Mark One Posted March 20, 2021 Author #2051 Share Posted March 20, 2021 15 hours ago, ant0n said: Ze French do it better, that is obvious ^^ However, nothing compares to ze Russians ^^ Traitors are NOT my cup of tea. They look smart in their flash suits don't they. But as soon as the cameras are turned off...shoes and socks off, smoking a fag whilst using a finger to clean out their ears. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted March 21, 2021 #2052 Share Posted March 21, 2021 On 3/20/2021 at 12:49 PM, Mark One said: They look smart in their flash suits don't they. But as soon as the cameras are turned off...shoes and socks off, smoking a fag whilst using a finger to clean out their ears. I knew there was a Frenchman in each one of 'em... Flashy yellow suits him best, right? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted March 21, 2021 Author #2053 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Here's the wheels which I mentioned on the previous page. And since Whitty let me down I thought I'd stick a poster up in the Harpy. Offers welcome. It's a 1971 model, van with eye catching roof conversion. Good little runner for short trips. Great workhorse...potential. 98,000 miles on the clock Rusted seals/arches/chassis?/wheelnuts. would make an excellent hobby project. Stalls in 3rd gear. Comes with homemade trailer (sits in the back of the Morris) Came with wooden ladder but some basket half inched it. Rear passenger side tyre is almost bald. Spare needs attention. 1st owner, OAP window cleaner 2nd owner, Asbestos Garages and Windows Ltd 3rd owner, Danny the Rake. 4th owner, Rashore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted March 27, 2021 #2054 Share Posted March 27, 2021 Hmmm so here’s my offer, 12 quid, two free passes to We Willies sausage packing plant were you get free pinky size sausages at the end of the tour, and last but not least, an autographed picture of Nancy Reagans psychic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted March 28, 2021 Author #2055 Share Posted March 28, 2021 19 hours ago, newbloodmoon said: Hmmm so here’s my offer, 12 quid, two free passes to We Willies sausage packing plant were you get free pinky size sausages at the end of the tour, and last but not least, an autographed picture of Nancy Reagans psychic. Well squire, erm what can I say. Mick (spelt like brick) has offered me the keys to the gates at the back of B&Q plus £22. Those skips are filled with things you wouldn't believe. The stuff they chuck out is unbelievable. The above is based on a true story. Someone who worked at a DIY store was mates with a supervisor who worked for the company I was part of. Every 3 weeks the diy worker would ring our supervisor to inform him that he had filled some more skips with "goods". This guy that we will call Mick (even though his real name was actually Tony) would deliberately damage items or strike them with a marking which meant unsuitable for sale. Most of what he shifted was lengths of wood but every now and again you'd receive bargins like a (almost typed IKEA there) glass table/wardrobe/ornaments/fittings etc. Now, Tonys downfall came when it became evident that he was a tea-leaf (no! Really?). He got sloppy see. Things which he handled/received/stole out of work hours were also taken to work and stored in skips or containers too. Great plan to fool the police which oneday backfired when the work site was assessed by in house resources. They soon identified the storage of items not related to the business. Tony was "had" and more things were found in his locker. The supervisor also got caught in this and later resigned. We later learnt that he wasn't using the stash taken from Tony to aid our business. No, he was utilising it in his own separate business, using our vans, fuel, workforce to shift it out of work hours. True story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted March 28, 2021 #2056 Share Posted March 28, 2021 (edited) Waiter One, please! I've just had a wonderful beer (8.6 extreme, platinum wolf). I will not pay for it here. It's not a problem, is it? Edited March 28, 2021 by ant0n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted March 29, 2021 Author #2057 Share Posted March 29, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, ant0n said: Waiter One, please! I've just had a wonderful beer (8.6 extreme, platinum wolf). I will not pay for it here. It's not a problem, is it? Waiter's! Not in my gaff, mate. plus that looks way to exotic for my punters. Tell you what, ask my new bar hand - methadone Mick - for a Monster Energy Drink and half a pint of Stellar. Don't be put off