are you eating ****?

[Roy Perry]

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Dust everywhere we even eat dust but dust shall we return to.

03-22-2013

Here I am sating to talk person with you the reader of this Work of my heart, Prophecy of year2027, or just letters from a crazy person what ever you think I am here. Some of my friends believe I needed Psychotherapy workers because they believe I saw myself has more than I was because Grease Spot Cafe honer with apostle above my name. But no harm was done by anybody I know who I am so what I believe Christ called to be his apostle but I am a man like apostle Paul say was.

I been thinking a lot about do I need Psychotherapy help yes but for me saying I believe God told me I was a apostle but because I can not handle the world crises like my Cable not working, like feeling of no value, and other things. Today with friends I feel like I am of value the person that likes to do for others because that no everyday feeling I will give it a another try. Yes Psychotherapy care on the 12^th of April I see my doctor which can care for me in that Psychotherapy field too I did pick him because that but its a plus.

We have to see what this brings one day at a time you see we need each other more than we think to the person that talks hours crying other people problems because she to afraid to talk her own. We let pride cut us off from getting the help we need but we never thank our friends for working with by listening to us crying our heart out. Some times that all we can do about life because we are not ready to deal with the things holding us back in life.

My friend Rap was just trying to help me and my Paw was just trying to honor I hold nothing against anyone we are all human. Board are just boards otherwise if you see a board as more maybe you need to see a Psychotherapy too and Churches, cults, believes, bibles, stories, religions, un-believes, atheists, or no matter what your into it what make you you no more no less. We are in this world together and we must work together to receive a mind of love which is truth because names mean little.

Some say there is no God and some cry there is but I say there is and there is not because it depends on each person to decide what they believe and what they do not believe. I believe God in the love of each person deep in our DNA to love is where I see my God but you might see something different all together. Science says our whole Galaxy is like a heart beat making is a living creature so if our galaxy is alive why not dust the smallest that most see being alive too.

God to me is that dust of creation or Intelligent design of a creation from nothing has dust changing from one kind another and back unto whatever begin as. Did you know you are breathing in a dinosaurs **** when you breath in flesh air today or when you eat a apple where did it come from? A dinosaurs cast it out as wasted energy then a plant eat it as food and then that plant is casting out as shinning apple and you think that no ****.

I been breathing ****, eating ****, drinking ****, sweating ****, or anyway I did not think of I am doing to live this life that seems like it **** but I must go on. We are all **** eaters but we are all humans in need of understanding we all want to be the main show but we must be happy to be ourself. Thank you my friends with love of truth unto you an holy kiss of truth what that might be from Roy.

[White Crane Feather]

I think you are more sane than most Roy... Carry on.

Edited March 22, 2013 by Seeker79

[+ouija ouija]

Well no, we're not eating **** because what the dinosaur deposited has been TRANSFORMED ......... many times over!

[freetoroam]

Sorry Roy, you lost me on the first word...God!

[Star of the Sea]

Hi Roy,

Seeing a good Pyschotherapist is a smart move Roy! Taking each day at a time is wise.. good to see you on here again

[xYlvax]

You sound awfully depressed. Not everything is absolute ****, it's just how you see it.

[Roy Perry]

God first

thanks you all my friends

with love and a holy kiss of friendship unto all from Roy

[Roy Perry]

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

What a day I have had!

03-27-2013

What was a day that I believe never over I was so down with my feeling and I told God I am going to give with life one more time but be patience I about to tell the part of God's plan for me. I wrote my life story to many times I told ask God to send me help the thing I know the phone ring it was my doctor office wanting me to report my self to LifeSpring”s again the nurse said Dr ~~~~ wanted to check myself to LifeSpring's again I was upset. I just last night when down to LifeSpring's and they said there no need “the doctor read everything I wrote and share with my Home Hearth Nurses Care by LifeLines's so I whet to visit my doctor.

I arrived at his office but I was so afraid of might happen I left his office then I call his office to cut a story short I whet back to his office. The next thing happen the doctor order a pill for to take to help me relaxant but it was no pill I would ever unless I was out of control take unless it was the drug Seroquel XR 150 MG for Chronic Schizophrenia so was afraid of might happen next. So I whet down to local hospital and ask to talk a doctor about the drug she told me that I do have take drug as as I am not going to harm myself or some other person I was not I just afraid of what might happen otherwise making me do as they say but that doctor Said no one make with a judge order and seem same in my right mind to her.

