Strange neighbors messing with my mind/body

May 7, 2017

7 hours ago, fredsk said:

If an otherwise silent neighbor starts making noise only after a change happens in my mind I think it counts as a pretty solid argument supporting the theory that they have telepathic abilities.

I would not give a damn about them if they stopped messing around and let me sleep at night.

That's you noticing them making noise. I could easily say oh my trash (across the street) neighbour only comes outside when I go outside, when the truth is he's nosey and goes outside the moment he hears anyone out.

Sleep problems can affect us mentally its a well known and documented fact.

Having to re read something is a memory thing, I've done it before due to the fact I had short term memory problems when learning things in school.

Currently the field of robotics is not that advance yet, when it does come that advance I highly doubt they'd use it to spy on an everyday person.

People have lives that often include working, not everyone has 9-5 work hours which could also explain why you hear them stomping at certain times. Both my partner and my dad don't work 9-5 work days they work different hours to that.

If the noises are that much of a concern but you refuse to speak to them about it talk to who ever is in charge of the building about it.

May 12, 2017

Sorry, but in my head I kept thinking; "Why is it always the Extraterrestrials or Robots? Why isn't it CIA, NSA, or Secret Service?"

CIA had to admit in the 1970's that they have, and used, the heart attack gun (and showed the gun in questioning). There has been some speculation about a "microwave frequency" gun that can cause havoc on a person's brain waves enough to where they will unconsciously do what the wielder of the gun wants. It's been talked about here and there since late 90's if I remember correctly. And amazingly enough it's one of the "theories" about Elisa Lam.

But it's the ET's and Robots that gets the credit for messing with people's minds...... :lol:

Edited May 12, 2017 by Monzaria

May 12, 2017

On 5/6/2017 at 4:43 PM, fredsk said:

If an otherwise silent neighbor starts making noise only after a change happens in my mind I think it counts as a pretty solid argument supporting the theory that they have telepathic abilities.

I would not give a damn about them if they stopped messing around and let me sleep at night.

It sounds like you're the alien and you're controlling them. Very interesting turn of events. ( cue dramatic music).

December 2, 2019

Hi all, this is fredsk.

A lot of things have happened. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and been to two hospitals. There have been "suicide" attempts, my schizophrenia has tortured me, my memory has been wiped (more on these later), I don't remember the time I created this thread. I assume I've written this because I had saved that page as a file to my hard drive, which I only recently found, and because of something else I had written in my notes suggests so: “Earlier I had written about some strange things that seemed to happen in the apartment upstairs, and I have had voices in my head since that time.”

But now, as promised, answers to the posts.

On 5/6/2017 at 10:59 PM, XenoFish said:

Plus your second to last paragraph is pure hypnopompic/hypnagogic experience.

You may be assuming it is hypnagogic hallucinations I was experiencing, and that my body didn't actually move, but getting up in the bed, putting my pants on and closing the zipper, walking, and opening the door would be a lot to hallucinate hypnagogically (during the onset of sleep). It would be too much to hallucinate even due to schizophrenia. People normally experience hypnagogic hallucinations while laying down in the bed.
Also, the repeated up-down-up and left-right-left movements of the eyes, and the respective changes in my mental state (or that "focus"), and the questioning part - it is frankly too much complexity to chalk it all up to hypnagogic hallucinating.

Someone has already stated my experiences were inexplicable:

On 5/6/2017 at 11:37 PM, oldrover said:

No, I can't explain how you're experiencing this, it's unique to you.

On 5/6/2017 at 11:48 PM, oldrover said:

Only if you fall into the trap of believing that things are exactly as you perceive them. They aren't.

What might be hindering my perception, if this thing (of my feeling disappearing, then stomping started, then after a while the feeling came back, then stomping stopped) happened repeatedly. Do you suggest they were hallucinations? I recorded the stomping and could hear it from the recording. Are you suggesting they have no causal relation, or that all of those events were coincidences? If not, what other causal relationship there could be?

On 5/7/2017 at 12:43 AM, Totah Dine said:

I'm voting for the seeing a doctor approach. There is also a strong possibility this is a troll thread. Either way it is disturbing.

Firstly, this is not a troll thread.
Secondly, I was here and am here to convey my experiences. If somebody stated something that I felt was not true, I felt the need to reply back to them. I'd wish the OP and/or my replies didn't disturb you.

On 5/7/2017 at 7:09 AM, Wordsmurderedcommunication said:

Dude, I'm sorry to say, but this just sounds like you have tweaker neighbours. The patterns match exactly, up for days on end doing high energy activity with low energy in between. The fact that you smell something weird every time is what confirms it for me.

Even if the air in the apartment above me was thick from drugs I doubt it could come through the ceiling in sufficient quantities to cause me to hallucinate.

On 5/7/2017 at 7:36 AM, Luca-Rosemom 19 said:

That's you noticing them making noise. I could easily say oh my trash (across the street) neighbour only comes outside when I go outside, when the truth is he's nosey and goes outside the moment he hears anyone out.

Not sure what you're trying to say. Are you suggesting there's another thing in addition to 1) my mental state changes and 2) the stomping having 100% correlation? So 3 things happening concurrently and repeatedly instead of 2? That doesn't make that concurrency any more explicable, only more strange.

On 5/7/2017 at 7:36 AM, Luca-Rosemom 19 said:

Having to re read something is a memory thing, I've done it before due to the fact I had short term memory problems when learning things in school.

What happened to me was more than that:

Quote

1) you feel as if something in your head physically ceases to exist - it was there before but has now been lifted off.
2) There is a sudden feeling of relief,
3) you may breathe more freely than before,
4) your perception of the world becomes much more vivid, and
5) you will have no longer trouble with reading.

This change is something more profound.

On 5/12/2017 at 8:08 PM, Future ghost said:

It sounds like you're the alien and you're controlling them. Very interesting turn of events. ( cue dramatic music).

I understand this may be a joke, but I did nothing to cause the change in my mental state, so if it's my mental state controlling them, it's beyond my control.

Edited December 2, 2019 by rein89

December 2, 2019

Now about my schizophrenia. Most of it is not inexplicable, but my schizophrenia is strange in many regards, so it may be worthy of mentioning these. And of course any of this doesn't invalidate what happened back in 2017. It's a long read, though, so if you want to read about things that were possibly inexplicable, you can go to "Weird things:" section at the bottom.

Schizophrenia has taken control over my body, permanently.

It feels like my body is moving by itself, and I’m no longer in control of anything it does; it’s a constant thing. It is as if Rein is possessed by some demon or spirit, and I am that spirit doing everything and writing this text (on his behalf and from his perspective). Again, this is not a delusional thought or belief, but it feels like that. And it’s not just a feeling. Often my body does strange things, things I’d never do. Sometimes my head makes strange movements (like shaking, nodding, grinning weirdly, opening and closing the mouth repeatedly, showing tongue, or making weird faces) or my mouth speaks, by itself. It is not only limited to my face - a few times I have waved around with my hands or started jumping up and down as I walk, unwillingly. Those mysterious movements of my head and body are not random either, they are usually a response to something. Usually when I hear or see something related to death, it closes my eyes, moves my head to the right twice and to the left once. It used to repeat this 40–50 times every morning “in advance”, so it wouldn’t have to do it as much during the day. When it finds something funny it shows my tongue. If I get a death threat (as a fake thought - a thought produced by my schizophrenia) then it will nod. When it apparently wants to annoy me, or express that I should be annoyed due to its activities - not sure which, it shows my tongue while nodding my head repeatedly and intensely.

When I was in the hospital, this demon/spirit did many strange things: it tried to strangle 2 people who were nearby, started doing sit-ups while flapping with my arms like wings near the nurse (apparently to get attention), screamed while writhing on the ground, etc. There is nothing I could do to prevent those things from happening. Luckily (for others, at least), these days it behaves like a normal person in public, and only does strange things when I’m alone.

Sometimes it seems like the voices control my body - for example, the voice has told me things like “We’re now going to jump up and down, and flap with your arms like wings”, and then my body did exactly that. But it looks like there is something that controls both - the voices and my body. That would explain 1) how the voice can tell in advance what my body is going to do, and 2) how the body can do strange things without a voice telling in advance what it's going to do.

