The Thief in the Armoured Underpants!

[Eldorado]

"PORTLAND, OR (KPTV) -

A man accused of trying to use a torch to cut into an ATM was wearing ballistic vests and armored underwear when he fired pepper spray at an officer, according to Portland police."

"..... Fischer had multiple ballistic panels sewn into his undergarments, according to police, covering his arms, legs, back side and crotch area.

Police said Fischer was also armed with a large knife.

Fischer was booked into the Multnomah County Jail on charges of being a felon in possession of body armor, attempted aggravated theft, attempted assault on a police officer, attempted escape, menacing, possession of burglary tools and interfering with a peace officer."

Full report: http://www.kptv.com/story/24873343/police-man-wearing-armored-underwear-uses-torch-on-atm

Eat your heart out, Ned Kelly!

[Taun]

They left out the more serious charge of being incredibly stupid without a license....

[libstaK]

Can you blame him? Those ATMs are well known to be rabid killing machines - you should never approach one unprotected or unarmed.

[Eldorado]

They left out the more serious charge of being incredibly stupid without a license....

Never knew there was a license for stupidity. That explains a lot. I always wondered how those 'reality TV' idiots got away with it.

[Taun]

Never knew there was a license for stupidity. That explains a lot. I always wondered how those 'reality TV' idiots got away with it.

Sadly the waiting line at the Department of Stupidity is quite long, and all the other windows are closed because they can't find the keys...

I spent six hours there last time trying to get my license renewed, only to find out I was standing in one of the closed lines....

They really should have an express lane, I normally have very busy days being stupid and I can't afford to wait too long...

Edited March 7, 2014 by Taun

[Leonardo]

They left out the more serious charge of being incredibly stupid without a license....

Only the smart stupid people think to get a license - and there aren't too many of them.

[coldethyl]

Most criminals are this stupid. How'd he think he was gonna run away in all that?

[:PsYKoTiC:BeHAvIoR:]

Haha, ballistic panel to cover his crotch area. I can't believe I have a Simpsons quote for that.

(Bart points a laser pointer at Skinner's crotch)

Skinner: Hmm, there seems to be a red dot on my pants. I better take them off. (takes them off) Hmm, it's also on my underwear. Well, off they come.

(Chief Wiggum drives up)

Chief Wiggum: Hey buddy, you better get that red dot checked out. My uncle died of crotch dot.