by his teeth mate, he's a good lad at heart. He came around the other day asking about a job. Edited March 29, 2021 by Mark One 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted March 29, 2021 #2058 Share Posted March 29, 2021 Mark "One": you look like the stretched version of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted March 31, 2021 #2059 Share Posted March 31, 2021 On 3/27/2021 at 5:42 PM, Mark One said: Well squire, erm what can I say. Mick (spelt like brick) has offered me the keys to the gates at the back of B&Q plus £22. Those skips are filled with things you wouldn't believe. The stuff they chuck out is unbelievable. The above is based on a true story. Someone who worked at a DIY store was mates with a supervisor who worked for the company I was part of. Every 3 weeks the diy worker would ring our supervisor to inform him that he had filled some more skips with "goods". This guy that we will call Mick (even though his real name was actually Tony) would deliberately damage items or strike them with a marking which meant unsuitable for sale. Most of what he shifted was lengths of wood but every now and again you'd receive bargins like a (almost typed IKEA there) glass table/wardrobe/ornaments/fittings etc. Now, Tonys downfall came when it became evident that he was a tea-leaf (no! Really?). He got sloppy see. Things which he handled/received/stole out of work hours were also taken to work and stored in skips or containers too. Great plan to fool the police which oneday backfired when the work site was assessed by in house resources. They soon identified the storage of items not related to the business. Tony was "had" and more things were found in his locker. The supervisor also got caught in this and later resigned. We later learnt that he wasn't using the stash taken from Tony to aid our business. No, he was utilising it in his own separate business, using our vans, fuel, workforce to shift it out of work hours. True story. So what your saying boss, is I didn’t get it? oh well, I was gonna sweeten the deal with my pterodactyl wing recipe but a brick to the head delivered by Mick would be worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted April 1, 2021 Author #2060 Share Posted April 1, 2021 On 3/31/2021 at 10:49 AM, newbloodmoon said: So what your saying boss, is I didn’t get it? oh well, I was gonna sweeten the deal with my pterodactyl wing recipe but a brick to the head delivered by Mick would be worse Hmmm, it's not for sale anymore. I just can't let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted April 12, 2021 #2061 Share Posted April 12, 2021 I can't believe it myself: I've just bought cans of alcohol-free beers! Strawberry- or lemon- flavo(u)red. I can't wait this evening to drink (at least) one of 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted May 18, 2021 #2062 Share Posted May 18, 2021 Writes up menu for the day. The Welshman - 1 shot sour mash whiskey, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn and green bean medley - £5 3P The Scotsman - 1 shot 12 yr Glen Livet with beer chaser, cheeseburger, fries - £10 (head but is free) The Irishman - 1 shot Jameson, Glen Fiddich, 3 beers, and potato soup £20 The Englishman - glass of water, fish and chips - £36 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 8, 2021 Author #2063 Share Posted June 8, 2021 This drum never fails to deliver, does it. Still filled with bucket banging slurpers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 18, 2021 #2064 Share Posted June 18, 2021 “Keep the masses drunk and they wont revolt”, my gaffer used to always say. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 18, 2021 Author #2065 Share Posted June 18, 2021 Must keep a count on the number of punters boarding the Harpy. Don't wanna sink my boat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 18, 2021 #2066 Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Mark One said: Must keep a count on the number of punters boarding the Harpy. Don't wanna sink my boat. No worries, with the occasional well timed shout of “Mermaid!” Or even “Selkie!” The punters take care of themselves. I then charge £5 to “fish” the sod in the surf for the chance to win the privilege of a private dinning experience with weevletons very own autumn octogenarian queen Mable Herbig as in her big brown eyes. Edited June 18, 2021 by newbloodmoon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 18, 2021 Author #2067 Share Posted June 18, 2021 3 hours ago, newbloodmoon said: No worries, with the occasional well timed shout of “Mermaid!” Or even “Selkie!” The punters take care of themselves. I then