Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #51 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) These boundaries are subjective, so you have a capacity to be tolerant only to people which are within this subjective boundaries. Edited November 9, 2017 by Mr. Argon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightAngel Posted November 9, 2017 Author #52 Share Posted November 9, 2017 2 minutes ago, Mr. Argon said: These boundaries are subjective, so you have a capacity to listen only to people which are within this subjective boundaries. Nah, I can listen to people with different opinions, just because I listen doesn't mean that I agree. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #53 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) 8 minutes ago, LightAngel said: Nah, I can listen to people with different opinions, just because I listen doesn't mean that I agree. Changed "listen" into "tolerant" in the meantime. Nvm. I can also listen to people with different opinions - no problem. Same as you. But I can be tolerant only to people within the boundaries of my own subjective threshold of tolerance. That basically means that I will get angry, and may leave the conversation if a person breaks the boundaries of my own subjective threshold of tolerance. Edited November 9, 2017 by Mr. Argon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightAngel Posted November 9, 2017 Author #54 Share Posted November 9, 2017 12 minutes ago, Mr. Argon said: Changed "listen" into "tolerant" in the meantime. Nvm. I can also listen to people with different opinions - no problem. Same as you. But I can be tolerant only to people within the boundaries of my own subjective threshold of tolerance. That basically means that I will get angry, and may leave the conversation if a person breaks the boundaries of my own subjective threshold of tolerance. Will you edit again, or can I reply to your post now? Anyway, at that stage in the conversation I often tell people that we should just agree to disagree, I can get angry too of course, but it's often energy wasted so I try not to.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #55 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Just now, LightAngel said: Will you edit again, or can I reply to your post now? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #56 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) 9 minutes ago, LightAngel said: Anyway, at that stage in the conversation I often tell people that we should just agree to disagree, I can get angry too of course, but it's often energy wasted so I try not to.. Ok at that point of conversation my inner volcano erupts and I leave or scream, or both at the same time.. but it's just a matter of a reaction.. so point made. Made some contribution to this topic. Edited November 9, 2017 by Mr. Argon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kismit Posted November 9, 2017 #57 Share Posted November 9, 2017 8 hours ago, Mr. Argon said: I don't know about that listening thing. How to listen to someone and at the same time control the rage inside of you when you think that he/she is speaking nonsense. How not to interrupt? Communication is more than just what is said. If you focus on how someone makes you react then you are not listening for why someone wants you to react. Maybe the person speaking is frustrated or angry or hurt. Use your time to listen and watch people. It's very rewarding. Then when you speak you should be easier to listen to. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #58 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Kismit said: If you focus on how someone makes you react then you are not listening for why someone wants you to react. Mainly my main focus is about logic of what someone else is speaking about - i can't help it. Just born that way. Hope it is not forbidden. Edited November 9, 2017 by Mr. Argon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kismit Posted November 9, 2017 #59 Share Posted November 9, 2017 2 minutes ago, Mr. Argon said: Mainly my main focus is about logic on what someone else is speaking about - i can't help it. Just born that way. Hope it is not forbidden. Logic is good. Should we use the logical step of listening to understand where someone is coming from or listenng to react? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #60 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Kismit said: Logic is good. Should we use the logical step of listening to understand where someone is coming from or listenng to react? I think both. I do understand that personally i get too frustrated on un-logical people. But i keep my reactions within the limits of polite behaviour. This frustration is a sign of emotional immaturity - but, damn, noone is perfect. Edited November 9, 2017 by Mr. Argon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAyMO Posted November 9, 2017 #61 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) Based on what Kismit has been writing - listening is much more than hearing. Its about understanding the context, the culture, the environment, the motivations, the restrictions around what is said and who is doing the speaking. It involves all primary senses as well as analytical, interpretative and interaction skills. It involves watching the body language (for want of better words), listening to tones, and noting, as I have said earlier, what is not being said. It is a science - the science of listening. Edited November 9, 2017 by RAyMO 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kismit Posted November 9, 2017 #62 Share Posted November 9, 2017 40 minutes ago, Mr. Argon said: I think both. I do understand that personally i get too frustrated on un-logical people. But i keep my reactions within the limits of polite behaviour. This frustration is a sign of emotional immaturity - but, damn, noone is perfect. I would not say it was a sign of emotional imaturity, I would say it is human nature. Knowing yourself and what makes you react is a good skill for learning to communicate effectively. It's quite a complicated process, much more than just listening and speaking. