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markdohle

My Own Incompleteness

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markdohle
My Own Incompleteness
 
Be at peace with your own soul, then heaven and earth will be at peace with you. Eagerly enter into the treasure house
that is within you, and so you will see the things that are in heaven; for there is but one single entry to them both.
The ladder that leads to the Kingdom is hidden within your soul
- Saint Isaac the Syrian
 
When I first read the above quote I was put off.  However, after looking back on my own life I can see how true it is.  When I am not at peace with myself, nothing seems right.  I can become easily annoyed, or angry.  Yet, I have found that at the bottom of this inner ferment is a deep anxiety that things will fall apart, the center will not hold, that the abyss of oblivion is ready to swallow everything up.  Much of this comes about because I choose, to run from my ‘inner self’, afraid of what I may find, or perhaps of the nothingness that is there at intervals as well.  Yet when I seek to be at peace with myself, I have to find a way to be with that which causes me pain and to embrace it, not fear it.  Not an easy task and for me, not something that I accomplish once and for all.  For even if from past experience I have learned that inner harmony can only come with embracing my inner world and to find reconciliation with my own incompleteness, yet, I still may choose to forget that and place myself in a dry barren inner landscape, with no living water anywhere.  To find peace with myself I have to be rooted deeply in the living waters, in the depths of grace, and to find peace amidst the storm.  The ladder is a good analogy, one rung at a time, and if I slip, to begin again, in peace, hope, and trust.
 
I know the ladder analogy is offputting for some religious paths, perhaps too linear, but it is helpful for me in my own journey.  I wonder how others look upon the ups and downs of their inner lives and how they deal with it.  Or perhaps, some don't think about this at all, yet have a strong sense of spirituality.  
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