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The Silver Thong

Reasons to be late for work

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The Silver Thong

Just wanted to hear some reasons you were late for work the crazier the better. 

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tcgram

I was having a bad hair day so I decided to quickly wash my hair.  While in the shower, I got shampoo in my eyes, causing me to stumble and fall out of the tub.  The subsequent fall made me fall into the sink, where I whacked my arm on the faucet.  That turned on the water, which also started to overflow.  The water quickly pooled on the floor and when I attempted to reach for the bathroom door, the floor fell through, with me on it, into my basement.  It took my family 3 hours to stop laughing enough to call the paramedics, who then laughed while carrying me up the steps, dropping me twice.  The doc at the hospital said I should be out in a few hours, as soon as I can move my fingers again and can see out of both eyes once the swelling goes down.  And that's why I am late to work.  

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Essan

Well, there was this time I was  Bricklayer and .......

Whilst Working On The 14th Floor Some Bricks I Had To Clear
But Tossing Them Down From Such A Height Was Not A Good Idea
The Foreman Wasn't Very Pleased He Is An Awkward Sod
And He Said I Had To Cart Them Down The Ladders In Me Hod

Clearing All These Bricks By Hand It Was So Very Slow
So I Hoisted Up A Barrel And Secured A Rope Below
But In Me Haste To Do The Job, I Was Too Blind To See
That A Barrel Full Of Building Bricks Was Heavier Than Me

And So When I Untied The Rope The Barrel Fell Like Lead
And Clinging Tightly To The Rope I Started Up Instead
I Shot Up Like A Rocket, And To My Dismay I Found
That Halfway Up I Met The Bloody Barrel Coming Do

Well The Barrel Broke Me Shoulder As To The Ground It Sped
And When I Reached The Top I Banged The Pulley With Me Head
But I Clung On Tightly None With Shock From This Almighty Blow
While The Barrel Spilled Out Half Its Bricks Some 14 Floors Below

When These Bricks Had Fallen From The Barrell To The Floor
I Then Outweighed The Barrel And So Started Down Once More
But I Clung On Tightly To The Rope My Body Racked With Pain
And Halfway Down I Met The Bloody Barrel Once Again

Now The Force Of This Collision Halfway Down The Office Block
Caused Multiple Abrasions And A Nasty Case Of Shock
But I Clung On Tightly To The Rope As I Fell Towards The Ground
And I Landed On The Broken BRicks The Barrel Had Scatterred Round.

Now As I Lay There On The GRound I Thought I'd Passed The Worst
But The Barrel Hit The Pulley Wheel And Then The Bottom Burst
A Shower Of Bricks Rained Down On Me I Didn't Have A Hope
As I Lay There Bleeding On The Ground I Let Go The Bloody Rope

The Barrel Now Being Heavier So Started Down Once More
It Landed Right Across Me As I Lay There On The Floor
It Broke Three Ribs And My Left Arm And I Can Only Say
I Hope You'll Understand Why I Am Not At Work Today

:D:D:D

http://www.songtexte.com/songtext/the-corries/the-bricklayers-song-3bf668ac.html

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The Silver Thong
37 minutes ago, tcgram said:

I was having a bad hair day so I decided to quickly wash my hair.  While in the shower, I got shampoo in my eyes, causing me to stumble and fall out of the tub.  The subsequent fall made me fall into the sink, where I whacked my arm on the faucet.  That turned on the water, which also started to overflow.  The water quickly pooled on the floor and when I attempted to reach for the bathroom door, the floor fell through, with me on it, into my basement.  It took my family 3 hours to stop laughing enough to call the paramedics, who then laughed while carrying me up the steps, dropping me twice.  The doc at the hospital said I should be out in a few hours, as soon as I can move my fingers again and can see out of both eyes once the swelling goes down.  And that's why I am late to work.  

That is a bad morning, good thing I don't wash my hair lol kidding 

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The Silver Thong

this would tick me off as it's close to were I was working.

 

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tcgram
3 hours ago, The Silver Thong said:

That is a bad morning, good thing I don't wash my hair lol kidding 

My hair is always doing its own thing, much to my dismay.   LOL   

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Farmer77

A black bear wouldn't leave my yard, a moose jumped through my windshield, the media is outside and I'm gonna try and wait em out are a couple of my more unique ones. 

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The Silver Thong

Well yesterday snow and cold. A month ago I was out jogging and tripped an broke 2 ribs, that's true. The funny thing is I was jogging to 7/11 to buy smokes because it was cold out. The bear thing hmmmm might fly this is where i grew up. 

 My next won is I thought I was saturday, my bad.

I hit a big horn sheep once and It hit back breaking my head light. I actualy bumped it to get around it, but I exaggerated and told my boss my rad was fubared. 

