The George And The Dragon is now open.

[ant0n]

20 hours ago, acute said:

Sorry to bother you, gaffer, but the fag machine is bolloxed!

**** knows how many shillings I've put into the bloody thing.

One day, I smoked a fag but the Police caught me in the act then I got sentenced for 20 years in jail for act of cruelty on a homo sapiens.

[Mark One]

There will be no smoking of any fags in my drum!  It's the law, see.  Even though it's still 1973 and my intuitions strangely dictating summit about 30 to 40 years into the future where bods have to stand outside to have a toot. *Confused*

[newbloodmoon]

Tosses a box of parliament on the bar, found behind the loo last month but had to wait for them to dry out. Like me mate Dennis says, “Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.”

[ant0n]

2 hours ago, newbloodmoon said:

Tosses a box of parliament on the bar, found behind the loo last month but had to wait for them to dry out. Like me mate Dennis says, “Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.”

This morning, I saw a cat so I wanted to smoke it. It replied: "No, no! Smoke a fag or two instead!"

I replied: "Butt... Where can I find fags?"

The cat: "Get to the store! There are fag stores here and there!"

Me: "(T)here?"

The cat: "Yep! They may even pay you for getting smoked by you."

Me: "Good lords! It's true I need money right now. How lucky I am!"

The cat: "Ok: get fags and have them smoke you."

Me: "Hey, wait! I do not want to be smoked!"

The cat: "You'll be smoked any( )way, Lucky Strike..."

 

Geezes... That cat was hard to negotiate with...

[Mark One]

Smoked cat used to be a delicacy in Weevleton.  But that was before the cat famine of 1852.

[newbloodmoon]

Hmmmm better take cat Shepard’s pie of next weeks menu.

[Mark One]

Nah, just rename it Woodland Catch.

[Mark One]

The mother in law Guild has started advertising 

http://viz.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/061_04132014_12-59.png

I think it's summit to do with that, Help a Widow Scheme.  Probably brings back memories of happier times when your run-of-the-mill, textbook Doris was mentally crushing their nearest and dearest.

[newbloodmoon]

17 hours ago, Mark One said:

The mother in law Guild has started advertising 

http://viz.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/061_04132014_12-59.png

I think it's summit to do with that, Help a Widow Scheme.  Probably brings back memories of happier times when your run-of-the-mill, textbook Doris was mentally crushing their nearest and dearest.

Should we consider some kind of counter measure or do you think the brisk sea air will keep them at bay? Wouldn’t want their ankles to be exposed to the ole time sea dogs who might just get overly excited by the women folk.

[newbloodmoon]

Anyone know any good sea chanties? I don’t think a booze barge would be complete without one. As far as payment is concerned a pat on the back and a brisk handshake will have to do.

[Mark One]

I think that Jock, called Rod Stewart (or was it Rod Hull?) Did a song entitled: I am sailing.

 

Oh, and some happy blokes sang sunnit about being in the Navy.

[+Desertrat56]

On 6/19/2021 at 11:35 AM, Mark One said:

BOG OFF  (1). You might get lucky tonight, squire, what with it being singles night.  Expect plenty of SWORDs (2).  So, what are you?  A talker or a porker? (3)

 

That'll be two teacups of Weevleton Best, then.  I'm still charging you for two pints, mind.

 

1. Buy One Get One For Free.

2. Single Women Or Recently Divorced.

3. Erm...nudge, nudge, wink, wink.(3a)

3(a) complete the following 1 king, 2 king, 3 king....(cough)

Is there an age limit on the single women?

[Mark One]

3 minutes ago, Desertrat56 said:

Is there an age limit on the single women?

Ooooh, no.  All of the ladies are welcome onboard the harpy, sweetness.

[ant0n]

51 minutes ago, Mark One said:

Ooooh, no.  All of the ladies are welcome onboard the harpy, sweetness.

I wish to add that women never fart.

[Mark One]

CAPTINS LOG 0N-HIM, JULY 74, ERM IN THE CUSP OF NEPTUNE.

 

TODAY IS THE HARPIES ANNUAL DAY TRIP OUTING.  THE HULLS RECEIVED A FRESH LICK OF GLOSS AND THE DECKS BEEN DE NAILED.  THE CREW AND PASSENGERS ARE IN GOOD SPIRIT'S, DESPITE THE FACT THAT OUR DESTINATION HAS BEEN CANCELED.  A GERMAN UBOAT WAS FOUND BEACHED ALONG THE SHORES OF SKEGNESS SO WE ARE NOW SAILING TO MABLE THORPE.  AND AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, IM COLLECTING A LARGE CATCH OF SEAGULS IN THE SAME PLACE.

 

SO, JUST ABOUT TO SET SAIL.  ALL SANDWICHES AND CAKES ARE FRESH BUT THE 12 BOTTLES OF TIZER ARE OUT OF DATE.  WILL BLAME ANy DICKY TUMMIES ON THE SEa.

 

Ps :. MUST STOP WRITING SUCH LONG LOGS AS IVE NOW USEd up TOOSDAYS AND WENSDAY.  BIRO RUNNINY Ou

[newbloodmoon]

Can I finally get untied from the front of the ship and pretending to be the figurehead? This stuffed bra looks ridiculous on me.

[Mark One]

Oh yes, whoops...

 

You've done a cracking job with that tin of gloss, mate.  ERM, we all had a few whiskeys before sailing off, driving off or what ever the road term is for boating.  We left weevelton two hours later and what with the fog and the compass not working, were not sure yet where we are.

 

Seadog John reckons we are heading for Sweden.  But who cares right now as our heads are killing us.

