pallorprofile Posted May 3, 2014 #51 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Helen was actually my employee a few years ago. However one day she returned from her vacation with a hatopus on her head and scared all my customers away - she wouldn't let the poor thing go no matter what. I had no choice but to fire her. A few days later she set up a company named FART and she used the hatopus as the trademark - but please, move on, Helen. It's time to. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 4, 2014 #52 Share Posted May 4, 2014 pallorprofile ate carrots from my garden. She only ate lower three quarters of each carrot and put the top quarter, with green leaves still on, back into the ground, thinking I won't notice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pallorprofile Posted May 4, 2014 #53 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Helen thought it was funny to fill a stuffed toy with the top quarters of her bitten-into carrots and gave it to her niece who adored the cute little thing. Turns out the pony in her niece's barn adored it too - but because of the carrots it sniffed with its sharp nose. The next morning, the poor stuffed toy ended up missing and it caused a big ruckus as the niece bawled for her toy. Helen felt ashamed and bought a hatopus for her - which made her cry more since it looks spooky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 4, 2014 #54 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Yes, yes, that's how it went, exactly like that... Helen felt ashamed and bought a hatopus for the child, it's not the alien life form whose young are in constant search of suitable hosts... nope, god forfend, that's conspiracy and implies dear god created life outside Earth. Flat one. That reminds me, pallorprofile believes the Earth is flat because when you spill water on a flat surface it doesn't go anywhere. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatyStrawberry Posted May 4, 2014 #55 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Helen once faked her own death in order to get the local debt collectors off her back. Once she was safely to Cuba she used the $10 she'd borrowed to set up her own lemonade stand. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pallorprofile Posted May 4, 2014 #56 Share Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) KatyStrawberry is one of the debt collectors and is secretly pleased to know that Helen is in Cuba (on her way there, in fact). Oh, and she's now laughing and getting prepared for the promotion to a Senior Debt Collector. Edited May 4, 2014 by pallorprofile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 4, 2014 #57 Share Posted May 4, 2014 pallorprofile tipped the collectors off about my whereabouts. She moved to Cuba because she always wanted to drive a truck from 1953 converted into a bus. And smoke fat cigars just like Che did, until he choked on one. No, seriously, that's how he died, he just sucked a little too hard and oopsy, swallowed the thing... pallor was there to administer Heimlich but she was never good with names so she administered Heydrich instead. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theotherguy Posted May 5, 2014 #58 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Helen of Annoy's runic signature reveals the secret to perfect pizza crust. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatyStrawberry Posted May 5, 2014 #59 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Theotherguy likes to sneak into the local retirement home and steal all the left socks of the patients. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted May 5, 2014 #60 Share Posted May 5, 2014 KatyStrawberry got her name from her bizarre requests for strawberry shakes with a mystery ingredient which she changes all the time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbyssWalker Posted May 5, 2014 #61 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Mantis914's forefather, Mantis238 killed the last mammoth. Mantis019 was just a primitive fish. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 5, 2014 Author #62 Share Posted May 5, 2014 OFX was trying to convince me he had candy treats in his trouser pockets and all I had to do was reach in and get them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pallorprofile Posted May 5, 2014 #63 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Oversword loves reaching into people's pockets under the guise of searching for candy treats when he actually just wants to feel around people's pants for God-knows-what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 5, 2014 Author #64 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Ever since pallorprofile learned this she has not worn a skirt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pallorprofile Posted May 5, 2014 #65 Share Posted May 5, 2014 Oversword has a hidden closet which contains frilly skirts and dresses which he wears when he's alone and twirls in front of the mirror to do a little dance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 5, 2014 Author #66 Share Posted May 5, 2014 pallorprofile throws puppies and kittens off of tall buildings while cackling with glee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theotherguy Posted May 5, 2014 #67 Share Posted May 5, 2014 OverSword isn't Hillary Clinton. He is, in fact, Sarah Palin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 5, 2014 Author #68 Share Posted May 5, 2014 theotherguy retweets everything I tweet on twitter. He's my 2nd biggest fan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pallorprofile Posted May 6, 2014 #69 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Oversword has a fanbase of over a million people which is named Non-Existent. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astra. Posted May 6, 2014 #70 Share Posted May 6, 2014 pallorprofile has secretly been stashing chocolate chip cookies in her underwear drawer for over a decade. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patient Zero Posted May 6, 2014 #71 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Astra00 once broke a bottle over my head in a bar fight. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted May 6, 2014 #72 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Astra00 once broke a bottle over my head in a bar fight. That was a good one, MSG! However, that barroom brawl that Astra00 started by smashing a quart whiskey bottle over MSG's head escalated quick when she used the remaining handle to stab multiple people including yours truly. Fortunately, Oversword, Spiritwriter, Helen of Annoy, myself and several others were able to subdue her until she calmed down. Paramedics arrived to pick up MSG but Astra00 escaped. Last I saw, she was on the way to the hospital where MSG was headed and she was wielding a 40 oz bottle... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbyssWalker Posted May 6, 2014 #73 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Mantis914 writes weird, disturbing fan-fiction involving characters from Unexplained mysteries.com getting into bar fights. I've read some of the transcripts, and he's toning it down significantly here too... good lord... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted May 6, 2014 Author #74 Share Posted May 6, 2014 OFX is just bitter because he can't live up to the character traits assigned to him in Mantis914's short stories. In the fan fiction he is a surfer that battles great white sharks while rip curling atop of typhoon sized waves and in real life he squirms with discomfort if he gets within 20 yards of a sushi restaurant. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted May 6, 2014 #75 Share Posted May 6, 2014 OS lives in a sushi restaurant. Not all the time, but while his body is absent, his mind and soul are still there. He also once ate a hook with 3 feet of line thinking it's just a fish bone. And a hair. All right, he removed what he tought was the hair but what he thought was the bone was just too much trouble for nothing so he swallowed. The next day toilet paper kept tearing and getting caught by his butt but he gave that phenomenon no special attention. Later that day, chairs seemed to get up with OS, and it became a little puzzling, but still he gave no real damn. We'll have to wait until third Friday in the month, because that's his shower time so when the towel is caught by the hook maybe he'll do something about it. Maybe. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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