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PeterJGS

I know you know that I know what you did.

11 posts in this topic

Something in my mind changed that night 

Like a button being switched

A circuit changed

From positive to negative. 

 

I know you know that I know what you did

And although I feel like we’ve grown 

My brain doesn’t want to evolve 

To understand what really happened 

 

But how can I be happy?

Not knowing if you’ll do it again?

 

The time that passes between our texts

Feels like years in such a few minutes

I am overcome with such doubt and worry

How are you filling those moments?

And with whom?

 

Is this life really worth living 

If I can’t put my mind at ease?

Is this turmoil really worth 

Enduring this eternal anguish?

 

It was as simple as a change of plans 

That triggered my mind into paranoia 

And now I don’t know how

I can ever recover from this. 

 

But how can I be happy?

Not knowing if you’ll do it again?

 

My skin and my scars engulf me

I feel so insecure

You don’t really love me?

How could you possibly. 

 

I’m never going to be good enough

The way I look

And the regime I have to endure 

To be free of pain

 

Maybe you’d be happier with someone else

Perhaps I’m just too much of a burden

 

I’m insecure and I’m obsessive

I drink too much

And need to quit my smoking

Maybe I don’t make you happy?

And all this is a lie. 

I go on all the time

And constantly need reassurance 

I’m ugly and deformed 

My scars run deep

I can’t satisfy you

And it kills me

 

You tell me that you love me

But how can you?

 

Is this one big joke at my expense?

Is everyone laughing at me?

Are they mocking how I have become?

I long to feel accepted

Yet want to crawl away and hide

 

But how can I be happy?

Not knowing if you’ll do it again?

 

Why can’t I believe you when you tell me

That you love me

You say that you don’t notice my scars

Why can’t I accept that as truth?

 

These insecurities of late

Are really taking their toll on me 

I am exhausted. 

 

My brain actually aches 

From creating scenarios 

Of you cheating on me

Making fun behind my back 

Poor old Pete will never find out

That you’re getting the best of both worlds

 

I envision that you meet him

Between the time you finish work 

And get home 

It takes 20 minutes

It sounds so pathetic

 

Every time your phone goes off

I long to know who it is

Chances are it’s one of your friends

But my mind tells me that it’s him

And you’re planning to elope 

Leaving me behind

Broken and alone

 

I long to cure this paranoia

These insecurities and this anxiety 

 

But how can I be happy?

Not knowing if you’ll do it again?

 

You told your friends what happened that day 

If I hadn’t have found out then I’d never know

 

I don’t know what hurt most?

That you did what you did

Or my so called friends knew too

And didn’t think to tell me?

Are they laughing at me too?

 

 

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Hope your ok dude I feel your pain, Just know mate your not alone bro..

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Relationships would be so much easier if you could emotionally detach. Cause the answer here is easy. You need to stand in a position of strength and walk away, forever. Instead we let our ego's choose our paths. Cause truth is it isn't even about her. Subconsciously you are questioning your own worth, because of her actions. Don't let what she has done decide who you are and what you are worth.   

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Can I ask how old you are?

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28, why do you ask? 

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11 minutes ago, PeterJGS said:

28, why do you ask? 

Its just you could have been 15 or so an things are still hurtful but well you know young puppy love...

Mate I feel for ya I really do its bloody heart wrenching stuff, Just know though your life has so much purpose an you are still young...Its not easy though ..

Have you known this woman for very long..

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You have really got to start ask yourself some hard questions dude but even harder than that youve got to be very honest when you answer them...

Firstly...Are you ever truly going to get over this enough so you can have a good productive trusting relationship with her

Secondly...Are you surrounding yourself with people who truly are good for you, an have your best interests at heart..

Thirdly...Does this person truly love you? Are you more invested in this relationship than she 

Just a few qyestions to ponder..Just remember dude you cant change whats happe.ed you cant change her..You can only help an work on you...Do this for you...Make the end result so that you are safe an well an in a good place...

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Thanks for your words, they're very kind and thought provoking. 

By the way, the subject of this piece is a man, not a woman. :-) 

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Your welcome, Thats totally fine same ruled apply after all love is love...Dont keep hurting you be kind to yourself..This world is full of people only too willing to be hurtful to us..We must be kind to ourselves...This will pass it will take time...

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If you're actually feeling suicidal, then you should get some help.

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I don’t feel suicidal and nor do I feel depressed :-)

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