freetoroam Posted June 8, 2018 #1401 Share Posted June 8, 2018 3 minutes ago, Mark One said: Whats all this moaning all about chicken? You, Ouija and TC must be interested as you keep coming back. So put yer glad rags on and treat tonight like ladies night in the Lantern. We keep coming back because we are hoping you will bring in some hunky men. I have a problem...i googled hunky men and some are not interested in women. i will leave it to you to come up with a more eye candy selection, tip: nothing like the ones you have lined up so far. 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 8, 2018 Author #1402 Share Posted June 8, 2018 6 minutes ago, freetoroam said: We keep coming back because we are hoping you will bring in some hunky men. I have a problem...i googled hunky men and some are not interested in women. i will leave it to you to come up with a more eye candy selection, tip: nothing like the ones you have lined up so far. Lets just get this "straight" - you would like me to start displaying images of hot men here What would the neighbors say? 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted June 8, 2018 #1403 Share Posted June 8, 2018 50 minutes ago, Mark One said: Lets just get this "straight" - you would like me to start displaying images of hot men here What would the neighbors say? The neighbours are not invited. 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted June 8, 2018 #1404 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Am I too late for a pint of Bailey's? *takes a deep breath* Okay, so I've just been on my first date with Dark Derek and everything was going well(he's quite interesting to talk to, actually), until he attempted a kiss on my front doorstep(attempted to kiss me, not the doorstep! ). The pic below is taken from cctv. 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 8, 2018 Author #1405 Share Posted June 8, 2018 15 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: Am I too late for a pint of Bailey's? *takes a deep breath* Okay, so I've just been on my first date with Dark Derek and everything was going well(he's quite interesting to talk to, actually), until he attempted a kiss on my front doorstep(attempted to kiss me, not the doorstep! ). The pic below is taken from cctv. Hes yawning! Jeez Ouija, did you nearly bore him to death? And you going out on a date in bedroom garb!!! Not to mention you look like youve been on the cider - tut-tut. Uber HD CCTV pointing towards your doorstep....paranoid or what! And finally, the flash from that camera could have damaged his sensitive skin - poor bloke. 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 9, 2018 #1406 Share Posted June 9, 2018 (edited) 10 hours ago, Mark One said: At least derek is rocken that dance move I taught ‘im and he finally used braces to fix that snaggle tooth grin of his. Itks so nice to see he is getting out and about. Edited June 9, 2018 by newbloodmoon 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tcgram Posted June 9, 2018 #1407 Share Posted June 9, 2018 17 hours ago, Mark One said: Whats all this moaning all about chicken? You, Ouija and TC must be interested as you keep coming back. So put yer glad rags on and treat tonight like ladies night in the Lantern. I keep coming back for the drinks and to see the blokes try to stay on the bar stools after quite a few rounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted June 9, 2018 #1408 Share Posted June 9, 2018 17 hours ago, ouija ouija said: Am I too late for a pint of Bailey's? *takes a deep breath* Okay, so I've just been on my first date with Dark Derek and everything was going well(he's quite interesting to talk to, actually), until he attempted a kiss on my front doorstep(attempted to kiss me, not the doorstep! ). The pic below is taken from cctv. You look like you are sleeping, he might just have been trying to wake you up. 1 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 9, 2018 Author #1409 Share Posted June 9, 2018 *displays his private collection of felt gloves* Ouija, if your neck or shoulders need a massage after your contact with D.D. please let me know. X 1 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 9, 2018 Author #1410 Share Posted June 9, 2018 Ive ordered 2 of these to add that extra touch to my bar grub. 1 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 10, 2018 #1411 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Will definitely stay away from that John Lewis bloke, perhaps I should hang out with we lil Chaz “the knee whacker” Mahoney. He’s not afraid to tell some punter off with his minnie fish wacken bat that he named Janice. 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 11, 2018 Author #1412 Share Posted June 11, 2018 On 6/10/2018 at 3:37 PM, newbloodmoon said: Will definitely stay away from that John Lewis bloke, perhaps I should hang out with we lil Chaz “the knee whacker” Mahoney. He’s not afraid to tell some punter off with his minnie fish wacken bat that he named Janice. Isnt he the one who looks like a one-legged Wayne Rooney? 1 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 12, 2018 #1413 Share Posted June 12, 2018 8 hours ago, Mark One said: Isnt he the one who looks like a one-legged Wayne Rooney? I would lean more towards a bald Wayne Newton with a monobrow, but he very well could have a prosthetic leg and I was simply unaware of the one leg. 