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Caracoveney

Upsetting Dreams

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Caracoveney

Hallo.

I am new to this forum and wonder if anyone can give any explanation about what has been happening, please?

My dear mother passed away suddenly, 6 years ago.  I found her at her home on Mothering Sunday 2012, which devastated me completely and I took a long time to come to terms with it.  We had grown very close after dad died in 1995 and I longed for her to 'appear' to me in dreams and thought that she would but it didn't happen for a very long time.  I did have other signs, like a piece of music that she and I knew well but which I hadn't heard for years and a Red Admiral butterfly in the garden (mum was a natural redhead) etc.  I also had a reading with a psychic a year ago, who told me things that she couldn't possibly know (eg that my dog had died just before Christmas 2016 and was sitting next to my mum (who had known him), who was standing by my left shoulder.  The pyschic had no idea that I had a dog as the dog didn't live with me, but with my ex-husband) and I was comforted by knowing that mum was around (and my dog, of course).

I have had about three actual dreams about mum in 6 years, the last one being a few nights ago.  In this dream, I was waiting for her to come home from holiday but I seemed to be at the house where I was born, 67 years ago, which we moved from nearly 50 years ago but I was at my present age.  My mum always loved that house (I liked it, too).  She came in (not sure if dad was with her or not as I seemed to know that he had died) and she settled down at the table with me.  I was so pleased to see her return home.  Then I woke up.  The horror of realising that she wasn't sitting there with me but that she was dead upset me so much, and I can't seem to get over it.

There have been times lately when I have felt that I would like to be with her and the only thing that has stopped me is because I have three cats to look after - they came into my life one by one (as strays) in the weeks following mum's death, strangely enough, and I feel they were sent by mum to make sure that I wouldn't do anything 'silly' - she knew how much I loved cats and would never put them in a position where they would have to fend for themselves if something happened to me.  They have been my true 'friends' - nearly everyone else I know is estranged from me now for various other reasons (including my brother, my only other relative apart from some distant cousins).  I have financial problems and other worries and only have a couple of true friends (I am not seeking more, particularly).

Can anyone explain why the yearning to be with my mum has grown so strong, and why the dreams seem so 'cruel', in that I get such a good feeling while I am having them and am dealt this bitter blow once more when I wake up? 

Thank you. 

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Not A Rockstar

Carole, dear lady, you are depressed and need to seek out a personal friend there in your life and ask for help and to be listened to. This is nothing strange or wrong with you and it is a good thing that your love for your cats gives you pause (and paws! :) ).

Please, let someone there with you know you are depressed. You can write to me any time if you need to talk. I lost my dad last Fall so I know the pain and I think maybe you have just been alone with it all too long and need a break and a good listen.

Please hear me and please be your own best friend and take care of yourself. 

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eight bits

Hi, Carole

Welcome aboard. I am sorry to read about the loss of your mother and also the loss of your dog.

By far, you are not the only person whose life has been saved by the tie to this life that cats or dogs provide us.

It is natural to feel a "reopened wound" at the end of a reunion dream. Given the relationship you had with your mother, I don't see how it could be any other way. You will dream about her (and wish for more such dreams than you've had), but each dream will end, and that will hurt.

One thing that might help is to journal the dreams, to record all you can remember about each of them. Also journal the incidents that you intuit are in the category " I did have other signs, ..." whether they are real life, dreamt, or just what somebody says to you that resonates with you. If you have some other medium of expression (drawing, writing music, ... , creative cooking, ... , anything expressive) then you might use those skills to making something based on the dreams and incidents, to explore them some more and understand them better. That might help with the pain, too.

Oh, and if there aren't a lot of people in your waking and real life that you talk about these things with, then maybe think about getting some. Yeah, I know, "I am not seeking more, particularly." Fair enough; just something to think on.

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Caracoveney

Dear Not a Rockstar and eight bits

Thank you so much for your kind emails.  Yes, you are both right - I need to talk to others about it but there are problems with that.  One has Asperger's and tries to be kind but doesn't quite 'get' the emotion, and the other is as emotional as me and I don't like to burden her as her mother died at the same time as my father, over 20 years ago and she gets quite upset when we talk about things.  We tend to email and meet up every few weeks as we live some distance away.

I am so sorry for the loss of your father, Not a Rockstar, and I guess it seems a bit odd an 'oldie' like me finding it hard to accept my mother's death, but we were still children to our parents and that relationship doesn't alter.  I have been under medication for sleeping and depression over the 6 years since mum died.  I had some counselling over a year ago but it didn't really address the problem.  

Your suggestion, eight bit, is rather interesting.  I have written the odd play which has been performed by amateurs and have been thinking about getting back into my writing.  In fact, my two good friends and I were thinking of putting on an evening of short plays written by us (they both write, too).  It may be cathartic to do as you suggest, even though it may be upsetting at times, to write such a short play, based on the feelings that I can remember from the dreams, attaching it to an interesting situation that an audience can relate to.  It all seemed so real at the time and I should have kept a notebook by my bed for such things, but the dreams have been so few and far between, I always forgot to arrange it.  

Anyway, bless you both for caring enough to write.  My three cats are certainly 'doing their bit' to keep my spirits up, and thank God for them, or Mum, whoever sent them to me!

 

 

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eight bits

Oddly enough, Carole, I actually was thinking that there was a cool one-act play in your story. Of course, I didn't know that you wrote.

Be well.

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Caracoveney

Hi again eight bit

Perhaps mum sent YOU to give me the idea to do something of the sort!  Life gets more and more mysterious to me and who knows what made me pick this forum rather than the many others I Googled?

Thank you and best wishes to you.

Carole

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Not A Rockstar

This sounds more positive to me for you Carole and nice you have connected with eight bit :).  Sometimes something new is what we need to try to move on past the pain. I wish you the best and please, do write to me and talk if you need to with someone who does not know you and won't and is ok at listening :). You are not alone. 

best regards.

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Caracoveney

Hallo again.

Yes, I think that perhaps to be able to focus your mind on something constructive to look forward to may be the answer.

I will have a go, anyway!  My cats will keep me safe as there's nothing better than the responsibility of animals dependant on you to take away any silly thoughts.

Thank you and will take you up on your offer if I get too down.

Best wishes.

 

 

  

 

 

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shiffty

hello! 

i don't like commenting or getting involved in a lot,.... and i know I'm gonna sound like a total ****. if your dear beloved needs to communicate with you, they will. As for a dreaming state....... 

 

 

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