White Crane Feather Posted August 4, 2014 #26 Share Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) Love is a choice. Feelings are simple biological action. If you base your love entirely off of feeling then no there are no "soul-mates". If you choose to love someone and they choose to love you based on choice, then a life-long successful coupling is the likely outcome. It is difficult to find someone that thinks this way, but if you can adopt this attitude and find someone else that does you are lucky indeed. I went through a pre wedding retreat where my fiancé and I participated in 3 days of intensive relationship work. We are now working on our 13 year of marriage. It has not always been easy, I wouldn't have it any other way. The choice to love is the power of a relationship. Feelings are fleeting true love is permanent. My advice to those seeking love is to cast a wide net. Then make a choice and keep making it. It's worth the journey. I write this as my three old is crawling on me trying to steal my phone. ---I just have to say thank you and rest in piece father Leo.---- This is his teaching. He knew I could never be catholic but let me participate anyway. A very wise and loving man. Edited August 4, 2014 by White Crane Feather 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ50 Posted August 4, 2014 #27 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I believe in loving, but not too much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Smoke aLot Posted August 4, 2014 #28 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I wish if i haven't meet my 'soulmate', but i did. After close to five years of great relationship it took me five more to get over it and realize that the love is what you make it to be in your mind. Right now i am almost sure that 'soulmate thing' is just a fairy tale and to believe in such thing can only bring you problems. It's too long story but she didn't show respect in time i needed it the most, all of those people who were with me were like a ghosts to me, transparent, not important and while i was expecting her voice to wake me up it was her mother who told me that ' you know, she is stressed too much, she asked if you could come after everything is finished '. Of course, after that moment i told my self that no matter what happens that relationship is over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 4, 2014 #29 Share Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) Hi All, I was just thinking of this today and wanted to get your thoughts. They say everyone has soul-mates, twin flames or someone they are meant to be with. However, how does that explain people who end up alone indefinitely? Do they have opportunities which they just pass or for some people does the opportunity never arise? If it doesn't arise, then surely that will question our purpose and many spiritual theories that exist? Also does this mean some of us only get one chance in life? Would like to hear your opinions. A In my extended family network there were once a lot of women and a few men who never married or had a relationship.In part this was historical, caused by the loss of men at war, but in part it was something about each individual Some of the women were 'self contained' with no apparent need for a partner. Often they were professionals back when that was unusual. Their work became their life. One bloke was a farmer and very shy. He never really had the chance to meet many women . Often, sisters would stay home to care for a parent, and then continue to live together as spinsters. Sometimes a person just lacked the social skills and confidence to find someone and there were far fewer opportunities and a more limited range and number of potential partners. Behaviours were more restrained and you had limited opportunities to meet people of the opposite sex (same sex unions were basically unheard of and some of those bachelors and spinsters might have been gay, but no one would ever know. ) Most of these people were older and nearly all have died. They often ended up quite wealthy and we have inherited some reasonable sums from some of them over the years. Among the younger generations it is rare to find people not in a relationship, but it still happens. My wife was 30 when we met and 34 by the time we got married. To illustrate the wider pool of available partners; I have a niece who married a Nigerian she met on the internet, and a nephew who is soon to be married to a girl from a small town in New York state, whom he met playing world of warcraft online Edited August 4, 2014 by Mr Walker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 4, 2014 #30 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I believe in loving, but not too much! How can one love too much? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 4, 2014 #31 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Love is a choice. Feelings are simple biological action. If you base your love entirely off of feeling then no there are no "soul-mates". If you choose to love someone and they choose to love you based on choice, then a life-long successful coupling is the likely outcome. It is difficult to find someone that thinks this way, but if you can adopt this attitude and find someone else that does you are lucky indeed. I went through a pre wedding retreat where my fiancé and I participated in 3 days of intensive relationship work. We are now working on our 13 year of marriage. It has not always been easy, I wouldn't have it any other way. The choice to love is the power of a relationship. Feelings are fleeting true love is permanent. My advice to those seeking love is to cast a wide net. Then make a choice and keep making it. It's worth the journey. I write this as my three old is crawling on me trying to steal my phone. ---I just have to say thank you and rest in piece father Leo.---- This is his teaching. He knew I could never be catholic but let me participate anyway. A very wise and loving man. Once again you have said something I could easily have written my self. Very, very true. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 4, 2014 #32 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Have to agree with Lilly. Love is out there and no matter how much some people try, they unfortunately don't find it. I mean, a person that you might had a relationship with, may live in another country, another town/city or right down the corner. But some people might need a certain amount of luck to meet him/her. But that doesn't mean that love cannot exist. Of course it's there as well the person who'll love you more than anyone. But it's all about the circumstance (you and him/her being in the right place at the right time) and the connection you two will have together. PS. I don't believe in love at first sight. These things are for teenagers, who watch a lot of movies. You might not believe in it, but it happened to me, and I was 21 at the time. I saw my future wife sitting on a swing in my parents back yard at my 21st birthday and that was that. We went on a 6 week outback camping holiday in the red centre a few months later ( her parents thought she needed a male companion camping out in the never never) where we got to know each other. It took a few years to get married for a number of reasons. ( I had to finish uni and get a job for starters) I would spend half my wages on phone calls to her (no mobile phones back then) and travel a round trip of nearly 400 miles every weekend to see her. It is 43 years since I first set eyes on her, and 38 years since we were married. I love her with same passion and intensity as I experienced the day I met her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullywired Posted August 4, 2014 #33 Share Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) How can one love too much? Othello did " one that loved not wisely but too well" " fullywired Edited August 4, 2014 by fullywired 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 4, 2014 #34 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Othello did " one that loved not