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spartan max2

'Feminist "Dont offer girls drinks"

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spartan max2

So here is another rant of mine. I have a friend who is an outspoken feminist on Facebook and shared a post she made. I just wanted to see peoples thoughts on it. Its the things like these that I find so extremely dumb. A guy offers you a drink cant you just feel the oppression. He comes back with *gasp* a soda to try again. OMG how sexist of him

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berlin-artparasites

"Imagine you’re at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says 'Come on, one drink!' You

say 'no thanks.' Later, he brings you a soda. 'I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but I was getting

one for myself and you looked thirsty.' For you to refuse at this point makes you the *******. He’s just

being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude

against us. If you drink the drink, you’re teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to

overcome your 'no.' If you say 'Really, I appreciate it, but no thanks' and put the drink down and walk

away from it, you’re the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didn’t ask for the drink

and you don’t want the drink and you don’t have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated." —

The Art of "No," JenniferP‪#‎ThingsIllTeachMyDaughter‬

Edited by spartan max2

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bubblykiss

These women must love romcoms, which show women as weak, indecisive creatures who are just waiting for a strong-persistent man to come sweep the woman away after a movie length of her saying no.

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Wickian

Not exactly sexist, but if you're at a party and some random guy you said no to proceeds to offer you an unsealed beverage anyway, the smart thing to do is not drink it.

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seaturtlehorsesnake

it's not saying for you to not offer someone a drink, it's saying that you should listen when someone says "no".

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spartan max2

Not exactly sexist, but if you're at a party and some random guy you said no to proceeds to offer you an unsealed beverage anyway, the smart thing to do is not drink it.

I agree with that.

But thats not what the quote is trying to say unfortunately.

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spartan max2

it's not saying for you to not offer someone a drink, it's saying that you should listen when someone says "no".

So is it a bad thing for a guy to put a little bit of effort into getting your attention?

He only came back a second time with soda none thing crazy

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Iron_Lotus

if someone says no and leave em alone that's a clear enough signal. if i offer someone a drink its because i want to offer them a drink they don't want it fine I'll drink my drink and you can not drink anything plain and simple. i sure as hell am not going to push it because frankly its not worth my time. i have seen far crazier feminist in my time this is nothing really.

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seaturtlehorsesnake

So is it a bad thing for a guy to put a little bit of effort into getting your attention?

He only came back a second time with soda none thing crazy

not the point. the point is that the article says something entirely different from what you are claiming it says.

and if someone tells you no, take it as a no. why is that such a hard thing to accept?

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Iron_Lotus

and if someone tells you no, take it as a no. why is that such a hard thing to accept?

best to not give them time to say no....

i kid.. i kid :)

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spartan max2

not the point. the point is that the article says something entirely different from what you are claiming it says.

and if someone tells you no, take it as a no. why is that such a hard thing to accept?

My question is relevant because the quote basically shows the guy as a bad guy for giving it a second try with a non alcoholic drink.

And then he is the ass because it's I guess super difficult to say no a second time. Obviously if you come back like four or five times it's harrasment.

And I know part of the articles point is that you shouldn't be afraid to say no again.

But I don't see how a little bit of effort is bad as it wants to imply. As the romance novels movies and lots of relationships wouldn't happen if everyone gave up after one no.

It just seems like some women are mad again because guys actually want their attention.

Edited by spartan max2

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Careful_perspective

I know there are ridiculous crazy feminists out there, but this is a poor example of stupid feminism. If a guy comes up to you and asks to buy a drink you should be polite and say no if you aren't interested. You should not be rude because it takes a lot of courage to approach someone you aren't familiar with. But if he asks multiple times that is WRONG, when a woman says no, its not the beginning of the negotiation to get her to say yes.

I think in this situation its best to imagine you are a straight male, and a gay man comes up and asks to buy you a drink. You say no, kindly, you're flattered and he walks away. What if he comes back, you say no again, is it okay for him to come back the third time? I'm pretty sure most men would find it inappropriate.

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Michelle

My question is relevant because the quote basically shows the guy as a bad guy for giving it a second try with a non alcoholic drink.

It just seems like some women are mad again because guys actually want their attention.

How about talking to her like a human without trying to push anything on her? Humor actually works rather well.

Edited by Michelle
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SpiritWriter

the problem is date rape drugs, also some people think that if they give you something you owe them something. If she doesn't want the drink she doesn't want it. If she doesn't want to talk to you, suck it up. I don't go to the club anymore but I used to and I remember what it was like. Most guys that offer you drinks just want to get in your pants and you only have limited time to entertain somebody, you don't want to waste your time entertaining somebody you don't want to talk to. Some guys are persistent, not because they are nice, but because they are (butt)holes. It is fine to disregard any advancement from any guy at any time.