There have been instances where it has started doing strange faces or messing around with my entire body in the middle of night. Videos of it happening have been posted here:

I have been told by my psychiatrist that it’s just a feeling that my body is moving by itself and that I’m still in control of my body, but I wouldn’t do such things. There is no way I would verbally threaten myself (my own mouth has told me “I will kill you.”) or attempt to kill myself for no reason. I don’t know what’s controlling my body; whatever it is, it’s not me. Maybe my “schizophrenia” is actually a spiritual problem, and I am indeed possessed.

I have been suggested that when it behaves normally, it’s me who’s doing things, but there is no way for me to tell if that’s true: 1) from how I feel, there’s no way for me to control my body, it feels like it’s moving by itself all the time, and 2) the “spirit” can do some pretty complex strange things, so it could be the spirit that’s doing everything. And even if it’s true that partially I am still doing things, then what is the thing that behaves strangely?

Also worthy of note may be that when this spirit talks to itself or to me, it talks differently than when it talks to another person: it refers to itself as "we", it swears (I never swore), and often talks faster than I could. Also, when the spirit accidentally causes pain or discomfort due to physical causes, it always says "Excuse me".

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia can block my understanding of speech and written text, at will.

When reading it’ll be the same as if you were reading some foreign language that you don’t understand. When listening to someone you can still hear the words, but they make no sense to you. It only does this if it wants to. Normally I can understand everything, but every time when reading or listening to a prayer, it blocks me from understanding it. I have got fake thoughts saying it does that because prayer might help me escape from this condition somehow. Another time I was told it's doing it to mess with me (for what purpose?). One time when watching a film, I got a fake thought along the lines of saying it is pointless/boring to watch it, and it blocked my understanding of what is being said there.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia can duplicate the feeling of willful movement of the body

In other words, schizophrenia can move your body, and make it feel like you moved your body. It has done this to me while making some strange movements that I would never do. One time “I” tried to commit suicide, but failed. Actually I suspect I had no free will at the time, and it was my schizophrenia that wanted me dead for some reason - I had no reason to kill myself (I didn’t feel bad or anything). By default I don’t have the feeling that I willfully move my body, and it feels like it’s moving by itself (almost like when you’re typing, if you are used to do it - you think of a word or sentence, and your fingers seem to move to the right buttons and press them by themselves, automatically, until the word/sentence is written).

Schizophrenia can make me cry for no reason, at will

I’ve seen reports of people with schizophrenia crying at random or inappropriate moments; my schizophrenia is not like that. My schizophrenia can make me cry at will - several times the voices have told me things like “We’re going to make you cry now” and then indeed I started to cry. There is nothing distressing about the voices, and the crying is not emotional.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia can remove the ‘good’ from my taste

It can make the food I eat no longer taste good - not as a part of anhedonia, but separately. Many times it has done that in the middle of eating something, and then it is especially noticeable. Sometimes it has replaced the good taste with fake pleasantness - the voice used to ask then “Is it good, or pleasant?” and said it will damage my soul if I can’t tell which one is correct.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia can produce fake thoughts that can be smarter than me

Also called inserted thoughts, these are thoughts that do not feel like your own thoughts. I experience them every day, and there are a lot of different types of fake thoughts my schizophrenia can produce. For example:

There are “simple” inserted ideas / thoughts - they are the most common. I understand them, but I also feel they are not mine
There are ideas which feel like my own, except their content is such that suggests it’s a fake idea (it’s something I wouldn’t come up with or think about, like doing something violent against my mom); haven’t felt those in a while now
There are fake recalls of memories - they represent a real memory, but they feel different from a real memory
There are reminders, the word “reminder” describes best the feeling that accompanies them
There can be fake memories - something that hasn’t actually happened, but it feels exactly like a real memory
A “dropped” idea - it feels as if an idea/concept was dropped into my mind
Fake conscience - it has a distinct feeling to it, and it says whether I would do something (normally bad thing) or not. Like at one time it claimed that I consented to torturing someone, and if the “spirit” controlling my body would do it, I’d be guilty
Directional thought - it feels to be coming from a certain direction
Empty thought - a fake thought/idea that carries no meaning/content; sometimes my schizophrenia produces this just to show it can do it
etc.

Fake thoughts are different from normal thoughts: 1) they feel completely different, 2) they can be completely absent for long periods, and 3) their content is often something that the normal thoughts can't contain.

These days most often the fake thoughts keep telling me that I’m going to be tortured forever after I die.

On many occasions the fake thoughts seem to be smarter than me. They've pointed out flaws in the plans I had, and reminded me things that I've done wrong/badly and how I could have done better. I’m saying the fake thoughts are smarter than me, because the things they brought up never occurred to me back when I was thinking about and/or doing these particular things.

They also seem to be specialized at showing how bad of a person I am, and how my personality differs from everyone else (possibly) - there have been periods of fake dialogues like a court process, where I was accused of various things I've done in my life, and after each accusation another fake thought representing "me" tried to justify it, then "they" found flaws in that, etc; this often went on for hours. Now their theory is that I did those things because I was stupid (they found that I never intended any harm), and that this stupidity is an illness of the soul/consciousness and that it can't be fixed, which is why I was "caught" (by my schizophrenia) so I could be tortured after death forever (according to their theory that is an effective way to control me). The reasons are just theories, however. All they claim to know for sure is that I'll be tortured after death forever.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia has erased my memory

My memory has been wiped clean from … (unknown time) to summer 2018. That ‘unknown time’ may have been somewhere in 2016 or 2017, meaning more than a year of events have disappeared from my memory. When I came home from hospital, I checked my browsing history, and I did not remember visiting any of the sites I saw there. I don’t remember how and when my schizophrenia started, but I have first records of me acting strange from May 2017. I have written notes from that period, according to which I still had memories of recent events back then. That means my schizophrenia must have “manually” erased my memory - it did not happen with the onset of my schizophrenia, but a bit later. Did it wipe my memory on some purpose? I have no idea.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia can control my dreams

The content of my dreams tends to be about my schizophrenia, and its “symptoms” (the strange things I’ve experienced related to my condition). Many times it has been about me trying to escape from this condition, but can’t. I’ve heard the voice in my dreams. Once in a dream my brother was possessed by the same spirit/demon as I, and he tried to strangle me. In another dream my cousin got possessed. One time the voice could tell in advance what is going to happen in my dream. That suggests there is one thing that controls the voices, my dreams, and my body - that’s how the voices can tell in advance what’s going to happen in my dream, and what my body is about to do.

Schizophrenia can cause me to experience feelings that I've never felt before

For example:

It can make what I eat taste like death, what I see look like death, and what I hear sound like death. Fortunately that doesn’t happen as much any more.
It can place a fake focus on any part of my body (a feeling), or any external object (both, a feeling, or visual fake focus)
It can produce a feeling in my mind that I am not allowed to think, and a feeling that I am not allowed to remember something
It once produced a feeling of bad beauty
It can produce a feeling of torture in a part of my body - a very strong, unbearable feeling. It’s a new feeling, completely different from pain, and worse than pain. It is only removed or alleviated when moving my body.

Schizophrenia has tortured me

There was a period when I was in the hospital during which I was subject to what I’d call intelligent torture. I felt an unbearable feeling in my body. It’s a new feeling (something that I’ve never experienced before the onset of my schizophrenia), it is different from pain, and worse than pain. It would pretty much only ease up during walking, eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom, talking to the doctor or being in the line to get my medications, and so I spent most of the days in the hospital walking in the corridor all day long. I call it intelligent because my Schizophrenia was intelligent enough to recognize those specific actions I wrote in bold, and when I’m doing those things - and only then it would remove the torture. Doing other things, such as drawing or watching the TV didn’t help - then it started to torture me. Over time it increased the amount of torture it applied, even during walking. In the hospital it went so bad that I preferred not to exist. Those voices told I was to be tortured unless I’m walking, or on some important business. Why my schizophrenia wanted me to walk every day, all day long, for over 8 months? That remains a mystery to me.

I wouldn’t wish that torture upon anyone, and the voice(s) and fake thoughts keep telling me I’m going to be tortured forever, more than I’ve ever been tortured before, after I die.

