Mark One Posted January 23, 2019 Author #1701 Share Posted January 23, 2019 4 hours ago, newbloodmoon said: Does just that without question after getting a bit roughed up by Big Vince the other day. Well count yourself lucky. That homicidal maniac in the green Mini is the one to avoid. He once lost his Teddy in the Green Lantern. It took 2 ambulances, a fire engine and 10 coppers to end that massacre. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 23, 2019 Author #1702 Share Posted January 23, 2019 On 09/03/2016 at 11:30 PM, Vlawde said: Give me something dark and rich. Whatcha got for snacks? Hiya Vlawde, how yer doing? Here, try a bowl of cornbeef hash. It's only 60p per bowl. Salt, chum? Here let me do the honours. *Leans over Vlawde with salt and catches a strange wiff coming from the stew* Here you go sir (sprinkles some salt and starts to sing a song) "...Do the Shake & Vac, and bring the freshness back. Do the Shake & ..." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 26, 2019 Author #1703 Share Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) https://m.imgur.com/gallery/sIvpMle Good news lads! These two (Wandering Wanter aka Hanging-Alison & Cutie Brutie aka Elaine Tapp) are on the hunt for a man. They're sat inside the Dragon right now. Supping tea and ordering from the menu. They've both put in a order for a half pint glass filled with prawns *yuck* - but get this, men. They've also ordered two extra for you to share with em. So come on, chaps. Put them out of there misery. I'm getting fed up with listening to them..."ooh, look at that man's sideburns..."ahhh, he's handsome..."That pipe he smokes, reminds me of my old Stan...oooh, ah want him...ah want his happiness... ... ... *Must resist urge to use my shot gun* Edited January 26, 2019 by Mark One 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tcgram Posted January 28, 2019 #1704 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I'll take whatever warm drink you serve, the winds are blowing and arctic air is coming in. I'm wearing so many layers of clothes that if I fall down, no one will find me until Spring. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 30, 2019 Author #1705 Share Posted January 30, 2019 On 28/01/2019 at 4:49 PM, tcgram said: I'll take whatever warm drink you serve, the winds are blowing and arctic air is coming in. I'm wearing so many layers of clothes that if I fall down, no one will find me until Spring. Hiya, my little Angelfish x. You do look a tad over packed, int clothing dept. Well what with new additions to me menu onnit, how about a hot caburies Chocolate drink with cream, chocolate sprinkles & a complimentary. Currant bun. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 30, 2019 Author #1706 Share Posted January 30, 2019 The meal of the day is... Soup in a basket with small roll and a sausage roll. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted January 30, 2019 #1707 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Dashes out from pool and runs on out.... On 1/26/2019 at 5:22 AM, Mark One said: https://m.imgur.com/gallery/sIvpMle Good news lads! These two (Wandering Wanter aka Hanging-Alison & Cutie Brutie aka Elaine Tapp) are on the hunt for a man. They're sat inside the Dragon right now. Supping tea and ordering from the menu. They've both put in a order for a half pint glass filled with prawns *yuck* - but get this, men. They've also ordered two extra for you to share with em. So come on, chaps. Put them out of there misery. I'm getting fed up with listening to them..."ooh, look at that man's sideburns..."ahhh, he's handsome..."That pipe he smokes, reminds me of my old Stan...oooh, ah want him...ah want his happiness... ... ... *Must resist urge to use my shot gun* Half hour later I come in sporting a tie..... “Hello ladies” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 30, 2019 Author #1708 Share Posted January 30, 2019 On 30/01/2019 at 12:32 PM, newbloodmoon said: Dashes out from pool and runs on out.... Half hour later I come in sporting a tie..... “Hello ladies” Sorry pal, both bruties were last seen trying to pull some council men, who were digging in the road Thier mothers are still alive and kicking though, if you're keen. Pop your clogs on and get down to the Cockers Retirement Home. Fill your boots mate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 30, 2019 Author #1709 Share Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) https://giphy.com/gifs/father-ted-gillys-eoin-mclove-14iiwmzz6XDSBW Mr moons house, later tonight. Edited January 30, 2019 by Mark One 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted January 31, 2019 #1710 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Sneaks in the back way. “Whew!” Might not have taken long with each before the rolled over with a ‘you can get off me now’ look but there sure was a lot of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted January 31, 2019 Author #1711 Share Posted January 31, 2019 (edited) On 31/01/2019 at 12:24 PM, newbloodmoon said: Sneaks in the back way. “Whew!” Might not have taken long with each before the rolled over with a ‘you can get off me now’ look but there sure was a lot of them. Good luck with mothers day, mate. Hagglers like them will expect flowers, cards and a cuddly kiss from their special little guy. Take my advice- hide in me cellar for six months, mate. Cos, since most of them Doris's have a direct line to God, there's a good chance they'll kick the bucket soon. You may even receive summit from their Will, too. You lucky b*gger! Edited January 31, 2019 by Mark One 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted February 1, 2019 #1712 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I am sure some sort of rent would be in order for hiding in such a grand establishment. Probably a work detail as well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted February 2, 2019 Author #1713 Share Posted February 2, 2019 On 01/02/2019 at 12:30 PM, newbloodmoon said: I am sure some sort of rent would be in order for hiding in such a grand establishment. Probably a work detail as well. Now come to think of it, yes. You've used those outside khazi's haven't you. Well, they don't half pen and ink and kicks up a foul stink for me water punters by the pool, onnhim. Those ancient soak-away drains do wonders for the weeds and bluebottles. Ahh mean, just take a butchers hook at the ladies privy, out there. There's so much plant life in there that I bet good money there's still a world war 2 Japanese Sniper Ace nested in there. Anyhows, I've got plans to knock them all down and extend the Dragon. Just imagine a dining room in their place. And when the soak-away dry up we'll have clean air again too. Yes, Mr Moon, I'll give you bed un board plus 20 Bob a aweek. We'll talk later, bod. Gotta leave yah. Denzils just staggered in. He'll be needing his daily staple fix of Bitter/vodka turbos. