Mark One Posted December 14, 2017 Author #701 Share Posted December 14, 2017 As requested by so many members here, Ive decided to leak a small bit of the script (before some poacher puts it on Reddit) Big Vics missus is a dab hand wit printin press onnit. I think you`ll agree after just reading the small offering that you almost feel like your there with em. Grade A writers! A Mi racle on Candlesti ck La n e Jonny(clocks summit like building) Whas thah then moffer? Marlene (boat looks distressed) Oooh, Jonny my darling. Jonny (looks back at his bird) Wazz up lass? Marlene (rubbing belly) We must hurry dearest one. The extreme levels of temperature in your northern abode are most rude indeed for a lady such as I, who is with child, at this time of year. Jonny (lights up a fag and then nods with agreement) Here! Marlene (loving glance) Yes, my little pumpkin? Jonny (points) Whas thah then moffer? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted December 15, 2017 #702 Share Posted December 15, 2017 I'll play the little one who's always in them gangs 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted December 15, 2017 #703 Share Posted December 15, 2017 On 13/12/2017 at 8:12 PM, Mr Mork said: Me eye is on you lass. Acute may be right about your pour one/drink one policy. If the till's short, give her the boot! I'm not paying higher prices to keep your staff in luxury. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 15, 2017 Author #704 Share Posted December 15, 2017 7 hours ago, acute said: If the till's short, give her the boot! I'm not paying higher prices to keep your staff in luxury. You should see her when its time to take the trash outside. She almost leaves a vapour trail as she blurs her self outside of the pub. When her form does regain composure again there is always a bottle shaped brown paper bag at hand! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted December 15, 2017 #705 Share Posted December 15, 2017 13 minutes ago, Mr Mork said: You should see her when its time to take the trash outside. She almost leaves a vapour trail as she blurs her self outside of the pub. When her form does regain composure again there is always a bottle shaped brown paper bag at hand! Tell me about it! I've seen her on the bench outside Greggs, fast asleep, leaning on the Postbox, with a Steak Bake resting on her chest. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 16, 2017 Author #706 Share Posted December 16, 2017 17 hours ago, acute said: Tell me about it! I've seen her on the bench outside Greggs, fast asleep, leaning on the Postbox, with a Steak Bake resting on her chest. Maybe, but I do have it on good authority that your that shifty geezer who always tries to sneak up and bag the pasty. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 17, 2017 Author #707 Share Posted December 17, 2017 To all of those who have already payed for their christmas dinner at the G&D. The confirmed menu is-. Fost (first) plate-up ....__.... Duck Broth or Hog Soup or Cheese un pickle butty wit pickled egg Next-un ....__.... Roast Turkey wit veg, tay-torz an Weevleton pudding or Sausage, chips, beans an fried egg wit bread or Cheese un toast wit salt Puddin ....__.... Whiskey Trifle or Pears in cream or Boozed Jelly ....__.... To all ye punters may ah wish ye a Merry Uppit Onnin! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted December 17, 2017 #708 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Is it true them cooks on master chef are doin the grub cause that menu look a bit posh specially them chip n bread wiv an egg 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 18, 2017 Author #709 Share Posted December 18, 2017 The rarely seen Mrs Mork is a dab hand int kitchen onnit. Thee be stuffed good after tackling the festive grub lad. Just abit worried abowt the cleaner. See, she`ll defo start singin Tom Jones songs once shes been on the babyshams! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted December 18, 2017 #710 Share Posted December 18, 2017 What day as if Christmas coming isn't enough now we get the low down that the kitchen goddess that is Mrs Mork is doing the food could it get any better? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted December 18, 2017 #711 Share Posted December 18, 2017 18 hours ago, Mr Mork said: Hog Soup Not hedgehog, I hope. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 18, 2017 Author #712 Share Posted December 18, 2017 3 hours ago, acute said: Not hedgehog, I hope. Dunt nock it until yee tried it 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted December 18, 2017 #713 Share Posted December 18, 2017 3 hours ago, Mr Mork said: Dunt nock it until yee tried it I've tried it, it tastes a bit like Porcupine soup just that the spines are smaller 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 19, 2017 Author #714 Share Posted December 19, 2017 On 18/12/2017 at 8:29 PM, Matt221 said: I've tried it, it tastes a bit like Porcupine soup just that the spines are smaller Did you sample that cuisine on the high street, just outside Mr Sweeneys Barbers Shop? If you did I dont think it orignally had 4 legs! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted December 20, 2017 #715 Share Posted December 20, 2017 17 hours ago, Mr Mork said: Did you sample that cuisine on the high street, just outside Mr Sweeneys Barbers Shop? If you did I dont think it orignally had 4 legs! I had the mandrake pie which I thought was "mandrake" as in the plant, now you say that the may of been a"man called drake pie" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted December 20, 2017 Author #716 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Old Walt Crisp nipped into that Barbers to have his nails cleaned out. Hes never been seen since! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 20, 2017 #717 Share Posted December 20, 2017 For goodness' sake! It's nearly Christmas ..... can't you talk about something more cheerful? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted December 20, 2017 #718 Share Posted December 20, 2017 38 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: For goodness' sake! It's nearly Christmas ..... can't you talk about something more cheerful? OK then I see santa's beard is getting a bit bushy......it could do with a trim I no a good barber who could do it with his old fashioned cut throat 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 20, 2017 #719 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I give up! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted December 20, 2017 #720 Share Posted December 20, 2017 47 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: For goodness' sake! It's nearly Christmas ..... can't you talk about something more cheerful? That santa looks like he has eaten all the drake pies...is he a cousin of Mr Sweeneys? Santa Todd? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 20, 2017 #721 Share Posted December 20, 2017 That's okay. It's nice that all the animals are safe with him. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted December 20, 2017 #722 Share Posted December 20, 2017 I have had an idea...keeping in with the fashion of our modern day movies, here is one for a Sunday afternoon viewing: The title: Santa Todd. The story line: Santa is doing free haircuts and bread trimming as a good will christmas gesture. The plot: Santa beard seems to be getting bigger and bigger as does his waist line, after each booking but none of his clients have been seen again since entering his Fleet street barbers. The moral of the story: Do not wait till christmas just so you can have a free hair do you cheapskate. Any more ideas on my new movie idea are welcome. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted December 20, 2017 #723 Share Posted December 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: That's okay. It's nice that all the animals are safe with him. i hear his belly is now bigger than his oven. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted December 20, 2017 #724 Share Posted December 20, 2017 Is the G&D doing free christmas dinner on xmas day? And will there be brussel sprouts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 20, 2017 #725 Share Posted December 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, freetoroam said: 3 minutes ago, freetoroam said: Any more ideas on my new movie idea are welcome. A musical version would be nice so that we can sing along. Plus some energetic dance routines(although it doesn't sound as though Santa Todd would be up to any high kicks ) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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