While I’m not being tortured to the extent I was before, my schizophrenia can still inflict aches or other unpleasant feelings in my head or other parts of the body (these feelings, too, disappear when doing certain things). They tend to be worse when I go to sleep, or wake up during night or before 8 AM. I experience those feelings almost every day and night.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia has taken away all of my emotions, and many other feelings

I have no emotions, and I have almost complete anhedonia. Stress and anxiety disappeared along with other feelings. I used to play computer games, watch films and Youtube videos, do programming, listen to music, and do sports on my free time, but they offer me nothing now. There is nothing I like doing, nothing is interesting or funny any more, I have no will or motivation to do anything. I had dreams... my schizophrenia made them all impossible. Schizophrenia took away from me every reason to live. I simply continue to exist because there is no reason to die either (at least right now; it still inflicts bad feelings in me, but they’re tolerable, or have a short duration). It’s the most pointless state of existence I am in now.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia has taken away my thoughts - permanently

My mind is completely blank most of the time. As far as I can remember having my schizophrenia, not a single thought has popped into my head. If the mind is not currently blank there are only the things my schizophrenia can produce - voice(s), fake/inserted “thoughts” (thoughts that feel completely different from your own thoughts), and mental images. One might wonder how can all of this here be written without having thoughts. Perhaps my thoughts are hidden from me. Or perhaps this “spirit” that controls my body and is writing this has its own thoughts. I don’t know.

Also, according to some earlier notes from 2017 and 2018 I still had thoughts back then. That means my schizophrenia must have blanked my mind “manually” between that time, and 2018 summer.

From what I’ve read, this has not happened to any other schizophrenic.

I’ve read many other schizophrenic’s symptoms on the internet, and 9 out of the 12 things I mentioned I’ve not seen any other schizophrenic experience. And it’s not just limited to these - there are more strange things I’ve experienced.

Other things possibly strange about my schizophrenia:

1) I've heard a weird sound coming from the apartment upstairs. I couldn’t record it, maybe it was too faint, or maybe it was a hallucination. But I managed to roughly reproduce it, using online tone generator:

Note that the sound I hear is much fainter than that, and also has some vibrance to it.

If it’s not a hallucination, I can’t imagine what could cause such a sound, and how/why would it respond to cars passing by (it only plays while the noise of a car passing by can be heard; other noise such as scratching my head or moving my body in the bed does not trigger it). It’d have to be something quite strange.

If it’s a hallucination, it would make my schizophrenia even more strange - I heard that sound long before the "onset" of my schizophrenia (I consider the onset being the strange events from 2017), it would be the only hallucination I heard before that onset, and it must have been a recurring hallucination (I heard it many, many times - each time the same sound, only heard from my bedroom, and always coming from the apartment upstairs).

2) In my childhood I had a couple of times a nightmare where I felt like I was being crushed by something infinitely big, dense, heavy and hard. There was nothing else, nothing to be seen, only that feeling.

Shortly after coming home from the hospital, my schizophrenia produced exactly the same feeling, while I was awake. The feeling was quite unpleasant. Could it be my “schizophrenia” was messing with me back when I was a child? I lived in the same apartment back then as I live in now.

3) The antipsychotics I've taken so far and that are supposed to affect the brain haven't had any effects on my symptoms. Maybe they're simply not working for me because I need a bigger dose, or maybe I need a different type of antipsychotics. Either way it will take a while to see if any of them work, since my psychiatrist is not very eager to increase the dose (last time after complaining about the bad feelings she increased it from 100mg to 150mg - only an increase of 50mg, while the maximum dose for this antipsychotic is considered to be 750 or 800mg). The voice and face thoughts claim that they're not working, because my schizophrenia is not a brain disease, but a spiritual problem.

4) The voice I hear is not like the ones that people with typical schizophrenia hear. For me, there is only 1 voice talking at a time, and as much as I can recall, it has never sounded like a real voice (although my schizophrenia has made me believe a few times the voice was coming from a real person I had a psychic connection with). For me the voice typically sounds like some other sound I am currently hearing - it’s as if my schizophrenia is modulating the source sound. For example if I’m walking then the voice talks in the rhythm of my footsteps and it sounds like the footsteps, and the voice seems to come from my feet (exactly where the sound of the footsteps is coming from). While eating, the voice talks in the rhythm of chewing, and often sounds like sounds of chewing food. If a car is passing by it can make the voice sound like the passing car, and seems to be coming from the car (the voice moves with the car). If there is no appropriate sound around it “modulates” the silence; then I cannot tell where the voice is coming from, and it’s not like a sound at all - then I sense it instead of hearing it.

At other times they behave more like a voice and have a gender (typically female), but they still don’t sound like a real voice.

5) While I was in the hospital, one of the theories presented to me via inserted thoughts/voices was that there is a group of beings who have been suffering from torture for some ridiculously long time (like 50 million years). My schizophrenia made me believe I was in contact with those beings, and I was told I’m going to be dragged into that state of torture after I die. “They” also mentioned that while I’m being tortured there will be a menu written in my head, which I can interact with to try to escape that torture (“they” also said it would take a ridiculously long time to escape it, if I can escape it at all).

Later, when I came home, I read from the notes I had written earlier that I had a visible menu written in my head (that event was erased from my memory some time after writing the notes, and I didn’t remember it while I was in the hospital).

Is there a bigger plot behind this, and were those inserted thoughts and/or voices reading off a script?

I doubt it's a coincidence, because a menu written in the visual field is definitely not the type of visual hallucinations most schizophrenics experience.

6) According to my relatives I've behaved strangely (talked weird things, behaved as a different person, went to places, etc) on several occasions during the period that has been wiped away from my memory, but inbetween those strange actions there were days where I seem to have behaved completely normally (looking from my browsing history). I even went to work, but only for a month or so. Was I completely oblivious to my strange behavior during those days? Apparently I (or the "spirit") have (has) also erased some things from my browsing history, because they show up in the search history.

7) My schizophrenia seems to have some intelligence behind it (or a mind of its own), and is systematically, not randomly, messing with me for some unknown purpose.

One example is the torture and unpleasant feelings - clearly controlled by some intelligent process as described above
Another example is the body, the voice and the dreams apparently being controlled by a single thing/process
It can mess with my senses while I eat. It can remove the tastiness from something in the middle of eating it, and it can add fake pleasantness instead
The combination of inserted thoughts and voice(s) are messing with me every day: first an inserted thought comes saying I’m going to be tortured after death, then the voice says that’s a lie. Sometimes the voice claims the opposite by saying the fake thoughts are actually telling the truth, and that the voices are lying. Then a fake thought says I'm supposed to know which one is telling the truth. Often I'm told that what they're telling is supposed to help me escape my condition.
It has repeatedly made me feel fake will, here are 2 recent ones: First time was in a dream, “I” wanted to sit up, but couldn’t - it felt like I wanted it, but probably it was fake will (my schizophrenia can create/duplicate the feeling of wanting to move my body). After waking up the voice said “You just fought with yourself” (it was a hint of me torturing myself after death), and then inserted thoughts came saying it will “count” after death, when I’m going to be tortured. 2nd time was just after waking from a dream, it was a fake sleep paralysis - it felt like I wanted to move, but couldn’t, and “I” was making sounds with my mouth. Again it was apparently a fake feeling of will. It can make me feel like I’m doing or wanting to do something, while actually I don’t.
Very often it makes me feel fake urge to pee (different from the real feeling). I’m being told it damages me (after death) if I follow that urge, but the “spirit” that controls my body goes to the bathroom anyway and there is nothing I can do. I was told that each time is “written” into my soul, and will “count” after death.
It blocks my understanding of written or spoken prayer (it does this every time), while letting me understand everything else (with a few exceptions). Why?