Edited by SpiritWriter
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Iron_Lotus

most girls who aren't bar stars when they see a guy coming up with drinks its pretty obvious to them the guy just wants to get em drunk and take em home, now that may not be what you are actually trying to do but that's the image that's presented, like michelle said a conversation without talking about booze or even offering it is probably going to win you a hell of a lot more points and ya might actually end up talking to the girl for longer than 30 seconds.

Edited by Iron_Lotus
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Careful_perspective

Honestly, this topic is serious, its easy

My question is relevant because the quote basically shows the guy as a bad guy for giving it a second try with a non alcoholic drink.

And then he is the ass because it's I guess super difficult to say no a second time. Obviously if you come back like four or five times it's harrasment.

And I know part of the articles point is that you shouldn't be afraid to say no again.

But I don't see how a little bit of effort is bad as it wants to imply. As the romance novels movies and lots of relationships wouldn't happen if everyone gave up after one no.

It just seems like some women are mad again because guys actually want their attention.

The problem is the underlying issue of date rape drugs. It's scary when you have a friend who takes a drink from a guy and then is found the next afternoon in her apartment, in a pool of her own vomit, her underwear around her ankles confused about what happened the night before. (BTW this happened to my friends sister)

Edited by woodsbooger
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LV-426

Doesn't really strike me as a case of feminism at all, just common sense and good manners. Sounds like the guy needed a dictionary to understand what the word 'no' means...

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SpiritWriter

I agree with other posters, there must be better examples of over the top feminism. This doesn't even fall into that category. This is talking about not wanting to accept a drink from a stranger which is actually a very smart thing to do. If somebody is basically forcing you to take a drink from them it would be really stupid to drink it!

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Leonardo

So is it a bad thing for a guy to put a little bit of effort into getting your attention?

He only came back a second time with soda none thing crazy

Then do something else to get the woman's attention. You know something out-there and crazy like talking to her.

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SpiritWriter

I was with somebody who was given date rape drug, luckily I was there and didn't let her out of my sight. It's a real problem out here.

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lolaivanna

to be sure just buy your own drinks ..safer !!

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Michelle

most girls who aren't bar stars when they see a guy coming up with drinks its pretty obvious to them the guy just wants to get em drunk and take em home, now that may not be what you are actually trying to do but that's the image that's presented, like michelle said a conversation without talking about booze or even offering it is probably going to win you a hell of a lot more points and ya might actually end up talking to the girl for longer than 30 seconds.

I have some great guy friends that I've known for years that I met in bars. They may not have been the best looking guys in the room and I wasn't interested in them romantically, but they are funny as all get out. It was always a turn off for me when someone tried to act all cool and smooth, Those are the guys that I avoided because they are the ones usually just trying to get in your pants.

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Careful_perspective

I agree with the posters above, if you want to get to know a girl, just talk to her. I also hate the title of this post, its incredibly misleading.

Edited by woodsbooger

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LV-426

to be sure just buy your own drinks ..safer !!

Or go on a night out with me... I'll gladly let my date buy all the drinks! :D

Joking aside, it's a scary world out there. The best thing anyone can do is maintain a healthy degree of skepticism with strangers, and even people they 'think they know' to some degree.

It's sad to have to think this way, but it's smart.

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Iron_Lotus

I have some great guy friends that I've known for years that I met in bars. They may not have been the best looking guys in the room and I wasn't interested in them romantically, but they are funny as all get out. It was always a turn off for me when someone tried to act all cool and smooth, Those are the guys that I avoided because they are the ones usually just trying to get in your pants.

humor goes a long way :) and yeah the overly cool and smooth guys are just overly alpha male douches who are looking for a woman to take home and usually have little to no respect for you anyways.

i watched one girl yell at a guy in a bar she told him to **** off and get out of her face and asked him if she looked poor and that she can pay for her own drinks, never seen anyone look so defeated lol but im pretty sure he was being far too persistent but i think more women should speak up like that make it known that there's a guy causing problems be loud and tell them to **** off if they are really creeping you out or making you feel uncomfortable, I've seen women give meek answers before and the guy just ends up plopping his ass down next to them. its pretty sad.

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spartan max2

humor goes a long way :) and yeah the overly cool and smooth guys are just overly alpha male douches who are looking for a woman to take home and usually have little to no respect for you anyways.

i watched one girl yell at a guy in a bar she told him to **** off and get out of her face and asked him if she looked poor and that she can pay for her own drinks, never seen anyone look so defeated lol but im pretty sure he was being far too persistent but i think more women should speak up like that make it known that there's a guy causing problems be loud and tell them to **** off if they are really creeping you out or making you feel uncomfortable, I've seen women give meek answers before and the guy just ends up plopping his ass down next to them. its pretty sad.

Oh my god. That is really sad. I never saw it that way before.

I totally take this thread back. I'll admit it.

for some reason your post just made alot of sense to me.

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