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Perdurabo

Suicide Kings

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Like all important and life-changing events, I can well remember my final night as a human.

It was in the June of 1983. I was nineteen years old. I was sitting in a brown easy-chair in the finished basement of a house in Newport, Rhode Island. A gentle rain was falling outside.

I was a committed “born-again” Christian. I also had long hair and played drums in a heavy metal band. I drank. I smoked.

I had long been interested to the point of obsession in learning the true nature of reality. Like many (or all?) people, I had a deep down, inescapable feeling that something was wrong with the world.

I had been raised in an atheist household. Then, when I was about 12 years old, my father decided to murder a bunch of strangers. Long story, but the end result was that he became a fundamentalist Christian. He gave his heart to Jesus and informed us that we needed to do the same. So we did. And that’s why that feeling of wrongness made sense to me. It was the Fall of Man. The Devil’s doing. The punishment inflicted on us all by God because of what some dude six-thousand years ago did in some garden with a talking snake.

I did not at the time understand that this religion, with it’s sinning and with it’s hell-fire was a mental trap. Just believe everything in the Bible is true. That God loves you dearly. That mankind is His special creation. That He gave us the gift of Free Will. We do have the option of not believing any of this. But if you don’t, God will stop loving you and then He will burn your soul forever.

How can you not love a god like that?

I firmly believed all this as I sat in that chair. In that basement. I was a lousy Christian though. I was really into hermetic philosophy and quantum physics. I studied witchcraft and told myself I needed to know the ways of The Enemy. And I was proud of all this.

Immensely proud.

So proud, that one night I inscribed a protective circle with a pentagram on the floor of my bedroom, stood inside of it and addressed a prayer to Satan himself. A challenge. I looked him right in the metaphorical eye and boasted, “You can never break my Faith. Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot!”

So then he did.

Lucifer the Light-bearer Illuminated me the following night. In that basement. In that chair.

As I sat there, I was furiously trying to figure out the relationship between Good and Evil. I decided that those words were too nebulous and settled instead on Order versus Chaos. I defined Order as being the tendency to create forms and patterns and Chaos as sheer randomness. As I analyzed and compared the relationship between these two incompatible concepts, it dawned on me that these two states were actually two parts of a single thing. This combined “thing” was a scale. Ultimate Order and Ultimate Chaos were opposing ends of this scale and any position along it could only have meaning in comparison to another point on the scale. One point cannot exist without the other.

It was as if some mental log-jam had started to break apart in my head. It wasn’t just that Good could not exist without Evil. It was that they were the same thing.

My mind was off and running. How about Light and Dark? Same thing. Life and Death. The same. Matter and Energy, Fear and Love, Knowledge and Ignorance, Truth and Lies, Reality and Illusion. Everything and Nothing.

Furthermore, each of these now unified pairs comprised a single pole of a different duality. For example, the Love/Fear pair is, when recognized to be one single unit, one pole of the Passion/Indifference scale.

And so on…

Absolutely everything was relative.

In the alchemical language that I was so familiar with, I had found the Universal Solvent. So what did I do with it? I dissolved everything.

Layer by layer until all that was left was me and the Void.

(Now when I say “Void”, I don’t mean Nothing. And I don’t mean Everything. It was both… AND it was neither.)

Then I applied the Solvent one more time and saw that me and the Void were also the same thing.

The next step was terrifying. Could it really be that I didn’t exist as a separate creature? To take the next step could result in the annihilation of what I had always thought of as myself. It would be spiritual suicide.

But I just had to bleeping know.


And there it was that I found The Philosopher’s Stone. Right there. In the Center. Not an object of course, but a piece of Knowledge. A state of Understanding that dwells in perfect potential between all things. At the very heart of all paradox.

Here’s where language begins to fail. The thoughts and experiences I try to describe beyond this point cannot be understood by another person unless they also do the leg-work. They must themselves think hard on these things before they can understand the concepts that I can only describe symbolically. One cannot truly understand something that one has not experienced.