Weird things:

When I was in the hospital, I had a visible menu in my head where there was written the phone number of a local radio station. I saw a person in the hospital who seemed to be under some sort of psychosis and wrote the name of that same radio station and its frequency.
While pacing in the corridor in another hospital, “I” (or the “spirit” that controls my body) looked at a man, and he snapped at me “Don’t look at me! Spirit,” followed by profanities.
On a later day, that same man came up to me and said: "Jesus said: “The spirits of the aliens”. ". I had fake thoughts immediately reminding me of my situation where I am apparently possessed by an “alien spirit”, and wondering how the man could possibly know my situation. Also, to my knowledge, Jesus never said anything about “the spirits of the aliens”.
One day I heard a train horn (there are railways nearby where I live), and before that I got an inserted thought that I’m going to hear a train horn; an inserted thought after that claimed that I somehow caused the train driver to blow the horn
One day when I was heading home (the “spirit” was controlling me again, and had my eyes stare at the sky all the time while walking, for some reason), a man on a bicycle stopped and started screaming at me for no reason. His screaming was unintelligible, and lasted for a few seconds. Later the fake thoughts came in claiming that I was causing him to scream at me since I am a god.
As I started pacing in my room on the day I came home from the hospital (I had to pace because of the torturous feeling), steps in the apartment above started following me (I heard the steps right above me), and the steps were loud, like stomping. It continued for a while, and the steps from the apartment above me always sounded right above where I was. Then I went to the other room to check if they would follow me there, and the steps indeed followed me there. I don’t know much about who lives in the apartment above me, other than that he’s a middle-aged man.

All odd coincidences or hallucinations?

As mentioned above, my schizophrenia has caused me to experience feelings that I've never felt before. How can it do that? They have no purpose in the evolutionary sense, so where did they come from? Can schizophrenia invent something as profound as a new feeling?
Also as mentioned before, my schizophrenia can produce fake thoughts that can be smarter than me. How is that possible? Somebody told me "I don’t think it’s possible for a voice to be smarter than the brain that produced it." If the fake thoughts are smarter than me, then maybe they aren't being produced by my brain, but something else? The other option is that the part of my brain producing the thoughts was somehow limited (due to which I did those stupid things the fake thoughts kept accusing me of), while the part producing fake thoughts wasn't. In that case, 1) why was the part that does thinking limited (compared to fake thoughts), and 2) why/how would there be a separate part in my brain to produce fake thoughts, which are smarter than me?

Edited December 2, 2019 by rein89

December 2, 2019

@fredsk It seems like you do have something you need help with, but I don't think it has anything to do with your neighbors. Living in an apartment is stressfull because you do hear your neighbors any time they make noise and an upstairs neighbor walking across their floor does sound like "stomping" but it isn't. You are making things personal that aren't. If people are following you, call the police. Take pictures of them to prove they are following you (multiple pictures of the same person in different locations). In the meantime find someone to talk to face to face, get a reality check. Your definite insistence that you are not insane indicates you probably do have mental issues. Not necessarily schizophrenia or insanity but at the very lieast, paranoia and narcissism. Ask a person in your community that can actually help you instead of telling strangers on line who have no way of helping.

December 3, 2019

On 12/2/2019 at 5:02 PM, Desertrat56 said:

@fredsk It seems like you do have something you need help with, but I don't think it has anything to do with your neighbors. Living in an apartment is stressfull because you do hear your neighbors any time they make noise and an upstairs neighbor walking across their floor does sound like "stomping" but it isn't. You are making things personal that aren't. If people are following you, call the police. Take pictures of them to prove they are following you (multiple pictures of the same person in different locations). In the meantime find someone to talk to face to face, get a reality check. Your definite insistence that you are not insane indicates you probably do have mental issues. Not necessarily schizophrenia or insanity but at the very lieast, paranoia and narcissism. Ask a person in your community that can actually help you instead of telling strangers on line who have no way of helping.

I am fredsk (I lost my previous email and the forum account). I have described my current situation in my last post.

The neighbor(s) can move around and get from one room to another without stomping if they want (I know of this because I've heard them doing other things, that cause noise). Also as mentioned, they were pretty silent otherwise.

Even if all of the cases of the neighbor(s) stomping and my mental state changing almost simultaneously were just coincidences, the "onset" of my schizophrenia featured the following:

1)

It starts with hearing a strange, faint sound coming from upstairs, playing repeatedly
Assuming it’s a hallucination, it would be the only hallucination for a long time - a year or more. I heard it many, many times, each time the same sound, only heard from my bedroom, and always coming from the apartment upstairs
But since you never think of it as a strange sound, or pay attention to it at all, you don’t know something is wrong (then it didn’t respond to cars like now and play only if a car is passing by; back then I could even hear it playing in total silence, usually when I went to sleep)

2)

Feeling of being mentally burdened or blocked by something
Feeling of something almost physically occupying your head
Troubles with learning and reading
Nonvivid perception of the world
Restricted or burdened breathing

I was not consciously aware of any of this; it’s as if you’re used to it. Because of that, this state could have lasted for a long time, possibly for years without me even knowing it’s there.

Occasionally all of these problems suddenly disappear at the same time, and then reappear. Only then you realize something’s not right.

Do you think it is normal for schizophrenia to start with such experiences?

December 3, 2019

21 minutes ago, rein89 said:

I am fredsk (I lost my previous email and the forum account). I have described my current situation in my last post.

The neighbor(s) can move around and get from one room to another without stomping if they want (I know of this because I've heard them doing other things, that cause noise). Also as mentioned, they were pretty silent otherwise.

Even if all of the cases of the neighbor(s) stomping and my mental state changing almost simultaneously were just coincidences, the "onset" of my schizophrenia featured the following:

1)

It starts with hearing a strange, faint sound coming from upstairs, playing repeatedly

Assuming it’s a hallucination, it would be the only hallucination for a long time - a year or more. I heard it many, many times, each time the same sound, only heard from my bedroom, and always coming from the apartment upstairs

But since you never think of it as a strange sound, or pay attention to it at all, you don’t know something is wrong (then it didn’t respond to cars like now and play only if a car is passing by; back then I could even hear it playing in total silence, usually when I went to sleep)

2)

Feeling of being mentally burdened or blocked by something

Feeling of something almost physically occupying your head

Troubles with learning and reading

Nonvivid perception of the world

Restricted or burdened breathing

I was not consciously aware of any of this; it’s as if you’re used to it. Because of that, this state could have lasted for a long time, possibly for years without me even knowing it’s there.

Occasionally all of these problems suddenly disappear at the same time, and then reappear. Only then you realize something’s not right.

Do you think it is normal for schizophrenia to start with such experiences?

I don't think anything about schizophrenia is normal. I don't know if I said this in this thread or not, but I believe you could have a biological reason for what you are experiencing. I think going to a good doctor and getting a complete physical and all the blood tests to determine your hormone levels as well as other brain chemistry elements should be done before you decide you are having paranormal, paranoid or schizophrenic encounters. Once you have ruled out the biological, then go from there. I have experience with relatives who suffered from schizophrenia symptoms, neither of them was treated properly and one of them is dead because of psychiatrists "trying" different drugs that made things worse instead of better. You also need to find someone to talk to face to face. You need a reality check and you can't give that to yourself, you have to reach out to a physical, present human, not a bunch of strangers on a forum.

December 5, 2019

Maybe its a beginning of a spiritual awakening. Say , communication from yourself , maybe higher self. Using the sounds and such as a synchronicity. But not actually having anything to do with the neighbors specifically. These things can be interpreted in many ways and can become confusing if your mind wanders on something it doesn't understand. Just an opinion anyway. Sorry the rest of you , no links to evidence or proof.

Edited December 5, 2019 by razman

December 5, 2019

On 12/3/2019 at 5:46 PM, Desertrat56 said:

I think going to a good doctor and getting a complete physical and all the blood tests to determine your hormone levels as well as other brain chemistry elements should be done before you decide you are having paranormal, paranoid or schizophrenic encounters.

A psychiatrist has already decided I have schizophrenia:

On 12/2/2019 at 4:05 PM, rein89 said:

Hi all, this is fredsk.

A lot of things have happened. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and been to two hospitals. There have been "suicide" attempts, my schizophrenia has tortured me, my memory has been wiped (more on these later), I don't even remember the time I created this thread.

I don't remember if any other tests were done than the blood tests in the psychiatric hospital, since more than a year of events have been erased from my memory.

