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Smacking Children, good or bad?


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My mom's mother. The way I figure it she might have had a less than perfect childhood herself or she's filled with bitter resentment over something. She was mean to her kids as well. My mom's cool though, got kinda overprotective of me after my brother was stillborn. I understand this to a degree. 

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4 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

My mom's mother. The way I figure it she might have had a less than perfect childhood herself or she's filled with bitter resentment over something. She was mean to her kids as well. My mom's cool though, got kinda overprotective of me after my brother was stillborn. I understand this to a degree. 

Sounds like your mom didn't carry on with the abuse. That's good. 

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1 hour ago, Michelle said:

Gawd, my parents tried everything before they resorted to spanking. It was usually a third or fourth serious offense, in a short amount of time, before it came to that. My sister was very stubborn.

Usually my parents did too.  My grandfather did get mad once and kicked me.  That is the only time he ever hit me.  Kids were over for once, along with their parents, and we were running in the back door then out the front.  He never said stop or anything just got mad and kicked me in the butt.   I'm still mad about that and he has been dead for 20 years.  Maybe that is why at 12 I was so willing to punch him when I thought he was going to hit my grandmother.  It didn't come to that, he saw I had my fists doubled up on his way to slap my grandmother, he backed down.

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It depends what is meant by 'smack'.

if it is the act of inflicting pain or intimidation in order to get a child to respond in the way you want, then that is child abuse plain and simple.

however, if it is 'physical contact' to reinforce a request it can be acceptable, just like the reverse when someone does something positive a pat on the back or maybe a hug or shake of the hand.  So perhaps a tap on the bum maybe just to serve as a reminder of that situation or circumstance, but a 'tap', and never multiple times.

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that topic again? Anyway, anyone who smacks their child in front of me will get a smack from me, or a punch depends on the situation. So abusive parents be careful when smacking a child in public.

Edited by hellwyr
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Children should be smacked when it is necessary.  However, children should never put themselves in a situation to be smacked in the first place.  I've taken the belt a few times when I was a kid.  I'm also laughing at a certain poster, picturing him intervening with my father when he was punishing me, and watching said certain poster get his ass royally destroyed for sticking his nose in someone else's business.

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9 minutes ago, Thorvir Hrothgaard said:

Children should be smacked when it is necessary.  However, children should never put themselves in a situation to be smacked in the first place.  I've taken the belt a few times when I was a kid.  I'm also laughing at a certain poster, picturing him intervening with my father when he was punishing me, and watching said certain poster get his ass royally destroyed for sticking his nose in someone else's business.

Let's hope you never have children.

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32 minutes ago, barbco196 said:

Let's hope you never have children.

I thought I was pessimistic. There is a difference between punishing a kid for doing something wrong and abuse. 

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Sitting through a toddlers temper tantrum is never much fun.

 

Sometimes a kid needs a little wallop on the behind to remember that things can always get worse, or better, depending on their behavior.

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3 hours ago, barbco196 said:

Well, you kind of DID grow up in a house of fear and intimidation. The fear of getting physically corrected is what kept you in line.

Do you have a job?

If you do something wrong at your job, is it possible you could get fired? So, in fear of getting fired, you try not to do anything wrong.

Fear is not something bad, except when it is taken to excess. Fear is often what keeps us "on the straight and narrow". I don't know of anyone who behaves nicely towards everyone, and acts with good intentions all the time, who does so without any fear at all of the consequences of not behaving so - at least some of the time. If you were to claim that none of your behaviour was the result of fear of consequences, then I'm afraid I would not believe you.

Physically disciplining a naughty child using reasonable force by smacking is not "evil", and making a child fear the consequences of bad behaviour is not "poor parenting", it is teaching that child a valuable life lesson.

Edited by Leonardo
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Is it going to cause irreparable psychological damage? No...probably not. Are you out of ideas if you do it? Probably. Are there better ways? Absolutely. 

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59 minutes ago, Leonardo said:

Do you have a job?

If you do something wrong at your job, is it possible you could get fired? So, in fear of getting fired, you try not to do anything wrong.

Fear is not something bad, except when it is taken to excess. Fear is often what keeps us "on the straight and narrow". I don't know of anyone who behaves nicely towards everyone, and acts with good intentions all the time, who does so without any fear at all of the consequences of not behaving so - at least some of the time. If you were to claim that none of your behaviour was the result of fear of consequences, then I'm afraid I would not believe you.

Physically disciplining a naughty child using reasonable force by smacking is not "evil", and making a child fear the consequences of bad behaviour is not "poor parenting", it is teaching that child a valuable life lesson.

Yes, I have a job. A good one and I don't fear my boss. I do my job well and to the best of my ability. Just like everything else I do in life. Not because I fear something, but because good work ethic and morals were given to me by my parents.

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One of the things you have to be careful about is what lesson you're teaching a kid. The lesson could be that a bigger person can get what they want through violence.

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1 hour ago, Leonardo said:

Do you have a job?

