Understanding men

[Mr-X]

Girls print this off and keep it in your pocket ALWAYS!!!! Want to understand men??? Here you go:

-Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining

about you leaving it down.

-Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not a contest to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

-Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

-Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

-Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

-Crying is blackmail.

-Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints don't work! Just say it!

-We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

-Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think he'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

-Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

-Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

-A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

-Check your oil! Please.

-Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

-If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

-If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

-Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

-You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

-Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

-The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

-ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

-If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

-We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

-If we ask what is wrong and you say - quote, "Nothing" end quote, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is

just not worth the hassle.

-If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

-When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

-Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

-You have enough clothes.

-You have too many shoes.

-Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the heck they're

saying anyway.)

-It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

-BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

[Kismit]

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

**************************

I don't think so . There have been several precedents ( in my home any way) on this kind of evidence being used for up to 10 years after the fact.

Bloody 2 seater Hot Rod grrrrrrr

[Homer]

Good Mr-X, I like them all

[Halo_Jones]

Oohh lots of those work both ways...

-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

( this go's for sex aswell)

-Crying is blackmail

-Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

-Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

-Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic

-You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

-If we ask what is wrong and you say - quote, "Nothing" end quote, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is

just not worth the hassle.

-If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

Sort of puts it all in a new light doesn't it ????

[Kira]

I agree Halo and add a few more to that....

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

And why is this one supposedly exclusive to men..... as Halo pointed out..

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic

[Homer]

Men are cool

but...

Chicks are hot

[Bizarro]

-You have enough clothes.

-You have too many shoes.

OMG. my wife is constantly whining about her wardrobe. the funny thing is she is the only one with new clothes in our household. i haven't bought new clothes in like 2 years now because she buys so many that there is no money left for me!

then after a few weeks go by, all the new clothes she gets end up given away to charity because "i didn't like the way it fit here" or "the neck was too clingy" or "it got all stretched out of shape". then the cycle accelerates because she needs more new clothes!

sorry for ranting but sometimes you just have to let it out

[Althalus]

most of them do work both ways

-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

this one also works.