Only you can make the change within yourself

[Jilliman]

I used to be and sometimes still am a very clingy person and dependent upon others to feel of worth. I went to a therapist about this for a year and read copious amounts of books on the subject but nothing changed.

It was only through my own determination that months after I stopped goin to therapy I was finally able to get more independent.

I think when you want to make a change about yourself you have to be honest and ready to accept it. No amount of therapy and reading can do it.

[ReaperS_ParadoX]

That's always been my thoughts on it, therapist just tell you what you need to change. The real change on only dependent on you

[Mikko-kun]

Yep, the answers are inside you. They can be like a big bad monster when you try look them in the eye. Yet only that thing can give us ease.

Going to a psychologist helped me, I got some very good pointers with how to deal with people from her. But I think it's similiar to taking personal trainer sessions in gym, when you go to a therapist or read about this stuff. Because they can teach you the movements, but you gotta keep training regularly if you wanna stay fit.

[Etu Malku]

You mean "only you can 'heal' yourself" . . . because neuro-linguistically speaking, all around you is constantly making a change within you unless you live in a Hermetically sealed box (but then the box is).

[scowl]

I have friends who have gone to therapists and I've heard their experiences. The therapists I've heard about fall into three categories:

• They'll give their patients lists of things to work on in their lives and some ideas on how to work on them and track you on your progress.
  
• They're paid to be your friend and tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better even when what you say doesn't make sense.
  
• They're your new parents and give you a new authority figure to rebel against and lie to.
  

[White Crane Feather]

Actuall a good therapist can

---make you aware of options you may not have considered.

---make you aware of common problems people have and that you are not alone

--- provide a sperate view point than your own

--- then provide somone to be accountable if you are battling with substance abuse

--- they can catch real psychological probkems and guide you to the right doctor

--- provide methods of communication between people and get them talking if they are have problems

--- give a fresh impartial perspective.

[scowl]

I think a decent friend can do these too.

[White Crane Feather]

I think a decent friend can do these too.

No everyone has those.

[Jilliman]

Actuall a good therapist can

---make you aware of options you may not have considered.

---make you aware of common problems people have and that you are not alone

--- provide a sperate view point than your own

--- then provide somone to be accountable if you are battling with substance abuse

--- they can catch real psychological probkems and guide you to the right doctor

--- provide methods of communication between people and get them talking if they are have problems

--- give a fresh impartial perspective.

That may be true. Problem being is that I've been to many in my life and none of them were able to do that. Probably comes down to that the good ones are far and few between sadly.

[coldethyl]

That may be true. Problem being is that I've been to many in my life and none of them were able to do that. Probably comes down to that the good ones are far and few between sadly.

But they are out there.

[Jilliman]

But they are out there.

I don't doubt it. Just none around here but then again I live in small town USA.

[StarMountainKid]

Years ago a friend of mine was drinking too much (not really an alcoholic), and his psychiatrist explained to him why he was doing this. My friend said okay I understand, now all I have to do is stop drinking.

Its up to us to change ourselves, no one can do that for us. The how is what's important to discover. In my friend's case I would ask him who is doing the drinking? Who is it who feels the need to drink?

[LostSouls7]

It's time to make a positive change.

Tony Robbins and Wizard's with wisdom taught me to change for the better

[Frank Merton]

It is a truism perhaps too true that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. We can influence in many ways, of course one of them being to change ourselves.

[lightly]

I guess only we can make positive changes in our attitudes and behaviors ? Some outside ^ influence / guidance can definitely help?

.. but i also think that Very Negative changes can be brought about in us by external influences... Experiences over which we have/had no control.

[Jilliman]

I guess only we can make positive changes in our attitudes and behaviors ? Some outside ^ influence / guidance can definitely help?

.. but i also think that Very Negative changes can be brought about in us by external influences... Experiences over which we have/had no control.

It is true that outside forces can guide us into change but ultimately it is up to is to accept and become that change for better or worse. Good people can encourage you to change for the better.

Some events will change for a time being. Like when I lost my loved ones. I became very different and fell into nihilism for a time. But I let that affect me to that point. I should have kept my head above the water.

But yes, lots of outside factors can affect the change but it is ultimately up to us to allow them to do so. Sorry if I rambled.

[LostSouls7]

self empowerment... that is the Master Key to getting what you want

[Whisperer]

I think that we all hold onto a thought from the moment we are born, attention....From mom, dad and every one else.

As we grow, that attention changes untill eventually we have nothing left of it in our memories so we strive to get it back in lots of different ways...

This may be the moments that decrease our self worth, the lack of attention we used to get from the olds before it changed, so then we seek constant approval from any source to reacquire but its never the same...

Self acceptance, self approval is all you need but tis always good to get a pat on the back, so good on ya mate, go hard out!

*Edit...missing word....gasp!

Edited April 17, 2014 by Whisperer