[Mark One]

CAPTINs Log, date unknown, think it's a TuesdY

 

FOUR DAYS HAVE PASSED.  WEATHER DREADFUL, SEA ROUGH.  AMPLE MARTHA AND WILLING ROGER HAVE BOTH BEEN SUFFERING WITH THE SEA SICKNESS.  BOFFING UP OVER THE SIDE DAY AND NIGHT.  THE SEAGULLS HERE ARE VERY LARGE, HAVE LONG NECKS AND BIG BEAKS.  ITS ALSO FREEZING.  WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF FOOD.  COMPASS NOW WORKING, EXPECT TO BE BACK Near UK SOON.

 

THIS BOTTLES OF TIZER WERE QUITE NICE.  CREW AND CRAZED GUESTS BECOMING DESPERATE FOR HOME COMFORTS LIKE EGG AND CHIPS, AND BLACK SAUSAGE.  SITUATION BECOMING HARSH LIKE THE SEA FARING EQUIVALENT OF CABIN FEVER.

 

 

[Mark One]

PS: Pippy the dog, the Harpies Mascot, has vanished.  Claude the binman swears blind that he spotted a pirate ship a few hours back and everyone is still amazed by how a narrow boat can successfully ride the open waves.  Right, gotta go as Brian the Kipper has found a bottle of Jamaican rum tangled within some cabling in the orlop.  I could do with a stiff drink right now.

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by Mark One

[Mark One]

We made it back to land with the welcoming sight of the illuminated sky near the glue factory.  Seven passengers dead.  Two lost.  Another three now in hospital due to starvation.  One guy in police custody on charges of attempted cannibalism.

 

Jothra the old seasdog from mablethorpe delivered the seagulls...so not a total loss.  But overall, I have to say - not a bad trip out for the punters of the dragon and harpy.  Just hope the old bags union aka Doris gang now change their minds about a narrow boat trip to Hull.

[ant0n]

My second name is George(s) therefore I deserve a good beer for free!

 

[Mark One]

Why, the refugee who we saved from those periless waves.  How are you finding the United Kingdom?  By the way, Scotish government hates us, Wales does the dance with us and Ireland just wants to do its own thing.

[ant0n]

1 hour ago, Mark One said:

Why, the refugee who we saved from those periless waves.  How are you finding the United Kingdom?  By the way, Scotish government hates us, Wales does the dance with us and Ireland just wants to do its own thing.

 

Oh I've been involved in the UK universe in my *real* life for a while!

 

- I bought something in England. It was difficult to get it delivered in France. As early as the object landed In the main Paris airport, I learned I had to pay custom duties! 8,5 euros!

Which I paid this afternoon. I felt so desperate we now have to pay (high) custom duties whenever we buy something in England: the Brexit thing.

So sad, really, because I can't affort paying that much taxes, by principle.

 

- I have two Englandish friends and each one owns a house in France. They took the risk to come in France for a few weeks this summer. And, after all, they should be free to go to THEIR own house in France, they pay taxes and all. Yesterday, they learned they'd have to stay in quarantine since the day they come back in the UK. The worst would be to be forced to PAY a quarantine in an Englandish hotel near the arrival point.

 

That's really sad. Johnson, the pathetic clown who needs attention, Macron, the emperor wannabe... "Nice" ego struggle...

 

Edited July 30, 2021 by ant0n

[Mark One]

8 hours ago, ant0n said:

 

Oh I've been involved in the UK universe in my *real* life for a while!

 

- I bought something in England. It was difficult to get it delivered in France. As early as the object landed In the main Paris airport, I learned I had to pay custom duties! 8,5 euros!

Which I paid this afternoon. I felt so desperate we now have to pay (high) custom duties whenever we buy something in England: the Brexit thing.

So sad, really, because I can't affort paying that much taxes, by principle.

 

- I have two Englandish friends and each one owns a house in France. They took the risk to come in France for a few weeks this summer. And, after all, they should be free to go to THEIR own house in France, they pay taxes and all. Yesterday, they learned they'd have to stay in quarantine since the day they come back in the UK. The worst would be to be forced to PAY a quarantine in an Englandish hotel near the arrival point.

 

That's really sad. Johnson, the pathetic clown who needs attention, Macron, the emperor wannabe... "Nice" ego struggle...

 

My heart goes out to you and your friends, anton.  These suit wearing leaders of ours are all clowns.  They care little for anything less than power.

 

Here, have a snakebite on the house, chum.

[ant0n]

3 hours ago, Mark One said:

My heart goes out to you and your friends, anton.  These suit wearing leaders of ours are all clowns.  They care little for anything less than power.

 

Here, have a snakebite on the house, chum.

Johnson imposes no quarantine for any British people coming back from EU nations EXCEPT from France.

'nuff said ^^

 

Let's have a drink! I usually have beer or tequila. I quit gin: I'm so terribly sorry UKish gin lovers ^^ I dislike vodka, I'm so extremely sorry ^^

I dislike red wines. I feel like they get me disoriented too easily. I don't feel good after drinking red wines. I feel weird then. But I like white and rosé wines, in general, well cooled.

And no, France, I'm NOT sorry at all for that! ^^

Oh yes, this one: I dislike champagne. That's quite a pervert drink as you can't decently refuse a glass of champagne, right? You can't waste it, right? That's luxury, bla bla bla. One day, in a painting galery in paris, I was in awe at some paintings. So they gave me a glass of sparkling wine called champagne, which I couldn't refuse then I bought paintings more than I could afford. No, France, I'm not sorry at all: keep that luxurious sparkling wine for yourself. Moreover it's too sour and sparkling - and expensive! OVERRATED!!!!!!! ^^

 

Anyway, here are the drinks: tequila surprise! You need to wake up, right?