I dont understand why

[Chriscom]

Hi. Im new in this site. I was searching about spirituality and life and my browser brought me here. I am having second thoughts in posting here but i really wanted to know if i still have a chance to get over this bad things happening to me and secondly i wanted to speak up my heart. I think im losing my mind.

I was born a catholic. I was a very devoted catholic growing up. i was taught that god is good. jesus will always be there to redeem us. jesus will not let me fall and if ever trials comes my way he will always be there to intervene and guide me. i just have to have a strong faith. until on my 20's that bad things started to happen and it never left me since then. Im now on my mid 30's. i guess my faith wasnt that strong enough because i get tired of endless trials and felt no guidance from him. i tried to find answers from the bible but instead of clearing my mind, it got me more confused and question evrything from there. I tried to go on religion hopping. Attended services of each religion 2-5 times but did not find answers to my confusions.

Currently i am trying to convince myself that There is no god. Somehow it gives a little bit of peace inside. No prayers, no disappointment, no hopes, no expectations..

But i am having a hard time accepting my past because i know i was responsible. Wrong decisions, wrong people around me used me, hurt me, treated me like a ****. my past is killing me, i want to avenge myself but i felt so weak and powerless. those people did wrong to me are really happy now i can see them. and i am here stuck with those bad memories they gave me. I guess i am getting depressed and thoughts of suicide is starting to build up.

I dont understand why i am experiencing this. As far as i can remember, i did not hurt anyone and if ever i did i make sure that i get back to them to say sorry and explain myself. I know im good, maybe the reason also why people took advantage of me. Sad!

Well i am just trying to pour my heart out here since all my friends are really religious that they will never understand me. I once tried to open up to one of my friend but she just told me that i am being too negative, she did not even bother to let me finish my story. Maybe shes right i am just being so negative. But i cant help it. I tried to take anti depressant pills but even that did not help me. :-(

[docyabut2]

Hi. Im new in this site. I was searching about spirituality and life and my browser brought me here. I am having second thoughts in posting here but i really wanted to know if i still have a chance to get over this bad things happening to me and secondly i wanted to speak up my heart. I think im losing my mind.

I was born a catholic. I was a very devoted catholic growing up. i was taught that god is good. jesus will always be there to redeem us. jesus will not let me fall and if ever trials comes my way he will always be there to intervene and guide me. i just have to have a strong faith. until on my 20's that bad things started to happen and it never left me since then. Im now on my mid 30's. i guess my faith wasnt that strong enough because i get tired of endless trials and felt no guidance from him. i tried to find answers from the bible but instead of clearing my mind, it got me more confused and question evrything from there. I tried to go on religion hopping. Attended services of each religion 2-5 times but did not find answers to my confusions.

Currently i am trying to convince myself that There is no god. Somehow it gives a little bit of peace inside. No prayers, no disappointment, no hopes, no expectations..

But i am having a hard time accepting my past because i know i was responsible. Wrong decisions, wrong people around me used me, hurt me, treated me like a ****. my past is killing me, i want to avenge myself but i felt so weak and powerless. those people did wrong to me are really happy now i can see them. and i am here stuck with those bad memories they gave me. I guess i am getting depressed and thoughts of suicide is starting to build up.

I dont understand why i am experiencing this. As far as i can remember, i did not hurt anyone and if ever i did i make sure that i get back to them to say sorry and explain myself. I know im good, maybe the reason also why people took advantage of me. Sad!

Well i am just trying to pour my heart out here since all my friends are really religious that they will never understand me. I once tried to open up to one of my friend but she just told me that i am being too negative, she did not even bother to let me finish my story. Maybe shes right i am just being so negative. But i cant help it. I tried to take anti depressant pills but even that did not help me. :-(

Well in my life time I`ve learn to forgive others and myself and get with on with it, because the only one hurting is myself, beats all the psychology and the depession pills:) Jesus`s message

Edited July 7, 2013 by docyabut2

[Ashotep]

Learn from your experiences but don't dwell on the past. We all get taken advantage of and lied to by those we thought we could trust. Lord knows I have and I have a hard time forgiving this one person even though I know I need to for my sake not his.

Keep being a good person and please don't be thinking about suicide. If you do they will have just won. Besides think about all those that love you and would be terribly hurt by that.

You friend should have listened and not cut you off.

[Grandpa Greenman]

Call your doctor and get hep asp, please or you local mental heath facility. We all make mistakes in life, sometime you can't make it right. Forgive yourself first, you are worthy of self love. People who have wronged you in the passed are they really worth worrying about. People who dishonor me I drop out of my life and I move on. It is their problem not mine.