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kismit Posted November 9, 2017 #63 Share Posted November 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, RAyMO said: Based on what Kismit has been writing - listening is much more than hearing. Its about understanding the context, the culture, the environment, the motivations, the restrictions around what is said and who is doing the speaking. It involves all primary senses as well as analytical, interpretative and interaction skills. It involves watching the body language (for want of better words), listening to tones, and noting, as I have said earlier, what is not being said. It is a science - the science of listening. Bang on RaYMO. 100% 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #64 Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Kismit said: I would not say it was a sign of emotional imaturity, I would say it is human nature. Knowing yourself and what makes you react is a good skill for learning to communicate effectively. It's quite a complicated process, much more than just listening and speaking. Something like that, i am sometimes too hard on myself, but i have a good introspection. Though i think that the sheer amount of my frustration is not appropriate. I have to work on that. Thanks for responding in a mild reasonable way. Appreciated Edited November 9, 2017 by Mr. Argon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 9, 2017 #65 Share Posted November 9, 2017 34 minutes ago, Kismit said: Knowing yourself and what makes you react is a good skill for learning to communicate effectively. This is an extremely interesting and excellent sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonKing Posted November 10, 2017 #66 Share Posted November 10, 2017 (edited) 13 hours ago, Mr. Argon said: Here we have an important point. A point of boundaries of tolerance. Yep There is a point where listening ends and a** kicking begins! Edited November 10, 2017 by CrimsonKing 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 10, 2017 #67 Share Posted November 10, 2017 3 minutes ago, CrimsonKing said: There is a point were listening ends and a** kicking begins! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightAngel Posted November 10, 2017 Author #68 Share Posted November 10, 2017 I think you can only be a really good listener if you are at peace with yourself 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonKing Posted November 10, 2017 #69 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 hour ago, LightAngel said: I think you can only be a really good listener if you are at peace with yourself Maybe,but with all those voices in ones head how can there ever be peace when none ever shut up?... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightAngel Posted November 10, 2017 Author #70 Share Posted November 10, 2017 (edited) 7 minutes ago, CrimsonKing said: Maybe,but with all those voices in ones head how can there ever be peace when none ever shut up?... Edited November 10, 2017 by LightAngel 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightAngel Posted November 10, 2017 Author #71 Share Posted November 10, 2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehan Tariq Posted November 10, 2017 #72 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Hm too some how i am interested in listening but most of the time i have to go for the visual Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8th_wall Posted November 10, 2017 #73 Share Posted November 10, 2017 Being a good listener is more than keeping quiet and withholding what you want to say. Even if remaining silent we tend to have feelings and inclinations regarding what the person is saying. Remaining objective and not passing judgement is the first ability. Secondly you should realise that whatever someone says is tailored to you and is constructed and chosen from a deeper understanding. Being a good listener requires you to be a good enquirer as well. The information you are privy to is only as good as the mouth it comes from. The thing is, being a listener is easy, the problem isn't in our ability to listen, it's with the ability when speaking to be interesting. Being a good speaker is far more difficult then being a good listener. Withhold judgement and enquire the speaker in such a way to tickle your curiosity and interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 11, 2017 #74 Share Posted November 11, 2017 16 hours ago, LightAngel said: I think you can only be a really good listener if you are at peace with yourself Probably. But not my case - I am at war with everybody, but most of all with myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illyrius Posted November 11, 2017 #75 Share Posted November 11, 2017 (edited) 12 hours ago, LightAngel said: i hate this. we should only be natural and not to allow that anyone gives us suggestions on how are we to behave. it leads to a false sense of self as generous and understanding becoming unaware of our own inner demons. yuck. Edited November 11, 2017 by Mr. Argon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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