Helen of Annoy Posted January 4, 2015 #1451 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Sure you will. You forgave me far, far worse than that, so there... toyo will put a collar on his next trainable spud. So it doesn't end up in the pot, but dies a natural death, shrivelled and mouldy. And choose a collar in some bright colour different than yours, so I don't mix the two of you up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 7, 2015 #1452 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I saw Helen start the whole thing... The pie fight to end all pie fights! I was smacked with one so fast that I fell over backward! I had to retaliate but unfortunately for Toyomotor, Oversword ducked and caught a cheesecake full on. Must've been a sweet pie but the words he was calling me weren't so sweet... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 8, 2015 #1453 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I didn't! I never started anything in my life, not even the lawn mower, I have my husband start it so I don't break a nail. It was Mantis. His uncle's pie shop was closed due to salmonella outbreak... it was all fine and dandy while only the patrons were getting sick, but when rats started to fall ill, the local animal rights activists had the shop closed and Mantis suddenly had 47 pies at his hands. You know the rest. You also know now why it was a bad idea to lick the pie off your face, but hey, it's true - what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Or weaker, depends on what exactly it was. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyomotor Posted January 9, 2015 #1454 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Your husband? YOUR HUSBAND? You didn't tell me you were married, you said he was a distant cousin from the Ozarks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 9, 2015 Author #1455 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) toyomotor married his sister so their son wouldn't be a b@$t@rd Edited January 9, 2015 by OverSword 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 9, 2015 #1456 Share Posted January 9, 2015 OverSword refused to do the same because she refused to shave her moustache for the occasion. Seeing the OS won't cross that hairy line, their father pointed his shotgun at the other brother, which was himself. Weirdest shotgun wedding ever. If only we had photos, which we don't because if there's one thing all members of that family agree upon, then it's that having your photos taken, can also take your soul. A soul, your soul, splattered on a piece of photo paper for all the eternity or for as long as someone doesn't - quite logically - destroy said paper. So it's also quite logical that OS and his brodad tried to release the soul of careless brouncledad, the black sheep of the family who got involved with the outsiders and had his photo taken, with his favourite banjo. And the banjo was chronically out of tune too after that. Anyway, how do you destroy something if not by fire? Just because the house burned down too doesn't mean they did something wrong. It must be the damn outsiders taking photos of the house too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted January 9, 2015 #1457 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Oversword still gets spankings from his daddy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted January 9, 2015 #1458 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) And Helen video tapes it saying, "We're gonna show you how much of a brat you were when you're a really really old man." Edited January 9, 2015 by SpiritWriter 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 9, 2015 #1459 Share Posted January 9, 2015 You meant to say "And Helen would video tape it if I didn't steal her camera." SpiritWriter must have been a magpie in her past life, she steals all things shiny, regardless if she can use them or even know what they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 11, 2015 Author #1460 Share Posted January 11, 2015 That's how Helen remains so thin. Over the years SW has compulsively stolen all of her forks, spoons, and knives. For her birthday this year I'm buying her plastic sporks so she can start eating something besides tacos. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 11, 2015 #1461 Share Posted January 11, 2015 OS eats tacos with fork and knife. Sandwiches too, unless the occasion is so informal he goes down to the animalistic level of breaking off little pieces of sandwich with his hand. I often feel the need to slap him with a hand full of beans when he does that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyomotor Posted January 12, 2015 #1462 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Just another act of violence by Helen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ophion1031 Posted January 12, 2015 #1463 Share Posted January 12, 2015 toyomotor had a brief sexual relationship with Grimace, the McDonalds character. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 12, 2015 #1464 Share Posted January 12, 2015 ophion ate all the beans. At least the violence was prevented. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 12, 2015 #1465 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Not quite so, Helen of Annoy, you see, Hatopus had been saving up all those beans to do some sleight of hand, err... tentacle, sale to some unsuspecting fool to come by and buy them thinking they are "magic" beans... of all things... can you imagine... I mean, what kind of a buffoon thinks there are really magic beans??? By the way... anyone wanna buy some beans I just got??? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 12, 2015 #1466 Share Posted January 12, 2015 All beans are magic. That's what Mantis tells his customers when they come back to complain. Just because they performed the kind of magic you didn't order, it doesn't mean they're not magic, just that you don't know what beans are good for. Or you knew but you forgot. Anyway, now you know - again - what's the magic the beans do and in that reminder is the greater bean magic. And so he goes for few more minutes, until the last customer breaks down and starts thinking he indeed was enlightened by the beans. We actually need more of people like Mantis, because they sell a handful of those beans cheaper than shrinks charge for an hour, while the effects are the same. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 12, 2015 #1467 Share Posted January 12, 2015 All beans are magic. That's what Mantis tells his customers when they come back to complain. Just because they performed the kind of magic you didn't order, it doesn't mean they're not magic, just that you don't know what beans are good for. Or you knew but you forgot. Anyway, now you know - again - what's the magic the beans do and in that reminder is the greater bean magic. And so he goes for few more minutes, until the last customer breaks down and starts thinking he indeed was enlightened by the beans. We actually need more of people like Mantis, because they sell a handful of those beans cheaper than shrinks charge for an hour, while the effects are the same. Well, almost the same Helen, except for a certain type of beans that are in fried bean burritos... now those should be labeled as the supplied picture: Meanwhile, we are all behind you Helen, I will be picketing until your release from trying to sell those fried bean burritos across international lines! