XenoFish Posted May 27, 2016 #101 Share Posted May 27, 2016 48 minutes ago, Merc14 said: Good question. Theoretical child raising is very different than real child raising and I say that because my "theories" about how to raise a child changed radically after I had one of my own. How do you hit a child whose first instinct in a stressful or uncomfortable situation is to reach for your hand? There is a serious problem if spanking is the only thing the parent does. My primary thought is this. For some reason I get the feeling that we have a few backseat 'parents' in the thread. Not saying we do, it's just a feeling. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChewiesArmy Posted May 27, 2016 #102 Share Posted May 27, 2016 I have 3 sons...13, 7, 4. They have good days and bad days, as do I, but I have never spanked them, never will. I do not think it is necessary...for any child. I consider spanking a lazy way to punish/control a child. The 1st thing you have to remember is that they are children, not adults. Too many adults expect children to act like adults all of the time. I expect my kids to act like kids, which includes often making poor decisions. Once you expect poor, or different, decisions, then their actions are not unexpected and not as surprising. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted May 28, 2016 #103 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Check this out. http://youtu.be/f1xm567Pvz8 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+DieChecker Posted May 28, 2016 #104 Share Posted May 28, 2016 I would agree that other punishments should be tried first, but if nothing works I do approve of spanking. I've given my own kids a swat or two at various times. From what I've read it really does not work after the age of two or three. It is the smallest children who studies have shown remember physical punishment better then something immaterial, like loosing a privilege, or taking away a toy. Because they don't recognize the passage of time like an adult does, they are not affected by time based punishments. Timeouts, privilege revoking, and deferment of food, will all be less a punishment then an immediate discomfort. Hitting children should never be OK. A physical swat punishment is NOT hitting, IMHO. It is punishment. It doesn't take physical abuse to create an atmosphere of fear. I (unfortunately) will make my kids cry if I use my "Angry Voice" on them. So, I don't use that voice unless they are in the way of physical harm, or otherwise way over the line. Also, I've known lots and lots of kids, and all of them are different. Some are sweet and docile, some are intrinsically violent (seemingly), and punishments the work with one will never work with another. Thus, I take those people who say they raised their kids without spanking with a grain of salt. They should just pray in thanks that they had such Easy children. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted May 28, 2016 #105 Share Posted May 28, 2016 More spoiled kids. http://youtu.be/uzt-S2ugprk 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merc14 Posted May 28, 2016 #106 Share Posted May 28, 2016 2 hours ago, Hawkin said: More spoiled kids. http://youtu.be/uzt-S2ugprk OK Hawkin, you have me questioning my earlier comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wickian Posted May 28, 2016 #107 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Spanking isn't good or bad. Some kids simply don't respond to any other kind of punishment to inhibit them from doing really stupid or bad things since they either don't understand or don't care about the consequences of their actions. There is no, "Kids should be spanked for doing X" guide out there. Every child is different and it's up to the parents to make judgement calls on a case-by-case basis. There comes a point though that spanking might be needed if no other punishments curb unwanted behavior. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+and-then Posted May 29, 2016 #108 Share Posted May 29, 2016 13 hours ago, Wickian said: Spanking isn't good or bad. Some kids simply don't respond to any other kind of punishment to inhibit them from doing really stupid or bad things since they either don't understand or don't care about the consequences of their actions. There is no, "Kids should be spanked for doing X" guide out there. Every child is different and it's up to the parents to make judgement calls on a case-by-case basis. There comes a point though that spanking might be needed if no other punishments curb unwanted behavior. I agree completely. Most kids who receive that kind of discipline - again, NOT ABUSE - know full well they have gone over a line. Some children just tend to be more independent in their thinking and while that can be a strength in an adult it can be lethal in a child that wants to drive dad's car or climb extra high on some rocks while on vacation in the mountains. I had two older sisters and one passed 8 years back. She was one of those types. I loved her dearly but she and my mom were like oil and water. Even as a child of 6 or 7 I used to wonder why she seemed to TRY to make our mom mad at her. My sister went on to have 3 sons and two of them turned out to be exact copies of the rebelliousness she showed in childhood. I give her credit for raising a couple of good young men. Sadly, one was killed in an auto accident prior to her own death. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche101 Posted May 31, 2016 #109 Share Posted May 31, 2016 On 5/26/2016 at 9:12 PM, hellwyr said: It would only be hypocrisy if I was per se against violence, which I am not. So when you attack someone for giving an unruly child a swat on the botty, what message are you giving to these children you say you are "saving" from violence? Quote But whatever, your posting doesn't have much content anyway. Funny how these discussion tend to take this exact twist everytime one points out anothers error, isn't it? You feel that threatening parents in a public forum WAS worthy content??? LOL, gosh you could use a long hard look in the mirror Mr Hypocrite!