charge £5 to “fish” the sod in the surf for the chance to win the privilege of a private dinning experience with weevletons very own autumn octogenarian queen Mable Herbig as in her big brown eyes. We'll have to see if we can bang some portaloos in place along the bank. The two bogs which we have are inadequate. The one inside leads towards queue's. The one on deck which the lads use, seasons the river but leads to complaints from Land lovers and frequent calls to the rozzas about public indecency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted June 18, 2021 #2068 Share Posted June 18, 2021 I am King George VII. Deal with it. Hey, Waiter, Please! A cup of beer, please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 19, 2021 Author #2069 Share Posted June 19, 2021 BOG OFF (1). You might get lucky tonight, squire, what with it being singles night. Expect plenty of SWORDs (2). So, what are you? A talker or a porker? (3) That'll be two teacups of Weevleton Best, then. I'm still charging you for two pints, mind. 1. Buy One Get One For Free. 2. Single Women Or Recently Divorced. 3. Erm...nudge, nudge, wink, wink.(3a) 3(a) complete the following 1 king, 2 king, 3 king....(cough) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted June 19, 2021 #2070 Share Posted June 19, 2021 4 hours ago, Mark One said: BOG OFF (1). You might get lucky tonight, squire, what with it being singles night. Expect plenty of SWORDs (2). So, what are you? A talker or a porker? (3) That'll be two teacups of Weevleton Best, then. I'm still charging you for two pints, mind. 1. Buy One Get One For Free. 2. Single Women Or Recently Divorced. 3. Erm...nudge, nudge, wink, wink.(3a) 3(a) complete the following 1 king, 2 king, 3 king....(cough) Seriously, Man... Well, guess what? I've (very) recently figured out Charles of Wales is the actual King. But - Good Lords - he's had to be patient on that one Liz2 is my non-linear mother, as well as the mother of my very best friend. I have a lovely (but vulnerable and easily influenced) linear mother. Happy and Glorious (no matter what): 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 20, 2021 Author #2071 Share Posted June 20, 2021 10 hours ago, ant0n said: Seriously, Man... Well, guess what? I've (very) recently figured out Charles of Wales is the actual King. But - Good Lords - he's had to be patient on that one Liz2 is my non-linear mother, as well as the mother of my very best friend. I have a lovely (but vulnerable and easily influenced) linear mother. Happy and Glorious (no matter what): So that's why you've always spoken with a South London accent! A secret love child, hey? I bet you know her grand kid called Harry? He's a right girls blouse who cries out trauma and mental anguish everytime one of his many gold plated bathrooms develops a flushing problem. A decorated "Marine"/part time ninja whinger who in my opinion needs a good kick up his jacksie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted June 23, 2021 #2072 Share Posted June 23, 2021 Pours Mark a drink “it’s okay mate the whinging ginger is in Canada now. Perhaps he’ll accidentally cross the boarder in to one of the red states like Montana, I’m sure one of the cowpokes will get a boot up his jacksie in no time.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ant0n Posted June 24, 2021 #2073 Share Posted June 24, 2021 (edited) On 6/20/2021 at 10:53 AM, Mark One said: So that's why you've always spoken with a South London accent! A secret love child, hey? I bet you know her grand kid called Harry? He's a right girls blouse who cries out trauma and mental anguish everytime one of his many gold plated bathrooms develops a flushing problem. A decorated "Marine"/part time ninja whinger who in my opinion needs a good kick up his jacksie. Are you referring to that dam H-EN-ry ze Red? Henry is said Henri in French (which is a highly perverting language), which sounds like "(he)hates-laughs". Pretty oxymoronic, right? His Meghan and he are quite pathetic, right? Shame................................. Edited June 24, 2021 by ant0n 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted June 28, 2021 #2074 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Sorry to bother you, gaffer, but the fag machine is bolloxed! **** knows how many shillings I've put into the bloody thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark One Posted June 28, 2021 Author #2075 Share Posted June 28, 2021 That old thing hasn't worked since 1948. There is some Park Drive fags behind the bar, chief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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