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 12, 2018 Author #1414 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Well Ive waited all day for me friggin Gravy troughs to arrive and...no luck Yer wud have fort with 5 quid P&P it would be next day delivery. I did receive a message though about my order. A carrier pigeon called Eric flew in earlier all the way from Hull. It read: PACKAGE IS EMPTY BUT WILL BE PACKED WITH ORDER PRONTO. PLEASE GIVE ERIC A DRINK OF BOVRIL AND A CHEESE BUTTY. Dick Ball was in at the time & his pigeon fancying days are still, sadly with us. He spent a good half hour stroking it whilst trying to give it a kiss. *yuck* 1 2 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 15, 2018 #1415 Share Posted June 15, 2018 So who’s the bloke with the hurdy gurdy and tin cup out front? He wanted a few pounds so I pointed him down the street to play at the Moose Knuckle and Cheese Wheel tavern. Hope he wasn’t your entertainment for the night guv, if so I can call the ladies auxillery to come pay a visit, I hear it’s “pastie application” night. 2 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted June 15, 2018 #1416 Share Posted June 15, 2018 A small sweet sherry, if you please, Mark. I hope those gravy fountains arrive soon ...... what a brilliant idea for those of us who are trying to keep their diet sugar free! Hmm, having thought a bit more about it, won't every Tom, Dick and Dark Derek be sticking his grubby fingers in it, slurping the gravy off them and then going back for more? YUCK! 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 15, 2018 Author #1417 Share Posted June 15, 2018 28 minutes ago, ouija ouija said: Hmm, having thought a bit more about it, won't every Tom, Dick and Dark Derek be sticking his grubby fingers in it, slurping the gravy off them and then going back for more? YUCK! Thats the magic see cos every bod uses a stick instead of there grubby mits. 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 15, 2018 Author #1418 Share Posted June 15, 2018 Ive just had to kick the stool from under some yung upstart. Walking into my gaff with a bunch of flowers, the flippin cheek of it. Sure its Friday and yes thats the day when many beginners of the art known as - trapping - seek out a ball and chain...but come on, flowers! They`ll play up my hayfever like summit cronic. Luckily, Blowtorch Burt and Micky Gravel were around. The flowers were quickly ycremated and the yung-un was taken around the back where he had a long talk about being cheeky, with Micky. He was then taken to the dis-coloured pool and thrown in for good measure. When the bird arrived the tears soon followed and we all told her he wasnt worth it. She was sent packing back to her mothers and the yung-un came back in-ter Dragon where he bought everyone a drink. Gawd lad! 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted June 15, 2018 #1419 Share Posted June 15, 2018 I got a plant from Cement boot Sam once, i think it was called belladonna, due to no room to keep it, i gave it to my mother in law...that reminds me, not even a thankyou off her! 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted June 15, 2018 #1420 Share Posted June 15, 2018 On 09/06/2018 at 9:16 PM, Mark One said: Ive ordered 2 of these to add that extra touch to my bar grub. Whats happening with the gravy fountain? I got 45 marrowfat peas on cocktails sticks here, not sure how long they will last, its been nearly a week now. 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 15, 2018 Author #1421 Share Posted June 15, 2018 On 6/15/2018 at 2:53 PM, freetoroam said: Whats happening with the gravy fountain? I got 45 marrowfat peas on cocktails sticks here, not sure how long they will last, its been nearly a week now. Another pigeon arrived today informing me that it was on its way, and I`m keeping hold of that one. When the friggin things arrive, Gerald the pigeon here is going to get the first taste! 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted June 15, 2018 #1422 Share Posted June 15, 2018 2 minutes ago, Mark One said: Another pigeon arrived today informing me that it was on its way, and I`m keeping hold of that one. When the friggin things arrive, Gerald the pigeon here is going to get the first taste! Are you holding Gerald the pigeon as hostage? Oh dear, please take care of him and do not use duck tape ( as he is a pigeon not a duck). I look forward to the arrival of friggin thing, may even splash out on a few more marrowpeas. 2 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 15, 2018 Author #1423 Share Posted June 15, 2018 On 6/15/2018 at 3:32 PM, freetoroam said: Are you holding Gerald the pigeon as hostage? Oh dear, please take care of him and do not use duck tape ( as he is a pigeon not a duck). I look forward to the arrival of friggin thing, may even splash out on a few more marrowpeas. Oh we have ducks too. Theyve set up camp in the pool. 1 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 16, 2018 #1424 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Licks chops at the thought of pidgeon giblits in gravy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 16, 2018 Author #1425 Share Posted June 16, 2018 Ive nicked borrowed a 17" colour telly for Mondays world cup game. There will be a sheep BBQ, men-in-shorts darts matches, buy one get one free, pea-nuts and mini sauages and pineapple cubes, yorkshire puds, meat slices, me two gravy boats (woo-hoo). Games at half time for the nippers such as: Ugliest baby compo, brick n spoon race, Biffo the hard-up Clown, a trampoline and balloons and pass the prezzie and blind mans buff onnit. 10p off all benny & hedgehog fags, 15p off of KP crisps. I thought I`d really go for it this time around seeing as England are generally useless and will no doubt only last a couple of games....*yawn* 3 Top Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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