Suddenly, I was free from a cage that I didn’t even know I was in. A cage I had built myself. I could see that words were just labels we juggle in our heads. Indeed, even the very thoughts that lie behind the words are like bricks in a wall that only serves to block out the Light that has always been there. The Light of pure Being. In other words, I had gotten back the innocence and clarity I had lost by entering this world.

This Stone is the goal of all philosophy. It is the finest treasure in existence. It bestows the god-like power to redefine your reality in any way you choose. Need to open a Door? Apply the Stone. Break some Chains? Stone. Transform something ugly into something beautiful? Stone. Want to believe in something unbelievable?

Stone.

And there was something else too. An amazing ability to use the Stone to comprehend anything. To Understand all Mysteries. To realize that our true identity is the Consciousness behind all things. We are all God. Always have been. Always will be.

Not “co-creators”, but Creator.

The Philosopher’s Stone is a real thing. It really does grant the ability to turn dross into gold and It really does give (the awareness of) eternal life.

My prayer to The Devil had been answered. He did indeed hit me with his best shot.

Just before he disappeared forever.

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I can understand the first part fairly well.

Except one bit when you say "Absolutely everything is relative." is God relative? I mean, God is in the relative, but is God before creation so to speak, is THAT relative?

But this Philosophers Stone isn't something I know very much about, but I am truly interested in. So this piece of Knowldge and this state of Understanding that dwells in perfect potential between all things! How would one go about trying to access, if that's even the right word? How could one experience this for oneself? 

Perhaps you could expand upon this idea of a Philosophers Stone for my level of understanding?

How can I find this treasure?

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Perhaps if I give you my current understanding, you could set me straight, so to speak.

Ok, I believe that God is Love. I see my consciousness a direct connection to God. I feel that as we vibrate ever higher with these expressions of Love the stronger the connection.

So, I have a faith in Love - I practice, demonstrate, and express this Love - and therefor I eventually become this thing called Love. The circle is enjoyned. Faith, doing, becoming - and around and around I go, faster and faster, stronger and stronger, until I am Love.

At this point I cannot help but express Love within everything I think, say and do!

Is this the Philosophers Stone?

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The philosopher's stone is from alchemy and was a mythic power or tincture that would turn base metals into gold or be made into elixir to prolong life. I would say it is more related to greed, than love. 

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You should read the book of enoch. It makes more sense than a metaphorical bible meant to enslave and inflict fear

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13 hours ago, Perdurabo said:

Like all important and life-changing events, I can well remember my final night as a human.

It was in the June of 1983. I was nineteen years old. I was sitting in a brown easy-chair in the finished basement of a house in Newport, Rhode Island. A gentle rain was falling outside.

I was a committed “born-again” Christian. I also had long hair and played drums in a heavy metal band. I drank. I smoked.

I had long been interested to the point of obsession in learning the true nature of reality. Like many (or all?) people, I had a deep down, inescapable feeling that something was wrong with the world.

I had been raised in an atheist household. Then, when I was about 12 years old, my father decided to murder a bunch of strangers. Long story, but the end result was that he became a fundamentalist Christian. He gave his heart to Jesus and informed us that we needed to do the same. So we did. And that’s why that feeling of wrongness made sense to me. It was the Fall of Man. The Devil’s doing. The punishment inflicted on us all by God because of what some dude six-thousand years ago did in some garden with a talking snake.

I did not at the time understand that this religion, with it’s sinning and with it’s hell-fire was a mental trap. Just believe everything in the Bible is true. That God loves you dearly. That mankind is His special creation. That He gave us the gift of Free Will. We do have the option of not believing any of this. But if you don’t, God will stop loving you and then He will burn your soul forever.

How can you not love a god like that?

I firmly believed all this as I sat in that chair. In that basement. I was a lousy Christian though. I was really into hermetic philosophy and quantum physics. I studied witchcraft and told myself I needed to know the ways of The Enemy. And I was proud of all this.

Immensely proud.

So proud, that one night I inscribed a protective circle with a pentagram on the floor of my bedroom, stood inside of it and addressed a prayer to Satan himself. A challenge. I looked him right in the metaphorical eye and boasted, “You can never break my Faith. Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot!”

So then he did.

Lucifer the Light-bearer Illuminated me the following night. In that basement. In that chair.

