Matt221 Posted November 23, 2017 #626 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Not sure that flag is legal anymore what with all this ere sexual equality n stuff 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 23, 2017 #627 Share Posted November 23, 2017 erm ......... has anybody here seen a pair of Directoire double-gusseted ladies' undergarments floating around the premises? There's a slight possibility I ..... erm, a good friend of mine may have accidently become separated from them on these premises .......... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 23, 2017 Author #628 Share Posted November 23, 2017 What is it with my pub and certain peeps losing their clothing? This aint a knocking shop you know! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 23, 2017 Author #629 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Next month sees a new hot meal on offer. The G & D Power Breakfast. For only 1 shilling and thruh-punce yee shall get - One of Harry (the Hatchets) Jumbo Pork Bangers Two slices of Harries Crispy Bacon Rashers. Crush fried tomato. One deep fried egg. Lard on toast (black pepper and salt is optional) Mug of stewed tea. Spread thah word bods and why not give em thah slogan: Cor blimey, I could murder a Ger-Der-Per-Ber. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted November 24, 2017 #630 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Anything kosher? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted November 24, 2017 #631 Share Posted November 24, 2017 22 hours ago, ouija ouija said: erm ......... has anybody here seen a pair of Directoire double-gusseted ladies' undergarments floating around the premises? There's a slight possibility I ..... erm, a good friend of mine may have accidently become separated from them on these premises .......... There's a pair of XXXXLs on Rudolph's antlers. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHaYap Posted November 24, 2017 #632 Share Posted November 24, 2017 Uhmmmm ... that's a pair of XXLs ... well worn out and stretched ... ~ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted November 24, 2017 #633 Share Posted November 24, 2017 15 hours ago, Mr Mork said: Next month sees a new hot meal on offer. The G & D Power Breakfast. For only 1 shilling and thruh-punce yee shall get - One of Harry (the Hatchets) Jumbo Pork Bangers Two slices of Harries Crispy Bacon Rashers. Crush fried tomato. One deep fried egg. Lard on toast (black pepper and salt is optional) Mug of stewed tea. Spread thah word bods and why not give em thah slogan: Cor blimey, I could murder a Ger-Der-Per-Ber. Put this meal on, on the same night as the Lionel Blair tribute act and your on to a winner BTW I'll order a couple of them meals in advance and one of the kiddie size ones please 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 24, 2017 #634 Share Posted November 24, 2017 There's going to be a Lionel Blair tribute act?!! Brilliant! Will he be doing that charades game he did on the telly? I loved that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 24, 2017 Author #635 Share Posted November 24, 2017 That night is cancelled! This shady bod... ...who looks more like a Dr Who reject ter me is a rum-un. All smiles ont boat race an un sour apple ont inside in my onions opinion. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 24, 2017 Author #636 Share Posted November 24, 2017 1 hour ago, Matt221 said: Put this meal on, on the same night as the Lionel Blair tribute act and your on to a winner BTW I'll order a couple of them meals in advance and one of the kiddie size ones please Gawd lad! You know it makes sense. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted November 24, 2017 #637 Share Posted November 24, 2017 I thourght we could get this little fella in http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/baby-gorilla-lionel-blair-lookalike-7570144 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 25, 2017 Author #638 Share Posted November 25, 2017 As promised here is the new look to the refurbished G & D. I spent £25 on one of those Colour Chrome Photo things - well worth it in my onions opinion. Look, you can even see Matt, Acute, Third-Eye and other regulars celebrating. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHaYap Posted November 25, 2017 #639 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I'm a under the second table on the right ... I'm a shy ... ~ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 25, 2017 Author #640 Share Posted November 25, 2017 7 minutes ago, third_eye said: I'm a under the second table on the right ... I'm a shy ... ~ Oh thats where you were. Big Vic told me you had scarpered into the gents after suddenly developing a hunger for peanuts 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHaYap Posted November 25, 2017 #641 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Nawww ... I got enough of the peanuts in my pant ... ~ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 25, 2017 Author #642 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Will be knocking up a christmas LP this year. Would make a cracking addition to that lump of coal and a orange in your stocking. Below is a taster from: The Best of Mork on LP. Spoiler In The George an Dragon. A song written and performed by Mork with the help of some choir singers, a herd of cows and some pigs. I saw Big Vic, messing with his keys He hurry ups, to avoid the fuppin police After spending hours, hammering the rum This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-un Old lanky Jim, is ordering a pint With dire winds that pass from him behind His Whistle and Flute, looking tossed and torn This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unn A nasty