Matt221 Posted October 9, 2017 #326 Share Posted October 9, 2017 I'll tell you my best G&D joke if I can come back .... A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHaYap Posted October 10, 2017 #327 Share Posted October 10, 2017 George ain't 'ere, Paul ain't going away though ... ~ [00.00:25] ~ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted October 10, 2017 #328 Share Posted October 10, 2017 A little tribute to our local 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted October 10, 2017 #329 Share Posted October 10, 2017 (edited) 17 hours ago, Mr Mork said: Your barred mate! Are you ok with Matt being back in, Gaffer, or would you like me to do the honours? Edited October 10, 2017 by acute . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 10, 2017 Author #330 Share Posted October 10, 2017 3 hours ago, acute said: Are you ok with Matt being back in, Gaffer, or would you like me to do the honours? Mat may be a rum-un but it be rate for you youth ter duh honours onnim. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 10, 2017 Author #331 Share Posted October 10, 2017 3 hours ago, Matt221 said: A little tribute to our local If thee needs to be int gud books lad then start postin flyers aboot the halloween wotsit wee dark derek. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted October 10, 2017 #332 Share Posted October 10, 2017 3 hours ago, Mr Mork said: If thee needs to be int gud books lad then start postin flyers aboot the halloween wotsit wee dark derek. Got some of these left from errrr dunno when it was they'll do the trick the punters will be flocking to the place 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted October 10, 2017 #333 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Cue XenoFish: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 10, 2017 Author #334 Share Posted October 10, 2017 1 hour ago, Matt221 said: Got some of these left from errrr dunno when it was they'll do the trick the punters will be flocking to the place That be a gud-un lad but dunno expect me to fork owt for colour when the Kings own black un white woks a treat. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 10, 2017 Author #335 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Now concerning regarding the spook doo ont 31st. Am thinking of bringing back that old game - barrel ducking. That one were punters see how long they can hold their breath inside a sealed barrel...not sure the elf n safety these days allows it mind. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted October 10, 2017 #336 Share Posted October 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, Mr Mork said: That be a gud-un lad but dunno expect me to fork owt for colour when the Kings own black un white woks a treat. The King is dead. Long live monochrome! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted October 10, 2017 #337 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Gimme a pint and a half of gin, landlord, and make it snappy, if you please! Jeez! what a day I've had; phone(landline. I don't have a mobile), stopped working so spent I don't know how long 'chatting' with a real person on B.T.'s online 'help' thingy, then the bl**dy broadband died. Had two important calls to make, plus, I needed to make arrangements to see a friend this afternoon. GRRR! ................. sorry, forgot which thread I was in for a moment. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 10, 2017 Author #338 Share Posted October 10, 2017 11 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: Gimme a pint and a half of gin, landlord, and make it snappy, if you please! Jeez! what a day I've had; phone(landline. I don't have a mobile), stopped working so spent I don't know how long 'chatting' with a real person on B.T.'s online 'help' thingy, then the bl**dy broadband died. Had two important calls to make, plus, I needed to make arrangements to see a friend this afternoon. GRRR! ................. sorry, forgot which thread I was in for a moment. Youve certainly had a bad-un today luv. Now then, here you go and that we be 58 shillings, a florin and one half=penny. Can I interest you in a home made pork pie or maybe an orange? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted October 10, 2017 #339 Share Posted October 10, 2017 I've only got a couple of half-crowns and a ten shilling note, will that do for now? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 10, 2017 Author #340 Share Posted October 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: I've only got a couple of half-crowns and a ten shilling note, will that do for now? Thee be rate lass, youve had a bad day and the added stress of a debt collector called dark derek banging on your door, tomorrow at 9am...kind of ruins the moment. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted October 11, 2017 #341 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Annnnnd in I come for my usual rose water and southern comfort mmmmm 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted October 11, 2017 #342 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Mine's a Snowball, please. A proper one in a bottle ...... none of that homemade nonsense. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted October 11, 2017 #343 Share Posted October 11, 2017 13 hours ago, ouija ouija said: Jeez! what a day I've had; phone(landline. I don't have a mobile), stopped working so spent I don't know how long 'chatting' with a real person on B.T.'s online 'help' thingy, You've got a landline now? It's good to know that you have finally been dragged (kicking and screaming) into the 20th century. That reminds me.... Mork, the newspaper that Flat Ron brought in probably needs changing. I think everyone's read it. It's from 1951. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted October 11, 2017 #344 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Haha, very funny ...... NOT! The only reason I got the landline was the food for the carrier pigeons got too expensive. Well, that and the fact the neighbours were complaining about pigeon c**p on their windows. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted October 11, 2017 #345 Share Posted October 11, 2017 (edited) Oh. I thought you weren't talking to the neighbours since they hacksawed the offending appendage off your Pìssing Gnome. Edited October 11, 2017 by acute . 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 11, 2017 Author #346 Share Posted October 11, 2017 1 hour ago, acute said: You've got a landline now? It's good to know that you have finally been dragged (kicking and screaming) into the 20th century. That reminds me.... Mork, the newspaper that Flat Ron brought in probably needs changing. I think everyone's read it. It's from 1951. Ahh yes I remember than one and its article on ladies knees. And that pratt Ron cut out all of the oxo coupons too 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 11, 2017 Author #347 Share Posted October 11, 2017 1 hour ago, ouija ouija said: Haha, very funny ...... NOT! The only reason I got the landline was the food for the carrier pigeons got too expensive. Well, that and the fact the neighbours were complaining about pigeon c**p on their windows. Get a decent gun and plow the fields of the erm...sky. You cant beat a bit of pigeon pie on a sunday. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted October 11, 2017 Author #348 Share Posted October 11, 2017 2 hours ago, ouija ouija said: Mine's a Snowball, please. A proper one in a bottle ...... none of that homemade nonsense. That home brew did not contain any carriage battery acid! Die Hard Burnard was spreading porkies. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted October 12, 2017 #349 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Why is there a sign up saying "Book now for Christmas"? Book what? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Monk Posted October 12, 2017 #350 Share Posted October 12, 2017 On 09/10/2017 at 8:26 PM, Matt221 said: I'll tell you my best G&D joke if I can come back .... A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George? My grandmother used to work in a George and Dragon pub. Her husband was called George. It's true. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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