ChrisC098 Posted October 26, 2004 #1 Share Posted October 26, 2004 I just have to write this and have someone see it. Once upon a time there a boy. This boy never had any real friends. He always let people step all over him. Chris always did what he was told and never acted up. He was always the good little boy that did what he was told. Be it his friends or family. It didn’t matter. Even if he was the one that was going to get in trouble for it. Fine ill do it the boy always said. He thought maybe that would make the kids like him better. Maybe then he would be popular. Maybe then the hurt inside would be gone forever. Maybe then his dad would come back and all his friends dads would leave. Maybe then he would be happy. Maybe then his whole life would not feel empty and cold. He knew it would not but he did it anyway because he needed to be accepted and to be cool and to be happy and too have his dad. He knew this would never happen but he just kept doing what he was told. Always doing what he was told. Standing in line quietly waiting to be notices and for a thanks from his friends and family. It never came though. NO one tried to help him. No one said good job chris. Keep it up chris. No one Cared. NO ONE CARES! NOT ONE PERSON! EVER! I don’t need them though. I can get through life on my own. I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF! No one needs me so why should I need them. I can go somewhere where I can be alone. Ill never see anyone ever again and everyone would be happy. Id be gone and they would just go on as if I never existed. They can all just go to hell for all I care. I don’t care. I DON’T CARE! THEY DON’T CARE SO WHY SHOULD I! I shouldn’t but I cant help it. I want to be held. I want to be loved. I want someone to run there fingers through my hair and say that everything will be all right. Well for me that person doesn’t exist so why should I even bother. One day the boy met a girl. He thought she was the one that could fulfill all his dreams. He loved the girl and he thought she loved him but when she told her about how he felt the world thought of him she told him he was wrong and ignored him. The boy was very upset and now he had no one to talk to and let his feelings out. He was fine though because he didn’t need anyone. He was fine. He was fine with his mother always putting him down. He was fine with getting in trouble for doing nothing. He was fine with having no friends. He was fine with No one caring. He was fine with his father hating him. He was fine with everything. Why should he care. No one cares about me. The only person I can trust is myself. I don’t need anyone. No body ever helped me. No one ever pushed me harder. No one helped me at all. Ever. That’s fine though. I’m stronger now. I can do anything on my own. Nothing can hurt me anymore. I can just block my heart from anyone anything trying to get in. I DON’T NEED ANYONE! I CAN DO IT ALL ON MY OWN! I can do it all on my own. All on my own. SCREW THEM ALL! Why should anyone care about me anyway? Im just a slow, stupid, ugly piece of garbage. That’s fine with me. That’s fine. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of being hated. I’m tired of life. I’m tired of being hated by the girl I love. I hate hating the girl I love. I hate my mother. I hate my father. I hate my brother. I hate my grand mother. I hate my so called friends. I hate my school. I hate me. I hate everything about me. I HATE LIFE! I HATE LIFE! I HATE IT! Life hates me. Why should I even try to go on? They just keep knocking me down. I Just want to scream. Why does everyone hate me? How come no one loves me? Why wont anyone hold me? Why have I become what I have always been scared I would become? WHY DO I HATE MYSELF!? I try my best. I really do. Even my best is not good enough. I cant try any harder. I cant do anything right. I cant tell people how I feel. I cant keep my life together. I cant do my homework. I cant get the girl of my dreams. I cant please my father. I cant please my mother. I cant get my parents back together. I cant speak up when I know I should. I cant keewp it all together. I cant stop myself from being a person everyone steps all over. I cant speak up and tell them no. I cant do anything right. Why do I even try? I’m just a waste of space. Every one hates me. Why do I exist? Wouldn’t it just be easier if I just ran away and no one ever saw me again? Why did I hurt Catherine? How could I yell at her like that? How could I do such a thing? How can I make everything better? How can I be loved? Why do my parents hate me? Why does everyone hate me? I never did anything to them. I HATE THEM ALL! I HOPE THEY DIE! I just want to be loved. Why wont anyone love me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girty1600 Posted October 26, 2004 #2 Share Posted October 26, 2004 OMG I can't even begin to think about knowing what to say..All I know about you is that are a wonderful person, i have read your posts. You are passionate about a life that is not quite a life right now. I can't say I know what you are feeling now either. Although, I can speculate. hang in there, buddy, girty will be your proverbial shoulder if needed. I do know what it is like when you are put on the back burner, and it is not good things. your story is beautiful, in a way tho, and this is the place where you need to be...... much love, girt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janiel Posted October 26, 2004 #3 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Chris, i have a few things to say 1. popularity is evil, i was never popular....EVER! but now that im older, and better established i got a good sized group of friends who i know like me (if not love, in a friendly way ) 2. girls come and go, and i had a hard time letting go of my last one, i too thought she was the one and only. but sadly she wasnt. 3. Although your mother puts you down, it doesnt mean she hates you. my mom gives me sh** all the time, but i know i love her....as for your father....at least you know yours, i havent seen mine since i was 3. that all i have to say, but remember. you are ALWAYS loved...on way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the duel master Posted October 26, 2004 #4 Share Posted October 26, 2004 (edited) I am so sorry to here that. I am an outsider to nobody like me because i am different than all people i was born with a second spirt nobody believed me nobody listened to me i hated life and i hated every one. I kept on believing and one day it was proven. So my point is never give up someone will listen one day. I found a girl who knows about me and she doest care she likes me for who i am. Belive in yourself Edited October 26, 2004 by the duel master Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Universal Absurdity Posted October 26, 2004 #5 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Chris, if this is about your sig i'm sorry i could'nt get it to the right filesize All joking aside, there are times when life is tough, then there are times when its tougher. Its all part of the experience. How can you love or feel love without knowing hate? How can you feel warm and welcome without experiencing abandonment? Each desired emotion has a flip side. Stick in there, do what you think is right, and it'll turn around for you. In the meantime, speak your mind. How can you be heard if you arent saying anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KT Posted October 26, 2004 #6 Share Posted October 26, 2004 from what i can gather you are a really nice guy i hope things get better for you and i really agree with Janiel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisC098 Posted October 27, 2004 Author #7 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Thank you everyone who took the time to reply to this. I had a really rough night and I just needed to let it out and have someone see it. Thank you all for being my friends. I feel a little better now ut I still dont know how to make the pain go away. I dont know how to do alot of things for myself right now but I hope that time will show and heal all. Thank you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 27, 2004 #8 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Sounds like me at your age. I think everyone here can promise you one thing: it gets better. Take the highs with the lows. Life sucks, but there's enough good stuff to make up for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TooFarGone Posted October 27, 2004 #9 Share Posted October 27, 2004 MAn, Im sorry. I think my life is rough sumtimes, but i have it good compared to sum people. If you ever,ever, ever need to talk about anything that is troubleing, dont worry, we are all here to listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefy_boof Posted October 28, 2004 #10 Share Posted October 28, 2004 write poetry, it helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TooFarGone Posted October 28, 2004 #11 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Yes it does. It helps me a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancing_Dumplings Posted October 28, 2004 #12 Share Posted October 28, 2004 (edited) aww chris we wubbers ya no worries we are here for ya and so are they and dont worry about getting a girl friend now you have the rest of your life to meet your perfect lady besides its pretty rare that you meet your soulmate in..umm...*goes and checks your b-day*...highschool! just try and graduate your a Jr right? i know how you feel with all the stress and stuff Jr year is the hardest but keep your head up it will all be over in a year Edited October 28, 2004 by Dancing_Dumplings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Novo Posted October 28, 2004 #13 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Hold on chris Life's a wonderful ride, and you never know what could happen next. I used to be a cutter, attempted suicide, and had a death wish. I would run away for days at a time. I still dont like me family, But I found enlightenment. Know that, nothing in this world matters. Except, trying to help others. Life your life with love, for those full of hate. Compassion for the victims of society, and know that this life is just the beginning of the most amazing thing in existence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celumnaz Posted October 28, 2004 #14 Share Posted October 28, 2004 That was pretty cool. I think most can identify with that in some way. Agree with the above posters, hang in there. That was a compelling read, for me at least. Pretty cool. Stick to what you know is right, life happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crystalmoon Posted October 29, 2004 #15 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Wow things can get pretty tough and the road is a long bumpy winding rough journey. There are always gonna be good times and bad times. I agree writing poetry or journal writing is very very good it can't hurt it always helps me I have probably half a dozen journals at least. Hang in there. I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck. Hope things get better. I might suggest reading listening to music writing and finding something in life that you have a passion for and do it!! I understand where your coming, from I have always been picked on in school had a rather dysfunctional family and no freinds. I'm now 43 years old and I'm hanging in there taking life one day at a time. I'm glad you got it all off your chest and opened up the release of your feelings is so uplifting and feels like a weights been lifted off your chest allowing you to feel more free. Take care we all care. Take it one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneEye Posted October 29, 2004 #16 Share Posted October 29, 2004 I know how you feel, Chris. I felt like that a lot over the summer. I mean, sure life can like... suck hard sometimes, but you just have to get through that one rough part. I've never had family problems, but there were times when I questioned what was going on in my life. I had no friends, so I thought I was useless. Girls never liked me so I felt ugly. I was also in so much pain from my eye (both mentally and physically sometimes) and from my chronic migranes that I thought I should end it all. I finally realized that it wouldn't help anything. It would only hurt the friends that I have and the family that loves me to do something. Just keep hanging in there and it'll get better, I promise... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisC098 Posted October 29, 2004 Author #17 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Thank you everyone for careing enough to reply to this thread. Im still hurting but Im takeing it one day at a time and I think im going to get through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janiel Posted October 29, 2004 #18 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Thank you everyone for careing enough to reply to this thread. Im still hurting but Im takeing it one day at a time and I think im going to get through it. 330496[/snapback] see, i told you just hang in there, we are all here for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deimos Posted November 2, 2004 #19 Share Posted November 2, 2004 well, at least you're getting it out in a creative way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MK ULTRA Posted November 2, 2004 #20 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Youll be fine dude, even writing down your feelings is a step to recovery.Although hard try to be slightly positive for the future as this is just a moment in your life when your feeling down,this isnt perminant and will probably make you stronger,exercise and eat properly,stay off the booze and drugs and take one day at a time,even if you have the slightest feeling of positivity, grasp it and respect it and try to make it grow. Good luck buddy,I know how you feel,but with time you'll be OK,I promise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpius Posted November 7, 2004 #21 Share Posted November 7, 2004 I spent awhile thinking of what to say. Deleting and retyping it... oh well I too went through bad times just like you. Weeks where it seemed to repeat itself as if it were a predictable horror film. Just stay tough when it hits you the hardest. Sooner or later, the hopes you've set for yourself will come through, but you can also speed up that process. Believe in yourself, like we believe in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneEye Posted November 9, 2004 #22 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Get a drum set... It helps to take out anger on something musical, and sometimes you can make up some good stuff... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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