Also:

On 12/2/2019 at 4:06 PM, rein89 said:

3) The antipsychotics I've taken so far and that are supposed to affect the brain haven't had any effects on my symptoms. Maybe they're simply not working for me because I need a bigger dose, or maybe I need a different type of antipsychotics. Maybe my schizophrenia is resistant to antipsychotics. Either way it will take a while to see if any of them work, since my psychiatrist is not very eager to increase the dose (last time after complaining about the bad feelings she increased it from 100mg to 150mg - only an increase of 50mg, while the maximum dose for this antipsychotic is considered to be 750 or 800mg). The voice and fake thoughts claim that they're not working, because my schizophrenia is not a brain disease, but a spiritual problem.

6 hours ago, razman said:

Maybe its a beginning of a spiritual awakening. Say , communication from yourself , maybe higher self. Using the sounds and such as a synchronicity. But not actually having anything to do with the neighbors specifically. These things can be interpreted in many ways and can become confusing if your mind wanders on something it doesn't understand. Just an opinion anyway. Sorry the rest of you , no links to evidence or proof.

Since I discovered my mental capabilities were being hindered by something abnormal, I guess it could be called enlightenment, but not spiritual.

It was the beginning of my spiritual destruction, because that something

robbed me of my entire inner world (emotions and thoughts), rendering me unable to engage in any spiritual or religious activity/journey, if I wanted to, and
robbed me of my free will, rendering me unable to do anything, even move my own body. Now I can't even want anything.

Considering my thoughts and my will (including the ability to move my body) were removed only later - not back then when the strange things started to happen, and considering how the things I do remember happening (such as the torture, and different states of fake thoughts and the voice) also happened in stages and/or following some intelligent pattern, it seems to suggest there is a plan my Schizophrenia is following, according to which it does these things to me.

December 5, 2019

On 12/2/2019 at 2:05 PM, rein89 said:

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and been to two hospitals.

This is the answer to all you previous thoughts on what you thought it was.

Stick with the treatment, schizophrenia can be controlled, but you must try to understand there are no aliens and it is your mind playing tricks on you.

You must not stop any treatment for your schizophrenia.

December 5, 2019

16 minutes ago, freetoroam said:

On 12/2/2019 at 4:05 PM, rein89 said:

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and been to two hospitals.

This is the answer to all you previous thoughts on what you thought it was.

Only if all of the cases of the neighbor(s) stomping and my mental state changing almost simultaneously were just coincidences.

23 minutes ago, freetoroam said:

Stick with the treatment, schizophrenia can be controlled, but you must try to understand there are no aliens and it is your mind playing tricks on you.

You must not stop any treatment for your schizophrenia.

The "treatment" currently consists of taking antipsychotics that simply don't work. Despite that, I/the "spirit" apparently have/has no plans to stop taking the medicine.

December 5, 2019

4 minutes ago, rein89 said:

Only if all of the cases of the neighbor(s) stomping and my mental state changing almost simultaneously were just coincidences.

The "treatment" currently consists of taking antipsychotics that simply don't work. Despite that, I/the "spirit" apparently have/has no plans to stop taking the medicine.

You have to get into a mindset of realizing your neighbour's activities are not directed at you. Your neighbour's are living above you.

Give the medication time and stick with the programme.

On 12/2/2019 at 2:06 PM, rein89 said:

My memory has been wiped clean from … (unknown time) to summer 2018. That ‘unknown time’ may have been somewhere in 2016 or 2017, meaning more than a year of events have disappeared

No they have not as you remember your neighbours activities as you say

"Only if all".

TBO, I believe an online forum is not the place to be discussing your schizophrenia as it seems clear you are in the early stages of treatment.

Advice on here could confuse you even more.

If you have any interests it may help.you discuss them on here. But not your condition, that you need to keep.between yourself and your psychiatrist.

On 12/3/2019 at 3:19 PM, rein89 said:

Do you think it is normal for schizophrenia to start with such experiences?

There is not a 'normal' way for it to start, but you should realise you have a condition which has been diagnosed because it is known about and it is known that nothing paranormal or any alleged aliens are involved.

December 5, 2019

1 hour ago, freetoroam said:

You have to get into a mindset of realizing your neighbour's activities are not directed at you.

Technically I don't. Since I have no thoughts or beliefs, I can't have any delusions. I only know from what I have written in 2017 that there were several cases of the neighbor(s) stomping and my mental state changing almost simultaneously, while the neighbor(s) were otherwise very quiet.

1 hour ago, freetoroam said:

Give the medication time and stick with the programme.

TBO, I believe an online forum is not the place to be discussing your schizophrenia as it seems clear you are in the early stages of treatment.

I have been in treatment since summer 2018. The current medication has been given time to work for many months now.

My condition was only written here because it seems my case of schizophrenia is strange in many aspects, and also there is a "Weird things:" section at the end, featuring things which may be difficult to explain by what is commonly known.

1 hour ago, freetoroam said:

On 12/2/2019 at 4:06 PM, rein89 said:

My memory has been wiped clean from … (unknown time) to summer 2018. That ‘unknown time’ may have been somewhere in 2016 or 2017, meaning more than a year of events have disappeared

No they have not as you remember your neighbours activities as you say

"Only if all".

Yes my memory has been wiped. I don't remember their activities or the changes in my mental state, I only know them from what I have written.

There has not been any more stomping after the time I wrote there was.

1 hour ago, freetoroam said:

it is known that nothing paranormal or any alleged aliens are involved.

It is not known, it is apparently believed by many on these forums. For it to be known it has to be proven (and lack of evidence supporting the opposite is not proof); nothing has proven whether all of the cases of the neighbor(s) stomping and my mental state changing almost simultaneously were coincidences, or paranormal activity.

Edited December 5, 2019 by rein89

December 5, 2019

4 hours ago, rein89 said:

A psychiatrist has already decided I have schizophrenia:

I don't remember if any other tests were done than the blood tests in the psychiatric hospital, since more than a year of events have been erased from my memory.

Also:

Since I discovered my mental capabilities were being hindered by something abnormal, I guess it could be called enlightenment, but not spiritual.

It was the beginning of my spiritual destruction, because that something

robbed me of my entire inner world (emotions and thoughts), rendering me unable to engage in any spiritual or religious activity/journey, if I wanted to, and

robbed me of my free will, rendering me unable to do anything, even move my own body. Now I can't even want anything.

Considering my thoughts and my will (including the ability to move my body) were removed only later - not back then when the strange things started to happen, and considering how the things I do remember happening (such as the torture, and different states of fake thoughts and the voice) also happened in stages and/or following some intelligent pattern, it seems to suggest there is a plan my Schizophrenia is following, according to which it does these things to me.

What meds are you on? Obviously they are making things worse rather than better. I suggest you go back and make the doctors do a complete work up that includes things not usually looked for. And tell them what you are experiencing as you need them to step up and treat you with the proper therapy. I mentioned this before, somewhere, my brother died because the doctors did not do due diligence and just tried one medication after another that made every thing worse each time.

Edited December 5, 2019 by Desertrat56

December 11, 2019

First of all, Rein, it takes a lot of bravery, courage and strength to confide in and reveal yourself so openly to an online forum. I want to thank you for taking the time to candidly and honestly discuss the experiences you're having. Please know that while some users will meet your posts with sceptical, judgemental comments, there are still others who empathise with your situation. We may not understand what you're going through, many of us will never experience what you're facing on a daily basis but that does not stop us from having compassion.

I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to be experiencing this early onset and diagnosis of schizophrenia as you are. To have led such a normal life prior to, to have tried to rationalise and understand your symptoms as they began happening to you and to now have professionals' input that is changing your entire perception of who you are and how your mind works.

Right now, it must be so difficult trying to understand where you are in all of this. Who you are. How much of it are symptoms of your illness and how much control you have over yourself anymore. It's completely understandable that while you've very clearly accepted your diagnosis and you're courageously allowing the input of doctors, psychiatrists and professionals to assist you, you're still trying to understand what's going on.

The way you describe your experiences and the context you've laid out for us, it must be such a huge life-changer that has just imposed itself upon you without warning.

We can see from your first post that the symptoms were beginning to show themselves and that you were desperately trying to make sense of it. You'd grown up feeling and behaving just like everybody else, you felt as though your thoughts were controlled by you and you alone, you were able to account for all your actions. You felt as normal as 'normal' can really be. So when you started experiencing strange sensations, feelings, thoughts and uncontrollable behaviours, it was only natural for you to look outwardly for an answer. You had no reason to believe that it might be connected to some sort of mental illness that you had no reason to believe was even there.

