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Mark One

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Yes I am alive.  The coppers have let me go after that Halloween ghost hunt frig up at Bernard the Gurners mother house.  Looks like Dark Derek may get 4 years mind... :( 

Highlights of Halloween Ghost Hunt

Venue: Bernard The Gurners old mothers house, downt by marsh near ter old Post Office and not far from old Ernies Drum (dwelling).

Those int attendance onnim were: Mr Mork (after closing), Hand-bag Sandra, Glenice the Hagg, Gay Rupert, Bobby Chopper, Dark Derek, Micky Gravel, Quiet Norman, Gadget Bob, Sure Sidney.

Plan of attack:

Most of gang ton`d up at around midnight and nipped to thee spot fah night.

Nowt much happened at fost (first).  Then Bob picked up some TCP or EVP jobbies ont his gramma-phone recorder gubbins of another group of curious ghost hunterers from the year in 2071!  Thee kept askin us to head ter thah light!  Mickey got right cheesed off wiv em.  His foul wordage made it quite clear to them thah we wernt dead onnim. 

Sure Sidney clocked the attick and even thah we warned him – he still managed ter fall throught cieling and in turn crucified a crackin sideboard.  Norman & Rupert carried him hom.

Bobby, Mork, Glenice and Sandra stuck it owt int parlour with a bottle of sherry or two…

Dark Derek got more than he bargained for int kitchen area onnim.  As he called owt fah dah spirits to come he saw a man appear wit big stick – wallop!  Derek had gone int-ter wrong house onnit!

Summary: Thank god it was dark that no one saw us!

Recommendations: Next year its bleeding apple bobbin!!!!

 

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14 hours ago, third_eye said:

WoooHoooo ... tell the ladies to take off the knickers and tie up them hands on the scoundrels ...

~

 sorry I had to head'r home so early last night why I don't frequent that often...

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Bout time Derek copped it, he's one big fat faced **** er he swaggers about like he owns the place ..... actually i take it that back he do own the place 

Edited by Matt221
Wanted to
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1 hour ago, Matt221 said:

Bout time Derek copped it, he's one big fat faced **** er he swaggers about like he owns the place ..... actually i take it that back he do own the place 

A tad harsh there old bean.  Dark Derek is rather fond of you.  I`ll send him your best wishes mate :)

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Now ... about that ten quid on yer tab ...

~

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10 hours ago, Mr Mork said:

A tad harsh there old bean.  Dark Derek is rather fond of you.  I`ll send him your best wishes mate :)

Lookin back I think I was a bit hard on him but I still won't forgive him for the cucumber and baby oil incident he should never of tried it

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Good news folks!  Acute & Ouija are now appointed as subs for the pub - should I be busy else where onnit.  Well done to you twos for the joining Bluestar on a career ladder enterprise with £7 per week too..    

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:blush: Thank you for your confidence in me but are you sure the appointment of acute is a good idea? You know me, I'm not one to tittle-tattle but that man is a bottomless pit when it comes to consuming free alcohol and that's how he would view your absence ..... the opportunity to help himself to your stock without paying for it. Ditch acute, pay me £12 per week and I'll do the work of two and there'll be no stock lost.

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I'll toss in a new pair of fancy frock for Aunty Weej too ...

~

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1 hour ago, ouija ouija said:

:blush: Thank you for your confidence in me but are you sure the appointment of acute is a good idea? You know me, I'm not one to tittle-tattle but that man is a bottomless pit when it comes to consuming free alcohol and that's how he would view your absence ..... the opportunity to help himself to your stock without paying for it. Ditch acute, pay me £12 per week and I'll do the work of two and there'll be no stock lost.

What you need is erm somebody who's T-total"I WONDER WHOW WOULD FIT THE BILL" *Ahem* LET'S THINK NOW 

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You ain't getting near the tips kitty ya ain't ...

~

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2 hours ago, ouija ouija said:

:blush: Thank you for your confidence in me but are you sure the appointment of acute is a good idea? You know me, I'm not one to tittle-tattle but that man is a bottomless pit when it comes to consuming free alcohol and that's how he would view your absence ..... the opportunity to help himself to your stock without paying for it. Ditch acute, pay me £12 per week and I'll do the work of two and there'll be no stock lost.

Good point me lass.  Yer hired!

Acute...well this must be some kind of record old pal...best mate in the world...a right good egg...youve been hired `n` fired in less than 24 hours *whoops*

Now if I catch you giving sub landlady Ouija any jip you`ll soon find out just how painful her cattle prod is!

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Oooh ... can I be the first to get a go from the prod ?

~ pwease ?

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To erm celebrate the new sub landladies arrival here at the G & D yee can all find these in small bowls on tee bar and also int gents too uppit.  Who loves yah baby!

current_2_248.jpg

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Peeled AND deshelled ... now that's the grand nine yards that is ...

~

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A good friend of mine (actually the leading man in the show I do) can't drink in a bar without ordering peanuts. It's like he can't have alcohol without peanuts too. I pointed this out to him when we were in Stamford this year and he claimed that he could drink beer without accompanying peanuts. I popped out of the bar for 30 seconds and when I returned, what did I find but peanuts?

That's a bit stream of consciousness, I apologise - I blame it on editing 30 pages of nonfic today.

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Ive just had one of those "out there moments" bods..let me explain.

My generous gesture of free nibbles had gone down well.  The bowls on the bar were soon empty.  So, by following trade union rules I nipped into the gents with the empty bowls and topped them up with the full ones situated near the urinals.  Thats when I clocked this.  Oh, my giddy aunt!

Spoiler

gFKsunQ.gif

 

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Who the heck IS that?! Hey! I bet it's acute trying to get revenge for losing his job.

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Dong & Chop Industries (who are in charge of tee beer license) have sent these through the post.  Summit about assessin the I.Q. of the regular bods.  *scratches head*

atthebar.gif

Aspirins are behind tee bar for any headaches at 2 pennies a stab.

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The G in the bottom left hand corner going up diagonally is GINFIZZ now I've done that I gotta have a rest and a pint of usual please

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7 minutes ago, Matt221 said:

The G in the bottom left hand corner going up diagonally is GINFIZZ now I've done that I gotta have a rest and a pint of usual please

But going up from that letter spells out Ged!!!!  Dont you remember old Albert Ged and his thing and that cabbage onnim, god bless his soul.

One more pint coming up Matt and may I offer - a harder look at the true value of that wod search, me `oad`. 

*empties some more peanuts (from the gents) into the bowls along the bar.*

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Thankyou barman I'd forgotten about Albert they were the days, oh yeah and by the way G going DIAGONALLY 

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On ‎07‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 3:19 PM, Mr Mork said:

Acute...well this must be some kind of record old pal...best mate in the world...a right good egg...youve been hired `n` fired in less than 24 hours *whoops*

**** me!  It's like working in the White House!

Anyway... I worked out that you wanted weej not me, when you said the uniform was a stripey jumper.

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Someone please wash that hedgehog's mouth with a quart of gin and a pinch of soda ...

~

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On ‎07‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 3:23 PM, Mr Mork said:

 

current_2_248.jpg

Where's Mork and Weej?

Health & Safety have just been in.  Apparently, the snacks on the bar are 30% urine.

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