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted February 16, 2019 #1714 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Wearing my G&D jumper while pushing a broom and singing “chim chimmeny, chim chimmeny, chim, chim sharooo, sweeping the floor cause that’s all I can do” 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted February 20, 2019 Author #1715 Share Posted February 20, 2019 On 16/02/2019 at 7:23 AM, newbloodmoon said: Wearing my G&D jumper while pushing a broom and singing “chim chimmeny, chim chimmeny, chim, chim sharooo, sweeping the floor cause that’s all I can do” As long as you don't start wearing a dress and mimicking Ms. Poppins, bod. *Angered voice* OR YOU'LL FIND YER SEN INT THAT SHEEP DIP ON HIGGINBOTTOMS FARM!!!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted February 21, 2019 #1716 Share Posted February 21, 2019 9 hours ago, Mark One said: As long as you don't start wearing a dress and mimicking Ms. Poppins, bod. *Angered voice* OR YOU'LL FIND YER SEN INT THAT SHEEP DIP ON HIGGINBOTTOMS FARM!!!!! “Gives a crisp salute, no Poppins impersonation from me boss (foot scoots the umbrella under the table), no sheep dippery for me.” scuttles off to clean off tables. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted February 21, 2019 #1717 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Oi, gaffer! What's happened to the fag machine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted February 22, 2019 #1718 Share Posted February 22, 2019 13 hours ago, acute said: Oi, gaffer! What's happened to the fag machine? Thanks to an intoxicated Lenny the Lummox, he got a little amorous and well lets just say he soiled it all right properly. Until we can get it deloused it will be out of service. Thankfully I happened to have a few sultry photos of a Tesco’s manager so we have replacement packs for discounted prices. Of course G&D customers pay full price unless Mark says otherwise. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted February 22, 2019 Author #1719 Share Posted February 22, 2019 And if that fails. See old Moss in the outdoor bogs. He's been in France and has come back with plenty of packets of Park Drive. Now then...*glances around and clocks Mr Moon before shouting* Get that mascara rubbed off yer boat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted February 27, 2019 Author #1720 Share Posted February 27, 2019 Well what can I say! Oh lordy, that wandering Wanter aka Hanging Alison & her big sister, Brutus have been in here since 11am. Knocking back larger in blacks as they groan on and on about needing a real man in their life's. Who ever enters the dragon next may get more than they bargained for *yikes* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted March 3, 2019 #1721 Share Posted March 3, 2019 Comes upstairs from the basement in a granny rose print dress with a pillow stuffed in the back. Luckily Brutus can be heard some blocks away. Wipes down counter for the two ladies between drinks. “Ya know ladies, that wacky yank from overseas, mr. moon. He’s off for the day, went on over to pearly in hopes of sniping some hunky bouncers to liven up the place for you fine ladies.” I then scuttle off to sweep the floor with an exaggerated limp and much clearing of muchus from my throat. Hopefully my clever disguise will keep these ladies from turning me into a living human pretzle. Hope Mark doesn’t blow my cover, it’s harder than hell to run in womens flats and baggy nylons. The wig is hotter than hell and the over sized fake pearls could knock out a tooth. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted March 4, 2019 Author #1722 Share Posted March 4, 2019 On 03/03/2019 at 3:28 PM, newbloodmoon said: Comes upstairs from the basement in a granny rose print dress with a pillow stuffed in the back. Luckily Brutus can be heard some blocks away. Wipes down counter for the two ladies between drinks. “Ya know ladies, that wacky yank from overseas, mr. moon. He’s off for the day, went on over to pearly in hopes of sniping some hunky bouncers to liven up the place for you fine ladies.” I then scuttle off to sweep the floor with an exaggerated limp and much clearing of muchus from my throat. Hopefully my clever disguise will keep these ladies from turning me into a living human pretzle. Hope Mark doesn’t blow my cover, it’s harder than hell to run in womens flats and baggy nylons. The wig is hotter than hell and the over sized fake pearls could knock out a tooth. Bad news, bod. Those "girls" are the least of your worries. No, don't stop working as ah talk Ter Yee. Get that @rse moving mate and finish polishing that brass ware. It's the local lads that you should be weary of. Most wanna rip you apart for souring thier ale with your low cut blouses. And a few of the others wanna take you on a date. Dicky Dirts & Ivor Killmore both want to take you out for a moonlit supper (fried egg in chips with HP sauce.) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrrpetrator Posted March 5, 2019 #1723 Share Posted March 5, 2019 H-H-H-H-H-h-h-h... A pint of yer driest cider, please, and one for yerself! an yer help! definitely one for the help.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted March 5, 2019 Author #1724 Share Posted March 5, 2019 4 hours ago, purrrpetrator said: H-H-H-H-H-h-h-h... A pint of yer driest cider, please, and one for yerself! an yer help! definitely one for the help.... Coming right up, pal. Erm *cough*, look here Purrs, Mr Moon accepts tips & he's...she's....um ..got a jar over there that is filling up nicely. Gotta say that I would never have thought that some poor bloke in hiding from the Hags/disguised as a women would bring in so much trade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted March 7, 2019 #1725 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Pours out tip jar..... hmmm a three holed button, bellybutton lint, and the phone number of Big Hank “the sheep shagger” Stonewaddle. Now for the money. Ha ha £62 and 60 of it goes to the G&D, I finally can put a down payment on the delux lollie used in Minnie Mayhems videos “Deadbeat Dads and how to punish ‘em.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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