As I sat there, I was furiously trying to figure out the relationship between Good and Evil. I decided that those words were too nebulous and settled instead on Order versus Chaos. I defined Order as being the tendency to create forms and patterns and Chaos as sheer randomness. As I analyzed and compared the relationship between these two incompatible concepts, it dawned on me that these two states were actually two parts of a single thing. This combined “thing” was a scale. Ultimate Order and Ultimate Chaos were opposing ends of this scale and any position along it could only have meaning in comparison to another point on the scale. One point cannot exist without the other.

It was as if some mental log-jam had started to break apart in my head. It wasn’t just that Good could not exist without Evil. It was that they were the same thing.

My mind was off and running. How about Light and Dark? Same thing. Life and Death. The same. Matter and Energy, Fear and Love, Knowledge and Ignorance, Truth and Lies, Reality and Illusion. Everything and Nothing.

Furthermore, each of these now unified pairs comprised a single pole of a different duality. For example, the Love/Fear pair is, when recognized to be one single unit, one pole of the Passion/Indifference scale.

And so on…

Absolutely everything was relative.

In the alchemical language that I was so familiar with, I had found the Universal Solvent. So what did I do with it? I dissolved everything.

Layer by layer until all that was left was me and the Void.

(Now when I say “Void”, I don’t mean Nothing. And I don’t mean Everything. It was both… AND it was neither.)

Then I applied the Solvent one more time and saw that me and the Void were also the same thing.

The next step was terrifying. Could it really be that I didn’t exist as a separate creature? To take the next step could result in the annihilation of what I had always thought of as myself. It would be spiritual suicide.

But I just had to bleeping know.


And there it was that I found The Philosopher’s Stone. Right there. In the Center. Not an object of course, but a piece of Knowledge. A state of Understanding that dwells in perfect potential between all things. At the very heart of all paradox.

Here’s where language begins to fail. The thoughts and experiences I try to describe beyond this point cannot be understood by another person unless they also do the leg-work. They must themselves think hard on these things before they can understand the concepts that I can only describe symbolically. One cannot truly understand something that one has not experienced.

Suddenly, I was free from a cage that I didn’t even know I was in. A cage I had built myself. I could see that words were just labels we juggle in our heads. Indeed, even the very thoughts that lie behind the words are like bricks in a wall that only serves to block out the Light that has always been there. The Light of pure Being. In other words, I had gotten back the innocence and clarity I had lost by entering this world.

This Stone is the goal of all philosophy. It is the finest treasure in existence. It bestows the god-like power to redefine your reality in any way you choose. Need to open a Door? Apply the Stone. Break some Chains? Stone. Transform something ugly into something beautiful? Stone. Want to believe in something unbelievable?

Stone.

And there was something else too. An amazing ability to use the Stone to comprehend anything. To Understand all Mysteries. To realize that our true identity is the Consciousness behind all things. We are all God. Always have been. Always will be.

Not “co-creators”, but Creator.

The Philosopher’s Stone is a real thing. It really does grant the ability to turn dross into gold and It really does give (the awareness of) eternal life.

My prayer to The Devil had been answered. He did indeed hit me with his best shot.

Just before he disappeared forever.

You have used some different symbology  which obviously came from a preexisting understanding or knowledge/world view, but basically you have described contact with the comic consciousness ( or enlightenment or gnosis)   The important thing from  now on is how you use this knowledge  to change and empower your life 

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22 hours ago, Crazy Horse said:

I can understand the first part fairly well.

Except one bit when you say "Absolutely everything is relative." is God relative? I mean, God is in the relative, but is God before creation so to speak, is THAT relative?

But this Philosophers Stone isn't something I know very much about, but I am truly interested in. So this piece of Knowldge and this state of Understanding that dwells in perfect potential between all things! How would one go about trying to access, if that's even the right word? How could one experience this for oneself? 

Perhaps you could expand upon this idea of a Philosophers Stone for my level of understanding?

How can I find this treasure?

You must define your terms. Not to me but to yourself. What do you mean by "God"? What do you mean by "relative"? What do you mean by "creation".

