Make up a lie about the poster above you (Part 2)

[toyomotor]

Helen knows all about TOG's body-in detail.

[Helen of Annoy]

Of course I do, he was the model in my art class. We made snowman.

It's one of those crash-courses where you move really fast so we're sculpting four riders of the apocalypse as soon as next week. toyo will be one of the models.

[Rexx]

^ Lives a double life. By day, she is Helen of Annoy, by night, she is the six-armed Swordswoman of Croatia!

[Helen of Annoy]

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm bragging here, but it's actually the eight-armed blah-blah... I don't cope with my titles well

Rexx is my nemesis. He's so dull (everyone, remember - we're lying here!) he can dull any blade just by looking at it so we never got to the actual fight part. That's what sequels are for.

[SpiritWriter]

It was not by osmosis that Helen's blades are dull however. She has to cut her meat before she chews it and has been doing so for many years.

[Helen of Annoy]

I gave my teeth for the higher cause, you cheeky child. While you gave yours to toothfairy.

It's true, folks, once SW discovered the toothfairy is giving her money for teeth, she would steal other kid's teeth and even extract them herself if they were anywhere near falling out. She stole the pliers out of her father's tool box and talked kids into "playing dentist".

We weren't worried until she and her friends lost all milky teeth - a bit faster than usual - but kept inventing ways to crawl into people's mouths and steal their teeth.

I don't know what that toothfairy thought all these teeth are coming from. Silly cow. Should've been retired or shot, whichever is cheaper and we all know the answer to that question.

[Mantis914]

Hatopus, in a rage, once broke all of Helen of Annoy's teeth in once blow... no kidding... she kept her false teeth in a glass and Hatopus one time threw them at her missing but shattering the glass and the teeth in the process...

[Helen of Annoy]

Mantis wasn't drunk, only very tired when he put his false teeth in the fridge along with the rest of the cheese.

It was not a mistake, just something to do in the morning. Because when you eat cheese, there's always some cheese stuck to your teeth. But when you eat cheese the way Mantis does, there's always a set of teeth stuck to your block of cheese.

[+OverSword]

Those were not Mantis's false teeth, they were Helen's. They came out of Mantis's mouth but they were definitely Helen's!

[Helen of Annoy]

Solidarity.

Just because he lost his while trying to prove they're so good he can crack walnuts open with them, doesn't mean we'll let him starve.

You should borrow him yours too, because you were the one who put a small rock in the walnut basket.

edit: ****, I forgot to lie about OS alone... all right, OS came home sober last night and couldn't unlock his door. You see, he has that choreography he does when drunk that results in putting the key in the damn keyhole and since he was sober, he simply couldn't remember the steps or do them the way they're supposed to be done.

Edited November 26, 2014 by Helen of Annoy

[cenobite]

Helen is Nancy Reagan

[+OverSword]

Cenobite is Margaret Thatcher.

[Helen of Annoy]

OverSword used to keep her poster on the wall, until he was informed she indeed was born female.

[SpiritWriter]

I really didn't mean to come in here. I was minding my own business when Helen appeared out of no-where and slapped me so hard I landed here on the bottom of this lousy thread. Very very strange activity when she is present.

[Helen of Annoy]

I'd never slap you. Not if they pay me. All right, if they pay me a lot, then I would, but then I'd give you a nice percentage.

I actually only threw a pillow at SW and the iron that was inside that pillow was planted there by herself. She probably forgot the iron inside the pillowcase when she was ironing it and you tell me if that's normal behaviour. I mean, who's ironing the pillowcases? Unless the guests are coming and you want them to think your other pillowcases were ironed too.

[SpiritWriter]

I asked Helen to make some tshirts for my student body president election party but she made me cupcakes instead. They tasted ok, out of the box, not from scratch but they were fresh boxes but I didn't want to wear them. I glued letters to my tshirt and she wore the cupcakes.

[Helen of Annoy]

SpiritWriter only said they tasted OK because she knows that the one who says my food doesn't taste right ends up in the freezer.

She was almost inconsolable when she was looking for icecream and found her teacher inside. Because the damn walrus was so heavy she couldn't lift her to get the icecream.

So she decided to help the teacher out - she was still alive - reached a box of icecream, strawberry and vanilla, how boring, ew, she wanted something more exotic, so pushed both the icecream and the teacher back in the freezer.

It wasn't any personal vendetta, SW had great grades, it was her industrious spirit: she charged other kids for taking a look at frozen teacher.

Kids will be kids, they talk a lot and though most of time their parents aren't listening, someone was finally fed up with the story of teachersicle that coincided with an actual teacher missing from work, making parent life more unbearable. So when police finally came to take a look in my freezer I had to put a deer head on the corpse so it doesn't look suspicious. But the only deer head I had was uncle Hubert's stuffed one - no, the head was his, not his... I mean, it was his but from a deer... all right, where was I?

Aha, so, the police came and went away, seeing a deer in the freezer, but angry uncle Hubert's spirit wouldn't go away just like that. His favourite trophy was all disturbed, soaked and caught a sticker "greenpeas 1997" in its fur.

Now you know why SW often jumps out of the freezer in the dead of night, screaming "It wasn't me that took your ******* head off the wall!!", runs back to her bed and wraps herself vehemently in her blanket.

Truth be told, it wasn't her, but it was her fault.

[BrooklynGuy]

Helen of Annoy eats deep fried twinkies smothered in Ben and Jerry's for dinner every night

[Helen of Annoy]

BrooklynGuy steals olives off pizzas he delivers. I know because when I order a pizza with extra olives, all I get are extra dents where extra olives used to sit.

[toyomotor]

Helen tip toes through the twilight to collect her supply of SPECIAL Mushrooms, you know, Psylocibin, Amanita Muscaria, Collibiodes and so on.

[Helen of Annoy]

Look who's talking... this is toyo's photo before editing:

Edited November 28, 2014 by Helen of Annoy

[toyomotor]

Damn! She's caught me again.

[Helen of Annoy]

That's a lie. No one ever caught toyo. You may think you've caught him, but turn your back just for a moment and he's gone... that's because he's Harry Houdini's brother.

He was actually better escape artist than Harry, but as an older, wiser brother toyo wanted peaceful, average life away from the spot light. When Harry tragically died, toyo was overwhelmed with guilt, because he was the one that taught Harry all he knew and he was also certain Harry was hurt because toyo let him do dangerous stunts without his guidance.

[toyomotor]

She's telling more lies again.

Helen has me under 24/7 electronic surveillance, she knows every move I make.

But I thought it was a bit over the top to plant cameras above my shower and above my bed.

[Helen of Annoy]

toyo knows that the cameras are there to record the bed bug migrations and seasonal mould growth rate, therefore, purely scientific reasons. It just that thinking someone's watching him makes him feel less lonely.