feeling a strange 'connection' to someone?

[sheena23]

since around age 3 or 4 i've known this girl who i have always felt a 'connection' with.

it began when we were put in the same nursery class, and although my memories from this time are quite fuzzy,  my clearest seem to be those that involve her. oddly enough, though i've always been a shy kid, this girl was considered by many to be the class 'bully'. in fact, our first interaction involved me going to sit down in a chair on the first day of nursery and this girl pulling the seat out from under me, causing me to fall on the floor. of course when i went home that day and told my mum about this she was appalled and told me to avoid this girl at all costs but, even as a 3/4 year old, my mum claims that i was extremely defensive of her, arguing that she was only trying to be 'funny'

as time went on, (through nursery, reception, year one, year two) we were always put in the same classes, but with minimal interaction. she had her own group of friends and i had my one best friend who i was inseparable with. despite this though i remember having this strong feeling that our lives were somehow similar, intertwined, as though we were parallels of each other. of course this is something a 7 year old can't really put into words, but even then i longed to know why and i would often tell myself that one day i would go up to her and ask her if she felt the same way about me.

though her witty, mischievous personality caused many to dislike her, as she would often make other the subjects of her pranks and jokes, i always admired how quick and funny she was with her humour, even when i found it was aimed at me.

when we moved into the junior school in year three (at about age 8) we were again put into the same class. we sat at the same table and i found myself getting to know her better in a group environment. this only seemed to confirm my beliefs about us being similar people with somehow 'connected' lives and as i got to know her better i found myself liking her more. even though many still considered her a 'bully', while i was a quiet kid, i couldn't help but find her funny and defend her even when i knew she was wrong.

in fact, one day after school i remember telling my mum about one of her antics i found hilarious, and her telling me she was a 'mean girl'. my mum still recalls my response being 'no she's just like me', to which she thought i was admitting being a bully, when in reality i was only trying to argue this 'connection' i felt with her.

eventually, in about year 5/6 (around age 10) we became part of the same friendship group and eventually became friends ourselves. these are the times in which i have my fondest school memories, as i really felt involved with a group and, though i was quite reserved myself, i really enjoyed being part of their conversations and jokes. though we had our on and off days, having little falling outs as friends do, i overall still felt this odd 'connection' to her, but never told her in fear she'd find it weird or make fun of me for it.

as we moved into secondary school, though friends in year 7, we began to drift slowly apart until (at about age 13) we were practically estranged to each other. though, we are in the same classes and i sit next to her alphabetically in many lessons, we rarely talk but i still felt this odd connection between her life and mine, as if i know deep down we are the same person.

its not like i miss her or want to be friends with her again (a lot of the time i found we had an unhealthy friendship and that she wasn't the best influence on me) but i still see aspects of myself in her and her in me. it's like we are polar opposites, yet exactly the same. it's so hard to describe and i feel crazy writing this but now that i'm 16 and possibly in my final year of school with her, i just want to know what this could be.

i often find myself having dreams involving her and still feeling these weird connections between our lives. its nothing romantic, but almost like a feeling of fate, like our paths are destined to cross again. i do not consider myself a spiritual or religious person and have never felt this connection to anyone else, i just want to know is this normal and what could it might mean. 

[Davros of Skaro]

Are you an "only child"? Do you have siblings?

[eight bits]

Welcome aboard, Sheena

(I'm not sure this is the right section of the board for your post, since "S vs. S" is mostly religious debating. You might do better in "Philosophy and Psychology," and attract more discussion that way.)

Your post is interesting. You're living a kind of female version of Demian (Hermann Hesse's novel about his youthful infatuation with a charismatic contemporary). Keep a journal about it: if you ever become a writer, you have a promising story there. (Hesse ended up with the Nobel Prize; you never know).

I don't pretend to understand the full details of the connection you're feeling. I'm pretty confident, though, that you are at least in part projecting "Shadow" elements of your own personality onto this other girl. That way of saying it comes from Carl Jung, and so makes projection of shadow carl jung searchable, if you're interested.

Even if you don't buy the whole Jungian take on life (some do, some don't), there is some general "Jungian" advice that may be useful. Be skeptical when you assign "roles" to other people, for example, "my double" or even "the same person as me." Nobody else is you, even though we are all in many ways very much alike.

If you do accept that, then by all means ask yourself "What can I learn about myself from being so fascinated with her?" That's also generally good "Jungian" advice. whether the fascination is positive, as in your case, or negative, where some person really irritates us.

Best wishes.

-

Edited December 8, 2017 by eight bits

[sheena23]

thank you for your advice and responses, i will be sure to research more into the ideas you have given me. as its my first time on the forum im still a little unsure but i appreciate the tips :-)

also to answer your question, yes i am an only child, perhaps this may have something to do with this feeling of a 'connection'?

[Davros of Skaro]

14 hours ago, sheena23 said:

thank you for your advice and responses, i will be sure to research more into the ideas you have given me. as its my first time on the forum im still a little unsure but i appreciate the tips :-)

also to answer your question, yes i am an only child, perhaps this may have something to do with this feeling of a 'connection'?

From what you describe it sounds like a social bonding thing?

Psychology is a soft science, but with neurological science you can see common factors we all share.

Social bonding is found in many mammals, and aides in the perpetuation of the species. In humans it can sometimes work against us.

