Wait...are you texting me from the the ambulance? This is madness! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordless Wanderer Posted May 26, 2012 #224 Share Posted May 26, 2012 The arsenal in the trunk was for the zombie apocalypse, shows how good your memory is, you were the one who selected the rpg and bazooka. Anyway they're not putting me in jail, turns out the place I crashed in the supermarket was their secret coke stash. So now I am getting a reward and of course no jail. But all you care about is dressing up that goddamn barbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted May 26, 2012 Author #225 Share Posted May 26, 2012 OKAY! STOP RIGHT THERE ! For goodness' sake you two, get a room and just admit that you don't really want to break up. I am breaking up with the chipmunk because he is constantly offering me plates of little jammy biscuits and I can't refuse or he gets upset ...... I've put on half a stone in the past week alone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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