I no longer fear going to Communi-Care on 04-02-2013 where I agree to see a doctor about my Psychotherapy because now they cannot make me do anything I do not want. Where I visit my doctor again like he ask he ask me if I took the pill he gave me I told no said he I kill him look who thinking of death here but let leave with next appointed 04-01-2013 because he wants to watch me. I have no problem with that because that not my fear but the doctor fear so one thing another life happen that way as God teaching us life.

Let me tell you a story about when I was young about six year old it my first day of school the teacher let us go to bathroom a class mate said pee on you so p*** on him he told the teacher. The teacher made me sat on her hap and gave me candy while the other children play that was the last memory of school beside small parts of grammar school. Now I do know if she did anything wrong but she place in her class two years in a roll even that there were two other teachers.

Let me move you up in time I was in ninth grade of school a teenager that was catch not understanding where babies came from with nine other in the room. You see something bad happen to where I never ask but that something good happen those nine young boys never told one word. Can you image a young boy never asking where babies came from in tenth grade I would watch a film of live birth in hearth class.

The reason I telling you this because I want freedom from everything could hold me back in my life otherwise the things that cause us pain reveling them help you face your life better. Most people are being destroy from things in their own past but uncovering them free us from the though and what came to show us the way unto freedom where your really free. Thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.

[Mr Walker]

Roy what strikes me is the wonder, depth, power and lucidity of your thoughts, which come through to me despite difficulties with the actual words you put on paper.

Thank you for being so open and honest.

I hope this also helps you, but it helps me to appreciate the wonder and diversity of humanity and the courage/endurance of an ordinary human being, in responding to challenges beyond his control; and thus inspires me deeply.

Few things on UM move me as deeply as some of your posts do. Your last one is such a post . Stay brave and be yourself while continuing to get all the sources of help you can.

[ciriuslea]

I want freedom from everything could hold me back in my life

I think most would like this, I guess it comes down to finding a way to free yourself, this would probably give you more satisfaction and freedom.

Edited March 27, 2013 by ciriuslea

[Roy Perry]

God first

thanks Mr Walker and ciriuslea

thank you two my daer friends

you two have blessed my life

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

[Roy Perry]

[justcalmebubba]

if some stranger walks up and offers you a blue pill or a red pill dont swallow eather one... needs more cowbell...carry on

[xYlvax]

Love how the OP just expresses his opinion and walks out when we express ours.

[Mr Walker]

Love how the OP just expresses his opinion and walks out when we express ours.

With respect, what could you expect him to say in response to your post? We can only "deal" with what we have, and from where we are. Your comment is fair, but it cant be responded to by someone who IS in a different mind set to you. What is the functional difference between our reality and the way we perceive our reality?

[ambelamba]

Love how the OP just expresses his opinion and walks out when we express ours.

If you ever read his autobiographical info you will understand. He is a victim of a severe stroke and some unmentionable mental illness.

[Rlyeh]

if some stranger walks up and offers you a blue pill or a red pill dont swallow eather one... needs more cowbell...carry on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kel_E5sih5k

[Roy Perry]

God first

thamks justcalmebubba and AliveInDeath7 and Mr Walker and Ron Jeremy and Rlyeh

AliveInDeath7 have you not been able to think so you write when everything is moving to fast it that way me that I write a reply for all because i not listen to your words they are value too

Ron Jeremy and Mr Walker thanks for your understanding

justcalmebubba and AliveInDeath7 and Rlyeh i do not any pills and i not a fool because I on the net

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

[Roy Perry]

[Roy Perry]

[Roy Perry]

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Chronic Schizophrenia and me what am I

04-08-2013

I went to my doctor today I had a good visit today we talk about my life things that borrow me and things that make me happy but all and all I feel it was good. Now my slyness held me back from opening up like I wanted to because I think I want to work my feeling of lose and hopeless because that is when I feel lost. I get those feeling when something goes wrong with keeping it simple otherwise not getting upset at the drop of the pen.

Spinoza on Philosophy{On the Improvement of Understanding, by Benedict de Spinoza, [1883]} a book that I enjoy reading this book. Riches, Fame, and the Pleasures of Sense I am not into riches today , I am not into fame either, but I am into pleasures on sense in my life of enjoying being known as a person that helps others in everyday life. Helping others think outside the box of life seeing things they might of not ever dream was possible like thinking they can do that which they believe is not possible.