Here's a crash course in psychology that's well put together. I suggest that the more evidence based facts you know, the better you can make proper life choices.

Edit: Note that the video is a multipart series.

 

Good luck...

Edited December 9, 2017 by davros of skaro

[sheena23]

interesting, thanks for the videos i'll be sure to look further into this :-)

[Davros of Skaro]

11 minutes ago, sheena23 said:

interesting, thanks for the videos i'll be sure to look further into this :-)

Y/w

The videos will get into your subject area, but all it's content is good to know.

Here's one more bonus vid:

 

[Only_]

You are self-deceived, obviously! So said the great Michael Shermer. What else could it be, other than a faulty brain?

Edited December 10, 2017 by TruthSeeker_

[Mr Walker]

On 08/12/2017 at 7:01 PM, sheena23 said:

since around age 3 or 4 i've known this girl who i have always felt a 'connection' with.

it began when we were put in the same nursery class, and although my memories from this time are quite fuzzy,  my clearest seem to be those that involve her. oddly enough, though i've always been a shy kid, this girl was considered by many to be the class 'bully'. in fact, our first interaction involved me going to sit down in a chair on the first day of nursery and this girl pulling the seat out from under me, causing me to fall on the floor. of course when i went home that day and told my mum about this she was appalled and told me to avoid this girl at all costs but, even as a 3/4 year old, my mum claims that i was extremely defensive of her, arguing that she was only trying to be 'funny'

as time went on, (through nursery, reception, year one, year two) we were always put in the same classes, but with minimal interaction. she had her own group of friends and i had my one best friend who i was inseparable with. despite this though i remember having this strong feeling that our lives were somehow similar, intertwined, as though we were parallels of each other. of course this is something a 7 year old can't really put into words, but even then i longed to know why and i would often tell myself that one day i would go up to her and ask her if she felt the same way about me.

though her witty, mischievous personality caused many to dislike her, as she would often make other the subjects of her pranks and jokes, i always admired how quick and funny she was with her humour, even when i found it was aimed at me.

when we moved into the junior school in year three (at about age 8) we were again put into the same class. we sat at the same table and i found myself getting to know her better in a group environment. this only seemed to confirm my beliefs about us being similar people with somehow 'connected' lives and as i got to know her better i found myself liking her more. even though many still considered her a 'bully', while i was a quiet kid, i couldn't help but find her funny and defend her even when i knew she was wrong.

in fact, one day after school i remember telling my mum about one of her antics i found hilarious, and her telling me she was a 'mean girl'. my mum still recalls my response being 'no she's just like me', to which she thought i was admitting being a bully, when in reality i was only trying to argue this 'connection' i felt with her.

eventually, in about year 5/6 (around age 10) we became part of the same friendship group and eventually became friends ourselves. these are the times in which i have my fondest school memories, as i really felt involved with a group and, though i was quite reserved myself, i really enjoyed being part of their conversations and jokes. though we had our on and off days, having little falling outs as friends do, i overall still felt this odd 'connection' to her, but never told her in fear she'd find it weird or make fun of me for it.

as we moved into secondary school, though friends in year 7, we began to drift slowly apart until (at about age 13) we were practically estranged to each other. though, we are in the same classes and i sit next to her alphabetically in many lessons, we rarely talk but i still felt this odd connection between her life and mine, as if i know deep down we are the same person.

its not like i miss her or want to be friends with her again (a lot of the time i found we had an unhealthy friendship and that she wasn't the best influence on me) but i still see aspects of myself in her and her in me. it's like we are polar opposites, yet exactly the same. it's so hard to describe and i feel crazy writing this but now that i'm 16 and possibly in my final year of school with her, i just want to know what this could be.

i often find myself having dreams involving her and still feeling these weird connections between our lives. its nothing romantic, but almost like a feeling of fate, like our paths are destined to cross again. i do not consider myself a spiritual or religious person and have never felt this connection to anyone else, i just want to know is this normal and what could it might mean. 

Perfectly normal.

  You could get a deep psychological analysis, of how she met certain needs of yours, and fulfilled a side of your personality  you were not prepared  to express, but basically she was the yang to your yin. I saw many relationships like this as a teacher of adolescents especially among the girls, to whom relationships and esteem  were more critical, and yet more subtle, than for boys  .

i would say that your own self awareness of it is healthy, and not everyone has that level of consciousness about the nature of the relationship. 

You were connected on a deep psychological level which, in some respects, is a spiritual level.  It doesn't mean you will ever have anything to do with her in the future, although you might chose to do so  Hopefully you are a more complete personality now, and don't need her personality to complement your own, and make you feel whole. .  

Edited December 11, 2017 by Mr Walker

[Davros of Skaro]

21 hours ago, TruthSeeker_ said:

You are self-deceived, obviously! So said the great Michael Shermer. What else could it be, other than a faulty brain?

It's too late. She has been inoculated against your Woo-full Thoughts Drug. LOL!

 Better luck next time.

[Only_]

53 minutes ago, davros of skaro said:

It's too late. She has been inoculated against your Woo-full Thoughts Drug. LOL!

 Better luck next time.

Yeah, she is now hopefully cured of any brain alterations she had. Thanks to your videos. Poor girl, could you believe her misfortune?

Edited December 11, 2017 by TruthSeeker_