If you do something wrong at your job, is it possible you could get fired? So, in fear of getting fired, you try not to do anything wrong.

Fear is not something bad, except when it is taken to excess. Fear is often what keeps us "on the straight and narrow". I don't know of anyone who behaves nicely towards everyone, and acts with good intentions all the time, who does so without any fear at all of the consequences of not behaving so - at least some of the time. If you were to claim that none of your behaviour was the result of fear of consequences, then I'm afraid I would not believe you.

Physically disciplining a naughty child using reasonable force by smacking is not "evil", and making a child fear the consequences of bad behaviour is not "poor parenting", it is teaching that child a valuable life lesson.

I'm just suggesting there are less primitive ways to correct a child's naughty behavior. Kids are just being kids and that's what kids do, they push boundaries. They act out for attention. 

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1 hour ago, Leonardo said:

Do you have a job?

If you do something wrong at your job, is it possible you could get fired? So, in fear of getting fired, you try not to do anything wrong.

Fear is not something bad, except when it is taken to excess. Fear is often what keeps us "on the straight and narrow". I don't know of anyone who behaves nicely towards everyone, and acts with good intentions all the time, who does so without any fear at all of the consequences of not behaving so - at least some of the time. If you were to claim that none of your behaviour was the result of fear of consequences, then I'm afraid I would not believe you.

Physically disciplining a naughty child using reasonable force by smacking is not "evil", and making a child fear the consequences of bad behaviour is not "poor parenting", it is teaching that child a valuable life lesson.

Why is it okay to physically discipline a child but not an adult?! What does your boss do when you misbehave or mess up at work? Does he smack you?

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It's them or us, and we're bigger. :P

Edited by PersonFromPorlock
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21 minutes ago, barbco196 said:

Why is it okay to physically discipline a child but not an adult?! What does your boss do when you misbehave or mess up at work? Does he smack you?

Worse...they take away your source of income. It scares the heck out of me thinking of not to being able to support myself. Between the two, I'd take the latter.

Edited by Michelle
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8 minutes ago, barbco196 said:

Why is it okay to physically discipline a child but not an adult?! What does your boss do when you misbehave or mess up at work? Does he smack you?

If your boss smacks you get in on video, get the law involved, even sue, then post it to youtube or facebook. Then let the fireworks being. -1 boss. 

As adults we should have enough self-control to not beat the hell out of each other, unfortunately not all of us are that way. The only reason I didn't beat the hell out of ex-neighbor was me weighing the consequences. Using that higher reasoning power I have. Children do not have much self control. Ever hear of the marshmallow experiment?

http://jamesclear.com/delayed-gratification

Even most adults would fail the experiment. 

Getting back on topic, good parents do not always produce good children and vice versa. Still it better to try and be a good parent than have a bunch hellbeast running around. If spanking works do it as need, if other methods work do them. I used a combination 25% spanking and 75% work, making them do choirs they hated worked better than anything.  We used a combination of reward/punishment. They've all turned out to be strong independent young women. 

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I think spanking is becoming less socially acceptable over time. The problem with an imposed ban, though, is that there needs to be some education to go along with it. We all need to study and take a test in order to drive, but a kid is far more complicated, and doesn't come with an instruction manual. Some free parenting classes might be in order. 

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13 minutes ago, ChaosRose said:

I think spanking is becoming less socially acceptable over time. The problem with an imposed ban, though, is that there needs to be some education to go along with it. We all need to study and take a test in order to drive, but a kid is far more complicated, and doesn't come with an instruction manual. Some free parenting classes might be in order. 

Here's a puppy. If it isn't dead by the end of the year then you can be a parent. Remember to housebreak it, watch it, and feed it. 

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2 hours ago, hellwyr said:

that topic again? Anyway, anyone who smacks their child in front of me will get a smack from me, or a punch depends on the situation. So abusive parents be careful when smacking a child in public.

Great job! You would be teaching the child exactly what you say you are against...violence.

So, if you see someone swat their three year old child on the butt for jerking away from them and running into traffic you are going to resort to violence.

We are not talking about abuse. We are talking about discipline.

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2 minutes ago, XenoFish said:

Here's a puppy. If it isn't dead by the end of the year then you can be a parent. Remember to housebreak it, watch it, and feed it. 

Well, let's hope they institute a prescreening process. There might be some people who need to start with a goldfish. 

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I did give my kids a swat on the bottom when they were younger, and only if they kept doing something once they were told, "no".  I never did it in anger and afterwards, I would discuss with them why they got a swat.  

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2 hours ago, barbco196 said:

Let's hope you never have children.

Who says I don't?  And it's a shame you do.

Edited by Thorvir Hrothgaard
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6 minutes ago, Thorvir Hrothgaard said:

Who says I don't?  And it's a shame you do.

My daughter is 22 and is pretty close to perfect. Never spanked her, never smacked her. I was smarter than that. Now, she's a mom and won't spank her child either. Why? Because there's other, more intelligent ways to discipline. 

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