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Ruin a first date with just one sentence.


my_psychosis

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Ive got my Daffy Duck y-fronts on....specially for you

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sometimes I fart so loud I wake myself up..... but I usually try and squeeze them all out before bedtime....cuddling really helps too....sometimes I just need someone to give me a big squeeze...that really helps.

 

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I'm between jobs right now.

 

This also works if you want somebody to *not* be attracted to you.

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"You are really beautiful up close."

"Are those real or fake?"

"Don't worry I'm on medication, the voices don't talk much these days."

"You want to go back to your place? I already know where you live."

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I have to tell you a personal thing....I hope it wont be an issue.....but....well.... I giggle when making love.....the faster I go the louder I laugh... so pls dont take it personally...

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"I have plush dolls of all my former GFs, my collection is missing a blonde." 

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How much money do you have with you?  

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Look, its not you...its that drop dead gorgeous bird stood by the bar.

Edited by Mark One
missing word
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I need to run by the pharmacy and pick up my prescriptions.

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you are so annoying...not you, the voice in my head...I'm sorry what were you saying?

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Can we stop off at my moms first, I need to get an advance on my allowance.

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"so, i like to go on this internet forum called unexplained mysteries..."

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Oh by the way my parents are nudists and their house is a clothes free zone.  They are dieing to have you over for a bbq.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Do you want to see my collection of photos I took of you over the years?

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 I work for a Telemarketing Company

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Babe, your mom is smoking hot, and I'd totally love for you to be able to call me daddy in more ways than one. :D

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So how much do you charge for an hour?

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Can I meet you at the restraunt? You live within 500 yards of the elementry school.

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*looks at the guy/girl* I want a refund 

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7 hours ago, newbloodmoon said:

Can I meet you at the restraunt? You live within 500 yards of the elementry school.

This is disturbing newbloodmoon. lol

 

Gotta go, see you ladies and gents in a bit.

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