Psychic Soulmates or Twinflames Connection?

[moonleight]

I’ve experienced much pain, suffering and confusion about a connection I made recently.  This is a long story but I felt everything should be included because there are so many strange aspects that I have no idea how to interpret as I’m relatively new to psychic phenomena and while I have always been searching for my “soulmate” the concepts of twinflames and soulmates is something I’ve never looked into until now.

I met this woman last summer through work and I instantly felt a deeper connection and energy, that “glow” stayed with me for days.  Her life was extremely hectic at the time and only a couple details about me left a lasting impression on her, we exchanged business contact info and I contacted her the next morning on something business related, relaying the wish to meet again but her response was all business.  I reached out and met her again through work six weeks ago and this time we instantly connected.  We went to a bar then quickly to her place and spent the next thirty hours together in each others’ presence in mostly bliss and the warmest, closest energy I have ever experienced with a woman, talking non-stop and the first fifteen hours just talking on her bed with a diner stop interspersed.  And that was one of the least remarkable aspects of that meet.

After about a half hour of talking, we were completing each others’ thoughts and sentences.  Sincerely and unabashedly praising each other as “amazing”.  We also had similar interests such as quantum physics and astrology and both being or having been in professions that helped people (I work in healthcare and she used to work in non-profit), similar levels of intellectual and spiritual knowledge and both had very unique and extreme backgrounds of suffering, pain and betrayal, which we both shared completely and openly early on, as well as secrets and misdeeds in the past that we had never disclosed to anyone.  We’ve both been severely depressed for decades (hers is still ongoing).  I trusted her completely a short time after meeting her, and I thought she did so for me as well (she doesn’t fully trust anyone she later told me, but trusted me more than any stranger she ever met, even skipping work that day and after just to remain with me, and she was broke).   Hopefully this is not TMI but the ease and trust was so complete that we had no qualms about private bodily functions such as urinating in each others’ presence.  

Despite being of different races and me being a man twice her size and sixteen years older, we shared a couple of bodily similarities as we both bruised easily on the legs and both had exceptionally high pulse rates. She is exceptionally beautiful and the physical embodiment of everything I’ve ever desired yet for perhaps the first time in my life (I’m in my forties) my sexual desire was almost completely subsumed by a deeper attraction; there was a moment where sexual intimacy could have easily been attained yet for the first time I abstained, not wanting her to think that I was interested in her for her looks only, as I could sense almost every man in her life has, and because she had told me of a long history of sexual abuse.  We are both I think empaths and have strong energy (hers is probably the strongest I’ve ever encountered) and are particularly affected by the energy of our surroundings and people to the point that we seem like different people in different situations and environments.  While I am a fairly large man and she has the body of a model she is yang and I am yin.

We both have had experience with psychic phenomena in our pasts.  For me, the extent was pretty much one seminal, life changing event where for a few weeks before that event I felt a buzzing or tingling in the back of my head that I’ve not felt since or before, and I just knew something momentous was going to happen.  It was a life and death experience where for the only time in my life I felt possessed (the word I used to describe it to the few disbelieving people I divulged the story to), as if my body was being controlled by another entity, and I accomplished an almost superhuman feat in order to save my life and the life of a friend.  I then nearly died and by all reason should have, but didn’t somehow.  During this near death experience I came to the realization that my life purpose was to find my soulmate/twinflame.  I fell into severe depression and substance abuse after that that was exceptional even for my life.  I had long tried to discern the meaning of why this event occurred and what or who saved me as well as trying to find my twinflame, but some time ago mostly gave up.  Meeting her awakened those yearnings for twinflame bonding but also those memories of the event which still has strong negative energy attached to it.  Chinese astrology has been true almost to a tee, not only for my general astrology but months after this incident I asked a relative to put my yearly forecast into a computer – what it spat out described what happened during this incident almost to a tee.

 

When I started telling her the details of this event, she immediately said “possession!”  Later on she described details about another location that I worked at, accurately describing the specific venue and the color of apparel my employer wears everyday.  When she was telling the story of a person very close to her in only laudatory terms, I could sense that there was a dark secret and shortly thereafter she divulged it.  I also had such strong feelings of déjà vu of places and situations we later experienced; I’ve never had that déjà vu sensation before.