So I think it's only fair to give yourself a lot of credit for reaching out. For being open to finding the answers, no matter what they were. You went to a hospital, you received a diagnosis, you accepted it and you have been committing yourself to medication and rehabilitation. You aren't in denial - you are very open and honest about the things you are experiencing - which will assist others in aiding you with your condition.

While I recognise and respect that you've done your own extensive and thorough research about your condition, it's important to remind yourself of the commonly understood symptoms:

(After conducting a quick google search, this popped up in a sidebar)

People may experience:

Behavioural: social isolation, disorganised behaviour, aggression, agitation, compulsive behaviour, excitability, hostility, repetitive movements, self-harm, or lack of restraint

Cognitive: thought disorder, delusion, amnesia, belief that an ordinary event has special and personal meaning, belief that thoughts aren't one's own, disorientation, memory loss, mental confusion, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority

Mood: anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self, general discontent, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, elevated mood, or inappropriate emotional response

Psychological: hallucination, paranoia, hearing voices, depression, fear, persecutory delusion, or religious delusion

Speech: circumstantial speech, incoherent speech, rapid and frenzied speaking, or speech disorder

Also common: fatigue, impaired motor coordination, or lack of emotional response

I have only been able to gauge what I believe you may be experiencing, but I don't know you personally and only have this thread to base my limited understanding and interpretation on. I'm also completely inexperienced and have never studied or even researched this mental condition, even though one of my family members has also been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Just based on your posts and this limited, generalised list of symptoms, I think the doctors have accurately diagnosed your condition and the reasons why you were experiencing such extreme, uncontrollable and illogical sensations and thought patterns. And I think that as you're starting along this journey of management, it's important to keep reminding yourself of these understood, accepted symptoms.

From your more recent posts from your new account, you've been expressing your suspicion that perhaps more is going on than just schizophrenia, and who can blame you? A mental disorder such as schizophrenia and all that its symptoms must be so incredibly difficult to accept. I can only imagine that the stark contrast between who you were before the onset and what you experience now, after the onset, are worlds apart.

In particular, you seem to have gravitated to the idea that something spiritual is at work. However, when looking at this brief overview of all the schizophrenic symptoms, it really seems to me that the 'spiritual' experiences you are having are still just symptoms of this condition. Religious (or spiritual) delusion is one of those symptoms. Hearing voices is another and is not limited to full, normal-sounding spoken word. It is understandable that you are hearing 'voices' through other sounds. Another recognised and common schizophrenic symptom is persecutory delusions - like how you express that the voices are telling you that you will suffer for eternity. These thoughts aren't controlled by you, nor are the voices - but it is still a symptom. Just because you're not directly and consciously responsible for them, doesn't mean that they have to be coming from someone or something else. This another symptom - believing that your thoughts are not your own.

Keep asking for help. If the meds aren't working, seek out a new doctor. Stay in community with people - whether you find a therapist, a support group or continue to grace us with your presence here on the forums. Don't lose touch with people and a sense of community. Find professionals who care about what they do - not just the experts who know diagnose and just run through the motions like clockwork. Seek out those who have a passion for aiding people managing schizophrenia, who are dedicated to updating their own understanding and training. It's the same as the difference between a good teacher and a bad one - we often enjoyed learning and learned more and learned quicker when our teacher had a passion for their work. The ones who just read from the text books and ran through the motions were so hard to connect with and didn't reflect back the excitement and motivation they expected us to have.

It's so important for you to find a close, understanding and dedicated network early on before you encounter too many mundane, run-of-the-mill professionals who treat you more like a number than a person. The more that you subject yourself to passionate, caring professionals, the better chance you have of successful and sustainable management for this condition. It would be so easy to lose hope and mismanage your symptoms if you're constantly subjected to professionals who just go 'by the book' and treat you the way they've been trained to.

And for your own sake, and the sake of others who have been or will be diagnosed, keep talking about and recording your personal experience of this condition. You never know how it might help you and others down the track. Maybe an up-and-coming leading professional in the field might stumble across you one day and your ability to honestly and openly and descriptively record your experiences will assist in a deeper understanding and better management and support for people living with schizophrenia. For some mental disorders, the science can't tell us everything we need to know in order to help. It's important to know what people are experiencing, feeling, thinking and sensing. Scans and tests won't show this. Only your personal testimony and openness to share will enlighten us.

So again, thank you for how much you've shared and how deeply you shared with us. From the bottom of my heart, I wish nothing but complete and utter support to become present to you, for the right people to be led to meet you on your journey and that you are able to find ways to manage and even overcome the majority of your symptoms. If you feel led to do so, please feel free to keep updating us and sharing with us. It may be serving you in being able to share with others - but it was also wonderfully eye-opening and enlightening to hear first-hand what it's like for someone who's newly diagnosed with schizophrenia and what that looks like to you, how it feels, what you're handling as it has started to become more and more present in your life.

My aunt was diagnosed over ten years ago and my family is very private about how much they share with us about her condition. There's a huge sense of sorrow and grief at losing the person she once was, and this overwhelming sense of not really knowing how to support and interact with her now. It was a biological factor that caught up with her in her mid-teens. She was adopted and no one knew that her biological parents had schizophrenia and bi polar disorders. My aunt 'self-medicated' with hard drugs for many years which has affected her deeply. She doesn't receive enough adequate support and I think most of us have a very limited understanding about what life with schizophrenia is really like for her. Your story has really resonated with me and makes me see my aunt in a whole new light, and makes me want to understand her condition better.

Thank you for helping me to understand more.

December 12, 2019

If you were experiencing something paranormal you would know it,there's a big difference between that and mental illness.What you are experiencing sounds internal as opposed to an external source, so work with your doctor on it.Good luck rein and try not to dwell on anything until your sorted out.

December 22, 2019

To clarify a few things...

On 12/11/2019 at 11:39 AM, jypsijemini said:

..., self-harm, ...

I'm not sure you can call it self-harm if I did not want to harm myself. I didn't even think about doing it. My body has tried to kill me without any emotional or logical reason - I had no will to do it, I felt no emotions at the time, I had no suicidal thoughts (or any thoughts at all, not even fake thoughts) at the time - my mind was completely blank, and there were no voices commanding me to do it. If none of that was there, what drove my body to attempt to kill me?

On 12/11/2019 at 11:39 AM, jypsijemini said:

Religious (or spiritual) delusion is one of those symptoms.

1. I don't believe it's spiritual, it's just one theory.

2. Is it just a delusion, if my body does strange things completely on its own - without any emotion or thought driving it? Maybe there is a process in the brain behind those actions, but those actions are completely irrational. Why would my brain command my body to try to strangle 2 people? Or do half squats while flapping with my arms like wings, and making strange faces at the same time?

On 12/11/2019 at 11:39 AM, jypsijemini said:

..., belief that thoughts aren't one's own, ...

When I say fake thoughts, it's first of all not a belief that they're not mine - they feel completely different.
Secondly they are different from normal thoughts in that they can be absent for long periods of time, during which my mind is completely blank.
Thirdly they can have a content which normal thoughts do not contain (for example there can be fake thoughts that are talking to me, and there can be empty fake thoughts that have no content at all).
Finally, as mentioned, they can be smarter than me. How can / why would there be fake thoughts that are smarter than me?

Things I consider unexplained:

Where do all those different new feelings (that have no meaning in the evolutionary sense) come from?
Why does my schizophrenia keep inflicting bad feelings (also new feelings) in me every day, while it does not do it when doing certain things? Where does the intelligence that controls those bad feelings come from? Did my brain invent such a strange strategy to torture its owner with those new feelings ("walk, or do something important, or you'll be tortured"; "if you are standing still in a line to get your medications then you won't be tortured, if you are just standing still then you will be tortured")?
What drives my body to do all those strange things, and why?
Where do the fake thoughts that are smarter than me come from?

