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Dr Marks Surgery is now open


Mark One

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Not sure what wrong with me doc. My body's covered from head to toe with hair, bad case of sarcasm, and an overwhelming urge to hoard. Just in case you ask, I haven't had my shots.

Dr Mark points his finger at XenoFish,"OUT! Halloween was last week c***-a-bod."

I dunno, you and your symptoms. Thats the oldest trick in the book to avoid work with a sick note.

Carry on like this mucker and you`ll get shot and lose yer job.

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I'd like to make an appointment with the Dr cuz I'm sure I have a mild case of something, that hurts really bad when I sit or just move the wrong way... the source of the pain seems (unfortunately) to be just inside the anal cavity... you need to investigate more closely.... I'm no doctor I'm also no cowboy, but have ridden for hours, in some pretty rough country, with just a bedroll and a cast iron frying pan, on vinyl bucket seats, and I'd say it's something to do with that... how's SAP?

Sit down then luv!

No need to investigate that issue cos Ive come across it before. A patient called spongebob119 (sadly nolonger with us) developed similar hang-ups after riding his tamed Tapir for hours on end.

He ended up having both his legs off and within 2months the pains where gone. But soon after that he became brown bread.

SO, drop yer trousers whilst I get me bow saw....

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Erm well this is a right pickle Java.

I cant seem to find me tool box, erm ah mean medical equipment.

Here put yer trousers back on and take this note to B&Q...

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Where's the cute nurse ?

~

Im afraid this is all I can manage at the mo, she doubles up as a cleaner to

ugly-nurse.jpg

If any nice lookers need a job wi me, let me no soon

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There is a small lump behind your left lughole.

When a new lump appears, start wacking the other one, when its gone stop the treatment.

You may have missed your calling ....... as a psychic! :w00t: All joking aside, I do indeed have a small lump behind my left lughole EAR! I had it removed about 4yrs ago but it has begun to grow back. (You didn't read that in another thread, did you? I can't remember having mentioned it here before. :unsure2: ).

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You may have missed your calling ....... as a psychic! :w00t: All joking aside, I do indeed have a small lump behind my left lughole EAR! I had it removed about 4yrs ago but it has begun to grow back. (You didn't read that in another thread, did you? I can't remember having mentioned it here before. :unsure2: ).

No, that previous, stupid idea came to me last night as I formulated a diagnosis.

I saw an image of you and hands touching your head - which became Prenology, searching the bumps on your head to read your fortune.

Spooky!

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Erm, me nurse has punched prodded me in the ribs...I lost my manners earlier...her name is Doreen, and she sure does turn a few heads...

Edited by Mark One
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Orthopedically? Mine could use a turn... I'll be there

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And wha yer doing back? Yer still got yer two legs ah see. Pop yer clogs on down to B&Q! Yer ill lad and need help.

An less of them big words to. I tried googling that word Offopeedic...but me tinternets down....:(

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Perhaps Doreen could help with an explanation -- while you reboot?

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Rate me-owd, Doreen wont be coming back, last night she got mugged be to blokes wiv chains.

Shes alrate mind, nor even a scratch on her bod but the coppers are charging her we GBH. Both fellas are in bad shape.

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She attacked two of your patients?! :o

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three, but I kinda liked it -- the pain is now gone from it's original spot!

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She attacked two of your patients?! :o

Yeh ah-no, damage done to um, that nots got owt t`do we me...I was gobsmacked Ouijals

three, but I kinda liked it -- the pain is now gone from it's original spot!

Yah be lucky then, but thas always another Doreen!

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It is with deep regret that I, Dr Pickles must inform all patients that Dr Marks practice is on hold for now. Dr Mark is on garden leave following an investigation into a suspicious death on his premises.

Kevin Meathead, a window cleaner from Hull asked the Doctor for some more water and also complained about his headache. Sometime later a member of this forum found him on the floor in the storeroom, his head was covered with butter and feathers.

If anyone here was present around the time of Mr Meatheads demise or witnessed anything unusual please contact me, Dr Mark Pickles.

Edited by Mark One
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That's your story ..... I know for a fact that the Authorities have closed you down!

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That's your story ..... I know for a fact that the Authorities have closed you down!

Erm, shush! You know me - here today, gone tomorrow...Anyhows, My names Dr Pickles not Mark!

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For a closer look, I'd prescribe Doreen doing a re-book... if he sees one of those coming, the doctor's been known to book it.

http://www.urbandict...hp?term=book it

[Edit I knew Doris wasn't your nurse's name, Doc, just testing111]

Edited by java head
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Dear Doc,

I have a pain in the @rse.

Should I get a familyectomy?

Bottom pains...its yer diet and toilet use...der yer no that road workers never experience yer hang-up? All dat jigger picking loosens it all up see.

Heres me diagnosis - eat two jugs of gravel per day. Sit on the washing machine, switch it on to a long cycle. The vibes an gravel in your stomach, rectum and juggler will break up the hard stuff that causes yer pains.

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Well that raps up another day. Thers bin no come backs so everybod av treated is either feeling better or is now brown bread.

Tis such a rewarding job, I feel proud when me hed its da pilla.

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Well that raps up another day. Thers bin no come backs so everybod av treated is either feeling better or is now brown bread.

..... or suicidal.

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Bottom pains...its yer diet and toilet use...der yer no that road workers never experience yer hang-up? All dat jigger picking loosens it all up see.

Heres me diagnosis - eat two jugs of gravel per day. Sit on the washing machine, switch it on to a long cycle. The vibes an gravel in your stomach, rectum and juggler will break up the hard stuff that causes yer pains.

Jigger in me juggler?

I'm beginning to think you are not a qualified physician.

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Since me tinternets on ah can show yer wah ah meen

WATCH WITH DR PICKLES, a 50 page booklet thats nah available int shops.

image483.jpg

Look Acute, a Jigger

EJ.jpg

Look Acute, a juggler

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