Keel M. Posted July 8, 2014 #501 Share Posted July 8, 2014 My bad! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 8, 2014 #502 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Yeah, that's what she said when she was working for towing service and dropped a car. And when she delivered pizza. Yes, one pizza only. Because getting lost (and calling your boss to find both you and pizza you ate in the meantime because you got hungry from wandering around) once is enough. And when she worked in the hospital and needed a socket to plug the vacuum cleaner in. "How's our grandpa doing?" "Um... unplugged." But as long as you honestly say "My bad!" it just doesn't look so bad anymore. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 8, 2014 #503 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Helen, of course, is never bad and would rather die a slow and tortuous death than let the words 'MY BAD' pass her tightly clamped together lips. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 8, 2014 #504 Share Posted July 8, 2014 ouija, on the other hand, confesses a lot. Every Sunday, she confesses for at least an hour and it is the priest that comes out the confession booth crossing himself. And she's not even Catholic. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keel M. Posted July 8, 2014 #505 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I'm starting to think that Helen and Ouija are the same woman with two accounts on UM which I believe is against the rules. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 8, 2014 #506 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Nonsense! Unlike me, ouija speaks English and though you think it's easy to pretend you don't speak a language, you will actually give yourself away sooner or later. Anyway, Child of Bast indeed is a child of Bast so she really ate neighbour's canary, just like neighbour always suspected but never dared to say. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyomotor Posted July 9, 2014 #507 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Helen of Annoy is in fact a 68 year old, fat balding retired clerk from Lincolnshire. He's a cross dresser and normally uses female names in correspondance. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astra. Posted July 9, 2014 #508 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Toyomotor is a grumpy old man who trims his lawn with a pair of rusted nail scissors.....and GRUNTS at the nice neighborhood kids that walk on his grass. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted July 9, 2014 #509 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I went yesterday to get my palms read by Astra00 and find out my horoscope for the week. For $20, she told me that I would be caught somewhere red-handed... hmmmm... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted July 9, 2014 Author #510 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Mantis kicks small puppies on his way home from work to compensate for his inability to tell his boss how he really feels about his management style. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 9, 2014 #511 Share Posted July 9, 2014 OS dresses up in a puppy costume and waits(on all fours), on the sidewalk that Mantis uses on his way home. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted July 9, 2014 #512 Share Posted July 9, 2014 One day while waiting, I saw the dog pound truck pull up to the corner and snag OS in a choke collar while he was trying to explain why he was in a dog outfit. Meanwhile, Oujia laughing up a storm was filming the whole affair on her cellphone making it ready for youtube. I honestly tried to help but they threw my butt in there with OS thinking I was a green ugly dog with extra legs. OS could only say, "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into..." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted July 9, 2014 #513 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Mantis914 is a prototype cake-baking cyborg. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyomotor Posted July 10, 2014 #514 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Toyomotor is a grumpy old man who trims his lawn with a pair of rusted nail scissors.....and GRUNTS at the nice neighborhood kids that walk on his grass. You're supposed to be telling lies here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cenobite Posted July 10, 2014 #515 Share Posted July 10, 2014 (edited) toyomotor likes to suck his own member, stop laughing at the back, not THAT member you filthy children. Toyomotor has his own fan club and it only has one member, a sock puppet called Isinglass, toyomotor likes to suck Isinglass at night to help him sleep, he's 56 by the way Edited July 10, 2014 by cenobite 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 10, 2014 #516 Share Posted July 10, 2014 cenobite cried the other day. Like a broken hydrant. It's the hormones he takes to help with his balding problem. Well, the football too, and the fact that hormones are not working, but it sounds better when you blame something physical for your emotional issues. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted July 11, 2014 Author #517 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Helen's emotional issues were all resolved the day she buried her cousin in the vegetable garden. As if that wasn't enough good news the fertilization that provided has made for some great carrots and peas over the years. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted July 11, 2014 #518 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Oversword is starting up a new epic mealtime series that deals with only sushi and he's only allowed to use one chopstick. When he saw the stacks of sashimi and sushi, he threw the chopstick away and just attacked it full from the front. I would hate to be the one paying the bill as expensive as sushi is... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted July 11, 2014 Author #519 Share Posted July 11, 2014 When I left for work this morning I found Mantis passed out drunk in the bed of my truck. Again. I'm going to start charging him rent. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 11, 2014 #520 Share Posted July 11, 2014 (edited) I think we've all known each other long enough to realise that OS meant "woke up and found Mantis in my bed again"(why else would he want to charge him rent?) Come on guys! It's legal ..... don't be so coy! Edited July 11, 2014 by ouija ouija 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted July 11, 2014 Author #521 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Ouija walks around the house naked with her drapes open. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted July 11, 2014 #522 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Oversword knows this because he saw me one day looking through a pair of binoculars and did the stooge eye-poke through them. This after a jam session at his pad so I couldn't see and fell over in his truck, dazed and confused, only to be discovered the next day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 11, 2014 #523 Share Posted July 11, 2014 Aha. Mantis won the Best Excuse of 2013 but he couldn't show up at the ceremony because dog ate the only copy of his speech. He took the dog to the vet in attempt to save the speech, but he had flat tyre and the spare one was deflated due to global warming. He then tried to make the dog vomit by pulling his tongue, but it didn't work. You have to stand on a carpet if you want a dog to vomit. So Mantis tried Heimlich procedure on the dog, who completely misunderstood it. Completely. Not to mention Mantis also lost his favourite great aunt's second cousin on that day, so you'll understand he really couldn't show up. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Star Posted July 12, 2014 #524 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Misses H of A, lost her job as the psychic squid, predicting the footie results. I did also see her playing ping pong too but the competition couldn't handle her multi tasking. That's why she was gone so long… Their lost is our gain….I think?…..Then again??….. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted July 12, 2014 #525 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Badminton, actually. It helps me keep my lean figure. You never heard someone swear so much while playing such a cuddly game. We set up a badminton court in the clearing in orchard part of our garden and it feels great, apart from too many plums falling off the tree to the south and too many walnuts falling to the north part of the court. One of these days someone will roll their ass away on plums or walnuts and into the hospital. Blue Star prefers kamena s ramena. It's very simple game, you take a rock and throw it as far as you can. You get bonus points if you hit someone everyone knows you don't like. She was so good at this people stole her passport so she can't go back home. Don't worry, we'll give you your passport back as soon as country games season is over. If no one sells it in the meantime. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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