Meanwhile I have also discovered 2 things. Firstly, I found out I was done electroconvulsive therapy as a treatment attempt, which could explain one of the "symptoms" - the amnesia.
Secondly, my schizophrenia has been declared as treatment resistant. I've been given the following antipsychotic drugs: haloperidol, chlorpromazine, olanzapine, aripiprazole, risperidone, sertindole, quetiapine (currently taking it at a relatively low dose 200mg). None of them had any effects on my symptoms. The "drug of last resort" for schizophrenia - clozapine - apparently had a bad effect on my heart, which is why the treatment with this drug was discontinued. This could mean 2 things - either my schizophrenia is simply treatment resistant, or that the chemicals that are supposed to affect the brain don't work on me, because my "schizophrenia" is not a brain disease. Either way, it seems nothing and nobody can help me, and my fate will be entirely determined by whatever plans my condition has for me.

December 22, 2019

6 hours ago, rein89 said:

Where do the fake thoughts that are smarter than me come from?

Your subconscious. We all absorb a lot of information that goes 'under the radar' of consciousness. That is the most likely answer.

December 22, 2019

On 5/6/2017 at 8:47 PM, fredsk said:

IFirst of all, most of the time there is a feeling in my head that I would describe with the word "block" - there is something that inhibits some of my mental abities, like learning and reading: often while I'm reading I'd finish reading a sentence and notice I do not remember what I just read. I have to read each of the phrases a few times until they make sense, and so it goes for each sentence. It is as if my mind is focused somewhere else. It started quite a while ago, and I did not notice it initially because despite it being a disabling feeling you can get used to it, l like you can get used to discomfort or mild pain. So far it sound like a problem someone witb a mental illness may have, but I am almost 100% sure I don't have schizophrenia or anything else of that kind; keep reading why I think so.

There is a tried and tested solution to your problems:

Alternatively if you want to make lots of money why not write to Grand Theft Auto and tell them your story?

Edited December 22, 2019 by RabidMongoose

December 23, 2019

19 hours ago, rein89 said:

To clarify a few things...

I'm not sure you can call it self-harm if I did not want to harm myself. I didn't even think about doing it. My body has tried to kill me without any emotional or logical reason - I had no will to do it, I felt no emotions at the time, I had no suicidal thoughts (or any thoughts at all, not even fake thoughts) at the time - my mind was completely blank, and there were no voices commanding me to do it. If none of that was there, what drove my body to attempt to kill me?

1. I don't believe it's spiritual, it's just one theory.

2. Is it just a delusion, if my body does strange things completely on its own - without any emotion or thought driving it? Maybe there is a process in the brain behind those actions, but those actions are completely irrational. Why would my brain command my body to try to strangle 2 people? Or do half squats while flapping with my arms like wings, and making strange faces at the same time?

When I say fake thoughts, it's first of all not a belief that they're not mine - they feel completely different.
Secondly they are different from normal thoughts in that they can be absent for long periods of time, during which my mind is completely blank.
Thirdly they can have a content which normal thoughts do not contain (for example there can be fake thoughts that are talking to me, and there can be empty fake thoughts that have no content at all).
Finally, as mentioned, they can be smarter than me. How can / why would there be fake thoughts that are smarter than me?

Things I consider unexplained:

Where do all those different new feelings (that have no meaning in the evolutionary sense) come from?

Why does my schizophrenia keep inflicting bad feelings (also new feelings) in me every day, while it does not do it when doing certain things? Where does the intelligence that controls those bad feelings come from? Did my brain invent such a strange strategy to torture its owner with those new feelings ("walk, or do something important, or you'll be tortured"; "if you are standing still in a line to get your medications then you won't be tortured, if you are just standing still then you will be tortured")?

What drives my body to do all those strange things, and why?

Where do the fake thoughts that are smarter than me come from?

Meanwhile I have also discovered 2 things. Firstly, I found out I was done electroconvulsive therapy as a treatment attempt, which could explain one of the "symptoms" - the amnesia.
Secondly, my schizophrenia has been declared as treatment resistant. I've been given the following antipsychotic drugs: haloperidol, chlorpromazine, olanzapine, aripiprazole, risperidone, sertindole, quetiapine (currently taking it at a relatively low dose 200mg). None of them had any effects on my symptoms. The "drug of last resort" for schizophrenia - clozapine - apparently had a bad effect on my heart, which is why the treatment with this drug was discontinued. This could mean 2 things - either my schizophrenia is simply treatment resistant, or that the chemicals that are supposed to affect the brain don't work on me, because my "schizophrenia" is not a brain disease. Either way, it seems nothing and nobody can help me, and my fate will be entirely determined by whatever plans my condition has for me.

Mate, your mind is sick. Delusions aren't normal, and you're not being rational while trying to make sense of things using a delusional mind. This isn't something special or supernatural that is happening to you. It's a mental illness.

You're not going to understand what's going on until you and your doctors find a treatment that is going to help to manage this illness. You don't just stop because so far, nothing has worked well enough. And you need to get it out of your head that your condition is 'treatment resistant'. It looks more like you are the one who is mentally resisting treatment because you've convinced yourself that it's not working. And that your doctors aren't committed enough to helping you through this, to find a solution that has lasting, powerful effects over your condition. The things you're telling yourself have a part to play as well - you keep telling yourself that nothing will work and it's going make it more difficult for your body to respond to anything it's given. I know that's probably got to do with being mentally ill - but you can't just rely on other people and medicines to fix you or help you manage it. As much as you can, you have to try to help yourself too.

You're spending so much time focused on your symptoms and experiences - so channel that into focus on how you can find ways to learn about your condition and the ways you can help to manage it yourself while you're working with professionals to find other remedies to compliment this treatment journey.

Stop referring to your condition as 'my schizophrenia'. It's a condition that your body has, that your mind has. Don't identify by it otherwise you're completely giving yourself up to it and submitting to it. You're allowing it to take full control. There has to be some level of acceptance that this is something you'll have to deal with from now on - but holding onto it and identifying yourself by it and becoming consumed by it isn't the healthy option. Be a gamechanger in the field by finding your strength and be courageous in committing yourself to finding what works for you rather than rolling over and allowing it to take you over.

You need to take care of yourself and focus on managing and treating your condition - not on your symptoms. Use the observation and knowledge of your symptoms to discover ways to manage them - don't get stuck focusing on what you're going through but rather focus on what you're going to do in order to find a solution.

It's like you're staring at a math problem and you're overwhelmed by all the numbers in it. You're never going to get an answer until you focus on the method you're going to need in order to sort out all those numbers. You're still going to be left with numbers - but there will be an answer at the end. It won't mean that you've cured your condition - but by focusing on methods rather than symptoms, you'll find answers on how to manage it.

Unfortunately, being here and taking to a forum to discuss your symptoms isn't helping you at all. Seek medical professionals, not online advice. All you're getting is people telling you that you need help and you're insisting that you're beyond help and experiencing something more supernatural than a mental illness. It's the illness that is causing you to believe this.

If the doctors you're currently working with can't find a way to help you, find someone who can. Don't stop until you've found a way to manage this.

December 23, 2019

My neighbour also messes with my mind and body. she's extremely hot every time I see her I get unclean thoughts and cant stop oogling her like a mad man. I'm happy that we are already sort of aquinted and that she knows what kind of " wee loun " I am. :-)

December 23, 2019

3 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

Mate, your mind is sick. Delusions aren't normal, and you're not being rational while trying to make sense of things using a delusional mind. This isn't something special or supernatural that is happening to you. It's a mental illness.

You will come across people that will claim they've got some super power because of mental illness. That they are more 'in touch' with the true nature of reality, etc. Then there will be those who encourage such a delusion and other like yourself that will tell them the truth. Folks like us, never "win". The feeders do. And that's the horrible thing.

December 23, 2019

22 hours ago, XenoFish said:

Your subconscious. We all absorb a lot of information that goes 'under the radar' of consciousness. That is the most likely answer.

So either somehow
1) my subconscious mind was formed into readily understandable fake thoughts, or
2) the subconscious mind got connected with existing thoughts, and new complex behavior that is obviously under some intelligent control, and weird content, and new, fitting feelings were applied to them, and as a result they have a whole new purpose now (mostly it's either accusing me, or telling me I'm going to be tortured after death forever)?

