MWoo7 Posted July 12, 2018 #1526 Share Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) UPDATE::::: as I look through the doors . . . . . Well aren't those on the table there giant TABLE PANCAKES !?!?!?!??!?!?! mmmmmmmmmm might have a bit of those next time, just need what is it you say a bit of butty? Edited July 12, 2018 by MWoo7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 12, 2018 #1527 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Mark's chip butties are especially tasty. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted July 12, 2018 #1528 Share Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) CHIP BUTTIES eh?!?!? hmmmm, sounds eeeh Looks good, and then I really must be going ....k, LIKED:::::: humour:::: >> that was pretty good though.... " KEEN SLURPERS X """" hahaha! Okay now I really have to be going. Edited July 12, 2018 by MWoo7 X 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 13, 2018 Author #1529 Share Posted July 13, 2018 11 hours ago, MWoo7 said: CHIP BUTTIES eh?!?!? hmmmm, sounds eeeh Looks good, and then I really must be going ....k, LIKED:::::: humour:::: >> that was pretty good though.... " KEEN SLURPERS X """" hahaha! Okay now I really have to be going. Yeh, c`mon, my little tin of strawberries. Ive got to lock up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 13, 2018 Author #1530 Share Posted July 13, 2018 11 hours ago, MWoo7 said: UPDATE::::: as I look through the doors . . . . . Well aren't those on the table there giant TABLE PANCAKES !?!?!?!??!?!?! mmmmmmmmmm might have a bit of those next time, just need what is it you say a bit of butty? You mean Yorkshire puddins. Ruddy foreigners! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 13, 2018 Author #1531 Share Posted July 13, 2018 ON TELETEXT RIGHT NOW! Meet Weevletons answer to Last of the Summer Wine. And the good news is girls that this trio of coffin dodgers have signed up for the upcoming DATEMATE night. But it gets better! Ive made a small fortune from the England world cup let-down see. So some of the bread earned has gone into a ad on that teletext jingory pokery on the TV. These 3 young jockeys are now live on Page 238 of ITVs Ceefax *yes!* Why not go and check em out! From left to right meet: Clancy (49yrs), into nature, lives in a tent not far from the sewage works along Vivian Plains. Hector (52yrs), lives with his sister in a terraced house on Dockers Lane. Expert in carpet repairs. Norman (44yrs) lives in a bedsit above a maggot farm. A real demon with a jigsaw puzzle. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 16, 2018 #1532 Share Posted July 16, 2018 I ain't been in for a while have I missed owt 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 16, 2018 Author #1533 Share Posted July 16, 2018 41 minutes ago, Matt221 said: I ain't been in for a while have I missed owt Shed loads mate and your missus told everyone that you were away "working on an oil rig" *nudge-nudge, wink-wink* 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 17, 2018 #1534 Share Posted July 17, 2018 21 hours ago, Mark One said: Shed loads mate and your missus told everyone that you were away "working on an oil rig" *nudge-nudge, wink-wink* Well I was"away"so to speak despite having an alibi and I did plead insanity ..... Ps anyone know if you can remove this bloody ahem ankle bracelet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 17, 2018 Author #1535 Share Posted July 17, 2018 2 hours ago, Matt221 said: Well I was"away"so to speak despite having an alibi and I did plead insanity ..... Ps anyone know if you can remove this bloody ahem ankle bracelet Yes, seek out Malc Three Fingers. Hes handy with a pair of snippers...well with one of his hands that is. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 18, 2018 #1536 Share Posted July 18, 2018 21 hours ago, Mark One said: Yes, seek out Malc Three Fingers. Hes handy with a pair of snippers...well with one of his hands that is. Old Malcy had a go with his snippers it didn't work so it of to see Harry the blind axeman he'll do it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 18, 2018 Author #1537 Share Posted July 18, 2018 1 hour ago, Matt221 said: Old Malcy had a go with his snippers it didn't work so it of to see Harry the blind axeman he'll do it Well if nowt else works why not just jump in me outdoor pool lad. Have you seen that corrosion on the floor tiling? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted July 19, 2018 #1538 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) A dill pickle vodka on the rocks please barkeep, and have one for yourself! Edited July 19, 2018 by purrrpetrator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 19, 2018 #1539 Share Posted July 19, 2018 13 hours ago, Mark One said: Well if nowt else works why not just jump in me outdoor pool lad. Have you seen that corrosion on the floor tiling? Looks like the pool it is that bloody fool axeman missed so I rekon I'll be swimming round in circles 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 19, 2018 Author #1540 Share Posted July 19, 2018 7 hours ago, purrrpetrator said: A dill pickle vodka on the rocks please barkeep, and have one for yourself! Why thank thee kind sir. Does thow fancy a ploughmans lunch to accompany the drinks onnit? Because I`m starving. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 19, 2018 Author #1541 Share Posted July 19, 2018 1 hour ago, Matt221 said: Looks like the pool it is that bloody fool axeman missed so I rekon I'll be swimming round in circles Just keep yer eyes on that pump, Bob. Some b@gger has half inched the protective grating. Would hate to learn yerv nicked yer foot or worse - discolouration of my pool water...again.... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 19, 2018 Author #1542 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Boris " the eager " Blader has heard about your ankle hang-up and as offered to wear it for you, for £4.76p. He`ll take you down to see Doc Mark who by coincidence has also been away at sea, drilling for that illusive black gold. Small world mate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted July 19, 2018 #1543 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) 4 hours ago, Mark One said: Why thank thee kind sir. Does thow fancy a ploughmans lunch to accompany the drinks? No ploughman's lunch - tho have one for herself too! - and altho i feel like I've been trudging behind a brace of oxen since sun-up myself, a drink will do nicely for now. What's that smell? Edited July 19, 2018 by purrrpetrator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWoo7 Posted July 19, 2018 #1544 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Do I dare step in here again? I swear I must have gained 10 pounds after last time, amazing food I must admit. I must be running, events to attend places to be and all that rot ta-tAH! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 19, 2018 Author #1545 Share Posted July 19, 2018 1 hour ago, purrrpetrator said: What's that smell? Summit to do with the pool and the drains. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted July 19, 2018 #1546 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I see... skip the drink...suddenly not as thirsty... keep the change... adios amigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 19, 2018 Author #1547 Share Posted July 19, 2018 After a further investigation it appears that the drains are seeping into the pool or vice versa. Fear not my faithful slurpers cos Ive booked a session with old Cocko and his tool box. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 20, 2018 Author #1548 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Old cocko, ...stood for a full 23minutes by the pool has he mumbled, jotted down some notes and puffed on his fag. He then walked back to his cart (which took a full 5 mins due to his left leg being 2.5 inches longer than the other) and returned with a pick axe and a hose pipe. After finishing his mug of piping hot tea he suggested to me that he needed to drain the pool. He then waded his way into the murky water and quickly went under (at the deep end) using the hose as a air pipe. He cracked the drain valve and then slowly made his way back out. 40 minutes later and the pool was empty, and then it started to rain - something which old Cocko claims he cannot work in. He grumbled on and on about his joints and dampness before he shuffled off back into the Dragon and sat with milk stout. 1 hour passes and the pool is half full again. Old Cocko told me he would have return in more dryer conditions before he past me his bill. The miserable old git then did one and left me £128.75 out of pocket. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 21, 2018 #1549 Share Posted July 21, 2018 On 13/07/2018 at 11:00 AM, Mark One said: ON TELETEXT RIGHT NOW! Meet Weevletons answer to Last of the Summer Wine. And the good news is girls that this trio of coffin dodgers have signed up for the upcoming DATEMATE night. But it gets better! Ive made a small fortune from the England world cup let-down see. So some of the bread earned has gone into a ad on that teletext jingory pokery on the TV. These 3 young jockeys are now live on Page 238 of ITVs Ceefax *yes!* Why not go and check em out! From left to right meet: Clancy (49yrs), into nature, lives in a tent not far from the sewage works along Vivian Plains. Hector (52yrs), lives with his sister in a terraced house on Dockers Lane. Expert in carpet repairs. Norman (44yrs) lives in a bedsit above a maggot farm. A real demon with a jigsaw puzzle. Good Morning, Mark. A dainty half of shandy, please, when you have a moment. Just out of curiosity, did those lovely 'lads' claim to be 49, 52 and 44, or did you just make that up? *raises an eyebrow* Also, it's no use telling me to 'look at Ceefax' because I've still got one of them wind up, black & white, no sound televisions. That 'maggot farm' used to be just another bedsit ........ until Norman's neighbour mysteriously 'passed away' in there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 21, 2018 Author #1550 Share Posted July 21, 2018 3 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: Good Morning, Mark. A dainty half of shandy, please, when you have a moment. Just out of curiosity, did those lovely 'lads' claim to be 49, 52 and 44, or did you just make that up? *raises an eyebrow* Also, it's no use telling me to 'look at Ceefax' because I've still got one of them wind up, black & white, no sound televisions. That 'maggot farm' used to be just another bedsit ........ until Norman's neighbour mysteriously 'passed away' in there. And a very good morning to you too my little sweet. Hows tricks with Derek then, and have you moldered him yet? Regarding those 3 grave diggers: Well on the box their boats are all box-e-lated, see. So its is very hard to discern their true age. Take Maureen here who has also keenly signed up. You`ll never guess her true age from that image. Yeh, I heard the same about that bedsit. And Ive also heard that it didnt take long for the grub issue to be cleared up either. Skinny Mervin saw a queue of fishermen lined up outside that gaff after the police had completed their enquiries. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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