[docyabut2]

And for heavens sake don`nt think of suicide because what you will leave is how to give up, it will teach your love ones and your children how to give up on any hard ships they will have to go through in their lives, a ribble affect,You don t want that.

[Cora Calliope]

If you're contemplating suicide, you should call a suicide hotline or otherwise seek help. A note on my experience with mental illness: I have a severe case of clinical depression and I have other serious health problems. I've been disabled since I was 13 years old. It took 3 long, miserable years of suffering for my doctors to find the right combination (and doses) of antidepressants to alleviate the despair of my depression. Luckily, I haven't felt depressed since we found medications that work for me. In other words, I know how terrible depression is and what it feels like to have suicidal ideation for years on end. However, if you keep working with doctors you feel comfortable with they'll probably be able to help you, sometimes even a great deal. Also, people with depression and other mental illnesses have to deal with a lot of jerks ("If Helen Keller could be happy, why can't you be happy?", "You're just lazy", "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", etc). My only advice is to try to understand that they are coming from a place of ignorance. In other words, they have no idea what the heck they're talking about (in regards to mental illness, at least). I hope that helps.

[Mr Walker]

Hi. Im new in this site. I was searching about spirituality and life and my browser brought me here. I am having second thoughts in posting here but i really wanted to know if i still have a chance to get over this bad things happening to me and secondly i wanted to speak up my heart. I think im losing my mind.

I was born a catholic. I was a very devoted catholic growing up. i was taught that god is good. jesus will always be there to redeem us. jesus will not let me fall and if ever trials comes my way he will always be there to intervene and guide me. i just have to have a strong faith. until on my 20's that bad things started to happen and it never left me since then. Im now on my mid 30's. i guess my faith wasnt that strong enough because i get tired of endless trials and felt no guidance from him. i tried to find answers from the bible but instead of clearing my mind, it got me more confused and question evrything from there. I tried to go on religion hopping. Attended services of each religion 2-5 times but did not find answers to my confusions.

Currently i am trying to convince myself that There is no god. Somehow it gives a little bit of peace inside. No prayers, no disappointment, no hopes, no expectations..

But i am having a hard time accepting my past because i know i was responsible. Wrong decisions, wrong people around me used me, hurt me, treated me like a ****. my past is killing me, i want to avenge myself but i felt so weak and powerless. those people did wrong to me are really happy now i can see them. and i am here stuck with those bad memories they gave me. I guess i am getting depressed and thoughts of suicide is starting to build up.

I dont understand why i am experiencing this. As far as i can remember, i did not hurt anyone and if ever i did i make sure that i get back to them to say sorry and explain myself. I know im good, maybe the reason also why people took advantage of me. Sad!

Well i am just trying to pour my heart out here since all my friends are really religious that they will never understand me. I once tried to open up to one of my friend but she just told me that i am being too negative, she did not even bother to let me finish my story. Maybe shes right i am just being so negative. But i cant help it. I tried to take anti depressant pills but even that did not help me. :-(

First you are experiencing what you are going through because you are human. The beauty and tragedy of being human is that we can feel and understand so deeply. This is not a flaw in you. it just shows that you are human.

Second it is not your fault I cant emphasise that enough You are not responsible for how others treat you. only for how you treat others. Being a good person is not protection from the problems of the world. Your religion may have lent you a sense of security which you now find is false. But faith DOES offer some hope

While bad things happen to good people, belief in god can give you courage, strength, resilience and hope. If that is not working for you then that is not a failing in yourself or something unworthy about you. Again it is just being human.

God loves you and can strengthen you but you might also like to try some cognitive therapy to help you understand why you are feeling as you are, and what constructive steps you can take to feel better. Sydney university runs a good online course called "mind gym" which you can google and access

Third as other have said get professional help as oyu would for a heart problem or for diabetes Forgive those who hurt you because not doing so prolongs the pain and suffering But dont blame yourself for the weaknesses and evil in others You are NOT powerless. You have control of your life and you do not havee to let others or the past dominate your present life Let it go and start anew. It sounds as if some peole have enjoyed "victimising" you and controling your responses Dont let them. Anyone who treats you like this is unworthy of any concern or response from you, even an emotional one.

Dont let others judge you, and be fair but gentle in judging yourself.

[DeWitz]

Dear Chriscom--You have already received some good, supportive feedback from folks in these replies.

As someone who has had both professional and personal experience with mental health concerns, suicidal thoughts and spiritual despair, I simply want to emphasize what Darkwind, Mr. Walker, Cora, docyu and others are saying. A good step towards opening some doors to peacefulness and comfort is to seek a counselor/therapist. They will screen for physical symptoms, lethality (meaning how serious are your suicidal thoughts/ideations?) and best possible treatment options for your circumstances.

