theotherguy Posted May 15, 2014 #226 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I can't help it. Helen's hair is so perfectly woven, and octopus hair is waterproof. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 15, 2014 #227 Share Posted May 15, 2014 theotherguy is not waterproof. I think it must be from cleaning his ears with knitting needle. If he stands in the rain, it pours through his ears into his head and makes his eyes pop out, all watery... rainwater sprinkling out his tear ducts... when you think you saw it all, someone like that comes by and you know it's still such a long way ahead of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 15, 2014 Author #228 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Helen of Annoy cries alot but only because she thinks she is so good at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 15, 2014 #229 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I am, but not as good as OS. He once filled a fish tank with his tears, in one crying, and the little Nemo would be still swimming in it if it wasn't for the damn cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted May 15, 2014 #230 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Helen makes biscuits from ground up human teeth, they are a rare treat in her village as only two people there have teeth left, Helen sold her own teeth years ago to buy toffee, sadly she soon realized that she was unable to enjoy the toffee without teeth, poor sad Helen 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 15, 2014 #231 Share Posted May 15, 2014 cenobite chewed my toffee for me Is that man a saint or what? He demanded he has some of the toffee back, as a reward for his trouble chewing, but I suspect he was actually worried for my figure. Didn't want to tell me I'm putting some weight on, just found a gentle way to take a toffee out of my mouth... Aww... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 15, 2014 Author #232 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Helen recently ventured to the small village of Chestmanster in England to visit Cenobite. While there Cenobite chewed all of Helen's food for her and spit it into her mouth like a bird feeding it's chick. It was unavoidable that they fall in love and are now plotting ways to kill Helen's husband without spoiling his meat as they will be using it in the traditional stew served at Croatian weddings. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 15, 2014 #233 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Well, it would be weird if not illogical to make the stew of new husband, instead of the old one. But that's not really true, we serve no stew at weddings. OS has no idea it's traditional roasted turist that is served and the reason why he's been drinking for three days straight is because that's how you marinate a tourist. Inside-out. And that's why we often insist they drop the sunscreens and use olive oil. Sunscreen tastes weird. Does it not? Here, try it yourself... yup, he's so drunk he just emptied the sunscreen bottle... Still better than this guy: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 15, 2014 Author #234 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Helen keeps sending me videos. This one is when she told me that I better not f-around with people in Croatia or I'll get some of this 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 15, 2014 #235 Share Posted May 15, 2014 These are our lovely eastern neighbours, but the martial art is the same Grandpa almost killed me when he pulled out the spare sword I already told you that, but this is the right time to repeat that OverSword was born over here and got his US passport after marrying an US citizen, but turns out that his wife had fake passport herself so he'll have to swim back home after all. We wanted to send him a log, but he's proud man and accepts no help. Except if some dolphins come along, that's how he crossed the Atlantic the first time, only these were not dolphins, but the less one knows, the less he worries, as you can see yourself. He literally rode into US on the back of a shark and if that's not a story to tell to grandchildren I don't know what is. Since he doesn't know, there goes the story, but never mind, there will be other stories. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 15, 2014 Author #236 Share Posted May 15, 2014 That shark enjoyed it even more than me. Helen was actually born in the USA and immigrated to Croatia as a form of protest against werewolf cruelty. It seems they were testing soap on the werewolves and Helen does not believe in bathing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbyssWalker Posted May 16, 2014 #237 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Oversword is australia's answer to controlling cane toads 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 16, 2014 #238 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Outsider wrote cane toad cookbook. It's relatively short, has one page with only one big bald "Don't." printed in the middle of it. Second, expanded edition is in the print and will be available soon, it has one big bald "Don't" followed with "I told you so." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbyssWalker Posted May 16, 2014 #239 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Helen voiced bane in the dark knight rises... She was also first choice for catwoman but she refused to take off her hatopus (maskopus) By the way, helen was 6 years old when she fell in love with chtulhu, cthulhu said that it would never work out, so helen ran to the nearest sea food restaurant and said "I want katoolu", she showed them a sketch, it looked like an octopus (because helen cam't draw) They gave her a dead octopus, helen's heart was broken , she was walking by with tears in her eyes, chubb stole all her money. But she came across oversword, who was a hat maker (8th best in the region) overdose ate all the meat in the octopus (he ate it raw because he is danish), and made the hatopus. Helen swore to never take it off until the dark one returns (which means 10,000 years of darkness for the rest) For the rest of helen's story, buy my book "helenopus" for 69.95 (autograph will cost you extra) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 16, 2014 #240 Share Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) OMG, I wrote "bald" instead of "bold" up there. TWICE So, big bold bald "Don't", unlike big bold hairy "Don't". Anyway... Outsider is desperately looking for ways to wake up Cthulhu earlier than scheduled, because that would do wonders for his latest book promotion. So far, he only managed to make it stretch out a little and crush that deep-sea thing that was doing what exactly down there in that trench, I can't remember it all? edit: Kermadec trench... who names these things? Edited May 16, 2014 by Helen of Annoy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted May 16, 2014 #241 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Helen never told us that Hatopus is fluent in 7 languages and can also fart words out in Esperanto... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Re di Spade Posted May 16, 2014 #242 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Mantis is courting Helen/hatopus because he knows that if he mates with a miss Mantis he will end up cannibalized. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 16, 2014 #243 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Yeah, but if he mates with miss Hatopus, mister Hatopus would have him... cannonized. Put in a cannon, that is. The one that goes *bang*. Re di Spade would gladly suffer that fate, if only he could touch the soft tentacles and feel the gentle sucking cups getting a hold of his skin... oops, sorry, sorry, not the eyes, not the eyes, I know, I know... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Re di Spade Posted May 16, 2014 #244 Share Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) Helen promised to chop off one of her tentacles ("no problem, I've got 8 of them" she said) and give it to me, so that I can replace my left arm. She's so generous! Edited May 16, 2014 by Re di Spade 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 16, 2014 #245 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Here, try this one and let me know how it fits. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Re di Spade Posted May 16, 2014 #246 Share Posted May 16, 2014 ...slimy, bleah! I guess I'll keep my stump, thank you anyway. ... ... ... OMG, so you've just become a septepus! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 16, 2014 #247 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Don't be silly, it wasn't mine. Ah, well, waste not, want not. *sticks it in the fridge* Re di Spade can't drive a car because he can't stop looking at his reflection in the rear-view mirror. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Re di Spade Posted May 16, 2014 #248 Share Posted May 16, 2014 With those efficient tentacles, Helen can do eight things at the same time. The problem is that everything and everybody she touches gets slimy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pallorprofile Posted May 17, 2014 #249 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Spade wants Helen to touch him specifically because he wants to get slimy.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbyssWalker Posted May 17, 2014 #250 Share Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) and pallorprofile knows this for some reason...... *Takes mask off pallorprofile*, we you know who you are! you're not pallorprofile! you are pallorprofile's evil twin PROFILEPALLOR! Edited May 17, 2014 by OUTSIDER F-XILES 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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