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PeterJGS

Paranoia

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PeterJGS

I wish my mind wouldn’t bludgeon me so

Any opportunity it seems to get

Whenever you don’t say what I expect

Or when you don’t text at your usual time 

My brain races away and creates such turmoil 

 

If I were to sit down and work it out logically 

I would quickly come to the conclusion that

These thoughts are irrational 

And as much as they hurt my soul

They are no more than a thought 

 

When I try to go to sleep at night 

I create such illogical notions 

How am I supposed to sleep

With you beckoning in my ear?

 

I long to drift off to my sweet dreams

But in stead I’m forced to play it over

This neurotic lullaby 

 

I wake up and you’re there by my side

But my mind tells me that you’re not

Not really here to stay

Even though it’s been six years  

 

I’m scared of lonely 

I don’t want to lose you 

When did I become so dependent?

When did I become so paranoid?

 

I long to drift off to my sweet dreams

But in stead I’m forced to play it over

This neurotic lullaby 

 

I never want to be without you

The thought of being here on my own

Is too much to bear

 

For the first time in my life

I could be entirely self sufficient 

But I don’t want to be

You are everything to me

 

There are times when you annoy me

As I’m sure I do you

But isn’t that what love is?

 

The thought of breathing without you

Or looking up at the same blue sky

Knowing that you’re looking at it too

But not beside me

Is too much for me

 

My heart would break without you 

So why am I so fixated on you leaving?

 

I long to drift off to my sweet dreams 

But instead I’m forced to play it over

This neurotic lullaby 

 

I fixate on your thought process

That you must be having an affair

When you smile at your phone 

When your phone vibrates in the middle of the night

I’m convinced that it’s somebody telling you that they need you. 

 

I need you to hold me 

I need you to love me 

I need to be your only one

 

I hate to sound so needing 

But my heartbeat would be out of sync 

Without yours next to it. 

 

I hope I find my sensibility

And obtain my redemption

This paranoia is exhausting 

 
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