The most remarkable thing that occurred was that we would go into the bathroom to smoke several times – one time I entered and forgot to press the light switch, reached and extended my arm back and the light wouldn’t turn on (not the toggle kind of switch) despite me hitting it a few times, so it was almost completely dark.  During our cigarette we were talking about a dark aspect of our past and the bathroom light then just suddenly turned on without a sound.  We were both amazed of course but it felt so organic and part of the whole connection that part of me inside just shrugged as if to say, “naturally”.

She has had an extensive background with psychic phenomena since an early age, as it was cultivated by a family member who possessed psychic abilities as well (who she said she surpassed at an early age).  Clairvoyant dreams of people she knows dying, seeing demons, being lost in a forest at an early age and rescued by light were just a few things she has mentioned to me.  I’m a mostly pragmatic person but after my experience with psychic phenomena and what I’ve experienced I’ve suspended my disbelief.

We were in a state of bliss for thirty hours until a recurring and defining issue in my life (repeated betrayal by friends) happened by luck or fate to occur at a spot we went to, I had no idea this friend even went to that spot.  The energy and dynamic quickly devolved as the conflict I had with my friend awakened in her her past issues with men.  Though we stayed together for another day it was mainly because of the inertia of the first thirty hours and the confusion we both shared.  The energy for both of us completely changed to either detachment and tumult and we were not only disconnected but began to argue.  Before parting I bared my soul and professed my love for her, something I’ve never done so quickly with any woman.  She responded with an “I love you, too”, though without eye contact.

I thought for sure our connection was severed but I reached out the next day, and even though as a man I knew it would likely decrease not only her trust in me but her attraction to me and completely change the dynamic of our relationship sent her a substantial sum of money to make up for days of work she missed on my behalf.  We reconnected if only by text (she lives eight hours away and travels to the city I live near once a month).  I’ve become so depressed and anxious over her rejection of me that I will overanalyze every text, and the depression and anxiety reached a point where I simply couldn’t take it any longer and ended the relationship via text.  After three days, I went into a deep tobacco meditation at the suggestion of a friend with psychic knowledge and I think abilities (who I had just met at work, and the number of friends or family with psychic abilities in my life prior to six weeks ago had been zero).  The next morning she texted me out of the blue, and after I didn’t text back after several hours she went into severe depression and tried to self-medicate, which only made it worse.  She asked me to send her healing energy and said it helped her immensely; a week later my brother had a severe anxiety attack and I asked her to send him healing energy, and minutes later the brunt of the attack faded.

Since then, other strange things have happened.  I called her for the first time in weeks and we both happened to have our showers running (and this was the afternoon).  She texted me at five thirty in the morning when I’m never up and I happened to wake up only minutes before.  I have had severe insomnia for thirty years and always wake up extremely late yet have been waking up in the early morning every day, and she seemed to indicate this is when she wakes up when at home.  I have not seen any 11:11, however (though did see one 33).  One of the times after a powerful energy exchange (she clasped my hand for over an hour) the topic of my profession came up and she intuited details about specific workings about my profession which no one outside of my profession has ever and could possibly guess at.

We’ve seen each other three times since she came back.  Each time we would be having a good time (not the state of bliss we had when we first connected, but still satisfying) which would then almost immediately, almost immediately after something happened that would bring up negative issues we’ve had previously, turn into extremely negative and distant energy; hurtful words and recriminations are exchanged and we would separate.  Each time I thought it was over and I’m sure she did as well yet we would reconnect.  We’ve know each other for only six weeks yet if feels like a year and it feels like I’ve know her half a lifetime.

However, the last two times she was in severe depression and would talk so emphatically about how she would feel completely energized revitalized around me; however, I would not only not feel that similar energy but would feel cold (I always run hot) and drained around her.  We supply each other wisdom, knowledge and insight yet she receives and needs what I have more than the other way.  I’ve told her I’ve cared about her several times yet she has never said that back.  She’s jealous of my friends and tries to convince me that I’m as alone as her, and that I have no true friends.  She’ll refer to me as her boyfriend or her guy then as her friend a short time later.  The trust has largely crumbled and when we first connected we would challenge each other’s beliefs and assumptions with loving appreciation and no tumult but now those challenges are met with hostility and defensiveness, especially from her.  We bring out the light but also the darkness within each other, and we’ve talked about this, and increasingly it has been the latter. 