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche101 Posted May 31, 2016 #110 Share Posted May 31, 2016 On 5/26/2016 at 9:18 PM, Lilly said: I'm against using violence towards children and innocent folks as well. However, I am not against the use of violence towards ISIS or any criminals that are in the process of harming/killing people. If this makes me a hypocrite then so be it. As this directly seems to reference the post I made, I can only assume it is discussing the view I put forth, I do fail to see however how on earth that is in any way related to what I said. That poster specifically said he would use violence on any parent that he saw smack a child, which is in every way a hypocritical act. ISIS does not even come into the picture. And even if it did, personally, I would WISH for a peaceful solution before I would wish for a violent end to the indiscriminate slaughter, which I have to say is worlds away from tapping the bottom of an unruly child. That tap on the botty is not supposed to be to hurt them as far as I know. It is more like shock value. When a child is carrying on with bad behaviour, and will not stop, a pat on the behind tends to make a child stop and look at the parent with a "did you really just do that?????" look, not cripple them in pain. I am pretty sure that almost everyone on this board would agree with at least that much, personal decisions aside. Shock value does work, in sales, advertising and workplaces. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakari Posted May 31, 2016 #111 Share Posted May 31, 2016 This one is sooooo easy. Look at kids today, and young adults. Now do the same back for each decade, before the Pussification of America started. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakari Posted May 31, 2016 #112 Share Posted May 31, 2016 On 5/24/2016 at 4:07 PM, hellwyr said: that topic again? Anyway, anyone who smacks their child in front of me will get a smack from me, or a punch depends on the situation. So abusive parents be careful when smacking a child in public. Want my address? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilly Posted May 31, 2016 #113 Share Posted May 31, 2016 My comment was simply my opinion that there are times in life when violence is necessary. Violence is not, IMO, a valid reaction towards children, innocent people, harmless animals etc. I also do not advocate taking the law into ones own hands...see someone beating a child, call the police. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likely Guy Posted May 31, 2016 #114 Share Posted May 31, 2016 47 minutes ago, Lilly said: My comment was simply my opinion that there are times in life when violence is necessary. Violence is not, IMO, a valid reaction towards children, innocent people, harmless animals etc. I also do not advocate taking the law into ones own hands...see someone beating a child, call the police. A smack on the butt is one thing, but if you "...see someone beating a child, call the police." doesn't work for me as the police are an hour away. Nope. Sorry, would have to do something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche101 Posted May 31, 2016 #115 Share Posted May 31, 2016 On 5/27/2016 at 2:29 AM, seeder said: THIS....is violence toward a child Now....... a smacked bottom doesnt even compare... I had a couple of wooden spoons broken on me as a kid, one I particularly remember being broken over my head. Something I find a harsh memory of my Mum, and not something I want my kids to remember me for. TV ad's say violence creates a circle of violence, but it seemed rather the opposite with me. I would not, and do not want to live that life on either side of the spoon. I know a lady who is quite harsh on her kids, well it seems that way to me but she is probably not all that harsh, not so much smacking, but the punishments she hands out I think are harsh, as a kid, I reckon I would have MUCH rathered a smack and be done with it, but her kids are awesome, best behaved kids I have met, and they are welcome in my home 24/7. I have to say, they are better behaved than mine are. She reckons parents who do not offer the occasional smack end up with rotten kids, and the parents are to blame. I suspect there is quite some truth to that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche101 Posted May 31, 2016 #116 Share Posted May 31, 2016 37 minutes ago, Likely Guy said: A smack on the butt is one thing, but if you "...see someone beating a child, call the police." doesn't work for me as the police are an hour away. Nope. Sorry, would have to do something. I would say that Lilly is 100% correct there, I certainly agree with her on that one, Police are going to not only make the person pay, but they will drag the through public court systems and name and shame them, and if the child is in danger, that child will be removed from danger. If it was a serious beating, then of course step in for the Child's safety. I hear what you are saying, and I can indeed see where you are coming from, but it pays to put emotions in the back seat sometimes as the end result can be better than expected. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+DieChecker Posted May 31, 2016 #117 Share Posted May 31, 2016 One time when I was a kid, my dad sent me to my room and was going to spank me. I was probably like 9. And I came up with a Plan. I got a magazine and slipped it down the back of my pants. And it made the follow on spanking quite a lot less serious. I almost laughed, which would have gotten me found out for sure. We (3 boys) only got spanked when we'd done something really bad, like stealing from the neighbors. My neighbors son got beat just for climbing in a tree. He didn't climb trees after that, if he thought he'd get seen/caught. It is mainly the threat, I think which changes behavior, but like many said, there are other ways to change behavior, and not all of them are handing out candy. We'd loose meals sometimes. Have to go to bed early with no dinner. Having the TV taken away was also a really bad one. Just the threat of no TV could turn around one of us from a devil to a saint. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbenol Posted May 31, 2016 #118 Share Posted May 31, 2016 2 hours ago, Sakari said: This one is sooooo easy. Look at kids today, and young adults. Now do the same back for each decade, before the Pussification of America started. Absolutely. You're right America, like most similar nations, has seen a significant decrease in violence. Pussies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hammerclaw Posted May 31, 2016 #119 Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) If it hadn't been for Dad showing me the relative insignificance of mild pain, I wouldn't have had the courage to stand up to bullies. So, with all due respect to people of different opinion, I'm glad I was raised the way I was. Now my friends, Joe and Jessica, have raised their son and daughter without corporal punishment and have done an exceptional job. Their young daughter just graduated from home school and is an accomplished violinist. Their son is only twelve but quite gifted in literature and mathematics and has been trained from an early age in the martial arts as was his father. Some bully is in for quite a shock if he should pick on Mother Jessica's little Quai Chang Caine. Edited May 31, 2016 by Hammerclaw omission 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakari Posted May 31, 2016 #120 Share Posted May 31, 2016 7 hours ago, Arbenol said: Absolutely. You're right America, like most similar nations, has seen a significant decrease in violence. Pussies! ? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Use your brain Posted May 31, 2016 #121 Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) I would have much rather been smacked than the punishment I received as a child. When I was very young, 3-7, I was living with my very psychologically abusive mother, who would say that I was a mistake, and that I wasn't wanted, that I was stupid and worthless, would lock me in my room without eating, etc, all for minor mistakes or things that I didn't even do... She also picked me up and slammed my head into the wall once when I was around 5 because I told her that my ride to school wasn't there yet, and then right after I said that they pulled into the driveway. I would still have rather had that punishment than psychological abuse. Anyways, when I was 7 I moved out of there and in with my Father, he is one of the best dads on the planet still to this day. I would still have to see my mother on the weekends, and continued to deal with the same things when I was there. I had some issues from what I'm guessing was my younger years, and would get into fights and things like that at school. My Father didn't like to psychically punish me, so he would go with grounding me. Where I would stay in my room with nothing to do except read books. It go to the point where I don't think he understood why I would act out, and would just make the punishment longer, so it got to where I could be grounded for months at a time. At my age, the rest of my friends were out playing or later going to the movies or mall, things like that. I would be in my room alone, with no contact to the outside world and it made me very disconnected and socially distant. I got to where I just didn't really like people, or being around them. I felt like an outsider, even though I could still fake it and appear to be "normal", I just never really connected with anyone. I would have much rather just took a belt or smack for my punishment, as I knew I did something wrong, and I knew that there still had to be consequences. I know that my experience is probably vastly different from a lot of people, but I still think belts and/or smacks are they way to go, as it is less damaging to the child in the long run. Edited May 31, 2016 by Use your brain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbenol Posted May 31, 2016 #122 Share Posted May 31, 2016 8 hours ago, Sakari said: ? Do you really believe that not hitting children as had negative consequences ("pussification" - whatever that means) for society? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakari Posted June 1, 2016 #123 Share Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) 3 hours ago, Arbenol said: Do you really believe that not hitting children as had negative consequences ("pussification" - whatever that means) for society? Not " spanking" ( yes, there is a big difference ).....Yes, I do. I do not just believe it, I know it. Spanking is like milk: It does a body good — or at least a mind. No, this isn’t the conclusion of traditionalist parenting expert Dr. James Dobson but the finding of a study conducted by psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. FoxNews.com reports on the story, writing, “According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.” This may come as a relief to parents who don’t wish to spare the rod, but have been accosted with numerous studies stating just the opposite. But how do we reconcile these contradictory findings? Well, perhaps the answer is that the previous scientific studies weren’t very scientific. Fox points out that, in the past, such research was lacking because it was difficult in more traditional times to find subjects who had never been spanked. In contrast, Professor Gunnoe included 2600 such individuals in her study. http://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/family/item/548-new-study-finds-spanking-is-good-for-kids Edited June 1, 2016 by Sakari 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likely Guy Posted June 1, 2016 #124 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I'm in the third of five generations of "no spanking". No one in my family (extended to aunts uncles and cousins) has spent more than a night in jail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeder Posted June 1, 2016 Author #125 Share Posted June 1, 2016 some adults who were not spanked as kids....can WANT spanking as adults, heck some will even pay for it 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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