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 12, 2015 #1468 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Maybe... you shouldn't be behind me... not that I mind, I just... you know, it's a little easier if you're in front. And not down the wind. Mantis always takes my advices seriously. So he checked the wind direction, by looking at the windsock he has installed at his front porch. He used to determine wind direction by looking at the windchime but after a fatal mistake (the picture he posted above is scanned tag from his hospital chart) he decided to buy the right tool and never get fooled by the wind again. It turned out he's too cheap to buy said right tool and instead of professional windsock there's a pair of old pantyhose flapping from his porch, but truth be told, they tell the wind the same as a real windsock while no one gets into temptation to steal them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 12, 2015 #1469 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Maybe... you shouldn't be behind me... not that I mind, I just... you know, it's a little easier if you're in front. And not down the wind. Mantis always takes my advices seriously. So he checked the wind direction, by looking at the windsock he has installed at his front porch. He used to determine wind direction by looking at the windchime but after a fatal mistake (the picture he posted above is scanned tag from his hospital chart) he decided to buy the right tool and never get fooled by the wind again. It turned out he's too cheap to buy said right tool and instead of professional windsock there's a pair of old pantyhose flapping from his porch, but truth be told, they tell the wind the same as a real windsock while no one gets into temptation to steal them. Helen.... you shouldn't give away our secrets now... just wait til this gets back to OverSword... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 12, 2015 #1470 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Ah, so it's me that gives secrets up... you just made it clear these are OverSword's pantyhose up there. And that's not the strangest thing Mantis ever displayed on his porch. One Halloween he had very convincing dead man display. It took some time for the family to determine no one had set that up, so Mantis took a closer look and realized it's uncle Joe who must have dropped by and then dropped dead while waiting for someone to open the damn door, and there was no one to open the damn door because the doorbell was not exactly broken but you had to connect the wires by hand in order to make it ring. See, that could be connected to sudden uncle Joe's decision to leave this world. Anyway, Mantis loved his uncle, but since it didn't matter to the uncle anymore and all the neighbours were so impressed, he left him there for whole two days. Then they had real police and ambulance show up and the neighbours were filming it, it was the most elaborate Halloween dead man prank ever. They still wonder how Mantis made it all seem so real and he just smiles and says: "But it was all real." and the neighbours laugh and shake their heads. Edited January 12, 2015 by Helen of Annoy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 12, 2015 #1471 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Ah, so it's me that gives secrets up... you just made it clear these are OverSword's pantyhose up there. And that's not the strangest thing Mantis ever displayed on his porch. One Halloween he had very convincing dead man display. It took some time for the family to determine no one had set that up, so Mantis took a closer look and realized it's uncle Joe who must have dropped by and then dropped dead while waiting for someone to open the damn door, and there was no one to open the damn door because the doorbell was not exactly broken but you had to connect the wires by hand in order to make it ring. See, that could be connected to sudden uncle Joe's decision to leave this world. Anyway, Mantis loved his uncle, but since it didn't matter to the uncle anymore and all the neighbours were so impressed, he left him there for whole two days. Then they had real police and ambulance show up and the neighbours were filming it, it was the most elaborate Halloween dead man prank ever. They still wonder how Mantis made it all seem so real and he just smiles and says: "But it was all real." and the neighbours laugh and shake their heads. Oh, trying to change the subject, I see.... But that was Aunt Fannie not Uncle Joe... we had to use the dental records to determine which one was which because the crows and whatnot had almost picked the body clean and they are hard to tell apart even when poor auntie was alive. However, you'd be amazed at what OxiClean can get out of carpets, even the stench of death is no match for it. That's another secret Helen let loose as apparently, she's got more skeletons... ahem... in her closet... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyomotor Posted January 12, 2015 #1472 Share Posted January 12, 2015 The only beans Mantis likes to eat are human beans. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 12, 2015 #1473 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Just to make that clear, I inherited that closet. What do I know what came with it. toyo inherited a nice ceramic vase once. It was so dusty but elegant and after cleaning it, it looked perfect on the mantelpiece. It came with a letter, but toyo never bothered to read it. If he did, maybe he'd bury his great aunt instead of dusting her ashes into the garden. On the other hand, she'd love that funeral better than spending an eternity at toyo's mantelpiece, facing his depravities on Friday nights for decades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theotherguy Posted January 15, 2015 #1474 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Helen of Annoy doesn't believe in the existence of Wednesdays, and creates special calendars to reflect her disbelief. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 15, 2015 #1475 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Well, if you can bring me a Wednesday... I don't accept circumstantial evidence, like various testimonies, biased time measurements, superstition-based Wednesday-containing calendars, photos and photoshops and whatnot, just bring that mythical Wednesday right here and I'll correct my calendar. theotherguy will never get over the fact that this wasn't posted on Wednesday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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