Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 #1 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Gud day ter yer, I am the new doctor in residence. Please come in and tell me whats hurting yer. Yer can even bring a pet if you like cos Im totally freelance and I used google to learn my erm, "trade" Let me expertise suggest an hilarious solution thing...erm, I mean advice. Thank you, please come again. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taun Posted November 7, 2015 #2 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Doc... My fingers is all flimsy like and my eyes kinda fuzzy... I gots a bad tummy ache in my knees and everytime I trys to speek a big bell starts ta ringin' in my eers... Whado I do.? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #3 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Doc... My fingers is all flimsy like and my eyes kinda fuzzy... I gots a bad tummy ache in my knees and everytime I trys to speek a big bell starts ta ringin' in my eers... Whado I do.? Rite then Lad, tek a seat and say, "Ahhhhh" Oh wait a minute,wrong patient. Here Mr Taun, laydown and take a few deep breaths.... I feel all of your ailments stem from summit to do with yer mother and history.issues. And pack in the deep sea diving!!!! Oh, one more thing, are you a smoker? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted November 7, 2015 #4 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Taun? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted November 7, 2015 #5 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Hiya doc, hope you don`t mind me calling you doc. I have been abducted by aliens when I fall asleep, thing is when I wake up they are gone. It is beginning to mentally affect me as I really want them to stay so I can make them a cup of tea or a wee cake (Eldorado is sending me the recipe) how can I stop feeling mentally frustrated by their sudden exit ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #6 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Taun,wake up and get out of me room...surgery. Can you shout NEXT as you leave,cheers mate. Just wish a smoker would arrive cos Ive lost me lighter. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #7 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Hiya doc, hope you don`t mind me calling you doc. I have been abducted by aliens when I fall asleep, thing is when I wake up they are gone. It is beginning to mentally affect me as I really want them to stay so I can make them a cup of tea or a wee cake (Eldorado is sending me the recipe) how can I stop feeling mentally frustrated by their sudden exit ? Rate then. First of all, get a new butcher lad, your a frigging walking miracle. The aliens hey, dress up as a stormtrooper before bed. They leave you alone and think theyve got the rong house. Do you smoke...cant see the bloody point though with your wire frame, mind. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taun Posted November 7, 2015 #8 Share Posted November 7, 2015 No I don't smoke... Just burn real bright fer a while... Til I realize I'm on fire than I just jump into the pool... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted November 7, 2015 #9 Share Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) Rate then. First of all, get a new butcher lad, your a frigging walking miracle. The aliens hey, dress up as a stormtrooper before bed. They leave you alone and think theyve got the rong house. Do you smoke...cant see the bloody point though with your wire frame, mind. Hiya Mrs Doc, I have done the stormtrooper thing, my husband thinks I am dressing up for him, so I do not want to risk the aliens thinking the same thing. I smoke and have a couple of Irish coffee`s now and then, do you want to know how many I smoke a day, how much exercise I take a day, and no! I am not removing my top so you can check my hearing. ps: here, you can borrow my lighter, do you need an ashtray on your desk? Edited November 7, 2015 by freetoroam 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #10 Share Posted November 7, 2015 No I don't smoke... Just burn real bright fer a while... Til I realize I'm on fire than I just jump into the pool... Look laddie! These fantasies your having about deep sea divers must stop. Your developing the bends in your knees n fingers. Dont worry though cos its all in yer nut...erm, head but the pain will get worse mind. And you not my next poorly-un...patient. GET OUT! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 7, 2015 #11 Share Posted November 7, 2015 This bit here ... not there, here ..... has gone all squidgy. I'm worried it's going to drop off. Any suggestions? Oh, and it glows in the dark 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted November 7, 2015 #12 Share Posted November 7, 2015 This bit here ... not there, here ..... has gone all squidgy. I'm worried it's going to drop off. Any suggestions? Oh, and it glows in the dark I am no doctor, but I think they call that a "head" in the medical profession. Best see what Mrs Doc says though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #13 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Hiya Mrs Doc, I have done the stormtrooper thing, my husband thinks I am dressing up for him, so I do not want to risk the aliens thinking the same thing. I smoke and have a couple of Irish coffee`s now and