The last time we met we spiritually connected and she tried to use her clairvoyant power to discern details about my life – almost none of them were correct.   I can’t remember this for sure but when we first connected I said that those odd coincidences and the psychic connection we had had never happened to me before with someone else and I believe she echoed that sentiment.  However, I asked her this time and she stated emphatically that because of her psychic power she’s connected with several other individuals with psychic power over her lifetime.  I also told her during that time that I thought she might be my twinflame.  She looked a little scared and quickly said no and diverted my attention and changed the subject entirely to a mural on the wall that brought up a negative memory I disclosed to her when we first connected, and that had nothing to do with twinflames.

After that spiritual connection we then argued and then loosely reconnected.  We drank heavily and suddenly got on the topic of our relationship, which we rarely talk about mainly because she evades it.  But she asked me what I want from her, and this embarrasses me to even write about here, but I said, “I want to spend the rest of my life to you”.  I immediately followed with, “Wow, I don’t know where that came from” and that’s true - I had absolutely no intention to say it and it just came out.  Perhaps this was a case of ‘in vino veritas’, I don’t know.  Her look was first of surprise and I think some apprehension but she then said she appreciated the sentiment and would need to reflect on it.  She later said any relationship would have to have its basis in friendship first.  We then had mostly good vibes and sharing until she blurted how a guy had recently hurt her because he was getting serious with another girl.  I had met the guy before but she had told me repeatedly it was strictly friendship, although I sensed when we first originally connected when she brought him up (she said he was the only friend she had) that there was something more.   The mood instantly changed, we argued a little and then separated.  She is obviously not over him, and that explains a lot but I’m not yet sure if it explains all.

I at first believed there was a good chance of this being a twinflame situation with me as the chaser and she the runner.  However, even if this is the case, which I now doubt, this relationship is something that cannot continue.  We are at different stages in our paths and hers is all tumult and chaos, and that has affected mine greatly.  Our situations are very different – our homes are very far from each other, we are sixteen years apart, and while my life is not what I would term great or perhaps even good my work, financial, emotional and family life are relatively stable.  Hers are anything but.  She also has strong substance addiction and is planning on going into rehab; since I met her cigarette, alcohol and other substances which had been only recreational for me has turned into almost an addiction.  Luckily it has not affected my work life yet but if I continue on this path it eventually will.

I am giving and giving and I do not do it for self-interest but all I really receive for it in return is feeling exhausted and drained - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, energetically.  Part of me wants to see her again but this desire is nowhere near as strong as it was when we first connected or even a couple of weeks ago and I know firmly that if I see her again it will not be to my benefit at all.  However, I think I’ll have to concede at this point I have no idea if this relationship or whatever we had over our connection is truly over.

The one plus for both of us is that we have both derived immense spiritual growth and understanding from our connection – I’m in the process of trying to fully absorb it and then utilize for further growth but I think her life is too chaotic for her to do so, too presently.

Whether or not I see her again I really want to know whether this was a twinflame bonding?  soulmates bonding?  Or, as she said, simply a strong psychic connection?  Any insight or similar stories would be sincerely appreciated.

[+ouija ouija]

Hi, moonleight, welcome to UM.

The first thing I would say is that not many members here are going to read such a long post ..... that's just a reality here. Secondly, the whole twin flame/soulmate thing seems to be very difficult to identify. Can I ask you what difference you think it would make to the relationship and how you handle it, if posters here said 'Yes, yes, you are definitely twin flames/soulmates'?

My own thoughts? I think you have simply been bowled over by a very attractive, much younger woman, plus, feelings have been intensified and muddled by the effect of drugs and alcohol(on both sides).

 

[moonleight]

Hi oujia oujia, thanks for the reply.  Good point about the length, I'll try editing it.

That very well may be true about you said, being bowled over and the effects of drugs and alcohol.  I guess what led me to believe it may be something deeper than the typical 'love at first sight' were the number of odd coincidences  that occurred (the light turning on, waking up before she texted me, the running showers).  The other psychic experiences can maybe attributed to us just being good readers of people. My own psychic experience in the past (tingling in the back in the head) leads me to look more for psychic meanings in coincidences when they occur.  Since my own psychic experience 10 years ago, I've not been in a number of relationships and there have never been this many odd occurrences and coincidences, in fact came remember any.

Edited February 11, 2017 by moonleight

[+ouija ouija]

There could well be some sort of non-physical connection between you, but that doesn't automatically mean it is a good thing ..... something to be pursued! The exact opposite may be true.