wisely but too well" " fullywired Too well is not the same as too much, but I appreciate your Shakespearian POVWasn't his problem not the degree of his love but the fact that he was set up by his enemies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Crane Feather Posted August 4, 2014 #35 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Once again you have said something I could easily have written my self. Very, very true. Your three year old is constantly after your iPhone too? It's annoying as heck isn't it? ..... Just kidding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiXilver Posted August 4, 2014 #36 Share Posted August 4, 2014 How can one love too much? when you love based on expectation... then from your perspective you can love too much. conditional love always operates on the principle that love is offered as long as certain conditions are met... when these conditions are not met, then you see how people will shift from affection to aggression in a moment. hatred, vitriol and attacks both verbal and physical often result as the 'offended' part is 'justified' in their revenge for not getting what they deserved from the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ50 Posted August 4, 2014 #37 Share Posted August 4, 2014 How can one love too much? By putting your heart and soul into a relationship and not holding anything back for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rei4ever Posted August 4, 2014 #38 Share Posted August 4, 2014 A big Yes my friend yet I want to say that We don't find Love because Love finds Us... It always takes time for others to accept or feel it Just always let go and let love... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Greenman Posted August 4, 2014 #39 Share Posted August 4, 2014 How can one love too much? There are things in this world best explained by art. Love is a rose but you better not pick it It only grows when it's on the vine. A handful of thorns and you'll know you've missed it You lose your love when you say the word "mine". [media=] [/media] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ50 Posted August 4, 2014 #40 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I have managed throughout my life to love, but not too much, so I am not completely devastated if the person of whom I am fond dies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 5, 2014 #41 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Your three year old is constantly after your iPhone too? It's annoying as heck isn't it? ..... Just kidding My great nieces keep "losing" phones and I keep buying them new ones in my name (because they are too young to 'own' their own phone) So far I "own ' about 8 phones and yet haven't got one of my own and don't use one . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 5, 2014 #42 Share Posted August 5, 2014 when you love based on expectation... then from your perspective you can love too much. conditional love always operates on the principle that love is offered as long as certain conditions are met... when these conditions are not met, then you see how people will shift from affection to aggression in a moment. hatred, vitriol and attacks both verbal and physical often result as the 'offended' part is 'justified' in their revenge for not getting what they deserved from the relationship. NA! I don't see that, and never experienced it in my formative years, or courtships, or relationships. When I give love it is a gift with no strings, conditions or expectations, attached. I don't need to get love back, to give love, but it is nice when it happens. It is the Act of loving which is important. It is good for me to love, what ever happens in response to that love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 5, 2014 #43 Share Posted August 5, 2014 There are things in this world best explained by art. Love is a rose but you better not pick it It only grows when it's on the vine. A handful of thorns and you'll know you've missed it You lose your love when you say the word "mine". [media=] [/media] Again, while I understand the sentiment, it has had no place in my life. We love as a part of our self, with no expectation or need to be loved in return. Giving love builds ourselves, and increases the love we have within us. It doesn't matter how the "object' of the love responds. That isn't the point, or the purpose, of loving. Surely we don't love to bribe or cajole other people or win them over in some way.? The rose metaphor isn't perfect. No one can 'pick" another person from the vine of life. They can only appreciate their beauty, character, or nature etc. And the thorns are not a part of the rose but of the bush it grows on. In life there are many thorns, but none actually attached into love itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 5, 2014 #44 Share Posted August 5, 2014 By putting your heart and soul into a relationship and not holding anything back for yourself. Why is that too much? It is precisely how we are meant to love. Love can't survive selfishness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ50 Posted August 5, 2014 #45 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Why is that too much? It is precisely how we are meant to love. Love can't survive selfishness. I don't see that protecting myself to some extent is selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timmeh Posted August 5, 2014 #46 Share Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) By putting your heart and soul into a relationship and not holding anything back for yourself. You don't need to love yourself, that's what your partner is for. Edited August 5, 2014 by Timmeh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ50 Posted August 5, 2014 #47 Share Posted August 5, 2014 You don't need to love yourself, that's what your partner is for. I would hate my husband to be all lovey dovey. We have managed 45 years of marriage, so far, without going overboard in the romance, love and affection stakes, it works for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bendy Demon Posted August 5, 2014 #48 Share Posted August 5, 2014 How can one love too much? Sometimes I think that one can "love" another so much that one or both partners can become blind to potentially serious problems that are developing or have been in place for quite some time. Love cannot solve all marital problems, sometimes love means having to go separate ways, even if for a short while so a new perspective can be acquired; a little more growing up also helps too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 5, 2014 #49 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I don't see that protecting myself to some extent is selfish. It is. One only protects oneself (or prioritises protecting oneself)when one is thinking of self, first and foremost ie being selfish. And protect yourself how, and from what? Giving Love can never hurt or harm. We have to get away from this idea that we are more important or significant than others and thus that our first duty is always to our self. We cant get hurt from loving another person, although we can allow ourselves to be hurt if we feel that this love is not reciprocated. But it doesn't HAVE to be. It is the giving of the love which does us good, strengthens and protects us, and makes us more powerful people, not the getting back of love. The only love we must have for ourselves is love of self, and anyone can give that love to them self. Of course the more we try to give away love to others, the more we will find it being returned to us, which is really nice, but that is not the reason to give love. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Walker Posted August 5, 2014 #50 Share Posted August 5, 2014 You don't need to love yourself, that's what your partner is for. You cannot love another person until you know how to love yourself, then you can transfer the nature and practice of that self love to the other, and love them as you love yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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