Searching, longing, and fading fast. Help!

[vintagefairytale]

Hello, I'll introduce myself as K. I am greatly hoping that someone here may be able to help or at least provide some insight or knowledge. I have found myself at the point where I have decided to finally try to reach out to others who are closer to the spiritual world and have stronger understanding of it. I believe that this may be the only true way to resolve all that's been occupying and consuming me for I have sought other routes with no actual improvement or reduction in what I'm experiencing.

I am trying to be vague in the information I am posting as I am not sure precisely of the real situation at hand in myself and my life. I will say that this has been an ongoing issue, more than likely began during childhood but has gained momentum throughout the years. I have found the past 3 years to be especially significant as it seems that these years have been the period of time in which it's continued to intensify the impact on me.

I guess what I would currently describe as symptoms of whatever is occurring would be the deep sense of longing that consumes me on a daily basis, although I know not what this longing has derived from. I might describe it as a state of being in which I feel I am not actively engaged in my life but rather waiting for something, but I know not what it is. I often feel trapped within myself, it may sound odd but I feel that I'm either being imprisoned within myself or have some sort of strange restrictions that have been placed upon me that limit the inner most pieces of myself, as though my soul has been chained or kept away.

I don't understand exactly what is occurring, it's difficult to explain as it's more of an intangible occurrence. I believe that there is something my soul or spirit is yearning for or possibly afraid of. I am beginning to believe that there may also be something that is blocking my mind from connecting to all I used to be able to connect to as a child and young adult. My intuition feels like it is starting to decompose, and despite my attempts to nurse it back to health there have been little to no gains or healing. My personality frequently disappears and I feel absent from myself. There's more that's been happening but I think that's a good depiction of what I am dealing with at the present time. I've been searching for answers for the past 3 years. I've gone many routes, researching spirituality and areas of paranormal information, I have also tried the recommended approach of otherw including the medical route and mental health route.

I'm desperate for answers, while it may not be something that can be fixed or will go away, I need to understand it more than anything.  I'm not looking for a magical cure as at this point in time I'm not sure I believe one exists. I simply seek guidance for I am struggling with living a productive life as this is consuming me to the point that it's become a chronic and constant distraction that I don't know what to do with, how to handle it, or even how to begin to care and nurture whatever is happening. Perhaps nobody knows, but I am still holding on to the hope that someone out there may have some answers. 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Still Waters
Added paragraphs for easier reading.

[Still Waters]

27 minutes ago, vintagefairytale said:

Hello, I'll introduce myself as K. I am greatly hoping that someone here may be able to help or at least provide some insight or knowledge.

Hello, welcome to UM. I don't do psychic readings, sorry. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[simplybill]

I'm not a psychic, but the description sounds a lot like loneliness. Your screen name (vintage fairy tale) makes me think you're longing for the comfortable, carefree fantasies of youth. And, as you told us:  "more than likely began during childhood".

And you told us: "I simply seek guidance for I am struggling with living a productive life".   I suspect you're actually seeking companionship. Guidance and companionship go hand-in-hand. We need other people in our lives, because we just operate better when we're part of a community.

    

 

 

[preacherman76]

Would you say you have anxiety K? Does the thought of going out scare you?