Matt221 Posted June 25, 2017 #226 Share Posted June 25, 2017 2 hours ago, Big Mirk said: Mick spelt like brick has been in. His wife is getting on with the sunday dinner so he thought he`d have a couple of swift pints, just to maximise his appetite. See, he had a skin full in here last night whilst his missus was watching Blind Date & Xfactor. He said that when he came around this morning he couldn't stomach owt - never mind a pork dinner with all the trimmings. On his third Turbo Shandy he began to praise his older brother, Carl spelt like..erm, I cant remember. Whenever Mick is sinking a few his bro always nips around to keep Mrs spelt like brick busy & erm...distracted. Brotherly love is priceless innit! Carl still at it,is must say he'said a bit of of player ain't he 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted June 25, 2017 #227 Share Posted June 25, 2017 1 hour ago, Farmer77 said: I just wanna take a minute to say that as an American I mostly have no idea whats been said in this thread but its been entertaining as hell to try and figure it out!! Well it's erm,ah errrrrm........ I think I'll let you carry on working it out 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 25, 2017 Author #228 Share Posted June 25, 2017 1 hour ago, ouija ouija said: ^ ^ Good Grief! That's a true story, isn't it? Probably, somewhere in the world Mick is based upon a unemployed trainee who joined our 6 month "back into work" programme. When he first arrived at reception he was asked how he spelt his name - Mike/Mick/Mik/Michael etc. He thought it made him look clever when he offered "Its spelt like brick." He then told the receptionist that his older brother had also been on the course. When Mick was asked what his name was he replied with, "Carl, spelt like....erm....brick!" Flaming numpty 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 25, 2017 Author #229 Share Posted June 25, 2017 11 minutes ago, Matt221 said: Carl still at it,is must say he'said a bit of of player ain't he He sure is, like the cat that got all of the cream...tut-tut! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 25, 2017 Author #230 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Last nights winners !st Prize of a meat & booze hamper goes to Norris Bogtrotter. (Seen here in the arms of his twin brothers) 2nd Prize, a meal for two goes to Enid Sniffer. (The one on the left is her husband- Donald) 3rd prize, four cans of fosters goes to Cissy Wrench. (I`ll nip around later luv with your prize) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted June 25, 2017 #231 Share Posted June 25, 2017 What about little claud upkitchen the 3rd or little mac as his parents call him 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted June 25, 2017 #232 Share Posted June 25, 2017 7 hours ago, Farmer77 said: I just wanna take a minute to say that as an American I mostly have no idea whats been said in this thread but its been entertaining as hell to try and figure it out!! 6 hours ago, Big Mirk said: Good good Heres a few translations for you. Skin full = way to much beer Turbo Shandy = a pint glass half filled with beer and topped up with Smirnoff Ice. A sweet tasting mixture which suddenly hits you hard by the end of the 2nd/3rd pint. Owt = Northern clan slang for - anything Here's a few more translations for you, Farmer77...... Nowt = nothing. Ee By Gum (often shortened to EBG) = WTF. Ey up, me duck = Hello, gorgeous. Northern Clan = Any one of the many marauding nomadic tribes that roam the wasteland north of Watford in England. They wear cloth caps, keep ferrets, and live an impoverished lawless existence in black 'n' white. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spud the mackem Posted June 25, 2017 #233 Share Posted June 25, 2017 8 hours ago, Big Mirk said: Good good Heres a few translations for you. Skin full = way to much beer Turbo Shandy = a pint glass half filled with beer and topped up with Smirnoff Ice. A sweet tasting mixture which suddenly hits you hard by the end of the 2nd/3rd pint. Owt = Northern clan slang for - anything Owt...lol...If tha does owt for nowt for anybody tha always does it for thee sell, and thee never parts with thee brass. (A Yorkshire saying)..Translation....If you do anything for nothing for anyone you always do it for yourself and you never part with your money. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted June 26, 2017 #234 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt; And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt – Allus do it fer thissen........ or as i like to say Hear all, see all,say nothing; Eat all, drink all, pay nothing; And if ever you do anything for nothing – always do it for yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 26, 2017 Author #235 Share Posted June 26, 2017 (edited) ^ Matt221 ^ The peoples poet. Edited June 26, 2017 by Big Mirk 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted June 28, 2017 #236 Share Posted June 28, 2017 What's happened to Baldy Baz? Is Baldy Baz barred? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 10, 2017 Author #237 Share Posted July 10, 2017 No, he now wears an hearing aid but its taking him some time to get the hang of it. Baldy Baz: See this here Mirk, its one of those new hearing aids - hardly visible. Mirk: What...Where...I cant see it! Baldy Baz: Smaller than a half penny, doesnt need a battery and its made from space age gummings. Mirk: Really!!! How does that work then. Baldy Baz: The time? Oh, its erm 20 past 8 Mirk. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 11, 2017 #238 Share Posted July 11, 2017 I bought his old hearing aid was I ripped off do ya reckon 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 11, 2017 #239 Share Posted July 11, 2017 Has anyone ever told you you're a dead ringer for a young Tony Hancock? Mine's a double G & T, please. Ice, no lemon. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 11, 2017 #240 Share Posted July 11, 2017 1 hour ago, ouija ouija said: Has anyone ever told you you're a dead ringer for a young Tony Hancock? Mine's a double G & T, please. Ice, no lemon. Pardon 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 11, 2017 #241 Share Posted July 11, 2017 Granted! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 11, 2017 Author #242 Share Posted July 11, 2017 *Hits the bar with a crowbar* Rate! Lasses and gents, providing that I dont get hit by an air borne bull this weekend lets retry the Bullseye thing. Ive still got all of those prizes see and the Hank shank one is just begging to be won. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 12, 2017 #243 Share Posted July 12, 2017 13 hours ago, Big Mirk said: *Hits the bar with a crowbar* Rate! Lasses and gents, providing that I dont get hit by an air borne bull this weekend lets retry the Bullseye thing. Ive still got all of those prizes see and the Hank shank one is just begging to be won. I'm up for it 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 12, 2017 #244 Share Posted July 12, 2017 15 hours ago, Big Mirk said: Ive still got all of those prizes see and the Hank shank one is just begging to be won. What's the vegetarian option? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted July 12, 2017 #245 Share Posted July 12, 2017 7 hours ago, ouija ouija said: What's the vegetarian option? Sprouts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 12, 2017 #246 Share Posted July 12, 2017 29 minutes ago, acute said: Sprouts. OI OI a big essex shout out for sprouts Massive innit 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted July 12, 2017 #247 Share Posted July 12, 2017 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 12, 2017 #248 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Notice that awful corn on the cob crept in in the corner .... yo ho ho jolly green giant my **** 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted July 12, 2017 Author #249 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Whats all of this veggie talk about? Every meat meal warmed up in my gaff comes with a fine offering of the green/orange/yellow stuff. We even offer you bods that fruit and nut chocolate bar too. And yes, you do get plenty of your 5 a day at the G & D...even if the booze kind of ruins that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted July 13, 2017 #250 Share Posted July 13, 2017 9 hours ago, Big Mirk said: Whats all of this veggie talk about? Every meat meal warmed up in my gaff comes with a fine offering of the green/orange/yellow stuff. We even offer you bods that fruit and nut chocolate bar too. And yes, you do get plenty of your 5 a day at the G & D...even if the booze kind of ruins that. 5 portions a day,5 pints of best bitter,bitter made with hops,hop are a planty,vegetable,fruit kind of thing....BOOM 5 a day sorted except I don't drink alcohol but the same applies to tea 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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