The Stone is secret by nature, not by conspiracy. I can point the way but you must walk the road yourself.

Your desire to know the Truth must first outweigh your fear of self-destruction.

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22 hours ago, Crazy Horse said:

Perhaps if I give you my current understanding, you could set me straight, so to speak.

Ok, I believe that God is Love. I see my consciousness a direct connection to God. I feel that as we vibrate ever higher with these expressions of Love the stronger the connection.

So, I have a faith in Love - I practice, demonstrate, and express this Love - and therefor I eventually become this thing called Love. The circle is enjoyned. Faith, doing, becoming - and around and around I go, faster and faster, stronger and stronger, until I am Love.

At this point I cannot help but express Love within everything I think, say and do!

Is this the Philosophers Stone?

Your heart's in the right place but your head is scattered. What do you mean by "Love"? Is it an absolute or is it one half of a duality? Squeezing these thoughts into language deforms them. You need to get up above the words. That's why this is a solitary quest. It's just between you and ?

Oh, and if you find the Stone, you won't need to ask anyone for confirmation. You'll Know.

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11 hours ago, Mr Walker said:

You have used some different symbology  which obviously came from a preexisting understanding or knowledge/world view, but basically you have described contact with the comic consciousness ( or enlightenment or gnosis)   The important thing from  now on is how you use this knowledge  to change and empower your life 

Whose life?

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15 minutes ago, Perdurabo said:

You must define your terms. Not to me but to yourself. What do you mean by "God"? What do you mean by "relative"? What do you mean by "creation".

The Stone is secret by nature, not by conspiracy. I can point the way but you must walk the road yourself.

Your desire to know the Truth must first outweigh your fear of self-destruction.

I have a very clear idea of what God is, in a general sense anyway, and what the "relative"is, and what "creation" is too.

But this term "self destruction" isn't one I would use.

Absorption from self to Self to SELF would be my way of thinking right now.

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9 minutes ago, Perdurabo said:

Your heart's in the right place but your head is scattered. What do you mean by "Love"? Is it an absolute or is it one half of a duality? Squeezing these thoughts into language deforms them. You need to get up above the words. That's why this is a solitary quest. It's just between you and ?

Oh, and if you find the Stone, you won't need to ask anyone for confirmation. You'll Know.

My head isn't scattered, it is calm and centred.

Love is an Absolute and a relative. After all, love and fear are but two polarities of one feeling.

Yet the expression of love allows us to become Godlike. 

Love will literally vibrate us upwards and fear downwards, in a relative sense of course.

So squeezing this into words is a kind of deformity, but over the internet its the only way. In life it is the expression and the demonstration of this Love that allows us to feel and therfor become.

 

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10 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said:

I have a very clear idea of what God is, in a general sense anyway,

Priceless!

 

12 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said:

Absorption from self to Self to SELF would be my way of thinking right now.

Makes sense to me, Nicht.

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1 minute ago, Perdurabo said:

Priceless!

 

Makes sense to me, Nicht.

Is that the great wisdom that comes with Enlightenment?

God is "Infinite Living Mind." Very clear and also very general.

I thought that the Philosophers Stone gave you unlimited understanding. Obviously not. 

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3 minutes ago, Crazy Horse said:

Is that the great wisdom that comes with Enlightenment?

God is "Infinite Living Mind." Very clear and also very general.

I thought that the Philosophers Stone gave you unlimited understanding. Obviously not.

My deepest apologies. I did not mean to offend.

I'm enjoying this but the sun is coming up here and I have to go home now.

If you like, look at my profile and find my blog where I write under the name "Remus". That could save us both a lot of typing.

Cheers!

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15 minutes ago, Perdurabo said:

My deepest apologies. I did not mean to offend.

I'm enjoying this but the sun is coming up here and I have to go home now.

If you like, look at my profile and find my blog where I write under the name "Remus". That could save us both a lot of typing.

Cheers!

Ok mate, no worries.

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Deep resonance with what you wrote Perdurabo.

 

Thank you for sharing!