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tcgram

This excuse actually happened to me earlier this week.  What normally is a 3-5 minute drive from my house took 25 minutes.  There was a train on the tracks near my home right when I was getting ready to leave.  The train cleared and as I was getting into my van, another train came down the tracks, moving very slowly.   This was the first time in a long time I have seen 2 trains only moments apart.   Took a side street to go to an underpass, only to find traffic backed up at least 4-5 blocks.   Turned around and headed back the way I came and had to wait for the train.   After getting across the tracks, it still took another 10 mins to navigate traffic and get to work.   :blink:

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The Silver Thong
On 2/17/2018 at 9:07 AM, tcgram said:

This excuse actually happened to me earlier this week.  What normally is a 3-5 minute drive from my house took 25 minutes.  There was a train on the tracks near my home right when I was getting ready to leave.  The train cleared and as I was getting into my van, another train came down the tracks, moving very slowly.   This was the first time in a long time I have seen 2 trains only moments apart.   Took a side street to go to an underpass, only to find traffic backed up at least 4-5 blocks.   Turned around and headed back the way I came and had to wait for the train.   After getting across the tracks, it still took another 10 mins to navigate traffic and get to work.   :blink:

I hate trains lol Sometimes I was late for work but what ever, but what ticked me off off the most was getting home late. Then they moved the train yard and damn it was awesome. One time that became awkward was I was stopped by a train and right beside me was an ex girlfriend. Another, I hate trains, is my friends and me back in the day were jumping off a train bridge into the river and they shot at us with rock salt, thats when they had a caboose. The engineer would radio the caboose and it was legal back then to shoot at us. I didn't get hit, I crawled into the girders as I saw this coming. However I was late for school, we did this at lunch time coming  back to class soaking wet. Oh I miss those times.

Not me but close enough

Edited by The Silver Thong
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tcgram

3 out of the 4 streets around my house are closed d/t road work, there's a train on the tracks, stopped.  I had to go a half a mile out of my way to get to work, making a normally 7minute drive into a 15 minute drive, therefore making me late for work.  (Happened this morning on the way to work)  

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third_eye

From a 'friend' of mine ... sleeping with the Boss' wife ... true story ... he even got a raise before he got caught and fired months later ...

:lol:

~

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tcgram
39 minutes ago, third_eye said:

From a 'friend' of mine ... sleeping with the Boss' wife ... true story ... he even got a raise before he got caught and fired months later ...

:lol:

~

:o

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third_eye
1 hour ago, tcgram said:

:o

Trophy wife ... ;)

~

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Podo

One time I couldn't leave for work because there was a black bear sleeping on my front porch. I could have gone out the back, but I'd still have had to walk past the critter on my way around the house. My boss understood.

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Mark One

A draconian like firm which I once worked for asked that all company vehicles be brought back to their carpark every day after use.  They were based in derbyshire and my general work took place in Nottinghamshire.  Now I normally drove a company vehicle which through some loophole was not theirs but from a another branch of the company.  This meant I could keep mine at home but on this occasion it was in a derbyshire garage having some minor faults sorted out.  And so this meant that after completing my work in Notts I would have to travel all the way back into deep, daunting Derbyshire and then make my way back home into Nottingham again.  The human resources women (who everyone called Darth Vader) wasn't very helpful and she did seem biased towards any worker not from their own branch of the business.

So, that afternoon in notts was going well when an announcement on the radio warned of a bomb scare.  Contacted the HR witch in Derbyshire and warned her that it looked more and more like I couldnt return the car back in time.  She didnt believe me, hung up on me made some checks (listened to the radio reports) and then got in touch and demanded to know what I was going to do then.  By now the bomb scare had been identified as a hoax -she knew this too-but I layed it on thick about the chaos it had caused on the roads.  I suggested to the evil crone a solution where I would park the car in a firm depot some 5 miles from my home (placing the keys through the depots letterbox).  I would then travel to the depot first thing get the keys and drive the car back to derbyshire. I half hoped that she was going to suggest that I take it home instead, but she didnt.  She gave me the green light and warned me not to be late in making it to derbyshire in the morning.  (lovely women) 

 

The radio was still warning drivers about (minor) delays caused by the scare and so I naturally set off at 2pm instead of 4pm.  I then drove all the way home, parked the car on my drive and stuck two imaginary finger in the air to the HR women.  The following morning I drove to the depot at around 9.30am, locked the car and then posted the keys through the letterbox and waited for someone to arrive and unlock the door to the building.  The depot was being emptied at the time and passed onto another company.  By 10am someone arrived, I got the keys back and then slowly drove the car all the way back into Derbyshire. 

 

 

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tcgram

The city is repairing all of the gas lines around my neighborhood so all 3 of the streets around me have been closed at one time or another, they just keep rotating.   So every morning it's a guess as to what street I can go down and what route I can take to get to work.   I've been late from having to go blocks out of my way just to find a street that I can drive down.   :wacko:

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EllJay
On 2018-02-10 at 3:20 PM, The Silver Thong said:

Just wanted to hear some reasons you were late for work the crazier the better. 

"-My son had tied 250 000 rubber-bands together to the towing hook on my car, and the other end to our flagpole. So when I was just 10 ft. to the parking lot at work (exactly on time mind you) the rubber-band had reached its maximum pulling-strength, and it jerked me back home...to my flagpole...and my son - with a mischievous smile on his face."

"Sorry boss...wont happen again..I swear..!"

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Mark One

I once overfilled the cistern (pressed the arm down inside) in the bathroom so it would overflow outside.  I then got in touch with my boss and went outside onto the drive so he could hear the water escaping.

Reason:  Hot summer, got up late in a bad mood. :)

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