acute Posted October 11, 2017 Author #251 Share Posted October 11, 2017 POSTHUMOUS TESTIMONY RULING. The High Court is to decide whether or not posthumous testimony can be allowed during trials in England and Wales. In an unprecedented move, dead pedophile Sir Jimmy Somerville released a statement through his medium/lawyer saying: "I should have the right to defend myself against these allegations even if there are worms crawling through my eye sockets." A decision is expected early next week. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rashore Posted October 11, 2017 #252 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Cleveland Torso Killers Code Cracked! RR historian catalogs transient car and rail markings, and a grisly trail is found... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted November 13, 2017 Author #253 Share Posted November 13, 2017 MASS IFO SIGHTINGS CAUSE WIDESPREAD INDIFFERENCE 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Commander Travis Posted December 1, 2017 #254 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Speaking in the House of Commoons today, the Prime Minister, Theresa May, said that this Government has created 10,000 small business in the last five years. The leader of the Opposition, Jeremy Corbett, said yes, but they'd started out as large businesses. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted December 24, 2017 Author #255 Share Posted December 24, 2017 SANTA CLAUS DEAD ! Christians all over the world were celebrating in the streets tonight, after Saint Nicholas and his reindeer were killed when their sleigh crashed into a mosque in Hebron. Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury (and son of a German-Jewish alcoholic) said: "Christmas 2017 is a time when all faiths can come together, and celebrate in the knowledge that a fat Turk who hijacked our festivities has finally received the come-uppance he deserved. He was permanently píssed, and has done the whole world a huge favour by throwing a 7. Good ****ing riddance!" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Commander Travis Posted December 25, 2017 #256 Share Posted December 25, 2017 ^ Someone's been drinking again. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted December 25, 2017 Author #257 Share Posted December 25, 2017 3 hours ago, Manfred von Dreidecker said: ^ Someone's been drinking again. Wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatgrimlife Posted December 25, 2017 #258 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Turns Out, Yellow Snow Tastes Like Lemons 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted December 27, 2017 Author #259 Share Posted December 27, 2017 ALIEN MOTHERSHIP STEALS AREA 51 ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EllJay Posted December 27, 2017 #260 Share Posted December 27, 2017 ALIEN MOTHER STEALS 51 SHIPS IN AREA! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted January 18, 2018 #261 Share Posted January 18, 2018 A rainbow farting unicorn seen over sleeply little hamlet. In the hamlet of skittlesburg, a rainbow farting unicorn was spotted leaping over the one room church building. The pastor of the church ‘Our lady of colored candy confections’ was quoted as saying that it was indeed a mircle for the 21st century. A hard shelled colored candy fell from the rainbow on to the church grounds where they were collected as communion for next sundays church service. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted January 23, 2018 #262 Share Posted January 23, 2018 (edited) the narcoleptinsomniac genome has been mapped. the sleeping disorder community can now rejoice this giant scientific breakthrough. Edited January 23, 2018 by newbloodmoon 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Commander Travis Posted January 23, 2018 #263 Share Posted January 23, 2018 (edited) Sunni Delight It has come to light that the purported controversial remarks by the Orange Tyrant, Donnie "the Hairpiece" Tromp, in which he allegedly characteristic certain countries as "sh*tholes" was in fact an error due to a mishearing. What he actually called them was "Shi'ite holes". The fact that they were, on the whole, not actually Muslim was pointed out to him by his National Security Advisor Chief, HR "Human Resources" McMaster, but the Leader explained in reply that all furriners were Mooslem, weren't they, to which McMaster nodded hurriedly in agreement and hurried off to draw up plans to liberate them by means of Overwhelming Firepower at the earliest opportunity. Edited January 23, 2018 by Vlad the Mighty 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted February 9, 2018 Author #264 Share Posted February 9, 2018 BREXIT BRAWL IN WESTMINSTER. Plans were announced today for a mass brawl to decide the government's Brexit negotiating strategy. The Brextremists will be led by Jacob Rees-Mogg, and The Remainiacs will be headed by Kenneth Clarke. Both sides are urging members of the public to get involved. The good old-fashioned punch-up will take place on College Green, near the Houses of Parliament, on Saturday afternoon. It is expected to last for three or four months, with no decisive outcome. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted February 9, 2018 #265 Share Posted February 9, 2018 4 minutes ago, acute said: BREXIT BRAWL IN WESTMINSTER. Plans were announced today for a mass brawl to decide the government's Brexit negotiating strategy. The Brextremists will be led by Jacob Rees-Mogg, and The Remainiacs will be headed by Kenneth Clarke. Both sides are urging members of the public to get involved. The good old-fashioned punch-up will take place on College Green, near the Houses of Parliament, on Saturday afternoon. It is expected to last for three or four months, with no decisive outcome. Looking forward to it.. but what do i wear = A beret? Lederhosen? or just carry an empty briefcase because i left the contents in the back of a black cab? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted February 9, 2018 #266 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Ooops...sorry, cancel the forgeting the contents in a cab bit, this is tge fake news thread. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted February 9, 2018 Author #267 Share Posted February 9, 2018 4 minutes ago, freetoroam said: Looking forward to it.. but what do i wear = A beret? Lederhosen? or just carry an empty briefcase because i left the contents in the back of a black cab? It's an unarmed conflict, so you won't be needing your bulletproof Nazi outfit this time. The official advice is to come as you would like to be in the future. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted February 9, 2018 #268 Share Posted February 9, 2018 4 minutes ago, acute said: It's an unarmed conflict, so you won't be needing your bulletproof Nazi outfit this time. The official advice is to come as you would like to be in the future. Free of incompetent governments....guess i will just have to wear a good supporting bra. Got to keep my hopes up in something as everything else around me collapses. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 9, 2018 #269 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Donald Trump Tours Cheetos Factory 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted February 13, 2018 #270 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Bruno “vinny the nose” Mars is to be the next head of Gambino crime family in a move that shocked the music world Bruno Mars has successfully led a coup to take over as the next Godfather... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted February 20, 2018 Author #271 Share Posted February 20, 2018 HOW TO EAT WELL WHEN YOU'RE A MILF. Dorset Echo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbloodmoon Posted February 23, 2018 #272 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Horse flatuence is the new drug of choice at raves. after the short lived “cheesing” fad, late night party goers are turning to huffing horse farts. Teens and young adults alike can be seen in a semi comotose state staring at all the glow sticks waving about in the air. How can you tell if your family member is huffing horse gas? Listen for these following terms. When asked if they want a ride they decline because they and their friend are gonna “hoof it”, or describing an activity as a “real gas”. For other words and phrases go to Amish web sites where they describe how their communities have been hit the worst. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Commander Travis Posted March 14, 2018 #273 Share Posted March 14, 2018 President Donald T. Rump, the famously reclusive leader of the little-known hermit nation The United States of America (wiki), is very fond of cats, and whenever he sees one can never resist grabbing it and giving it a big hug, and he encourages his happy people to do the same at every opportunity. This, he explained in an interview on state TV channel Faux News, was what he meant by his famous advice to his people to "grab 'em by the ----", followed by a colloquial word for cat, which was misunderstood by some. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acute Posted March 26, 2018 Author #274 Share Posted March 26, 2018 (edited) PM's Brexit U-Turn! In an astonishing U-turn, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that the UK will not only exit the EU, but will also leave Europe. After the transitional period, a new subcontinent called the New British Empire will be established. It will consist of the entire British Isles, minus the Republic of Ireland, the Isle of Man, the Channel Isles, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, and Cornwall. Edited March 26, 2018 by acute 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Commander Travis Posted March 26, 2018 #275 Share Posted March 26, 2018 2 minutes ago, acute said: PM's Brexit U-Turn! In an astonishing U-turn, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that the UK will not only exit the EU, but will also leave Europe. After the transitional period, a new subcontinent called the New British Empire will be established. It will consist of the entire British Isles, minus the Isle of Man, the Channel Isles, the island of Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and Cornwall. Ms. May is believed to have asked for quotes from maritime towage companies for rates to tow the island of England (once the new Hadrian's Moat has been dug separating it from the woad-wearing* Picts) to a nice spot just off Florida, where the weather's warmer and the island of England can enjoy the protection of America's reclusive leader, Donald T. Rump. * did they wear woad or build their houses from it? Editor please check 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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