For me it is written God's truths but for others it might something other never knowing whether you help one soul which not getting into the fame of it and not getting rich from doing it that is true pleasures that I enjoy. Human character that I have pick that is to be a person that lives love like Gladys Aylward a English missionary in China that was called the person that loved the people. I love to be noted has a person that walk in love of God that is what Spinoza was getting at not that I can ever reach such a goal in life but just reaching for it makes me a better person.

Perception that I know that I see things that others cannot and that I hear things that others do not while I have perception that math is a illusion that we have been taught. Like John Tyndall which was noted for the Tyndall Illusion otherwise the blue sky you see is really red showing us perception is not always what we think it is. Just because our math teacher tells us one plus one equates two it might not be so that just the way we are taught which does prove anything other than by the rules we been taught.

When I look at myself I see a weak person of no true knowledge lower myself of no knowing anything the voices are able to teach me wisdom above my years making Spinoza perception void to my understanding. Otherwise the voices in my DNA tell me God is more and less at the same time or time means nothing at all. The voices I hear are the God of myself, the Christ of myself, the voice of my mind, and the voices that talk for comfort.

That the way I understand it to be because I hear two talking with each other like a phone line I over hearing in my head so loud it is hard to think on something other. My mind can talk with them listen to the radio watch television and read a Email at the same time while I am not as good as I use be I can still do it if I set my mind on it. I am written this to help my doctor understand the way my brain works hoping that he will be able to help me thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.

[Roy Perry]

[ambelamba]

Well, adding the word chronic in schizophrenia is rather redundant. Schizophrenia IS a lifelong illness.

[Roy Perry]

God first

thanks Ron Jeremy

Chronic was the doctor chonice of words not mine

chronic |ˈkränik|adjective(of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring: chronic bronchitis. Often contrasted with acute.• (of a person) having such an illness: a chronic asthmatic.• (of a problem) long-lasting and difficult to eradicate: the school suffers from chronic overcrowding.• (of a person) having a particular bad habit: a chronic liar.DERIVATIVESchronically |-ik(ə)lē|adverb,chronicity |kräˈnisətē|nounORIGIN late Middle English: from French chronique, via Latin fromGreek khronikos ‘of time,’ from khronos ‘time.’

usage: Chronic is often used to mean ‘habitual, inveterate,’ e.g., a chronic liar. Some consider this use incorrect. The precise meaning ofchronic is ‘persisting for a long time,’ and it is used chiefly of illnesses or other problems: more than one million people in the US have chronic bronchitis.

thank you

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

[Roy Perry]

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

I am recalling the good old days

04-15-2013

When I used to believe pain help anything I used hit my self when I feel sad because one made me not think the real pain smashing a foot made forget about another pain. I got into cutting names into my body to show love for a girl I like I did it with a pencil and I did it with wood carven knife but my parents caught me and later the US army caught me too. From a early age I used hit my head on everything I could find for no reason that I know of.

I used to fix things for cleaning or moping the floor one day I added a little water, one gallon of pink soap, one gallon of liquid oven clearer, one gallon of ammonia, and a gallon bleach it was cool. It smoke and almost blow up because I was in place with high ceilings and it burn a hole in them. But later I learn about ammonia I was only using about 8% grade D ammonia and I could get 27% grade A ammonia or I was using 6% grade D bleach and I could get grade A 18% bleach that open my eyes to the possibility for cleaning.

Why would I think on these things I no longer have a cleaning business where I have to used used to clean windows anymore but I still clean my home myself. You see the manger got on me once because my had a black mark around the john that six gallons of house hold bleach would not clean away but I find out it was wax. My friend clean with razor blade I was only wiping over the wax that the maintenance guys put there I still a thin black line around my john I got so upset when told it was no clean enough.

I have friends living in the same apartment that are not as clean as I am but she never gets on them but she gets on to me. I heard that she is going to do a walk through soon when the maintenance changing the filers she is going look for maintenance needs. It is seems like she wants find a reason to make me want to end my life I guess I feeling stretch out.

Maybe I could get some of that bleach grade A 18% and mod my floors the day she is coming so she would bypass me that day. My house is always clean because I do not like bugs and I have learn cleaning is the way to none when I had home nursing care they witness about me. Thank you with love of truth and a holy kiss of friendship unto you from Roy.