@jypsijemini

First of all, I, or Rein, would appreciate you trying to help me. For some reason I, or my condition, wanted to post the reasons why my schizophrenia seems strange compared to what others have experienced (as far as I have read/searched), and things that seem unexplainable, and now again intend(s) to clarify some things.

8 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

Mate, your mind is sick. Delusions aren't normal, and you're not being rational while trying to make sense of things using a delusional mind. This isn't something special or supernatural that is happening to you. It's a mental illness.

I'm not sure what you mean by a delusional mind. I have a blank mind majority of the time, and no delusional feelings. You could say that in theory the "fake" ideas could be actually my own thoughts and carry a delusional (that means different) feeling, but the feeling and nature of those thoughts must have been warped so much they no longer feel or behave like normal thoughts at all, which is why I call them fake. They have a whole new purpose now (if they were my own thoughts to begin with) - mostly they've been either accusing me, or telling me I'm going to be tortured after death forever. Besides that theoretical delusion, I've only written what I've experienced, and what's been theoreticized, not what I believe.

I understand it may be difficult to understand because it's highly unusual, but I no longer have any normal thoughts, emotions or will - either that, or they are all hidden away from my consciousness. Consciously I do not experience any thoughts, emotions or a way to control myself. I don't feel/experience a way to control my body, the new feelings, or my mind.

What I do have is this:

my body does things I wouldn't do and there is no way for me to prevent those things from happening even if those actions are physically unpleasant/painful,
I now have new, mostly unpleasant feelings, and
my mind is composed of fake thoughts, mental images, dreams, and a voice.

All of them are out of my control, and under the control of my condition - this is not a delusion, but it comes from experience. When my body does things I would do, it may either be me non-consciously doing it or it may be my schizophrenia copying my behavior - it feels like my body is 100% of the time moving by itself, so I can't know for sure. My schizophrenia can prevent me from behaving normally whenever it chooses to regardless.

Because I do not experience any emotions, normal thoughts, or a (conscious) way to control myself, psychology does not apply to me (as a reminder, what I call fake thoughts do not behave like normal thoughts at all). The following "mind tricks" do not apply to me:

8 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

The things you're telling yourself have a part to play as well - you keep telling yourself that nothing will work and it's going make it more difficult for your body to respond to anything it's given.

8 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

Don't identify by it otherwise you're completely giving yourself up to it and submitting to it. You're allowing it to take full control.

8 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

but holding onto it and identifying yourself by it and becoming consumed by it isn't the healthy option.

... because I can not do any mind tricks - because I lack will, emotions and thoughts that could submit themselves to tricks, or therapy. I have already visited a psychologist, and she decided there is no point in doing any therapy. By the way, my mind was completely blank during the entire appointment at the psychologist.

I also don't get consumed by the fake thoughts, unless my schizophrenia makes them consume my mind. There have been two different cases of that:

a very strange state of the fake thoughts following a cyclical closed circle, and
the accusing "sessions", where for a long period of time, with one fake thought coming after another, I'm being accused of various things I've done in wrong/badly in my life, or of some more mystical scenarios.

When that happens, there is nothing I can do. However, other people have interrupted the 2nd type of process with a question, resulting me staring at that person for a while, saying very few words, or nothing at all.

I am calling it "my schizophrenia" and referring to it doing things, because many of the "symptoms" (strange actions of the body, dreams, voices, fake thoughts, bad feelings, etc) are obviously under some intelligent control that is not me.

8 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

Use the observation and knowledge of your symptoms to discover ways to manage them

I have 2 main problems (in addition to the possible eternal torture after death, which I can do nothing about):

bad feelings and
my body doing strange things that cause me physical pain or inconvenience

I, or whatever controls the reasonable actions, have/has already learned that in some cases (not all) the bad feelings can be managed (mitigated) with certain activities. In the case of my body taking strange postures that cause me pain - there is nothing I can do.

Second to that is lack of emotions and pretty much complete anhedonia, which renders my existence fairly pointless (although I don't mind existing, unless I'm being tortured with unpleasant feelings, which is why that problem is second to unpleasant feelings). I have no experience or knowledge to find a fix for that, and medications haven't helped at all.

8 hours ago, jypsijemini said:

focus on what you're going to do in order to find a solution.

While I have no hope for a "solution" (nothing has given me back my thoughts, emotions and other old feelings, normal dreams, and (full) control over my body, and got rid of the unpleasant feelings), neither have I made any actions to stop the treatment. I'm still taking 200mg of quetiapine (my psychiatrist has increased it by small increments of 50mg on each appointment), which is not working, and I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't working at the typical maximum dose of 800mg. She said she's increasing it slowly because I got heart problems previously during treatment.

I do not see any new possible basis to find some solution. I keep visiting my psychiatrist every few months, which has not remedied the situation at all so far, but I don't mind doing it because it doesn't give any side effects either. I don't see what another psychiatrist could do to help me, because psychiatrists work with drugs or send you to a psychologist or therapist, and regarding drugs they're probably running out of options (which is why my schizophrenia was referred to as treatment resistant), and as mentioned, for some reason I already visited a psychologist (which unsurprisingly made no difference).

Edited December 23, 2019 by rein89

December 24, 2019

On 5/6/2017 at 3:47 PM, fredsk said:

I have been contacted by someone who may be an extraterrestrial being, terrestrial being of ET origin or something else with supernatural capabilities. I know of this because they are my neighbors living in the apartment directly above me.........

Have you seen these neighbors with your own eyes, coming or going, have you passed by them or seen them from your window in the parking lot?

It's possible that they have the same layout as your apartment and it could be coincidental; as you're moving about so are they and are just doing their own thing and it may just seem to be abnormally strange and as if theres more to it....

When you are reading and this happens, rule out that it is not just a distraction issue. Try a large pair of over the ear head phone's, without music just wear them drowning out any outside noises and try to read and see if the outcome is any diffetent.

I believe that you're experiencing something and getting to the bottom of it all will take work.

It may be due to a combination of things starting with exhaustion, stress, imagination, paranoia, loneliness, poor appetite on top of other things that may be factors such as certain meds, diabetic meds, heart condition meds, etc. they ALL have side effects ( if you are taking any, read the side effect sheets that come with them). Some can also give you a feeling of not being in control of your limbs.

You say you are able to ask questions and you are getting answers. Before asking any more questions, 1st convince them that you are participating but that you would like it on your terms and then demand that it be truthful, demand that it not harm you, demand that it be quiet enough for you to get your rest, then demand it to tell you what it is and what it wants. Also tell them you'd no longer like for them to communicate telepathically and to interact with you face to face.

It isnt going to matter if those neighbors above you move, you live on the first floor with someone living above you. You will hear the next people who move in after they leave too.

We all have thoughts from time to time that make us wonder where the heck did that come from...

We all have times we dont know our own strength, and have times that our bodies feel heavy and we all experience clumsiness from time to time.

Consider these things as well as saving your money to be able to move to a different apartment.

You could also be experiencing a real medical issues such as tumors or seizures. My very close friend had a tumor and she describes simular things as you are describing, such as involuntary eye movements and a blockage of thoughts and as she calls it she zones out, among other things. Also some seizures make the body including limbs move involuntarily, most people aren't aware of what their bodies are doing when having certain kinds of seizures, then there are other people who are alert and do know.

To me... in other words... you pretty much have said you feel like something is taking over your mind and your body at times and that you have no control over this.

Try from here out when this happens to be in full control if you are able.

(And if it were me I'd be asking God for assistance, protection and His guidance). Good luck!

Strange neighbors messing with my mind/body

Recommended Posts

Luca-RoseElsie-Raemom1921

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

XenoFish

oldrover

XenoFish

Monzaria

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Future ghost

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

+Desertrat56

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

+Desertrat56

Link to comment

Share on other sites

+Razman

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

freetoroam

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

freetoroam

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

+Desertrat56

Link to comment

Share on other sites

jypsijemini

Link to comment

Share on other sites

openozy

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99

Link to comment

Share on other sites

XenoFish

Link to comment

Share on other sites

Duke Wellington

Link to comment

Share on other sites

jypsijemini

Link to comment

Share on other sites

'Walt' E. Kurtz

Link to comment

Share on other sites

XenoFish

Link to comment

Share on other sites

rein99