then, do you want to know how many I smoke a day, how much exercise I take a day, and no! I am not removing my top so you can check my hearing. ps: here, you can borrow my lighter, do you need an ashtray on your desk? Good point lad...ette. Nip down to the hardware shop and take this notefor four cans of silver spray. Apply twice a day to your erm, frame. Those martian gits will flee when they see a Terminator in your bed. As for your smoking and drinking habit...not needed, they are not causing you any invader related hang-ups. Infact I suggest that you up your intake to be on the safe side. Please visit me again though if you become dizzy or breathless. You sure ladette that there is actually a heart beating inside that frame? Can only see bones, may need to give you an xray...when I can afford the equipment mind. Cheers luv for the ash tray and lighter. Shout NEXT as you leave, Im gunna light a cigar up. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #14 Share Posted November 7, 2015 This bit here ... not there, here ..... has gone all squidgy. I'm worried it's going to drop off. Any suggestions? Oh, and it glows in the dark ooh thats odd, let me check your records....clicks on Google...page cannot be displayed appears Rate then Reggae Reggae, so gud the named yer twice, lay down on your belly, bend yer legs back, lift yer nut and say "AHHHHHH" whilst I feel yer nut for bumps. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 7, 2015 #15 Share Posted November 7, 2015 And if you find bumps, what will that mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted November 7, 2015 #16 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Oops I see you have your hands ful! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted November 7, 2015 #17 Share Posted November 7, 2015 ooh thats odd, let me check your records....clicks on Google...page cannot be displayed appears You are checking on the wrong site, all you need to know is here: https://myaccountholding.talktalk.co.uk/ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #18 Share Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) Blasted place is filling up with other poorly-uns. Ouija! Stop saying AHHHHH and listen. I dunno, summit about fortune telling...oh wait, yes this is your problem. There is a small lump behind your left lughole. Here take this note to yer local hardware store and pass it ter a member of staff. Purchase a wooden mallet and hit the area behind yer right lughole 3 times a day whilst in the position yer in now...saying Ahhhh. When a new lump appears, start wacking the other one, when its gone stop the treatment. NEXT!. Edited November 7, 2015 by Mark One 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #19 Share Posted November 7, 2015 You are checking on the wrong site, all you need to know is here: https://myaccounthol...talktalk.co.uk/ When yer get a new butcher luv I may need your services as a nurse. Got any skills in bandages and things? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted November 7, 2015 #20 Share Posted November 7, 2015 When yer get a new butcher luv I may need your services as a nurse. Got any skills in bandages and things? Got any skills? YEAH! This guy hurt his toe so I bandaged him up....pretty impressive huh! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #21 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Got any skills? YEAH! This guy hurt his toe so I bandaged him up....pretty impressive huh! But der yer have a bedside type of manner thing for the punters? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 7, 2015 Author #22 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Oops I see you have your hands ful! Hey mucker! Have yer made a booking ter see me? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taun Posted November 8, 2015 #23 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Look laddie! These fantasies your having about deep sea divers must stop. Your developing the bends in your knees n fingers. Dont worry though cos its all in yer nut...erm, head but the pain will get worse mind. And you not my next poorly-un...patient. GET OUT! "But my knees and fingers are supposed to bend"... I mutters as I grumpily leave the room... (Is your receptionist pretty?.. Does she like..... antlers?) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XenoFish Posted November 8, 2015 #24 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Not sure what wrong with me doc. My body's covered from head to toe with hair, bad case of sarcasm, and an overwhelming urge to hoard. Just in case you ask, I haven't had my shots. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted November 8, 2015 #25 Share Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) I'd like to make an appointment with the Dr cuz I'm sure I have a mild case of something, that hurts really bad when I sit or just move the wrong way... the source of the pain seems (unfortunately) to be just inside the anal cavity... you need to investigate more closely.... I'm no doctor I'm also no cowboy, but have ridden for hours, in some pretty rough country, with just a bedroll and a cast iron frying pan, on vinyl bucket seats, and I'd say it's something to do with that... how's SAP? Edited November 8, 2015 by java head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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