PeterJGS Posted February 14, 2018 #1 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Something in my mind changed that night Like a button being switched A circuit changed From positive to negative. I know you know that I know what you did And although I feel like we’ve grown My brain doesn’t want to evolve To understand what really happened But how can I be happy? Not knowing if you’ll do it again? The time that passes between our texts Feels like years in such a few minutes I am overcome with such doubt and worry How are you filling those moments? And with whom? Is this life really worth living If I can’t put my mind at ease? Is this turmoil really worth Enduring this eternal anguish? It was as simple as a change of plans That triggered my mind into paranoia And now I don’t know how I can ever recover from this. But how can I be happy? Not knowing if you’ll do it again? My skin and my scars engulf me I feel so insecure You don’t really love me? How could you possibly. I’m never going to be good enough The way I look And the regime I have to endure To be free of pain Maybe you’d be happier with someone else Perhaps I’m just too much of a burden I’m insecure and I’m obsessive I drink too much And need to quit my smoking Maybe I don’t make you happy? And all this is a lie. I go on all the time And constantly need reassurance I’m ugly and deformed My scars run deep I can’t satisfy you And it kills me You tell me that you love me But how can you? Is this one big joke at my expense? Is everyone laughing at me? Are they mocking how I have become? I long to feel accepted Yet want to crawl away and hide But how can I be happy? Not knowing if you’ll do it again? Why can’t I believe you when you tell me That you love me You say that you don’t notice my scars Why can’t I accept that as truth? These insecurities of late Are really taking their toll on me I am exhausted. My brain actually aches From creating scenarios Of you cheating on me Making fun behind my back Poor old Pete will never find out That you’re getting the best of both worlds I envision that you meet him Between the time you finish work And get home It takes 20 minutes It sounds so pathetic Every time your phone goes off I long to know who it is Chances are it’s one of your friends But my mind tells me that it’s him And you’re planning to elope Leaving me behind Broken and alone I long to cure this paranoia These insecurities and this anxiety But how can I be happy? Not knowing if you’ll do it again? You told your friends what happened that day If I hadn’t have found out then I’d never know I don’t know what hurt most? That you did what you did Or my so called friends knew too And didn’t think to tell me? Are they laughing at me too? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hre2breal Posted February 15, 2018 #2 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Hope your ok dude I feel your pain, Just know mate your not alone bro.. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preacherman76 Posted February 15, 2018 #3 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Relationships would be so much easier if you could emotionally detach. Cause the answer here is easy. You need to stand in a position of strength and walk away, forever. Instead we let our ego's choose our paths. Cause truth is it isn't even about her. Subconsciously you are questioning your own worth, because of her actions. Don't let what she has done decide who you are and what you are worth. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hre2breal Posted February 15, 2018 #4 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Can I ask how old you are? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterJGS Posted February 15, 2018 Author #5 Share Posted February 15, 2018 28, why do you ask? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hre2breal Posted February 15, 2018 #6 Share Posted February 15, 2018 11 minutes ago, PeterJGS said: 28, why do you ask? Its just you could have been 15 or so an things are still hurtful but well you know young puppy love... Mate I feel for ya I really do its bloody heart wrenching stuff, Just know though your life has so much purpose an you are still young...Its not easy though .. Have you known this woman for very long.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hre2breal Posted February 15, 2018 #7 Share Posted February 15, 2018 You have really got to start ask yourself some hard questions dude but even harder than that youve got to be very honest when you answer them... Firstly...Are you ever truly going to get over this enough so you can have a good productive trusting relationship with her Secondly...Are you surrounding yourself with people who truly are good for you, an have your best interests at heart.. Thirdly...Does this person truly love you? Are you more invested in this relationship than she Just a few qyestions to ponder..Just remember dude you cant change whats happe.ed you cant change her..You can only help an work on you...Do this for you...Make the end result so that you are safe an well an in a good place... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterJGS Posted February 15, 2018 Author #8 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Thanks for your words, they're very kind and thought provoking. By the way, the subject of this piece is a man, not a woman. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hre2breal Posted February 15, 2018 #9 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Your welcome, Thats totally fine same ruled apply after all love is love...Dont keep hurting you be kind to yourself..This world is full of people only too willing to be hurtful to us..We must be kind to ourselves...This will pass it will take time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GlitterRose Posted February 16, 2018 #10 Share Posted February 16, 2018 If you're actually feeling suicidal, then you should get some help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterJGS Posted February 16, 2018 Author #11 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I don’t feel suicidal and nor do I feel depressed :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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