draft settles all around Darkest Derek, manifesting on the ground Peering from the shadows, no-one seems forlorn This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unnn *Mork wanders through someone’s coal shed at winter* (Softly spoken words) I wash the empties with hope Because the pub is waiting Waiting for one bod Local or from Scunthorpe, no one knows But a bod that would turn up and buy me out I hate this pigs sty And everyone to everyone's neighbour too Misery and suffering would be forgotten forever when I move to Ipswich *temper tantrum* This places gets right up my back…I could tell you some stories…GRRRR *cough* *Cows sway from left to right, behind Mork* It's all a dream and illusion now It must come true, sometimes soon somehow Erm…After spending hours, hammering the rum This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unnnn After spending hours, hammering the rum This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unnnnn in the George an Drag-unnnnnnn One time…Whoh YEH! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted November 25, 2017 #643 Share Posted November 25, 2017 3 hours ago, Mr Mork said: As promised here is the new look to the refurbished G & D. I spent £25 on one of those Colour Chrome Photo things - well worth it in my onions opinion. Look, you can even see Matt, Acute, Third-Eye and other regulars celebrating. Ah yeah I love that Blue t shirt but what's Agro Aggie doin there she's got a life time ban I thourght after her" look at these beauty's" stunt 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted November 25, 2017 #644 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) 3 hours ago, Mr Mork said: Did you take this with an old-fashioned camera? You need a fast shutter speed to catch ouija ouija actually working. Edited November 25, 2017 by acute 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted November 28, 2017 #645 Share Posted November 28, 2017 On 25/11/2017 at 4:31 PM, Matt221 said: Ah yeah I love that Blue t shirt but what's Agro Aggie doin there she's got a life time ban I thourght after her" look at these beauty's" stunt Don't you remember? You took pity on her when she stood on her boobs and banged her head up the bar. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted November 28, 2017 #646 Share Posted November 28, 2017 On 11/25/2017 at 4:01 PM, Mr Mork said: Will be knocking up a christmas LP this year. Would make a cracking addition to that lump of coal and a orange in your stocking. Below is a taster from: The Best of Mork on LP. Hide contents In The George an Dragon. A song written and performed by Mork with the help of some choir singers, a herd of cows and some pigs. I saw Big Vic, messing with his keys He hurry ups, to avoid the fuppin police After spending hours, hammering the rum This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-un Old lanky Jim, is ordering a pint With dire winds that pass from him behind His Whistle and Flute, looking tossed and torn This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unn A nasty draft settles all around Darkest Derek, manifesting on the ground Peering from the shadows, no-one seems forlorn This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unnn *Mork wanders through someone’s coal shed at winter* (Softly spoken words) I wash the empties with hope Because the pub is waiting Waiting for one bod Local or from Scunthorpe, no one knows But a bod that would turn up and buy me out I hate this pigs sty And everyone to everyone's neighbour too Misery and suffering would be forgotten forever when I move to Ipswich *temper tantrum* This places gets right up my back…I could tell you some stories…GRRRR *cough* *Cows sway from left to right, behind Mork* It's all a dream and illusion now It must come true, sometimes soon somehow Erm…After spending hours, hammering the rum This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unnnn After spending hours, hammering the rum This comes to pass, in the George an Drag-unnnnn in the George an Drag-unnnnnnn One time…Whoh YEH! I will be dancing round my handbag to this. How do we sing it, in rap, operatic or knees up mother brown style? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 28, 2017 Author #647 Share Posted November 28, 2017 2 hours ago, freetoroam said: I will be dancing round my handbag to this. How do we sing it, in rap, operatic or knees up mother brown style? This geezer "borrowed" it from me on sales or return. Lucky B@gger made a fortune off of it and I got nowt! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt221 Posted November 29, 2017 #648 Share Posted November 29, 2017 (edited) 17 hours ago, freetoroam said: I will be dancing round my handbag to this. How do we sing it, in rap, operatic or knees up mother brown style? Gotta be rap stylie Em And Em will be well gutted he never got the gig I still haven't forgiven him for making up lies about our old mate Stan Edited November 29, 2017 by Matt221 Wanted to 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHaYap Posted November 29, 2017 #649 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Ya mean Stan stood up but didn't stand up ? ~ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted November 29, 2017 Author #650 Share Posted November 29, 2017 And who can forget poor owd Stan, god bless his soul. 75 yrs young and flipping ace with a pair of spoons. Will we ever get over his tragic road accident? A cold winters evening inside his T reg Metro when, through his poor vision he mistook the sweeping, concave display of ice along the bottom of his windscreen as real scenery. Needless to say - church wall, crash, bang, wallop! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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