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On 11/18/2017 at 3:22 AM, Perdurabo said:

And there was something else too. An amazing ability to use the Stone to comprehend anything. To Understand all Mysteries. To realize that our true identity is the Consciousness behind all things. We are all God. Always have been. Always will be.

Not “co-creators”, but Creator.

:tu:  I mean, I hesitate to use these emoticons as they are just well, not hot.  Anyway.....what an OP.  Congratulations, this is one of the most interesting I have seen in some time.  You have expressed yourself admirably.  I don't fully comprehend certain concepts as they seem unreal to me.....especially this part above. 

I don't know how this can be true, but I can understand it possible that I just don't understand it.  The first question that comes to my mind is; how can we be that which we are not?

God, in whatever meaning you choose to ascribe to it is different from me.  I don't have the ability to change anything about myself physically....except for the most obvious and simple things which are fleeting by nature.  I do have mind, and that is something....but what, I don't really know.  God as I understand him to be is able to form and shape reality and existence, most probably by thought.  I don't have this capability.  So, I would like to be able to accept or reject this statement that I have selected from your OP; but I lack the ability at this time.  

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8 hours ago, Perdurabo said:

Whose life?

The life behind/within the self aware consciousness which posted this thread. :) 

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1 hour ago, Guyver said:

:tu:  I mean, I hesitate to use these emoticons as they are just well, not hot.  Anyway.....what an OP.  Congratulations, this is one of the most interesting I have seen in some time.  You have expressed yourself admirably.  I don't fully comprehend certain concepts as they seem unreal to me.....especially this part above. 

I don't know how this can be true, but I can understand it possible that I just don't understand it.  The first question that comes to my mind is; how can we be that which we are not?

God, in whatever meaning you choose to ascribe to it is different from me.  I don't have the ability to change anything about myself physically....except for the most obvious and simple things which are fleeting by nature.  I do have mind, and that is something....but what, I don't really know.  God as I understand him to be is able to form and shape reality and existence, most probably by thought.  I don't have this capability.  So, I would like to be able to accept or reject this statement that I have selected from your OP; but I lack the ability at this time.  

Actually you do have the abilty to do the bolded,  It just takes time, effort, and a physical expenditure of energy, either your own or an animal's or a machine's. We begin with thought and then use will and energy to shape reality  This isn't as efficient as using will alone, although humans can now direct machines to do their will using only a thought

Ps Have to agree with you about the emoticons, although, being a text based guy, it  doesn't bother me so much  I usually just hit the colon and bracket to make a smiley or frowny.     

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On 11/19/2017 at 1:08 PM, Guyver said:

I don't have this capability.

 Boom! Right there. You just made it so.

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On 11/19/2017 at 2:54 PM, Mr Walker said:

The life behind/within the self aware consciousness which posted this thread. :) 

Of course. I was just being my smug, ironic "self".

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Okay wait, you expect us to believe that you found some kind of key to immortality? Really? This reads like it's from the prologue of a young-adult Harry Potter ripoff. 

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9 hours ago, Perdurabo said:

 Boom! Right there. You just made it so.

Do you think I have the capability to "unmake" it so? 

I mean, if people actually had the ability you're claiming.....the world would be a much different place.  

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11 hours ago, Podo said:

Okay wait, you expect us to believe that you found some kind of key to immortality? Really? This reads like it's from the prologue of a young-adult Harry Potter ripoff. 

Not to becoming immortal. The human entity you believe yourself to be will certainly die. What I am talking about is gaining the awareness that this entity is a construct of our own minds. When you strip off all of the things that are not you, what remains? Nothing. And yet here we are. As long as you think you are the whirlpool, you will not know that you are in fact, the water. In other words, you will become aware that you cannot die simply because "you" never existed in the first place.

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4 hours ago, Guyver said:

Do you think I have the capability to "unmake" it so? 

I mean, if people actually had the ability you're claiming.....the world would be a much different place.  

No. Your world would be precisely as it is. Your control over it is masterful and complete. This includes Your desire to not seem to be in control. You don't currently remember who You really are and that is by Your own design as well. Doesn't mean You can't change Your mind though...

I am fully aware of how insane this sounds. The closer you get to the Center of everything, the more contradictory you sound when you try to describe It.

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