You've taken the first, best step yourself--asking for help. In responding, some of us have advised you to seek professional diagnosis/support/counseling, as needed. I know some of these folks who've replied just by reading their responses over 6 months. These are trustworthy people. Most of us have lived through periods of great anguish, and have availed ourselves of secular, spiritual, religious, social, intellectual, academic, medical and other means to keep alive and thriving.

It sounds quaint, but "suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems." Sometimes we can be deceived by circumstances, and bad people, into thinking that our despair isn't temporary--but it is. The struggle to overcome your victimization, betrayals or whatever else brought you to this state of mind will be painful--but it is temporary, and you can prevail.

Keep moving into the future!

Edited July 7, 2013 by szentgyorgy

[Beany]

Depression can be caused by a lot of things, including physical health problems like a biochemcal imbalance, hypothyroid, prescribed meds, etc. As others advised, see a doc, get a thorough physical, and get some counseling. I know it's hard to be pro-active while feeling so hopeless; there was a time I was so depressed getting out of bed was a win. But I had friends & family that pushed me along, & supported me, and eventually, slowly, I got back to normal as I recovered from a huge personal & financial loss. If you don't have friends or family to support you, there are a lot of people here who will do that for you, as I think they've already demonstrated. You don't have a character flaw, you're not weak, you're simply trying to deal with some of the cra* life hands us, which is always hard, especially when we try to do it alone. And we're never truly alone, there's always someone, somewhere, who is willing to support us, we just have to ask. And asking can be hard, because it often feels like it means we failed. It's not failure, though, it's just life.

[White Crane Feather]

Aaaaa "the dark knight of the soul." You are not alone my friend. There is a dawn after the night. You are unusually articulate and sensitive but this lends you to these places.

I have three suggestions.

1) To be spiritual one only needs to be spiritual. One of the best way to express spirituality is service to others. You have more worth to this world than you have ever dreamed. Find a way to help others, you will surprise yourself. Even simply things like taking $20 buying as many burgers as you can and handing it out to homeless. Nothing brightens the day of a hungry person more than superstar with cheese. And it may Brighten yours as well.

2) you need Somone to talk to that is trained in how to help you set a course and plan to better health. There are many talented councelors out there. Find one. Again you may be surprised how much it helps.

3) things that will make you feel better:

Strenuous exercise

Pumking seeds , cashoes, soy beans

Meditation

Vitamin b complex and vitamin C supliments

Passion flower tea about 2 times a day

Take care.

[Zaphod222]

Chriscom:

I understand that you miss the group comfort that comes from joining a religion or cult. But please don´t fall into that trap again. Find a group of people that talk about interesting topics without the drug of religion. E.g. google for atheist groups in your area, may you can find some. And join some groups with other activities, surely there is something you are interested in? Sports, martial arts, social dance, music, arts, even a political party.... there are so many social activities, and all of them are good for social animals like humans.

Edited July 7, 2013 by Zaphod222

[kajiwara]

I agree with what most of the other people here have said.being someone that struggles with depression

I know how hard it can be but the important thing is not to give up and that u can make your life better it just takes work

as for the religion part..just try to be the best person u can be..for me thats what most religion boils down to

treat people how u want to be treated at the end of the day youll know u did what u felt was right

and if others dont thats them failing not you

and as for your posts zaphod u always seem to put down everyones faith and promote your own faith because thats what atheism

Is. A faith something u believe without any actuall facts u cant prove there isnt a god just like they cant prove their is its pretty offensive

U can believe what u like and thats fine but it seems u have this drive that makes u put down anyone who isnt atheist u might want think hard on why.i dont follow any one religion but I dont feel the need to insult everyone whos faith differs from mine

[wtfhaveidone]

meet with someone new start over do everthin possible but suicide youre worth living and if someone thinks otherwise screw them who needs them. those people are rotten. you! dont lose faith just the tought off it makes me want to slap you! you will fall but were gonna get you back on your feet! one day you will realise that the past doesnt matter! and i should know because im 13 right im *******g 13 and i know life is cruel but we need to go on! just please dude do not kill your self promise me that! im sorry i need to speak my mind

[Mr Walker]

Chriscom:

I understand that you miss the group comfort that comes from joining a religion or cult. But please don´t fall into that trap again. Find a group of people that talk about interesting topics without the drug of religion. E.g. google for atheist groups in your area, may you can find some. And join some groups with other activities, surely there is something you are interested in? Sports, martial arts, social dance, music, arts, even a political party.... there are so many social activities, and all of them are good for social animals like humans.

Yup ALL of them are good for humans, even religious ones But it is important for you to find something which is effective for you, and if religion is not, then Zaphod makes a good point. Any community of interest that cares for you will offer support.